• Jan Brewer will leave the office of Governor to pursue her true passion, cage fighting.
• Archeologists will discover that the Mayans were really just a bunch of liars.
• The Westboro Baptist Church will be sucked into a giant sink hole and covered over with a gay wedding chapel.
• Marijuana will not only be declared legal in all 50 states but mandatory in those with a high incidence of anger and hatred.
• Ignorance will be labeled as not so much bliss but really annoying to those of us that are trying.
• The NRA will decide that the best way to protect school children is by arming all of them with tiny AK 47′s. More guns better.
• The government will narrowly avoid falling off the fiscal cliff only to be pushed by angry citizens tired of their incompetence.
• David Fitzsimmons will quit doodling and get a real job with Fox News, drawing conclusions.
• The AZ legislature will spend 2013 worn out from trying to ruin 2012.
• The love child of Jon Stewart and Stephan Colbert will write a tell all book on the loving couple.
• One Million Moms will admit that there are really only about 150 moms and they are Really lonely.
• Donald Trump will admit that his hair is as fake as the Christmas snow on a Tucson lawn.
• The U of A basketball team will clench the NCAA title in the spring, blowing away the competition.
• Not to be outdone, the Wildcats football team will play for the National Championship in 2014.
• All the animal shelters will close because people will act responsibly and there will be no need for them.
• Cat Belue’s prognosticating career will be short lived.

Well folks, that’s my short list for 2013, what are some of yours?

Ninja Hands?

Jan Brewer is at it again! Apparently it wasn’t enough that she wagged her bony little nose picker in the face of our president, now she has punched a reporter. Dennis Welch, a reporter for TV3, asked Brewer her opinion on global warming and the question appeared to catch her off guard. So according to Micheal Clawson, the reporter who witnessed it, Brewer balled up her fist and ‘slugged’ Welch for asking. Stating, “Where in the hell did that come from?” Brewer was obviously more than a bit perturbed to be put on the spot on camera. Wow!

Then it dawned on me that Brewer has been conspicuously absent from her post all week with mere speculation as to where she might be and what she may be doing. Is she on holiday, interviewing for mid-wife position for the royals, helping the GOP with fiscal budget stalling, rehearsing for next season’s ‘Dancing with the Stars’? Where on earth is she? Then I heard that she might be in Afghanistan visiting our troops and the first thing I thought was, ‘haven’t they been through enough?’ But then it hit me, Jan Brewer is a special ops agent sent to infiltrate the Taliban! Suddenly it all made sense. No one can seem so out of touch with their constituents, clueless about climate change, ignorant on immigration, goofy about gays and generally coo- coo for Cocoa Puffs accidentally. No, it must be a rouse to keep her true identity hidden. Think about it, when she shoved her finger in Obama’s face wasn’t there a playful component that reeked of insider folly? How else can you explain the fact that Obama laughed the whole incident off? Clearly he knew that she was auditioning for the role of Geriatric Militant Ninja Turtle and was showing off her lightening fast hands. Who better to bring down a clandestine operation but someone who has proven they can bring down an entire US state? Wielding only brazen chutzpa, a barbed tongue and beady eyes capable of burning holes into the opponent and a truckload of unmitigated gall, I believe she can do it. I mean look at what she’s done to us.

Here’s my argument; the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lived in the sewers of New York City and remained isolated from society at large. Well, Jan Brewer may not live in a sewer but her thoughts appear to dwell there. And while she is not isolated from society she is isolated from reality, so…I think I’m on to something here people. With this latest act of putting the smack down on the press, she has clearly stepped into an alternate existence where only super heroes and crazy people live. And we, the citizens of the state she presides over, know best the answer to that.

So tell me, what do you think??