Tucson Citizen.com
Bermudez Shorts - Humorous rants about popculture, comics, happenings, local politics and local shenanigans

Posts Tagged ‘Cholos’

El Loco Page 3

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The saga continues…

Page four will be up on the 29 of December.  You can also check out the rest of the 5 page preview now at your local comic book store here in Tucson.

Heroes and Villains

4533 E Broadway Blvd, Tucson, AZ (520) 321-4376

website: http://www.facebook.com/HeroesandVillainsTucson

Owner: Mike Camp

Charlie’s Comic Books

5470 E. Speedway Boulevard Suite A-107, Tucson, AZ, 85712 (520) 320-0279

website: http://www.popshoponline.com

Owner: Charlie Harris

Fantasy Comics

2595 N. 1st Ave, Tucson, AZ (520) 670-0100

website: http://www.fantasycomics2595.com/

Owner: Tom Struck

Arnie Bermudez

“One of the many similarities between little kids and soda, is that if you shake them they both empty out their contents.”- Me

My summer school math class mixed martial arts connection

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

 I have always been terrible at math. So much so, that my mother made me go to summer school several times to improve on it. We lived in a rough neighborhood in Yuma, Arizona with low income, predominantly Mexican-American families. It was riddled with gangbangers and drugs. It was also filled with hard working, labor centric people usually, farm workers. Needless to say the kids growing up there did not have much of a chance, and very little resources. Back when I was 11 and known as “Arnulfo” (what Arnie is short for), I found myself surrounded by them in my summer school math class with Mr. Baumgardner at C.W. McGraw Elementary School. I hated the class, so I spent most of the time drawing superheroes.  A table away sat a gentle giant of a kid by the name of Efrain and his younger brother whom I didn’t care for too much because he was always mouthing off and acting up. During the course of the summer I befriended Efrain and got to know him. I avoided his brother though, I figured the kid would end up being a cholo or something of a sort.  Eventually, I ended up helping Efrain with his math and much  to my chagrin, his annoying younger brother. His brother was very bad at math, he made me look like Einstein, in fact. Moreover, the kid would not pay attention and seemed more displeased than myself to be there. I learned from talking to Efrain that we would be attending Gila Vista Jr. High School the following year in 7th grade. I learned from his brother that I have no patience for troublemakers.  

The next year I was pleased to see Efrain sitting in my social studies class with Mr. Gribble. I also took up wrestling at a paltry 90 lbs. I ended up being a second stringer and saw Efrain get into it as well. He was a heavy weight and did pretty well. In 8th grade I stopped going because I was working under the table cleaning a barbershop and had to be at work at 4p.m. and my parents believed a good work ethic was more important than being a “luchador.”  

Time passed and I ended up in Kofa High School, again, with Efrain. I saw less of him, but found out he joined football and wrestling.  He slimmed down and was wearing a letterman jacket now. He ditched the flannels and Dickies and got himself a pair of Doc Martens and Dockers. I was glad he was on what seemed to be a positive track for his life. My sophomore year, I heard his brother had made it to Kofa High School. I cringed and hoped I wouldn’t have him for any electives. Later on, I heard he also took up wrestling, and was even better than Efrain. I was shocked, seeing as how wrestling took a large amount of discipline and that kid seemed not only to lack it, but to avoid it at all costs. I then attended the Uof A and lost track of Efrain and most of my Yuma friends. I had heard from my good friend, Robert, that Efrain’s brother ended up at ASU on a wrestling scholarship. I was quite pleased, and surprised that he even got to college. But, more so because he could have ended up in the local gang. Then I heard rumblings that he had lost the scholarship due to injury. I figured, oh well, at least he made it out of the bad neighborhood and got an education.  

Fast-forward to today, I haven’t heard from Efrain in over 10 years, but I saw his brother Saturday night. He now has a couple of tattoos, a shaved head, is a whole lot bigger and gets in a lot of fights. What was he doing? Well he was beating the living crap out of this guy:  

Brock Lesnar former UFC Heavy Weight Champ Photo by: Eric Jamison, AP USA Today

Efrain’s little brother is Cain Velasquez the new UFC heavy weight champ.   

