Tea Party: Earthquake lies along Obama’s Fault
by Christopher C. Wuensch on Aug. 25, 2011, under Play on Words, UncategorizedPLAY ON, WORDS
This week’s satire collection of quips, quibbles and the general “lexicution” of the English language
The Tea Party is already petitioning that the tectonic plates along Virginia be named “Obama’s Fault.”
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Author Christopher C. Wuensch takes a charge from Barack Obama. Photo illustration by Scott Salisbury
And, presumably, pointing a finger at Colorado democratic Senator Irene Aguilar for the spate of bad weather that’s eyeing up the Eastern Seaboard.
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Doctor with deep gash on his leg: “I’ll stitch up my own wound, thank you.”
Nurse: “OK, suture self.”
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A University of Queensland study is reporting that you lose 22 minutes off your life for every hour of television you watch. That means, if you watched the entire six seasons of Lost, you not only lost the plot line somewhere around the end of season one, you also watched 44 hours of your life go down the hatch. The entire Simpsons catalog will cost you 3.7 days off your life.
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In hindsight, dipping my contact lenses into Kansas’ Saline River was a big mistake.
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FROM THE AQUARIUM
A: You just made a powerful anemone.
Q: What did the Jellyfish say to the Lobster who double-crossed him?
Which box does a marmot check on a college application? Caucasian, African American, Latino, Asian or Otter?
A: Neigh
Q: Does a Sea Horse make the same sound as a Land Horse?
Some guy proposed to his girlfriend at the table next to us tonight in the restaurant inside the Denver Aquarium. Even the cuttlefish were like: “Really? At an aquarium, dude?”
A: Thesaurus
Q: What’s another name for a wordy dinosaur?
A lightning strike at Orlando’s Sea World has tragically injured eight people. The electric eels, however, have never felt better.
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It’s impossible for a miniature soy bean Edamame to reproduce without an Edadade.
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I honored the deathbed request of my dying vacuum cleaner today and played “Another One Bites the Dust” at its funeral.
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Does closing your eyes and making a wish still work if you’re blowing away a nose hair instead of an eyelash?
