Arizona Wildcats: Reanimating the ghost of John “Button” Salmonby Christopher C. Wuensch on Sep. 01, 2012, under Sports
He could be cantankerous. He had a propensity for blurting out terrible jokes at in opportune times. He excelled at rankling those who value the tenets of good taste.
Yes, the Snarky Palooka wasn’t loved by all…or by many…or by anyone, for that matter, really.
He was called sophomoric. Oft times repetitive. Oft times repetitive. His Tweets were described as “most certainly not at all clever — made worse by the fact that they ooze “look how clever I think I am” at every turn.”
Snarky Palooka Sez: Arizona wins!! Tucson’s Dirtbags erupts!! The bar on Speedway is also in a tizzy right now.
— Christopher Wuensch (@BearDownAndBlog) February 25, 2012
One emailer went so far as to kneel down on her thick knee and thank the Internet for sparing the lives of trees from Palooka’s drivel.
So, like many of our cranks before us, we’re banishing the Snarky Palooka to the curmudgulous (I’m making up my own Dr. Suess words) capital of the United States: a condo in Florida.
But the puns must go on. The bad jokes and funny business must be allowed to flow.
Our new spokesman is an all-world athlete, academic star and student governor.
He was Stan Gable on the University of Arizona campus long before Gable’s upset defeat at the hands of Lambda Lambda Lambda in the Greek Games.
He’s 108 years old going on 23.
He’s John “Button” Salmon. We strapped some electrodes to the neck of the legendary UA quarterback, outfitted him with a blazer and signed him up on Twitter.
We like to think that, had Button Salmon lived in modern times, his immortal deathbed words to his teammates — the ones that still inspire a battle cry 86 years later — would have been Tweeted, rather than mouthed to Wildcat head coach J.F. “Pop” McKale.
Tell them…tell them to
#BearDown. Haven’t said that in almost 86 years.
— John Button Salmon (@GR8SalmonsGhost) September 1, 2012
LAYMAN’S TERMS: Please follow @GR8SalmonsGhost for Arizona Wildcats’ quips, snarks and funny stuff.