Manny Pacquiao, Tiger Woods, Kournikova, Favre and LeBron atop 2010 most-searched athletes listby Christopher C. Wuensch on Dec. 11, 2010, under Sports, Stranded At Second Base
STRANDED AT SECOND BASE
“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”
Anna Kournikova walks into a room with Manny Pacquiao as her personal body guard and, immediately, Tiger Woods’ ears perk up and Brett Favre retrieves his cell phone from LeBron James, who’d borrowed it to call a press conference about what he ate for lunch.
And they said I couldn’t get 2010’s top five most-searched athletes into one satirical sentence.
So, what do the top-five searched athletes (according to CNBC’s Darren Rovell) tell us about our Internet lusts?
No. 1 Pacquiao: The best fighter of his era, quenches our thirst for blood.
No. 2 Woods: Satiates our morbid desire to see just how fast the elevator of fame can plummet from penthouse to basement.
No. 3 Kournikova: Satisfies our lust for lust. How else does a tennis player who topped out at No. 8 in the world (in 1999!) remain Google relevant?
No. 4 Favre: Satisfies our lust for watching who and how others lust for.
No. 5 LeBron: Feeds our hunger to spread vitriol via a common enemy.
A 2009 Wall Street Journal story says that a mere 26 of roughly 1,200 MLB players have earned a four-year college degree.
Here’s guessing Baltimore’s Luke Scott is not one of those with a diploma hanging on his wall — especially considering that he only played two years at Oklahoma State.
The Oriole outfielder made news this week claiming that Barack Obama should not be President because Obama’s not a United State citizen.
It’s always scary when we ignore facts, such as Obama is a U.S. citizen and Scott is a lifetime .267 hitter.
Speaking of rocket scientists…
Russian scientists are perplexed as to why a rocket carrying three satellites crashed into the ocean shortly after blast off on Monday. Here’s a picture of the rocket. Is it me, or is that thing mostly comprised of duct tape? There’s your problem, Mother Russia.
Speaking of rockets and illegal aliens…
Manu Ginobili believes he spotted a UFO recently while boarding the San Antonio team bus. You can’t blame the Spurs’ shooting guard for scanning the heavens, with the pending divorce of teammate Tony Parker and his actress-wife Eva Longoria, there’s a dearth of stars these days in Alamo City. And for the record, the illegal alien reference is to the UFO and not Ginobili.
BRETT FAVRE NICKNAME OF THE WEEK:
In the spirit of celebrity couples who mesh their names, a la Brangelina and Bennifer, this week we marry the Minnesota Viking quarterback and one of his favorite targets Percy Harvin, creating:
Last week’s Brett Favre nickname of the week: “The Hoarder” because he never simply throws a pass away.
Fox Sports commentator reacting to Tampa Bay running back Earnest Graham’s 2-yard touchdown toss against the Atlanta Falcons on Dec. 5 in Florida:
“They’re wearing the throwback uniforms; they might as well run a throwback play!”
Let’s be honest. If the Bucs — wearing the hideous throwback creamsicle uniforms circa 1976 — were to truly go ‘retro,’ then Graham would have thrown an interception in the end zone and not a touchdown to John Graham.
Turns out, the Bucs waited until the following play before reverting to their dreadful 0-14, bicentennial form, yielding a 102-yard kick-off return touchdown to Eric Weems…an Atlanta record.
Adam Sandler isn’t ashamed to display the loyalties he harbors for his favorite sports teams and colleges in his movies, but his latest film “Grown Ups,” might have gone too far. Sandler, raised in Manchester, N.H., represents New England wearing the hat or T-shirt of nine different schools and pro franchises, including:
Boston University - UConn
Harvard - University of Maine
UMass - University of New Hampshire
University of Rhode Island - University of Vermont
And the now defunct Hartford Whalers
*Boston College and the Boston Red Sox were also represented by ancillary characters