I have given up on making any New Year Resolutions due to fact that I never get beyond January 3rd in holding them. And since I lack the ability to influence my own behavior I figured I might as well try my hand at predicting the actions of others. So here are my New Year Predictions for 2013.
- Jan Brewer will leave the office of Governor to pursue her true passion, cage fighting.
- Archeologists will discover that the Mayans were really just a bunch of liars.
- The Westboro Baptist Church will be sucked into a giant sink hole and covered over with a gay wedding chapel.
- Marijuana will not only be declared legal in all 50 states but mandatory in those with a high incidence of anger and hatred.
- Ignorance will be labeled as not so much bliss but really annoying to those of us that are trying.
- The NRA will decide that the best way to protect school children is by arming all of them with tiny AK 47′s. More guns better.
- The government will narrowly avoid falling off the fiscal cliff only to be pushed by angry citizens tired of their incompetence.
- David Fitzsimmons will quit doodling and get a real job with Fox News, drawing conclusions.
- The AZ legislature will spend 2013 worn out from trying to ruin 2012.
- The love child of Jon Stewart and Stephan Colbert will write a tell all book on the loving couple.
- One Million Moms will admit that there are really only about 150 moms and they are Really lonely.
- Donald Trump will admit that his hair is as fake as the Christmas snow on a Tucson lawn.
- The U of A basketball team will clench the NCAA title in the spring, blowing away the competition.
- Not to be outdone, the Wildcats football team will play for the National Championship in 2014.
- All the animal shelters will close because people will act responsibly and there will be no need for them.
- Cat Belue’s prognosticating career will be short lived.
Well folks, that’s my short list for 2013, what are some of yours?