Bear Down…and Blog!

Current and former University of Arizona athletes are always making news and not always in traditional mediums. We scoured the Internet and found Wildcats online by visiting these lynx

PHOTO

New York Jets' kicker Nick Folk. Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

Nick Folk was a junior at Notre Dame High School in Sherman Oaks, Calif., on that fateful day in September of 2001 when the unthinkable happened to New York City’s twin towers. Ten years to the day later, the former University of Arizona place kicker played in a part in the Big Apple’s healing process.

The Jets’ kicker booted a 50-yard, game-winning field goal with 27 seconds remaining in Gang Green’s season opener on Sept. 11 to propel New York to an improbable come-from-behind win over the Dallas Cowboys, a team that gave up on him two years earlier.

SAID FOLK VIA TWITTER AFTER THE EMOTIONAL GAME:

“Thanks to all of my followers and fans for all the love and support!! #JETSNATION is the best in the NFL!! Let’s keep this winning going!!”

After the kick, Wildcat Nation voiced their support via Twitter for one of their own:

“Love watching former Wildcat Nick Folk beat those Cowboys! #BearDown”

- Former Wildcat softball star Caitlin Lowe

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“@TwoStarWade: NICK FOLK!!!!!! ARIZONA STAND UP!!!!! #BEARDOWN” Let’s GO Jets!”

- Arizona golfer Nikki Koller re-Tweeting Wildcat cornerback Trevin Wade

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“Cowboys cut my Man Nick Folk too!!! #Karma!!!!”

- Arizona cornerback Trevin Wade

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“Amazing Kick”

- Arizona wide receiver Garic Wharton

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NEWS

The NCAA, on Wednesday, named Arizona swimmer Annie Chandler as one of its finalist for its annual Woman of the Year award. The senior is among nine finalists for the honor, which will be announced at a ceremony on Oct. 16 in Indianapolis.

Chandler is an NCAA champion and 100-meter breaststroke record holder. In the classroom, she’s a cum laude graduate of Arizona’s School of Journalism.

Arizona has somewhat of a monopoly on the award — the swim team in particular. A Wildcat swimmer has taken home the honor in three of the last four years. All told, an Arizona alum has won the award four times in the award’s 21-year history.

A University of Georgia athlete has earned the honors three times. Gymnast Grace Johnson is among those nominated this year along with Chandler.

FORMER WILDCATS TO EARN NCAA WOMAN OF THE YEAR HONORS

Justine Schluntz, Swimming – 2010

Lacey Nymeyer, Swimming – 2009

Whitney Myers, Swimming – 2007

Tanya Jones, Track & Field – 1994

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TWITTER

“With the season looking farther n farther away. What are some jobs i should do to take up some time?”

- Let’s come up with some ideas for ex-Wildcat and furloughed Phoenix Sun Channing Frye…

A suggestion: Light bulb changer (because of his long arms)

“its all love son” - Kevin Parrom wearing the jersey of former teammate Derrick Williams. Photo via @KevinParrom3

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HUNGRY CATS

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“This store better have cat fish”

- Arizona wide receiver David Roberts

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“Floyd bout to giv ortiz a 3 piece and a biscuit”

- A hungry Arizona hoops guard Dondre Wise

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“Buffalo wings are my weakness!!”

- Arizona track & fields’ Andrea Menhennet 

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“cleaning my room watching hoarders. Lol”

- Arizona hoops forward Solomon Hill

@Greg_Byrne block A looks great so far! #Beardown – ReTweet by Greg Byrne (@Greg_Byrne)

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“I NEED that Segway for campus.. I knw Bibby would have one if he was here. Smh”

- Arizona hoops guard Brendon Lavender

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“#awkwardmoment slaps the table hard in class cuz your arm slip off your cheek when sleeping! hahaha teacher ask “were you sleep?” I’m dying”

- Arizona cornerback Trevin Wade

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BLOG

Annika Sorenstam is in Sweden this week to play host to the annual ANNIKA Cup, a tournament that pits the country’s top female amateurs against one another. Follow the former Wildcats’ trip via her blog.

SAID SORENSTAM VIA TWITTER:

“Back in my native land.”

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WEB

At Arizona, the word “walk” wasn’t in Jennie Finch’s lexicon. Even in retirement, “walk” is still an ugly word. The legendary softball pitcher has joined forces with Timex to run in November’s New York Marathon.

Finch will begin the race in last place. Timex will contribute $1 to the youth group New York Road Runners for every runner she passes in the race.

Read more about Finch and the New York Marathon at Parade.com.

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FACEBOOK

While the NBA appears headed for an extended lockout, France’s Ligue Nationale de Basketball is just getting underway. That’s great news for new STB Le Havre guard Nic Wise. Follow the former Wildcat on Facebook.

