“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”

Thank the good lord for the genius who invented the little black bar.

That thin veil — the last line of defense between a naked body and a cold, shiver down the spine.

Fans of Brett Favre are seeing a lot more of the Minnesota Viking quarterback these days. Bruce Kluckholn - USPRESSWIRE

If there’s one thing many athletes lack, it’s shame. From Vlad Guerrero strutting nude in the Texas Ranger locker room to the high school wrestler who dons his brand new singlet on the first day of practice by dropping trou in the middle of the team’s wrestling room without hesitation or regard for the horrified sports reporter standing within eyeshot.

The Internet doesn’t have much use for black bars as athletes are innovating ways to take the nudity outside of the locker room.

Photos of Brett Favre — and allegedly of little Brett — are the latest to surface on the Internet.

The Minnesota Viking quarterback allegedly sent camera-phone pictures of his, for a lack of a funnier term, “junk” to then New York Jets Game Day host Jenn Sterger.

Here’s hoping the Vikes don’t call for any naked bootlegs on Monday night when they take on the Jets.

Some recent athletes that have gone ‘commando:’

*    If Tyler Thomas is in a beaver uniform this weekend, it won’t be of the Oregon State variety when OSU takes on the University of Arizona on the gridiron.

The offensive lineman was booted from the team in August after he was arrested on suspicion of criminal trespassing, criminal mischief and resisting arrest.

What? A guy can’t break into someone’s home with a liver soaked in booze and no clothes? Police allegedly took the belligerent Thomas down with tasers. They say the smell of burnt brisket still haunts that house.

*    Greg Cullen has found his clothes and a new job as defensive line coach for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Cullen, you may recall, was arrested after driving through a Wendy’s drive through in his birthday suit while coaching for the Detroit Lions. It’s a good thing for Cullen that in Jacksonville, he’s not very far from Paradise Valley Resort, a noted nudist hotspot in Northeast Georgia.

*    Greg Oden has played in just 82 games in two seasons since joining the NBA in 2008. It could be due to a rash of injuries or perhaps because the Portland Trailblazer center is still in the locker room sending naked photos of himself.

*    Favre and Oden aren’t in a class by themselves when it comes to getting ogled via Google. Other alleged athletes include: Chris Cooley, Evan Longoria and Brandon Spikes.

I’m not sure what TucsonCitizen.com’s policy is, but I’ve decided to not include the links to the aforementioned photos. Not out of morality, but basically because I’d rather not see them again.

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Researchers have discovered a new dialect tongued by roughly 1,000 people in a secluded cul-de-sac of northeast India.

A National Geographic photo being circulated around the Internet depicts a tribesman talking into a microphone held by a man wearing a Cincinnati Reds hat. Do you think the newfound Koro language has a phrase for “infield-fly rule?” 

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Speaking of the Reds, how dare they commit an error on Wednesday night to mar the box score of Roy Halladay’s no-hitter, the first postseason no-no since Don Larsen’s perfect game in 1956? Some people are so selfish.

TEAM                   R-H-E

REDS                    0-0-1

PHILLIES           4-5-0 

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Oakland Raiders' owner Al Davis isn't doing much running these days. Neither are his Men in Black. Kirby Lee/Image of Sport-US PRESSWIRE

Rookie Dexter McCluster set the Kansas City Chiefs’ franchise record for longest punt return, scampering 94 yard for a score in week one. It’s safe to say that, somewhere in the very distant future, the record for lengthiest punt, kickoff, intercept, rushing touchdown, etc. run will be the same for every team: 110 yards. It’ll just be a matter of who holds it for their respective club. The only exception, however, will likely be the Oakland Raiders, as long as Al Davis continues to stave off death or the urge to sell of the moribund franchise.

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The Discovery Channel says that the bite of a saber-toothed tiger was equivalent to that of a dog bite.

Makes you reconsider the Nashville Predator logo. Or does it?

The Pred’s haven’t bitten much of anything with a 364-342 all-time record and inability to advance beyond the conference quarterfinals in a dozen NHL seasons. 

With menacing looking teeth, it’s a wonder how that thing ever closed its mouth. An uneducated guess says that cat dribbled more than Steve Nash. 

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I think it’s time to get my eyes checked. I drew that disappointing conclusion last night after my wife quelled my zeal for a title I misread off the television’s program guide. Rather than watching “Missing a Foot,” we were instead watching “Kissing a Fool.” Drat. I was really hoping to watch a film about a place kicker who overcomes the greatest of all odds.

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Speaking of the televised arts, saved on my TiVO right now are episodes of 60 Minutes and 48 Hours. Or as I like to call them: 176,400 seconds of pure entertainment.