My first order as new President of the World Associated Federation of Franchised Leagues Everywhere, is to enact a clause I’m calling “Population Relocation.”

WAFFLE’s provisos are simple.

Your city may legally poach a team from a city with a smaller population.

We’ll turn the business of relocating professional sports-franchises into an exchange game — a White Elephant of Inhabitants, if you would.

Bluntly put: more fans equals more hands, which equals more foam “We’re No. 1″ fingers sold, which equals more revenue.

Take Tucson as our model.

The 2010 United States Census ranks the Old Pueblo as the country’s 33rd largest city with 520,116 people — a number that jumps to more than a million when you factor in the city’s greater metro area.

For the sake of this ridiculous argument, we’ll stick with the city’s census population as our guidelines.

There are nine cities smaller than Tucson with professional sport teams in at least one of the Big Four leagues (MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL).

CITIES SMALLER THAN TUCSON WITH PRO TEAMS: Atlanta, Cleveland, Green Bay, Kansas City, Sacramento, Miami, Minneapolis, Oakland & Raleigh

— Christopher Wuensch (@BearDownAndBlog) May 7, 2012

Combined they have 21 teams.

There are five cities with a higher population than Tucson, so they get the tiebreaker.

The NFL teams fly off the board first at the draft. Figure the new configuration to look something like this:

Cities That Should Get NFL Franchises: Austin Packers; El Paso Chiefs; Louisville Falcons; Las Vegas Dolphins and Albuquerque Vikings

— Christopher Wuensch (@BearDownAndBlog) May 7, 2012

Tucson is left with the unenviable task of choosing between the Cleveland Browns and Oakland Raiders.

The Raiders are the pick. TucsonCitizen.com Editor Mark Evans throws on his spiked shoulder pads and Darth Vader mask and is the first on line to buy season tickets.

But why stop there? Tucson has other options in turning the Pima County Fairgrounds into a Big Four stomping grounds.

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Landon Donovan’s leg went back slightly and America’s lungs tightened lightly.

A split second later, his goal gave Team USA its greatest World Cup win and the nation — including Tucson — a reason to exhale loudly.

Here’s a chance to relive Donovan’s iconic late goal, the one that gave Team USA a thrilling win over Algeria, in the now-famous YouTube video that’s gone more viral than the measles.

What better way to kick off TucsonCitizen.com’s new video feature than a patriot flick on July Fourth weekend?

Robby Donoho, a senior at Purdue University, created the video, compiling fan reactions of the goal from throughout the country.

Among those immortalized on camera were some Tucsonans. Enjoy the entire video, but pay close attention around the 1:53 mark.

Fifty points goes out to anyone that can name the Tucson establishment where the video was filmed.

Nine minutes may seem like a short time for the average schleps like you and me, but for a marathon runner,  nine minutes can make an enormous difference.

Runners near the one mile marker in Hopkington, Mass., along the course of the 2010 Boston Marathon. Greg M. Cooper-US PRESSWIRE

At least it does when you’re running up against 26,735 of the world’s most durable athletes from 81 countries.

Less than nine minutes separated Peter A. Ziegler and Polly Campbell. Yet, the top men’s and women’s finishers from Tucson respectively finished nearly 400 places apart from one another on the overall leaderboard.

Ziegler crossed the finish line some 42 minutes after Robert Cheruiyot’s (Kenya) winning time of 2:05.52. Campbell’s afternoon ended 720 spots behind women’s winner Teyba Erkesso of Ethiopia.

 Top 10 Tucson Finishes at the 114^th Boston Marathon:

Runner, Age   Time   Overall Finish

Peter A. Ziegler, 41          2:46.03          367

Polly Campbell, 43          2:54.25          760

Dave McNamee, 28          2:54:57          801

Antonio Robles, 32          3:12:58          3,139

Eduardo Cardenas, 42          3:26.04          5,958

Robert G. McNair, 52         3:27.01          6,226

Phil J. McNamee, 56          3:27.12          6,278

Steve Wheeler, 40          3:28.19          6,585

Michael McNeill, 28          3:28.24          6,609

Ashley M. Phalen, 22          3:35.20          8,654