SAID WISE VIA TWITTER:

“Just won another Pre-Season game against Paris tonight. Pretty good team too with Jawaad Williams and David Noel (Both played at UNC).”

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YOUTUBE

The Arizona football team kicks off the PAC-12 schedule on Saturday when the Wildcats (1-1) play host to the Cardinal of Stanford (2-0). In case you need to be pumped up, here is the official Arizona Athletic video intro:

Two Word: Chuck Cecil.

Video byArizonaAthletics

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Rex Ryan is alleged to have a foot-fetish, after a video surfaced online of a woman, who looks like the wife of the New York Jets head coach, performing provocative acts with her feet.

This, of course, served as a new challenge for headline writers everywhere. With that said, here’s the Rex Ryan foot-related headline database:

New England Patriots fans prior to the AFC Divisional Playoff game against the New York Jets at Gillette Stadium. John MunsonThe Star-Ledger via US PRESSWIRE

“Lick ‘Em”

(New York Post)

“No Foot in Mouth” (Albany Times Union)

“Rex Ryan: Agony of De-Feet” (Bleacher Report and about 8,000-plus according to Google)

“Tormented Rex Bares ‘Sole’ Over Kinky Feet Vids” (New York Post)

“Men Just Follow In Rex Ryan’s Footsteps” (Los Angeles Times)

“Trouble A-Foot” (Boston Herald)

“Open Mouth, Insert Foot” (Boston Globe)

“Foot-Bowl: Rex Ryan vs. Bill Belichick” (Larry Brown Sports)

“Jets, Pats Dance Around Wes Welker’s Foot Comments” (Sporting News)

“By The Skin of the Feet, Jets Sneak Past Colts” (Vigilant Sports)

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Some additional ones the media missed, but In Progress At Press Time did not:

“Welker, Pats Shoot Selves in Foot”

“This Little Piggie Won in Foxborough, This Little Piggie Stays Home”

“Rex Ryan’s Dogs Are Barking, Pats Forced to Heel”

“Foxborough Phalanges: Jets Step on, break, Patriots Super Bowl Dreams”

“Brady, and His Fabio Haircut, Swept off his Feet”

“Welker, Dropped Touchdown Pass, Incon-sole-able After Loss”

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Brett Favre’s sister Brandi was arrested this week as part of a bust on a Mississippi meth house.

Is this further proof that there’s just no quit in the Favre household?

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If periods are called ‘quarters’ in football and basketball; how come they’re not called ‘thirds’ in hockey? Shouldn’t the Red Wings win a game with a late third-thirds goal by Detroit defenseman Nicklas Lidstrom?

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New York Jets defensive lineman Shaun Ellis pins Tom Brady on the turf during Sunday's AFC playoffs to see if the New England Patriot quarterback is ticklish. Stew Milne - US PRESSWIRE

It’s an NFL tradition for opposing head coaches to shake hands after every game; but does that post-game tradition trickle down the roster? Do punters seek out the other punter?

One Punter to Another: “Hey, good leg out there today.”

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The NFL announced its annual Punt, Pass and Kick competition winners before the fourth quarter of the Falcons-Packers game on Saturday in Atlanta.

If you’re anything like me, you only watch this with any interest because you want to see if the 15-year-old champion has a better mustache than yourself…which this year’s champ definitely does.

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Peyton Manning’s early playoff exit means the Indianapolis Colts quarterback will have more time to devote to his quest to return to the Double Stuf Racing League. Is the elder Manning brother the fabled Double Stuf “Hooded Menace?”

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Have you seen the price of mattresses lately? With costs at an all-time high and little regard for their customers, it’s a wonder how the CEO’s of bedding companies sleep at night.

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I’ve been battling a flu-like cold since early November. It’s left me wheezing, sweating profusely and badly unshaven.

I’m calling it the ‘Joe Miller Virus.’

That’s right, I closed with an Alaskan gubernatorial joke.

New York Jets’ strength and condition coach Sal Alosi creates a controversy in the Big Apple after intentionally tripping Miami’s Nolan Carroll on Sunday in the Meadowlands

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I once saw a man strangle another man outside of Yankee Stadium with a thick, metal chain — the kind used at construction sites or boatyards — and my initial reaction was: there’s a lot of love there.

A love for sport that says, no amount of petechial hemorrhaging is going to prevent me from exercising my right as a New York sports fan.

It’s played out at all New York sports events at one point or another from Knicks basketball games to the U.S. Open.

Nolan Carroll of the Dolphins catching a ball in practice, hours before being maimed along the sidelines by New York Jets strength coach Sal Alosi. Alan Maglaque-US PRESSWIRE

If you don’t witness a fight in the stands of a Islanders-Ranger-Islanders hockey game, for example, you have legal recourse to ask for a refund on your ticket.

