If you are reading this post, congratulations, the Mayan calendar was misinterpreted and the world did not end.Hallelujah! But now that means that I am way behind on Christmas shopping. And perhaps I shouldn’t have given away all my wealth. Well, I didn’t really have any I just quit paying my bills. That’s probably going to catch up with me. Maybe I shouldn’t have sent those scathing emails to people I have been meaning to tell off for some time. Just kidding everybody. While I am glad the earth is still spinning beneath my feet I must admit I’m a little bummed about it. Not being very good at planning anything, this was the first event I had really gotten on board with. Last night I finished off all the food in my house. And the booze. All of it. So now I am still alive but I feel like hell. Those damn mathematically challenged Mayans! I feel about as stupid as the Y2K nut jobs that were bunkered down with two years worth of supplies and their cousins. But Y2K was a modern prediction and everyone knows that you can’t count on those. Only the really old ones have the air of authenticity. I mean if you can’t count on the superior wisdom of a civilization that disappeared 4000 years ago, who can you trust?
I have long since accepted my own demise as a necessary step in this journey. But, like reading an interesting book and then putting it down before reaching the last page, the not knowing how it would all end has always bugged me. That, along with the fact that I hate to be left out of things. The idea of all of us going down in flames was very appealing to my vanity that had wondered, ‘How would everyone get along without me?’ Now I am right back where I started.
Those of you that never doubted the world would make it through the night are probably feeling pretty smug right about now. All of you ‘non believers’ and nay sayers. It is people like you that are choking the life out of life with your pragmatic propaganda. All in all my foray with end times was a liberating experience and one that I will cherish always. Or at least until the fallout from my actions come hurling down on me. I have been given a second chance at life which means that the pressure is back on. Now I have to actually do something with the time I have. Hmm..maybe I need to check in with Nostradamus….just to be sure.