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Miami Heat v. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Part Deux

Christopher C. Wuensch — Fri, 27 May 2011 19:31:50 +0000

STRANDED AT SECOND BASE

“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen…”

The Dallas Mavericks and Miami Heat appear to be on a collision course to meet every five years in the NBA Finals.

The Heat ensured that with a come-from-behind, Game Five victory over the Chicago Bulls on Thursday night.

Let’s just hope a rematch of the 2006 Finals — won by the Heat — doesn’t reanimate retro ’06 fads such as Thom Browne shrunken suits, a Brittany-Kevin reunion and/or a “Cars” sequel.

Uh oh…

The NBA Finals begin May 31 in Miami.

What do you think Bengals owner Mike Brown, who still has to shill out $6 million to Chad Ochocinco in the 2011 season, feels about the Cincinnati wide receiver recently Tweeting this picture of himself…

Responded Brown via the Cincinnati Enquirer:

“The issue is, does he at this stage of his life have that focus? Next maybe he’ll be a snake wrangler and we’ll watch to see if he gets bit. They amuse me in a way, but they concern me because, let’s face it, we want a football player. We aren’t hiring a bull rider, a dancer or a soccer player.”

When Jason Terry looks back on his career, two superfluous points will be missing from his post-season stat line.

The former Sixth-Mnn of the Year award winner threw down a dunk as time expired in the Dallas Mavericks’ Game Five, series-clinching win over the Oklahoma City Thunder on Wednesday night.

How close was Terry’s dunk from beating the buzzer? You decide.

Free advice to the Winnipeg Sun, a daily tabloid newspaper in Manitoba, Canada: If the city lands a relocated NHL team, I’ll be disappointed if you don’t use the headline:

“#Winnipeg-ing!”

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman bucked various reports from several media outlets on Friday that the NHL has a deal in place to relocate the Atlanta Thrashers to Winnipeg, who lost their original NHL franchise in 1996 when the Jets headed south to become the Phoenix Coyotes.

If Atlanta does pack its bags, will the new franchise still be known as the Thrashers? Will the become the Jets again? Or will they become something new.

Here’s suggesting they call themselves the Winnipeg Pegasus.

They say we’re in the midst of a ‘pitcher’s era’ in baseball. Some hurlers might be taking that a little too literal.

Many of them are taking it upon themselves to do everything for a team.

Zack Greinke hit his second career home run on Wednesday. The Milwaukee Brewer pitcher also chucked seven innings and fanned 10 Washington National batters for his third win of the season.

Cliff Lee — a former Cy Young award winner such as Greinke — followed suit the following night while driving in three runs and striking out eight Cincinnati Reds for his fourth win of the season.

Fans of the Dallas Mavericks and Oklahoma City Thunder each staged “Royal Blue Outs” during the NBA Western Conference Finals.

A Blue, Black, White (or whatever the team color might be) Out is the act where everyone in attendance dresses in the same color or, in some instances, the same exact T-shirt to a game.

Gliddens Paints will tell you there’s a difference between OKC Blue and MAV Blue.

Says the man with astigmatism, I can’t tell who is the home team.

Plan B: locate oafish, Maverick power forward Dirk Nowitzki on the court.

Despite the three first names, Texas A&M defensive end Tony Jerod-Eddie is one, 300-pound person and not three, 100-pound people. Image via AggieAthletics.com

The respective squads of the University of Arizona and Iowa State are hoping to light up the scoreboard when the 2011 college football season begins in early September — figuratively and literally.

Each school is in the midst of upgrading their respective man-caves aka their stadium’s videoboard systems, this summer.

A company called Mid States Steel is constructing the infrastructure for Iowa State’s new videoboard.

The support has to be strong enough to hold more than 67,000 pounds of screen and speakers at an altitude of 101 feet.

Check out the photos of its construction here.

Arizona’s new screen is the equivalent size of a basketball court.

Watch its construction in real time.

Is it me, or are the NBA Finals early this year?

For once, it’s not just me.

This year’s NBA Finals mark the first time since the Boston Celtics beat the Houston Rockets in the spring of 1986 that a NBA Finals has started in the month of May.

Vancouver Canucks forward Alexandre Burrows (14) celebrates the game winning goal by defenseman Kevin Bieksa (not pictured) to defeat the San Jose Sharks in game five of the western conference finals of the 2011 Stanley Cup playoffs at Rogers Arena. The Canucks won 3-2. Anne-Marie Sorvin-US PRESSWIRE

There’s only one logical explanation for the zany series-winning goal by the Vancouver Canucks…

The future self of Canuck Kevin Bieksa traveled back in time and redirected the puck off the glass sending it across the ice to an awaiting…Kevin Bieksa.