Bloodlust is the name of the viewing game for many, not all, but many New York sports fans.

The Big Apple’s outrage over the actions of Sal Alosi is justified, but a bit shocking.

Alosi, a New York Jets strength and condition coach, intentionally leg lunged into Nolan Carroll on Sunday, injuring the Miami Dolphin special teams player as he ran along the Jets’ sideline.

These are Jets fans, the same people that practically burned down Giants Stadium during a Monday night game in 1988.

They’re same fans who invented a halftime game in the spiral ramps that climb the stadium called “get the money.” Object of the game: chase the money thrown into the center pit and see if you can survive the unforgiving rain of debris.

It’s a fan base cut off from drinking alcohol during all night games.

And these were the Dolphins. Back in the 80s and 90s, the Dolphins, not the Patriots, were Gang Green’s chief enemies.

Instead, Jets Nation has, in large part, condemned the reprehensible actions of Alosi — as they should.

Old Jets fans would have celebrated the maiming of an archenemy.

Now many fans are calling for Alosi to lose his job.

Attitudes have been changing in New York, starting with the chest-thumping boasting of Rex Ryan’s Jets.

Winning will do that. And until two weeks ago, the Jets were quite good at putting a “W” in the win column.

Sunday’s 10-6 loss to Miami, however, was a crushing reminder of the past, when winnable games simply floated away — just like the green penis balloons that some guy would release out of the upper deck of Giants Stadium…EVERY single game.

Alosi’s actions are a reminder that you can take the green out of the gang, but deep down, the gangly past always lurks.

Jets Nation calls this: “Same Old Jets.”

All is not lost. The Jets still remain two victories up in the wildcard race with three games left in the regular season.

Alosi has apologized on Sunday and Monday. Spare him his job and move on toward rehabilitating the reputation of a proud, if not routinely downtrodden, fan base.

If bloodlust is what you still seek, then, put him in the spiral. Let’s see if he can get the money.

NEW YORK JETS vs. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

As told by the Snarky Palooka

 Tom Brady’s hair grows, so, too, does the New England Patriots lead in the AFC East with 45-3 win over the New York Jets.

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Brad Smith (16) gets a stiff arm on Sergio Brown on this play, but it was the Pats who pushed around New York Monday night, winnng 45-3. David Butler II-US PRESSWIRE

Remember the days when Monday Night Football actually kicked-off at 8 p.m. and not 8:40?

I believe the rule is: five extra minutes for each additional talking head that ESPN adds to its pre-game panel.

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10:57, 1Q – Shayne Graham (NE) 41-yard FG

NE 3, NYJ 0

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What is that emblem on the turf of Gillette Stadium? Is that a tee pee? Is that homage to all the Indians the “Patriots” infected with small pox?

Is it a peace pipe?

I’m told it’s the bridge and light tower that stand guard over the stadium itself.

Isn’t that kind of vain…like staring in the mirror for hours admiring your long, flowing brown hair?

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4:02, 1Q – BenJarvus Green-Ellis (NE) 1-yard TD run (kick good)

NE 10, NYJ 0

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It’s only fitting that the Jets have a player named DeVito. I like to think that defensive end Mike DeVito earned his way onto the Jets after struggling to make it to the NFL, during which time he supplemented his income by driving a NYC taxi cab.

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What’s the matter? Pat’s head coach Bill Bellichick couldn’t find scissors strong enough to cut the sleeves off that parka?

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1:01, 1Q – Tom Brady to Deion Branch (NE) 25-yard TD pass (kick good)

NE 17, NYJ 0

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New York’s slow start in the 17-degree weather is not the Jets’ fault. We’ve all been on that plane that gets delayed because it takes forever to de-ice the wings.

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12:14, 2Q – Nick Folk (NYJ) 39-yard FG

NE 17, NYJ 3

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Who assumes the last name in the wedding of ESPN color commentator John Gruden and New England quarterback Tom Brady? At least they’re already in Massachusetts.

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Speaking of surnames? Green or Ellis? Which one is BenJarvus’ maiden name?

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8:15, 2Q – Tom Brady to Brandon Tate 4-yard TD pass (kick good)

NE 24, NYJ 3

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Tom Brady tells the Jets to check out his hair during the Patriots trampling of the Jets in Foxboro. David Butler II-US PRESSWIRE

Guys who should not become mentors to struggling University of Arizona kicker Alex Zendejas: Jets’ punter Steve Weatherford, who boomed a 12-yard punt in the first half.

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4:40, 3Q – Tom Brady to Wes Welker (NE) 18-yard TD pass (kick good)

NE 31, NYJ 0

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Breaking News: The Denver Broncos have placed Josh McDaniels out to pasture, replacing him with a new head coach who can hopefully sire wins in Eric Studesville.

