STRANDED AT SECOND BASE

“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”

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CBS reporter Bob Simon in a recent 60 Minutes report on Zenyatta, the now-fabled thoroughbred who trains at Los Angeles’ Hollywood stables:

“At more than 1,200 pounds, she’s the biggest star in town.”

That’s not that impressive, considering Shaquille O’Neill no longer plays for the Los Angeles Lakers — Shaq having personally wrested the title of biggest star in town away from actor John Goodman.

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The United States and British flags are shown during the national anthems before the regular season NFL International Series game between the San Francisco 49ers and the Denver Broncos at Wembley Stadium. Kyle Terada-US PRESSWIRE

The NFL is weighing the option of adding an expansion franchise in Europe.

Millions of questions and concerns flood the brain.

Consider this, worst case scenario: For the Seahawks to travel from Seattle to London or vice versa they would have to fly roughly 5,400 miles or roughly half a day in the air.

The home-field advantage the Seahawks enjoy (45-23, .662 winning percentage) could be twofold for a European team.

What division would they be it? The East(s)? The NFC and AFC eastern division are fairly entrenched in tradition.

If not for NFL convention, why else would the Dallas Cowboys play in the NFC East, when more than 25 teams are located closer to the Atlantic Ocean?

How far east can you expand before the east and west divisions overlap?

Most importantly, can fish-and-chips replace brats as traditional stadium grub?

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I’m thinking of starting a circus-type baseball team, a la the Harlem Globetrotters of basketball. The Ohio-based squad will be dubbed the Akron Bats.

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Speaking of the Cowboys…the Fox Network cut away between plays on Sunday to show U.S. troops in Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan watching its telecast between Dallas and the New York Giants.

Prominent in the screenshot was a soldier carrying what appeared to be a bazooka.

If there’s a manlier way to watch football, no one tell it to that guy.  

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Drew Brees celebrates New Orleans' Superbowl win with a trip down Disney World's Main Street USA. Douglas Jones-US PRESSWIRE

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I got the text while watching a Country Bear Jamboree parade float slough past me on Nov. 1 in Orlando’s Magic Kingdom:

“The San Francisco Giants are World Series champs.”

I immediately raised both arms above my head — accidentally knocking off my Mickey Mouse ears — and triumphantly yelled.

“I’m…staying…at Disney World!”

World Series MVP Edgar Renteria, I await your arrival. Meet me by the Dumbo ride.

Do athletes still yell “I’m going to Disney World” anymore after winning a title?

The answer is yes.

OK, so that was the wrong Giants.

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The only thing that truly made me feel like I was in Tomorrowland was the adjusted inflation of a bottle of water.

Also, apparently in the future, the floors will still be sticky.

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Is there a more phallic-looking license plate than the state of Florida’s? Did the oranges really have to go right there?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 16th, 2010 at 9:51 pm and is filed under Stranded At Second Base. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.