The unbelievable carom caught everyone by surprise — including San Jose Shark goalie Antti Niemi, Vancouver’s packed Rogers Arena crowd and even the Vs. Network camera man — who missed the defenseman’s awkward goal.

Said Bieksa of the double overtime goal that sent the Canucks to the Stanley Cup finals…

“Probably the ugliest goal of my career, but the biggest”

It can be argued that Bieksa’s goal is one of the quirkier playoff game winners this side of the Bill Buckner’s bow-legged gait.

Remember how hard I laughed at you when you told me during spring training that the Cleveland Indians would have the best record (30-17) in the American League on May 27?

Good call. My sides have since healed from their unfortunate splitting.

A foul ball nearly struck former President George W. Bush at Monday’s Texas Rangers-Chicago White Sox game in Arlington, Texas.

It must have been hit by a batter that swings lefty.

Little known fact, secret service agents aren’t trained in the art of deflecting foul balls.

Or are they?

Kudos goes out to my brother Brian for paying off his end of a bet.

Brian proclaimed his life-long love for the New York Rangers Wednesday night on Facebook .

Odd behavior for a New Jersey Devils season ticket holder, indeed.

The comments out of the New York-New Jersey contingent were brutal…and those were just from our family members.

Well done, Brian. But that’s what you get for proclaiming that the San Jose Sharks would knock off the Vancouver Canucks in the NHL’s Western Conference finals.

Wanna go double or nothing on the Heat-Mavericks?

Loser admits they’re New York Knicks fans via Twitter.

Stranded At Second Base: Snuggies and Mexican Cartel Kingpins

Christopher C. Wuensch — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 23:21:11 +0000

“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”

How do you suppose former University of Arizona Wildcat Richard Jefferson and his teammates feel about the recent photo of Mexican drug cartel kingpin Sergio Villarreal Barragan being arrested on Sept. 10 proudly wearing a San Antonio Spurs T-shirt?

The NHL preseason is underway and if you’re anything like me you…well, you also probably hadn’t noticed.

It seems like just yesterday the Chicago Blackhawks were hoisting the Stanley Cup, 10 days before the Los Angeles Lakers did an Irish jig on the Boston Celtics’ NBA Finals dreams.

Well, the boys of winter are back — despite the fact that Los Angeles hit a record high 113 degrees today.

Off-seasons appear to be shrinking in the big-dollar game of sports. How much of a hiatus do we actually get to ease out of our post-title hangovers?

On average? About 100 days.

SEASON FINALE     .     TRAINING CAMP BEGAN     .     DAYS

NHL     June 9     Sept. 17     100

NBA     June 17     Sept. 27     102

MLB     Nov. 4     Feb. 15     103

NFL     Feb. 7     July 23     166*

*Mini camp after 75 days

David Aardsma recently picked up his 30 save of the season for the Seattle Mariners.

I’ll never forget my first encounter with the closer when he pitched for the Chicago White Sox in 2007.

Aardsma was in the Sox’ spring training office in Tucson and using a copy machine.

All I could think was “what the heck does a baseball player need to make copies of?”

A recent television commercial for the ‘Snuggie’ features a mom and dad cheering on their kid while wearing the blanket-with-arms at a Little League game.

Nothing represses childhood memories better than your pajama-clad parents yelling from the bleachers.

A punk band played halftime of the New York Jets-Baltimore Ravens Monday Night Football opener on Sept. 13. Wouldn’t it have made sense for Green Day to wait until week seven and played at Green Bay?

Favorite word of the week that I misspelled while typing too fast:

“Sheddling”

Noun. SHED-ling. Of or pertaining to being a baby tool shack.

You need all the fingers of one hand to count the amount of fantasy football teams I have this season. Naming them wasn’t easy.

The short list of names:

- The Rolling Brown Outs

- Sweat Favre

- Manassas Man-asses

- Incontinent-eyed Joe

- Good Newz Kennelz

Send new suggestions to inprogressatpresstime@Gmail.com

Stranded At Second Base: Hans Gruber falls from grace…aka a building

Christopher C. Wuensch — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:19:00 +0000

“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”

We hoot and holler about what a small percentage of ‘student athletes’ actually live up to their title.

Yet success stories that blend the student and the athlete often go buried, unread or, even, unwritten.

K’Lee Arredondo is one of those success stories. The University of Arizona shortstop was named the PAC-10 Softball Student Athlete of the Year this week.