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The Jets need to agree on a spelling. Is it Shaun (Ellis), Shonn (Greene), Sione (Pouha) or Shawn (Crable)?

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14:57, 4Q – Tom Brady to Aaron Hernandez (NE) 1-yard TD pass (kick good)

NE 38, NYJ 0

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Jets-Patriots the only place where fights break out over which two-time Pro Bowl, one-time First Team All-Pro wide receiver was better: Wes Welker of Patriots or the retired Wesley Walker of the Jets.

Walker: 13 Seasons, 71 TDs, 8306 YDs

Welker: 7 Seasons, 23 TDs, 5401 YDs

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9:20, 4Q – BenJarvus Green-Ellis (NE) 5-yard TD run

NE 45, NYJ 3

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Were those guys firing rifles in the end zone after Patriot touchdowns Minute Men or Tea Party constituents?

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“J-E-T-S Suck, Suck, Suck!” and “Over-rated”

That’s the best you can do Patriot Nation? Come on, you’re better than that. Or are you?

Here’s a free one: “LT, phone Holmes!”

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Tom Brady has now won 26 consecutive home games, passing Brett Favre for a new NFL mark. Here’s hoping Brady’s cell phone doesn’t have photo capabilities.

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If history is any indication, the Jets are cooked. In 1986, Gang Green entered its MNF game 10-1 and promptly got obliterated by the Miami Dolphins.

It was the last time, before Monday’s game, that they’ve trailed by 42 points in a game.

New York then tail-spun out of control, barely made the playoffs, and were bounced by the Cleveland Browns in a heartbreaking fashion.

And one particular 10-year-old Jets fans was first introduced to the phrase:

“Same old Jets.”

STRANDED AT SECOND BASE

“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”

Image is everything, right?

Andre Agassi overtly exercised us with that mantra while subliminally tantalizing us with an enviable mullet-toupee.

Ask Michael Vick or Tiger Woods the importance of image in this golden era of sports, where the line between gold medal and Golden Globe Award is as blurred as ever.

First came LeBron James' new Nike commercial this week in an effort to repair his public image. Now King James has launched a new personal website. David Butler II-US PRESSWIRE

Or visit the freshly-launched www.lebronjames.com — the most recent phase of LeBron James’ re-branding effort. The one necessary after a destructive summer for his once wholesome image.

Up until now, we didn’t have a credible resource to find pictures of James (2008 Gold Medal) canoodling with Charlize Theron (2004 Golden Globe for “Monster”).

Or get a chance to meet and get recipes from Brandon Taylor, LeBron’s personal chef.

P.S. LeBron loves lasagna.

LeBronJames.com, however, is not all vanity and a difficult horizontal scroll bar.

There’s plenty of shouting out to his admirable charity work with underprivileged kids.

The site is simple, yet hip — and definitely self-centered. It’s the typical professional athlete website.

What does an athlete truly need a website for? A “.com” never won anyone an NBA title. A Twitter account can’t wear a championship ring.

Rings. That’s what LeBron’s maligned move to Miami was all about, right? That’s his new supposed mantra.

Or as LeBron so eloquently Tweeted recently and re-posted on his website’s fashion page (that’s correct, his website has a fashion section):

“U are what u wear”

ATHLETES AND THEIR UNIQUE WEBSITES:

www.PeteRose.com/

Premise: I want back in baseball…please buy something.

www.AndreAgassi.com

Premise: I will enlighten you…please buy my book

www.JoseCanseco.com

Premise: Domain expired in September and is available. Quite possibly the product of someone who couldn’t pay their bills.

Also available: www.sammysosa.com and www.markmcgwire.com.

Perhaps the public has spoken.

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Kinsler Takes Road to Dorado

October is traditionally a month reserved for football at Tucson Canyon Del Oro High School, home of the defending Class 4A-1 state champs.

If you ask the esteemed alumni of the Dorado’s baseball program, however, they might say otherwise.

When Ian Kinsler took the field on Wednesday night for Game One of the 2010 World Series, the Texas Ranger second baseman became the fourth CDO grad in six years to potentially earn a Fall Classic ring.

The Rangers have advanced to the first World Series in franchise history, thanks in large part to Kinsler. Through the first two rounds, the slugger is among the top-five leading hitters in batting average (No. 5, .342); home runs (No. 4, 3 HRS) and RBI (No.1, 9).

Former Dorados that have earned World Series rings in recent years:

PLAYER          TEAM          YEAR

Brian Anderson*    Chicago White Sox  ‘05

Chris Duncan  St. Louis Cardinals ‘06

Shelley Duncan*    New York Yankees   ‘09

* Didn’t get into a WS game, but received a ring for their efforts during the regular season

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The Atlanta Falcons have a new slogan for their partnership with the Georgia State Lottery:

“Where the Winning Never Ends!”

