STRANDED AT SECOND BASE

“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”

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Adrian Gonzalez (facing camera) passes the torch to ex-teammate Jeff Kouzmanoff as the Padres' active leading career homerun leader.Robert Benson-US PRESSWIRE

That enormous sigh you hear coming out of San Diego isn’t wheezing from Padre Nation, upon hearing of the pending trade of slugger Adrian Gonzalez to the Boston Red Sox.

It’s coming from Nate Colbert — the Padres’ all-time home run leader.

Gonzalez pulled within two dingers of tying Colbert’s franchise-best 163 career homer mark at season’s end.

Just how futile is San Diego when it comes to the long ball? The next closest active home run leader is Kevin Kouzmanoff and his 59 long balls in a Padre uniform.

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Portfolio.com has ranked the nation’s top 200 ‘brainiest’ cities based on criteria such as income and education.

Green Bay is the lowest ranked city that houses a franchise in any of the Big Four leagues (MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL). That makes sense. Without fail, every December we see images of some Lambeau lardo wearing nothing but paint on his chest and a block of cheddar on his head.

Green Bay Packer cheesehead fans sure are loyal, but that doesn't necessarily translate to smarts. Joe Nicholson-US PRESSWIRE

Tucson

(84th), it should be noted, is ‘brainier’ than Phoenix (100). Akron, Ohio, is even smarter than Phoenix.

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Favre, who never likes to simply throw a pass away, will heretofore be known as the “Hoarder.”

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Perhaps Stevie Johnson — the Buffalo Bills’ receiver infamously dropped a game-winning pass and blamed his maker via Twitter — needs to ask God why a grown man goes by the name “Stevie.”

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Brett Favre sits atop the NFL with 17 interceptions tossed. Geoff Burke-US PRESSWIRE

Do you think when Husain Abdullah gets beat by a receiver, the Minnesota Viking safety blames Allah?

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Tiki “Sausage Fingers” Barber got a lot of flack for being a fumble-machine during his playing days with the New York Giants. In 10 seasons, Barber coughed up the ball 32 times.

Ahmad “tiny hands” Bradshaw, the Giants’ current featured back, leads the NFL with six fumbles.

New York running backs coach Jerald Ingram is credited with trimming Barber’s average of six fumbles a season to two after joining the franchise in 2004.

It appears history is repeating itself in the Meadowlands and Ingram has to once again earn his paycheck.

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New York Giants' running back has coughed up the ball an NFL-high six times this season. Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

I woke up this morning to find the hair on my temples had fallen out, leaving me with with a sporty mullet hairdo. I blame my Dale Earnhardt Jr.-sponsored Suave shampoo.

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The only reason to watch ESPN’s MNF halftime show is to see if anchor Chris Berman can go one week without referring to the Buffalo Bills without using his tired catchphrase: “Circle the wagons.”

Hint: he can’t.

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Speaking of another Chris at the four-letter network, analyst Chris Mortensen was surprised that the NFL only fined Oakland Raider defensive end Richard Seymour $25,000 for sucker punching Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger — suggesting that the fine was ‘light.’

Light? Perhaps for a guy sitting on a one-year, $123 million contract. But for the rest of us schleps, that money could go a long way.

$25,000 is…

- Cost to buy a 2009 Subaru Impreza.

- Starting average salary of a school teacher in Wisconsin.

- The max amount of scratch you can win on the game show ‘The $25,000 Pyramid.’