Arredondo — who graduated in May with a 3.55 GPA and a psychology degree — has a long list of accolades to hang on her walls, including:

Three consecutive first-team Academic All-Pac-10 honors
All-Women’s College World Series Team
Second-team All-American
Second-team Academic All-American

Unfortunately for Arredondo, she was unable to add nation champion to her résumé. The Wildcats fell to UCLA in the Softball College World Series finals.

…..

Three of the last four champions in the MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL have one thing in common: two-word city names (Los Angeles, New Orleans, and New York).

The No. 1-seeded San Jose Sharks ruined a chance for a clean sweep when they lost to eventual Stanley Cup Champs Chicago in the Western Conference finals.

Cities with two-word names have won titles in all four major sports in the same calendar year only twice in the history of professional athletics.

In 2000: New York Yankees, St. Louis Rams, Los Angeles Lakers, and New Jersey Devils

In 1982: St. Louis Cardinals, San Francisco 49ers, Los Angeles Lakers, and New York Islanders

And, yes, I did squander an hour of my life to research that. How else would I know that teams with two-word cities have won a world title 96 times dating back to the 1905 New York (baseball) Giants?

Next step is to identify the “why I did it.”

…..

Reggie Bush dates supermodel and reality-show icon Kim Kardashian and his New Orleans Saints win the Super Bowl.

Lamar Odom married Kim’s sister, Khloé and his Los Angeles Lakers wriggled their way to an NBA title.

That leaves eldest sister, Kourtney, as the last remaining good luck charm. Perhaps an eligible bachelor from the World Series-starved Chicago Cubs should take one for the team and ask her on a date.

…..

JOHN MacLEAN or JOHN McCLANE

Who is the newest New Jersey Devil head coach and whom is the renegade New York City cop?

Q: Scored the game-winning goal in the final game of the 1988 season to lift the New Jersey Devils to their first Stanley Cup playoffs.
A: John MacLean

Q: Single-handedly thwarted a terrorist uprising on Christmas Eve in 1988.
A: John McClane

Q: Sharpened his skills with a 19-year playing career with four teams.
A: John MacLean

Q: Once described his job as “because there is nobody else to do it.”
A: John McClane

Q: Is No. 2 on the Devils’ all-time scoring list.
A: John MacLean

Q: Is No. 6 on Entertainment Weekly’s list of ‘All-Time Coolest Heroes in Pop Culture.’
A: John McClane

Q: Had his named etched onto the Stanley Cup after the 1995 season.
A: John MacLean

Q: Was originally penned into the 1979 novel ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’ under the name Joe Leland.
A: John McClane

Side Note: Joe Leland was originally portrayed on the silver screen in the 1968 thriller ‘The Detective’ by Frank Sinatra.

Q: Dropped the gloves 33 times and wracked up 1,328 career penalty minutes.
A: John MacLean

Q: Dropped Hans Gruber off a Los Angeles skyscraper.
A: John McClane

Yippee Ki Yay…

…..

Speaking of unrepeatable language…

The NBA Finals are a highly audible event. That being said, its best moments might be the silenced ones. To be more specific, the moments where ABC has to cut sound entirely due to a player’s profane soliloquy.

Thank your messiah for the NBA’s slight time delay between the live game and actual airtime. It seems that NBA players use vernacular just slightly coarser than that of a Viking.

On-field cursing is a visual thing in football and baseball. And even then, head coaches and catchers are always covering their mouths with clipboards or catcher mitt’s to prevent lip-reading espionage.

Basketball’s close proximity to its fans and cameras doesn’t seem to faze the players concentrating on the shot clock and not who’s within ear shot.

Of course, it’s never kosher to hear a kid using the same ‘cursive’ arts that, say, Tiger Woods uses after spraying a shot into a heavy seaweed bed.

But a little swearing in the name of sports is downright second nature — if blurted in the heat of the moment.

At least it’s grounded in a little more reality than regular prime-time programming. Case in point, for six years a band of pariahs waged battle against unholy elements and plot twists on the ABC series “Lost.” Not once did any of them need a pre-emptive silence when describing the “bleeping” island.

This preamble had a point when I started writing it…I swear.

…..

The WNBA season is underway, if you’re looking for former Wildcats…don’t bother. Of the 131 players in the women’s hoops league, none claim allegiance to the University of Arizona. A dozen of those players, however, do have ties to the PAC-10.

…..

ESPN’s World Cup coverage might have the fancy bells and whistles and vuvuzelas, but I think I’d prefer to watch soccer’s pre-eminent games on Univision.