That’s discounting, of course, the fact that the Falcons (280-393-6 all time) have lost 58 percent of the games they’ve ever played.

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You Don’t Know Shonn

The Oct. 17 game between the New York Jets and Denver Broncos had to be the first time in NFL history that running backs named Shonn (Green, NYJ) and Knowshon (Moreno, Den) squared off against one another. Shonn’s Jets outshone the Broncos for a 24-20 win.

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Prime Time Crime

Have you been experiencing a phenomenon that strangely resembles déjà vu every Monday night?

Does it always feel like you’ve seen the same two teams already this season on Monday Night Football?

There have been 16 prime-time games played in the first seven weeks of the NFL season.

Those games have featured 18 of the league’s 32 teams. Of those teams, 11 of them have played twice — either on Thursday, Sunday or Monday nights. Three teams (Minnesota Vikings, New York Giants and New York Jets) have been featured three times.

We get it, it’s a business and ratings are gold. But forgive the St. Louis Rams or Tampa Bay Buccaneers for asking for their turn in the spotlight.

A look at the prime time favorites:

Minnesota Vikings, 3

New York Giants, 3

New York Jets, 3

Chicago Bears, 2

Dallas Cowboys, 2

Green Bay Packers, 2

Indianapolis Colts, 2

Miami Dolphins, 2

New Orleans, 2

San Francisco 49ers, 2

Washington Redskins, 2

Baltimore Ravens

Jacksonville Jaguars

Kansas City Chiefs

New England Patriots

Philadelphia Eagles

San Diego Chargers

Tennessee Titans

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I Am Quaid

Did visions of a bathrobe-clad Cousin Eddie with a beer in one hand and a toxic-spewing hose in the other also trigger in your brain when you read the headline: “Cubs hire Quade as manager.”

Wait. Didn’t Canadian officials just arrest him at the U.S. border trying to avoid outstanding warrants with his wife? That’s Randy Quaid, you say? The hiring him kind of made sense, given the way the Cubs have played in recent years.

OK, so who is this Quade guy? Is he that the guy who tore up the planet Mars the movie “Total Recall?”

No? Douglas Quaid was a fictitious character played by not-so fictitious California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger? Who knew? It looked so real.

Turns out, the Chicago Cubs’ new skipper is Mike Quade, the team’s former third base coach.

Here’s a total recall of Quade’s minor league managerial outpost assignments through his 25-year career:

Macon Pirates          Rockford Expos

Harrisburg Senators          Ottawa Lynx

Scranton Wilkes-Barre Red Barons          Iowa Cubs

West Michigan White Caps          Huntsville Stars

Edmonton Trappers          Vancouver Canadiens

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Open Letter to Whomever Names Animals

It’s been 21 years since the country of Burma officially changed its name to Myanmar. My question is: how come Burmese pythons aren’t referred to as Myanmar Pythons now? Too soon?

“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”

Thank the good lord for the genius who invented the little black bar.

That thin veil — the last line of defense between a naked body and a cold, shiver down the spine.

Fans of Brett Favre are seeing a lot more of the Minnesota Viking quarterback these days. Bruce Kluckholn - USPRESSWIRE

If there’s one thing many athletes lack, it’s shame. From Vlad Guerrero strutting nude in the Texas Ranger locker room to the high school wrestler who dons his brand new singlet on the first day of practice by dropping trou in the middle of the team’s wrestling room without hesitation or regard for the horrified sports reporter standing within eyeshot.

The Internet doesn’t have much use for black bars as athletes are innovating ways to take the nudity outside of the locker room.

Photos of Brett Favre — and allegedly of little Brett — are the latest to surface on the Internet.

The Minnesota Viking quarterback allegedly sent camera-phone pictures of his, for a lack of a funnier term, “junk” to then New York Jets Game Day host Jenn Sterger.

Here’s hoping the Vikes don’t call for any naked bootlegs on Monday night when they take on the Jets.

Some recent athletes that have gone ‘commando:’

*    If Tyler Thomas is in a beaver uniform this weekend, it won’t be of the Oregon State variety when OSU takes on the University of Arizona on the gridiron.

The offensive lineman was booted from the team in August after he was arrested on suspicion of criminal trespassing, criminal mischief and resisting arrest.

What? A guy can’t break into someone’s home with a liver soaked in booze and no clothes? Police allegedly took the belligerent Thomas down with tasers. They say the smell of burnt brisket still haunts that house.

*    Greg Cullen has found his clothes and a new job as defensive line coach for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Cullen, you may recall, was arrested after driving through a Wendy’s drive through in his birthday suit while coaching for the Detroit Lions. It’s a good thing for Cullen that in Jacksonville, he’s not very far from Paradise Valley Resort, a noted nudist hotspot in Northeast Georgia.

