The internet is a wonderful thing.  It really levels the playing field for everybody. I like to surf the net like Ted Haggard likes male prostitutes. I do it all the time because you never know what interesting bits of information you are going to find.  The internet really offers true equality, which is really hard to find. People are always talking about it, but seldom is it really attained. Oh there are degrees of equality, but not true equality. This always bothered me because its just another way of saying “separate but equal.” What happens when somebody speaks up about true equality is that they get labeled a socialist nowadays.  It is more sickening when our community leaders are the ones practicing this separate but equal ideology and when they are pressed about it they still claim its true equality. It’s usually the privileged that have a hard time accepting equality, because if we were all equal they would no longer be privileged.  This week while I was trolling the internet I found a pretty interesting clip in my email from a Netroots Nation conference that took place not too long ago. The video features a speech by our favorite privileged crooning councilman Rodney Glassman.  Rodney is seen here espousing his achievements and talking about how proud he is of all of that fluff, before someone in the audience calls him out.

“Are you proud to oppose marriage equality?” is what the audience member asks Mr. Glassman.  It was obvious that Rodney was not aware of what the guy was asking and stops and gives him his attention because everyone is saying “let him speak”. Once Rodney realizes that the guy is pressing him on being against gay marriage, he immediately continues as if that guy had never existed. The next words out of his mouth should infuriate anyone that believes in equal rights for all, Glassman says “I am proud of my track record on equality”. Unless you’re gay of course or atheist. He very cleverly left out the word “marriage” because he doesn’t believe in marriage equality.  Glassman has gone on record saying that when it comes to gay marriage, he believes the word marriage belongs to the religious institutions.

So, in his mind you should only be allowed to marry if you are religious, therefore if you don’t believe in a god you’re screwed out of marriage as well. If marriage is regulated by the religious institutions he doesn’t have to stand up against inequality because he has a cop out in that he can just say they can do that since it is part of their religion. Go Rodney!!! Sheesh. How regressive can you get? What’s next, “women belong in the kitchen”?

Arnie Bermudez

“I was born in 1981. You didn’t hear about that?” -Me talking about the best year ever

I never thought I would see the day when Hannibal Lecter would be the father of all Norse gods. Yet the Hollywood gods prove to be more powerful and made it happen. Anthony Hopkins will appear as Odin in the upcoming Thor movie which so far from the promotional material looks good. Chris Hemsworth is playing Thor and Tom Hiddleston is Loki, thats the guy in the green cape below.

Image courtesy the L.A. Times

I just have two gripes: 1) Where the hell are the helmets?  2) The leather pants don’t mesh well with the classic look armor and cape.  This may be attributed to the fact that they are trying to merge the regular continuity look with the Ultimate version of Thor, but it just doesn’t seem to work. See, they took the following two versions:

In order to come up with this.

Movie Thor

The result is a mish mash of the classic under armor, cape, and Mjolnir (the hammer) with the leather pants, beard, boots, glowing chest plates and helmetless look of the ultimate Thor. I know I’m jumping the gun and it may look great in the movie,but really why wear a cape unless he uses it to glide like Batman. It looks out of place. However, Marvel Studios has done great work so far so I a not too concerned. Ultimately, the goal is to merge the Hulk, Ironman, Captain America and Thor here in one big movie called The Avengers. We’ll see how this all plays out.

Arnie Bermudez

“My best friend peed on a fire once. Turns out pee vaporizes and gets carried downwind into tents. Lesson: Never pitch your tent downwind from the camp fire.” -Me

With all these laws being made to target specific groups of people I thought I would join in as well. Why should I let Russell Pearce and
Jan Brewer

Jan Brewer

 have all the fun? So I decided,  you know what? We should deport some folks and actually start cleaning this place up. So, without further ado here are the people I think we should deport, yes I realize some of these people might be legal citizens, but I’m only crafting my legislature in the same style that Mr. Pearce is. First off, on the chopping block is:

Anyone that sags their pants: That look only works in prison when you are keistering your lifeline or your method of currency. Plus, word on the streets is that the inmates find the sagging pants look extremely sexy.

Cholos:Whats a “cholo”  you say? Basically, its a Mexican-American hoodlum. They usually belong to a gang represented by basic colors like blue or red and they are not Republicans or Democrats.   Why should we deport them? Well, first of all they sag their pants and I already covered that. More importantly they are a walking stereotype. Thanks to these people, laws like SB 1070 get made and I get deported by mistake.  Moreover, Impalas and all kinds of trucks are getting desecrated with tiny wheels and hydraulics that make cars hop for no reason. Just get regular sized rims. Engineers go through several years of training to design these cars, they know what size tires you’re supposed to have on your car. Besides, jumping cars should have a purpose, like KITT in Knightrider. Also, hairnets are for the restaurant industry. Cholos will usually use the words “orale,” ”ese,” ”vato,” or “loco.” In fact, that was a sentence. Deportation would help them fully comprehend the Spanish language.

The KKK:Yes, the Klan. I don’t care if  they consider themselves separatists,  white civil rights leaders, white nationalists or ethnic purists, they’re still racist.  The Klan is just as bad as the Taliban only with less melanin.  My reasoning for deporting them is not their bigoted beliefs. No, the folks in bed sheets get deported for the simple fact that they are stupid. That’s right, when you tout your superiority over others, but can’t spell the word “clan” correctly you need to be shown the exit as well as a spelling book. Seriously, how hard is it to update your name to the KKC? That’s probably how it’s spelled in “Uh-merican.”

Religious Fundamentalists/ Extremists: Bible thumpers, Quran thumpers, Torah thumpers, and any other big book thumpers need to go. Don’t get this confused with religious folk. I have no problem with people worshipping, do as you wish. The problem arises when those beliefs are forced upon the rest of society.  It gets even more troublesome when fundamentalists try to claim it as science or try to make legislature based on their faith. Look, I understand you don’t believe in evolution, or that you have 72 virgins waiting for you, but most of us believe other things, otherwise you would see us on Sunday, so just let us be. Extremists hold humanity back, so aside from deporting them to another country I would say how about deporting them to another world? Maybe we can find a world where evolution, physics, temptation, and common sense don’t exist. Sounds like  heaven huh?

Homophobes:  Aside from the fact that they promote discrimination, homophobes should be deported because they caused my home state lots of money. Yes, I’m still peeved that we blew a huge money making opportunity and Mexico jumped on it. It’s almost like we don’t like tourism here. We had  a chance to have an exclusive revenue stream and the homophobes came out in droves to the polls and voted it down. Had we approved gay marriage, gay couples from every corner of the U.S. and world would be traveling here and honeymooning in the Grand Canyon or Sedona leaving their hard earned cash in our state. Instead, homophobes stood against capitalism and further contributed to our debt. Anyone who doesn’t want to move us forward economically needs to be shown the door. We are in a recession people.

Stephenie Meyer: She is a resident of Arizona. Why should she be deported? Well, for coming up with this steaming pile of crap.  

Another great gift from the state of Arizona.

Arnie Bermudez  

“I need to practice being old, so that when old age sets in, I’m good at it.” -Me

Disclaimer: This is a humor blog please don’t go hunting down KKK members, cholos or Stephanie Meyer they tend to be violent types and could probably hurt you.