PLAY ON, WORDS

This week’s satire collection of quips, quibbles and the general “lexicution” of the English language

If Herman Cain is elected President, will we as a nation be considered “Hermericains?”

GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain, speaks at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Sept. 23, 2011 in Orlando, Fla. Mark Wilson/Getty Images

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A: Ellipsis S. Grant
Q: Can you name the Union Army’s only three-dot general?

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Are the homeless people in Crum,W. Va., known as Crum-bums?

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Had a bathroom drawer break apart this morning. I guess it reached the end of its shelf life.

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Got a letter in the mail today from my bank confirming my transition to paperless banking.

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A: Cantaloupe
Q: What do you call two melons that are prohibited from running away to get married?

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Iowa couple of 72 years has passed away an hour apart with her hand in his. In 15 years, you’ll hear a similiar story of the passing of my wife and I…with her hands wrapped firmly around my neck.

Letting the oregano get behind the wheel. Everyone knows ground nutmeg will get you there on thyme. Click the picture to visit "Today, I Stopped My Baby From..."

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When Harold Camping says that tomorrow is the Apocalypse and you should get your affairs in order, he’s not talking about your mistresses — you sinner!

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SHAMELESS FACEBOOK PAGE PLUG: “TODAY, I STOPPED MY BABY FROM…”  —->

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I think if Herman Cain wins the GOP nomination, he should select NJ Senator Diane Allen as his running mate. That way, the GOP can follow up 2008′s McCain-Palin ticket with 2012′s Cain-Allen.

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MLB will institute a new immigration policy beginning with the 2012 season entitled “Don’t Ask, (Octavio) Dotel.”

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Got a spam email today from a company that makes fake college degrees, and, presumably, real college degrees for Arizona State grads.

PLAY ON, WORDS

This week’s satire collection of quips, quibbles and the general “lexicution” of the English language

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Sarah Palin recently described Herman Cain as the “flavor of the week,” prompting the GOP Presidential candidate and former Godfather’s Pizza CEO to respond:

“Cain acknowledged that he may be the “flavor of the month,” but said voters will find “more to that flavor than meets the eye.””

Michele Bachmann quickly jumped on Cain, claiming his platform of being able to see AND taste flavors was nothing more than “Socialism of the body’s five senses.”

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GOP Presidential candidate Herman Cain. Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images

The guy who cuts my yard is blaming a Big Horn Sheep for the patch of dead grass out back. I say he’s using a landscape goat.

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My daily two-mile walk to get pastries is no cakewalk.

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A: Victoria’s Secretariat
Q: Name a failed underwear shop for horses.

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“Hi, I’m Katie…I mean Kendra.”

- Woman outside The Buff Restaurant in Boulder,Colo.

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“Inside the mind of Ted Kaczynski: What made the Unabomber tick.” #FailedBookTitles

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I brought sexy back. All I got for it was store credit.

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