*    Greg Oden has played in just 82 games in two seasons since joining the NBA in 2008. It could be due to a rash of injuries or perhaps because the Portland Trailblazer center is still in the locker room sending naked photos of himself.

*    Favre and Oden aren’t in a class by themselves when it comes to getting ogled via Google. Other alleged athletes include: Chris Cooley, Evan Longoria and Brandon Spikes.

I’m not sure what TucsonCitizen.com’s policy is, but I’ve decided to not include the links to the aforementioned photos. Not out of morality, but basically because I’d rather not see them again.

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Researchers have discovered a new dialect tongued by roughly 1,000 people in a secluded cul-de-sac of northeast India.

A National Geographic photo being circulated around the Internet depicts a tribesman talking into a microphone held by a man wearing a Cincinnati Reds hat. Do you think the newfound Koro language has a phrase for “infield-fly rule?” 

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Speaking of the Reds, how dare they commit an error on Wednesday night to mar the box score of Roy Halladay’s no-hitter, the first postseason no-no since Don Larsen’s perfect game in 1956? Some people are so selfish.

TEAM                   R-H-E

REDS                    0-0-1

PHILLIES           4-5-0 

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Oakland Raiders' owner Al Davis isn't doing much running these days. Neither are his Men in Black. Kirby Lee/Image of Sport-US PRESSWIRE

Rookie Dexter McCluster set the Kansas City Chiefs’ franchise record for longest punt return, scampering 94 yard for a score in week one. It’s safe to say that, somewhere in the very distant future, the record for lengthiest punt, kickoff, intercept, rushing touchdown, etc. run will be the same for every team: 110 yards. It’ll just be a matter of who holds it for their respective club. The only exception, however, will likely be the Oakland Raiders, as long as Al Davis continues to stave off death or the urge to sell of the moribund franchise.

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The Discovery Channel says that the bite of a saber-toothed tiger was equivalent to that of a dog bite.

Makes you reconsider the Nashville Predator logo. Or does it?

The Pred’s haven’t bitten much of anything with a 364-342 all-time record and inability to advance beyond the conference quarterfinals in a dozen NHL seasons. 

With menacing looking teeth, it’s a wonder how that thing ever closed its mouth. An uneducated guess says that cat dribbled more than Steve Nash. 

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I think it’s time to get my eyes checked. I drew that disappointing conclusion last night after my wife quelled my zeal for a title I misread off the television’s program guide. Rather than watching “Missing a Foot,” we were instead watching “Kissing a Fool.” Drat. I was really hoping to watch a film about a place kicker who overcomes the greatest of all odds.

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Speaking of the televised arts, saved on my TiVO right now are episodes of 60 Minutes and 48 Hours. Or as I like to call them: 176,400 seconds of pure entertainment.

“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”

How do you suppose former University of Arizona Wildcat Richard Jefferson and his teammates feel about the recent photo of Mexican drug cartel kingpin Sergio Villarreal Barragan being arrested on Sept. 10 proudly wearing a San Antonio Spurs T-shirt?

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The NHL preseason is underway and if you’re anything like me you…well, you also probably hadn’t noticed.

It seems like just yesterday the Chicago Blackhawks were hoisting the Stanley Cup, 10 days before the Los Angeles Lakers did an Irish jig on the Boston Celtics’ NBA Finals dreams.

Well, the boys of winter are back — despite the fact that Los Angeles hit  a record high 113 degrees today.

Off-seasons appear to be shrinking in the big-dollar game of sports. How much of a hiatus do we actually get to ease out of our post-title hangovers?

On average? About 100 days.

SEASON FINALE     .     TRAINING CAMP BEGAN     .     DAYS

NHL     June 9     Sept. 17     100

NBA     June 17     Sept. 27     102

MLB     Nov. 4     Feb. 15     103

NFL     Feb. 7     July 23     166*

*Mini camp after 75 days

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David Aardsma recently picked up his 30 save of the season for the Seattle Mariners.

I’ll never forget my first encounter with the closer when he pitched for the Chicago White Sox in 2007.

Aardsma was in the Sox’ spring training office in Tucson and using a copy machine.

All I could think was “what the heck does a baseball player need to make copies of?”

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A recent television commercial for the ‘Snuggie’ features a mom and dad cheering on their kid while wearing the blanket-with-arms at a Little League game.

Nothing represses childhood memories better than your pajama-clad parents yelling from the bleachers.

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A punk band played halftime of the New York Jets-Baltimore Ravens Monday Night Football opener on Sept. 13. Wouldn’t it have made sense for Green Day to wait until week seven and played at Green Bay?

