I need to take a moment to step out of my “unbiased” sports writer’s shoes for a moment so I can make a confession.

I despise the New York Rangers.

If asked to rank the 122 professional sports franchises in the Big Four (MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL), the Rangers are No. 123 on my list. I’ll find a way to rank a minor league baseball team or an NFL Europe squad ahead of them.

So when the universe’s No. 1 Rangers fan comes to me — a diehard New Jersey Devils fan — in a dream, it catches my attention.

His name is Jimmy Aschwanden and last night I dreamt I was hanging out with my good friend. In the ethereal world of my mind, it was his birthday.

Tensions between the New Jersey Devils and New York Rangers will ramp up tonight with the start of the Eastern Conference Finals. And while Rangers' defenseman John Scott, left, and Devils right wing Cam Janssen don't seem to get along, that doesn't mean Devils and Rangers fans can't co-exist. Ed Mulholland-US PRESSWIRE

I hadn’t thought about him during the day, nor had I even stopped to think about hockey before sleepily sidling into bed.

But to dream about someone you’ve spent your adolescence trading (good-natured) hockey smack-talk with on the eve of the Eastern Conference Finals between our two teams is goose-bump inducing.

It was a little over a year ago when I had my last epiphany regarding Jimmy — a body-numbing moment that turned out to be the 10th anniversary of the day the hockey Gods summoned him to heaven.

I’m not exactly sure what form of Leukemia he lost his battle with, but, if there’s any divine irony at play, I’d like to believe it was Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma — if solely for the initials N.H.L.

We grew up playing rollerblade hockey in the cul-de-sacs 20 miles west of New York City in a tiny, unassuming New Jersey-borough along the banks of the Ramapo River, where the concrete sprawl of the Big Apple begins yielding to the picturesque spine of the Appalachian Mountains.

We’d play until our feet hurt like hell, which was usually long after the day had ran out of sunlight.

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My first order as new President of the World Associated Federation of Franchised Leagues Everywhere, is to enact a clause I’m calling “Population Relocation.”

WAFFLE’s provisos are simple.

Your city may legally poach a team from a city with a smaller population.

We’ll turn the business of relocating professional sports-franchises into an exchange game — a White Elephant of Inhabitants, if you would.

Bluntly put: more fans equals more hands, which equals more foam “We’re No. 1″ fingers sold, which equals more revenue.

Take Tucson as our model.

The 2010 United States Census ranks the Old Pueblo as the country’s 33rd largest city with 520,116 people — a number that jumps to more than a million when you factor in the city’s greater metro area.

For the sake of this ridiculous argument, we’ll stick with the city’s census population as our guidelines.

There are nine cities smaller than Tucson with professional sport teams in at least one of the Big Four leagues (MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL).

CITIES SMALLER THAN TUCSON WITH PRO TEAMS: Atlanta, Cleveland, Green Bay, Kansas City, Sacramento, Miami, Minneapolis, Oakland & Raleigh

— Christopher Wuensch (@BearDownAndBlog) May 7, 2012

Combined they have 21 teams.

There are five cities with a higher population than Tucson, so they get the tiebreaker.

The NFL teams fly off the board first at the draft. Figure the new configuration to look something like this:

Cities That Should Get NFL Franchises: Austin Packers; El Paso Chiefs; Louisville Falcons; Las Vegas Dolphins and Albuquerque Vikings

— Christopher Wuensch (@BearDownAndBlog) May 7, 2012

Tucson is left with the unenviable task of choosing between the Cleveland Browns and Oakland Raiders.

The Raiders are the pick. TucsonCitizen.com Editor Mark Evans throws on his spiked shoulder pads and Darth Vader mask and is the first on line to buy season tickets.

But why stop there? Tucson has other options in turning the Pima County Fairgrounds into a Big Four stomping grounds.

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The NCAA basketball champion Kentucky Wildcats were honored prior to this year’s 138th Annual Kentucky Derby. After the race, the odds are high that one of two former Arizona Wildcats will be the ones heralded at the iconic Churchill Downs.

Trainers Bob Baffert and Todd Pletcher have more in common then knowing to choose the University of Arizona’s Race Track Industry School in which to pursue a degree. The Arizona alums have become the symbols of excellence in the horse-racing world, amassing close to 16,000 wins and $394 million in career earnings combined.

BAFFERT vs. PLETCHER: TRACK RECORD

2012 KENTUCKY DERBY ENTRIES

BAFFERT: Bodemeister (7-1); Liaison (53-1)

PLETCHER: Gemologist (8-1); El Padrino (26-1)

BIO: AGE – BORN – MIDDLE INITIAL

BAFFERT: 59 – Nogales, Ariz. – A.

PLETCHER: 45 – El Paso, Texas – A.

CAREER EARNINGS

Arizona alum Bob Baffert in the dawn hours on Nov. 3 at Churchhill Down in Louisville, Kent. Rob Carr/Getty Images

BAFFERT: $174,872,809

PLETCHER: $218,842,490

CAREER FINISHES: 1st – 2nd – 3rd PLACES

BAFFERT: 2,194 – 1,662 – 1,418

PLETCHER: 13,539 – 2,174 – 1,779

KENTUCKY DERBY WINS

BAFFERT: Silver Charm (1997); Real Quiet (1998); War Emblem (2002)

PLETCHER: Super Saver (2010)

PREAKNESS STAKES-BELMONT STAKES WINS

BAFFERT: 5-1
PLETCHER: 1-0

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