My first order as new President of the World Associated Federation of Franchised Leagues Everywhere, is to enact a clause I’m calling “Population Relocation.”

WAFFLE’s provisos are simple.

Your city may legally poach a team from a city with a smaller population.

We’ll turn the business of relocating professional sports-franchises into an exchange game — a White Elephant of Inhabitants, if you would.

Bluntly put: more fans equals more hands, which equals more foam “We’re No. 1″ fingers sold, which equals more revenue.

Take Tucson as our model.

The 2010 United States Census ranks the Old Pueblo as the country’s 33rd largest city with 520,116 people — a number that jumps to more than a million when you factor in the city’s greater metro area.

For the sake of this ridiculous argument, we’ll stick with the city’s census population as our guidelines.

There are nine cities smaller than Tucson with professional sport teams in at least one of the Big Four leagues (MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL).

CITIES SMALLER THAN TUCSON WITH PRO TEAMS: Atlanta, Cleveland, Green Bay, Kansas City, Sacramento, Miami, Minneapolis, Oakland & Raleigh

— Christopher Wuensch (@BearDownAndBlog) May 7, 2012

Combined they have 21 teams.

There are five cities with a higher population than Tucson, so they get the tiebreaker.

The NFL teams fly off the board first at the draft. Figure the new configuration to look something like this:

Cities That Should Get NFL Franchises: Austin Packers; El Paso Chiefs; Louisville Falcons; Las Vegas Dolphins and Albuquerque Vikings

— Christopher Wuensch (@BearDownAndBlog) May 7, 2012

Tucson is left with the unenviable task of choosing between the Cleveland Browns and Oakland Raiders.

The Raiders are the pick. TucsonCitizen.com Editor Mark Evans throws on his spiked shoulder pads and Darth Vader mask and is the first on line to buy season tickets.

But why stop there? Tucson has other options in turning the Pima County Fairgrounds into a Big Four stomping grounds.

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Bear Down…and GRONK!

Current and former University of Arizona athletes are always making news and not always in traditional mediums. We scoured the Internet and found Wildcats online by visiting these lynx…

ROB GRONKOWSKI SUPER BOWL EDITION

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PHOTO

Whether or not former Wildcat Rob Gronkowski's ankle will be ready to play on Sunday is the question of the week leading up to Super Bowl XLVI. Scott Halleran/Getty Images

All eyes have been on New England Patriot Rob Gronkowski this week as the world tunes in for Super Bowl XLVI.

But the tight end isn’t the first University of Arizona alum to suit up for a Super Bowl. All told, 26 former Wildcats have played in 43 Super Bowls for a chance to hoist the Lombardi Trophy.

Glenn Parker, formerly of the New York Giants and the Patriots’ Tedy Bruschi each played in five Super Bowls during their careers.

Running back Mike Bell was the last ex-Cat to play in a Super Bowl, winning a ring with the World Champion New Orleans Saints in 2010. Ron Gardin of the Baltimore Colts was the first Arizona alum to appear in the big game, helping guide the Baltimore Colts to a win in 1971’s Super Bowl V over the Dallas Cowboys.

Across the field today, however, rooting against his fellow alumnus is Giants’ Special Teams Coordinator Tom Quinn.

The former Arizona linebacker coached for 15 college seasons before joining the Giants six years ago. He’s spent time on the sidelines of Stanford (boo!), Davidson, James Madison, Boston University, Holy Cross and San Jose State.

Quinn, 43, played in three bowl games for the Wildcats and won a Super Bowl ring when the Giants beat the Patriots in 2008.

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TWITTER

Gronkowski has said all the right things this week as the media probes the health of his ankle. His ankle, however, isn’t holding back on its thoughts. Follow the ankle and its live Tweets throughout the Super Bowl at @ANKLE_OF_GRONK or online HERE.

http://tucsoncitizen.com/bear-down-and-blog/2012/02/05/rob-gronkowskis-ankle-ready-to-talk-super-bowl/

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WILDCAT TWITTER

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“Good luck today to Arizona alum @RobGronkowski! #BearDown”

“I was reminded by @Dr_Chalk that Giants Special Teams Coach Tom Quinn is a UA alum too. Good luck Coach!”

- Arizona Athletic Director Greg Byrne

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“My man @RobGronkowski bout to go in! #BEARDOWN”

- Former Arizona cornerback Trevin Wade

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TWEETS FROM #GRONKD

“Sources say Planned Parenthood in NE is on high alert for Rob Gronkowski’s post SuperBowl celebration if Pats win #babies #Gronkd #lilrobs”

- @RobLoweSports

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“My nails got #Gronkd thanks marisol!” - Photo Tweeted by @AllyBallyBaby

“Maybe I’ll fall down the hill while snowboarding so I can tell everyone I got #gronkd”

- @NotMePaaal

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“Gronking isn’t a saying or an action….Its a lifestyle. #Pats #GoPats! #Gronkd”

- @GHamilton45

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“cant wait for the giants to get #gronkd”

- @ChrisWilson31, echoing what seems to be the most popular #Gronkd post of the day

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“@RobGronkowski should not be compared with other Tight Ends, he should be compared to Super Heroes #gronkd”

- @SweeneyDawg

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“Me and aunt patty are getting #Gronkd tonight! #superbowlSwagg”

- @Steph52290

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FACEBOOK

Rob isn’t the only Gronkowski stomping grid irons. Brother Chris and Dan represent the Gronk name, as well. Their exploits are captured on Facebook’s GRONK NATION.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Word-GRONK/39906413358?sk=wall#!/gronknation

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WEB

According to the Urban Dictionary, there’s a fine line between “Gronk” and “Gronked,” the latter being much, much better than the former.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Gronk

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Gronked

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YOUTUBE

“I am festival”

Yes, you are Gronk. Yes you are…

ARIZONA vs. UCLA

As Told By The Snarky Palooka

CRACKING WISE LIVE THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT

FOLLOW LIVE ON TWITTER: @BEARDOWNANDBLOG

The last time the UA beat a FBS team (355 days ago) Tunisia, Libya and Egypt were much different places. 

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Arizona coach went third person when asked to reveal his gameplan vs. UCLA: “Tim don’t Kish and tell.”

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Raise your hand if you thought “Bear Down” was a reference to the wounded Bruins team.

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UA’s lowest attendance in seven years (46,565) leaves not enough fans to take down the goal posts after the game.

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If UA wins out and makes a bowl game and doesn’t hire this interim coach, he can turn around and say “Kish my Ass.”

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Did I miss the obligatory “shot of the space mirrors below Arizona Stadium” clip that gets shown every national UA game?

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Stoops still listed as head coach on the UA online roster. With this win, superstitions dictate that his name must stay there until they lose.

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Just figured out why UA and its kicking game are clicking today. Tomorrow is Harold Camping’s Apocalypse prediction date.

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Tomorrow’s Headline: Bonano Bonanza!

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Looks like Tim Kish has instilled a fighting spirit in the Wildcats.

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Shaquille Richardson is awfully smiley for a guy who just got ejected.

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Arizona no longer the only team in the nation without a fumble recovery. Defense mimics Tucson’s economy: Slow to recover.

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Popular to contrary belief, Desert Swarm had nothing to do with an influx of killer bees in the Southwest.

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