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Favorite word of the week that I misspelled while typing too fast:

“Sheddling”

Noun. SHED-ling. Of or pertaining to being a baby tool shack.

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You need all the fingers of one hand to count the amount of fantasy football teams I have this season. Naming them wasn’t easy.

The short list of names:

- The Rolling Brown Outs

- Sweat Favre

- Manassas Man-asses

- Incontinent-eyed Joe

- Good Newz Kennelz

Send new suggestions to inprogressatpresstime@Gmail.com

Despite seven, soon-to-be eight, consecutive losing seasons, Redbird nation was abuzz at the open-house tour of its new, posh University of Phoenix Stadium — that silvery barrel cactus of a venue that squats in the former dusty swath of Glendale desert.

It was shiny, pristine and not a single droplet of beer had splattered on its then un-sticky floors.

Its turf wasn’t chewed up. In fact, its field wasn’t even in the building. It had been rolled out in the backyard to get some sun.

It robbed you of your breath, while rattling the same question over and over in the mind: “They’re going to play football here?” “NFL football?”

Carmelo Loconte leads a J-E-T-S chant Monday at New Meadowland Stadium. Aristide Economopoulos/The Star-Ledger)

Football is a sport that’s meant to be played on rugged fields with invisible divots, dangers and undulations.

Its battles are supposed to be waged underneath yellowy-dim lights and surrounded by unforgiving metal bleachers.

It’s designed to be played on front lawns with trees as end zone markers and protruding tree roots as landmines.

It’s supposed to be played in lumbering monstrosities such as the late Giants Stadium.

It took less than three years before an even bigger, more audacious stadium in Dallas replaced the Card’s home as the NFL’s crown jewel.

Like the portable turf of University of Phoenix Stadium, the NFL rolled out its latest bling on Monday night in New Jersey: the New Meadowlands Stadium.

By many firsthand accounts, the venue is gorgeous and the concessions are first rate (and, like parking, over-priced).

Revelers say there’s a sterile, gray feel to the building and gone are the horrific, yet endearing red and blue seats. The new seats sit way too far from the action.

The old Giants Stadium — a name Jets fans despised — was a cold, dank venue that garnered charm by virtue of having little to no charm.

Giants Stadium, by modern-day standards, was a dump. But to Jets and Giants fans, it was their beloved cement-slab hell hole.

Gone are the eight spirals that led to the upper deck — the ones that always, always reeked of marijuana.

Those were the same spirals that Jets fans would line up around at halftime and toss money to its center. When a hapless, greedy moron would jump the barrier, Jets fans would pelt him with anything that wasn’t nailed down.

No one ever accused Jets fans of being classy.

Also gone are the frozen, cattle-chute walking tunnels that connected parking lots — the cramped ramps where someone would always moo.

No one ever accused Jets fans of being original.

Fans enter The New Meadowlands Stadium Monday Tim Farrell/The Star-Ledger

Gone are the curiously wet floors inside despite the lack of rain.

One scrimmage game is not enough to answer all the questions the new stadium in the Meadowland conjures.

Will scalding hot chocolate still be served? Will we still have to wait on a cafeteria-style line just to get our greasy mitts on a batch of greasier curly fries?

Do we still need to bring chunks of Styrofoam  to stand on so that our feet don’t freeze to the concrete?

Will we be able to find the right highway out of the complex complex? We never could before, despite going to hundreds of games.

Will we still be able to see radio station WADO 1280, Teterboro Airport or the Halfway Go-Go Bar on the drive out?

No. Yes and No.

The airport is the only thing these days still around to lift spirits after another Jets loss.

Will the new stadium sound the death knell for myriad 6-3 Jets losses on rain-soaked late afternoons and moonless nights against Warren Moon-less Houston Oilers teams?

Answer: definitely not.

Will the parking lot chef cooking pretzels in shopping carts survive the move? Or will they be swept away like ex-New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani swept the sleaze out of Times Square?

The day of the concrete-slab stadium is drawing to an end. Fewer than 10 still (barely) stand: think Oakland’s Alameda County Stadium or Buffalo’s Ralph Wilson Stadium.

The New Meadowland Stadium at least bucks the trend of naming venues after heartless corporations.

The next step is to name it after one of its famous denizens, special local citizens such as the aforementioned Ralph Wilson or Raymond James (Tampa) or Paul Brown (Cleveland).

‘Bobby Scordamaglia Stadium’ has a nice ring in East Rutherford. No? How about Giuseppe Barbagelata Field?

At the NFL’s current rate, only Green Bay’s storied Lambeau Field will fend off the wrecking ball.

Subtract Lambeau, 53 years old and the average NFL stadium has been around for roughly 15 years. And that number is dwindling at a rate of about a new stadium per year.

After Lambeau, the oldest NFL stadiums are in the Bay Area: Oakland was erected in 1966, six years after San Francisco’s Candlestick Park — two venues that would be improved by a wrecking ball (Chicago’s Soldier Field had near complete overhaul in 2003).

The franchises in desperate need of new gigs have much in common. San Francisco, Oakland and Miami until recently shared ballparks with MLB teams, causing football to be played on infields. That shouldn’t happen in this age of corporate corpulence — although it certainly provides plenty of character.

Another thing that old stadium residents such as Buffalo (built in 1973), San Diego (1967), Kansas City (1972), Minnesota (1982), Miami (1987) is a surprising dearth of titles.

All told, they combine for two of the 44 total Super Bowl wins.

Perhaps that last statistic bodes well for the Jets, a team that hasn’t hoisted championship hardware in four decades.

Like every season, Jets fans yearn for that warm feeling that comes from winning. And every season, end up settling for a shopping-cart pretzel.

…

SUPERFLUOUS

If brand new football stadiums are considered ‘crown jewels,’ would a new baseball stadium be considered a “diamond encrusted crown jewel?”

…

In full disclosure, the Wuensch family are Jets season-ticket holders for nearly two painful decades.

…

That sound you heard was me using my thumb to pantomime the turning off my television.

When the NFL draft resumes tonight in prime time, I won’t need the air remote nor the funny face paint and black-and-white striped shirt.

OK, I might wear the shirt.

When it comes to the NFL Draft, the luster is quickly becoming lost on me — this from a guy who’s still de-toxing from post-Super Bowl withdrawal.

The draft is the most over-hyped event this side of the Kentucky Derby.

(Don’t get me wrong, I love the Kentucky Derby — but months of speculation and hoopla to watch an animal run for two minutes?)

Competition between the NFL, its network and ESPN is to blame. The more the corporate suits tinker with the pageantry of the system, the less drama is bestowed on the fans.

This ‘all-access,’ ‘information-now’ era is stripping all theatrics from the draft. The suspense is gone.

The iconic image of Thursday night’s first round should have been the Denver Broncos drafting Tim Tebow with the 25^th overall pick. Instead — thanks to the ESPN cameras — we knew the Broncos were taking the University of Florida quarterback a pick before Denver was even on the clock.

Tebow is one of the most-maligned prospects the NFL has ever invited to the draft. Speculation has swirled for years not only whether or not if he’s first-round pick worthy, but if he’s even cut out for the NFL.

Like him or not, seeing the very instant the anxiety drained from his soul upon being drafted would have been, as the MasterCard people say,  priceless.

The percentage of these players that will actually make a pro roster is surprisingly small. It’ll be years before we’re able to quantify the impact of those from the draft this weekend.

So the drama is all we have when it comes to the draft.

If you’re anything like me, you tuned out the ‘talking heads’ and their incessant caterwauling weeks ago. What do they really know anyway? Peter King of Sports Illustrated, long regarded among the most hallowed of NFL-insider gurus, correctly mocked seven of the 32 first-round picks.

Say what you will about ESPN, but the NFL Network is no better. My throw-a-shoe at the television moment came as Roger Goodell was strutting across the stage at Radio City Music Hall to announce the 29^th overall pick.

Seconds before the NFL Commissioner could clear his throat to announce the New York Jets’ pick, the NFL Network sideline reporter let loose with: “It’s Kyle Wilson.”

That’s not the actions of a swarthy insider pounding the pavement in search of a scoop. That was a guy sticking it in the nation’s face that he’s got access to the stage and is really good at eavesdropping.

He’s the kid at your birthday party who blurts out “I got you Star Wars action figures!” right before you open your present from him.

There are no physical winners tonight. So the drama and raw emotion that spills out of these kids when they realize they’ll get a shot at their dreams is the best part of tuning in.

Give me more suspense, less of ESPN’s Chris Berman grunting and perhaps I’ll put the remote control down before hitting the power switch.

OK, who am I kidding? The wife works tonight, the baby will be asleep and CBS’ Ghost Whisperer is a re-run. I’ll be watching the draft tonight. But I’ll do so with an attitude best left for a crusty, old curmudgeon.

Draft Notes 

• No Wildcat or Sun Devil players were taken in Thursday’s first round of the NFL Draft.

• Of the 32 players selected, only two played for PAC-10 schools. School that is. Tyson Alualu (10^th overall, Jacksonville Jaguars) and Jahvid Best (30^th Detroit Lions) both played their collegiate ball at California.

• Not surprisingly, the states of Texas and Florida each saw five of their former high school athletes drafted. The Grand Canyon State, conversely, had zero kids selected in the first round.

• The Arizona Cardinals used the 26^th overall pick to select University of Tennessee nose tackle Dan Williams.