Efrain's little brother Cain Velasquez By Neil Davidson, The Canadian Press via AP, USA Today

In what appears to be the most amazing display of mixed martial arts technical skill, the much smaller and lighter Cain demolished the seemingly unstoppable,  hulking behemoth that is Brock Lesnar in the first round. Being at a considerable disadvantage when it came to strength and size, Cain maneuvered and attacked Lesner from every possible angle. Lesner tried to take Velasquez down from the onset of the match, but Cain defended and deflected every attempt. Landing punch after punch and managing to take Lesnar down via a single leg shot. Eventually, the hulking behemoth became the lumbering giant as he wobbled around in the cage and fell on his back and “turtled up.”  Cain was connecting so much that Lesnar turned his back on him right before referee Herb Dean had to step in and stop the fight. The result was a new UFC champion from the state of Arizona. A guy from Yuma that I begrudgingly helped out with his math and went to high school with. The first Mexican-American UFC champ. A poor kid with minimal resources wearing a championship belt from one of the toughest combat sports.  A heavy weight, champion son of a farm working immigrant who came to the U.S. in search of a better life. A guy who did the impossible.  I wish I could have been watching this in Yuma. 

To Cain, thanks for proving me wrong and not becoming a cholo, I doubt the Yuma PD would have the resources to take you on. May you continue to succeed and inspire. 

Arizonans rejoice, something good finally came out of this hostile environment we call a state.

To the people that say immigrants don’t amount to much and don’t contribute, this guy now contributes more to the U.S. economy in income taxes than most of you ever will, you can thank his dad, the immigrant.

Arnie Bermudez  

“The best piece of advice I ever got was to buy a black suit when I became an adult, because I would use it at least once if I ever happened to get married…or die. Either way, it was a good investment.”-Me 

 

Who should be deported

Sunday, July 11th, 2010

With all these laws being made to target specific groups of people I thought I would join in as well. Why should I let Russell Pearce and
Jan Brewer

Jan Brewer

 have all the fun? So I decided,  you know what? We should deport some folks and actually start cleaning this place up. So, without further ado here are the people I think we should deport, yes I realize some of these people might be legal citizens, but I’m only crafting my legislature in the same style that Mr. Pearce is. First off, on the chopping block is:

Anyone that sags their pants: That look only works in prison when you are keistering your lifeline or your method of currency. Plus, word on the streets is that the inmates find the sagging pants look extremely sexy.

Cholos:Whats a “cholo”  you say? Basically, its a Mexican-American hoodlum. They usually belong to a gang represented by basic colors like blue or red and they are not Republicans or Democrats.   Why should we deport them? Well, first of all they sag their pants and I already covered that. More importantly they are a walking stereotype. Thanks to these people, laws like SB 1070 get made and I get deported by mistake.  Moreover, Impalas and all kinds of trucks are getting desecrated with tiny wheels and hydraulics that make cars hop for no reason. Just get regular sized rims. Engineers go through several years of training to design these cars, they know what size tires you’re supposed to have on your car. Besides, jumping cars should have a purpose, like KITT in Knightrider. Also, hairnets are for the restaurant industry. Cholos will usually use the words “orale,” ”ese,” ”vato,” or “loco.” In fact, that was a sentence. Deportation would help them fully comprehend the Spanish language.

The KKK:Yes, the Klan. I don’t care if  they consider themselves separatists,  white civil rights leaders, white nationalists or ethnic purists, they’re still racist.  The Klan is just as bad as the Taliban only with less melanin.  My reasoning for deporting them is not their bigoted beliefs. No, the folks in bed sheets get deported for the simple fact that they are stupid. That’s right, when you tout your superiority over others, but can’t spell the word “clan” correctly you need to be shown the exit as well as a spelling book. Seriously, how hard is it to update your name to the KKC? That’s probably how it’s spelled in “Uh-merican.”

Religious Fundamentalists/ Extremists: Bible thumpers, Quran thumpers, Torah thumpers, and any other big book thumpers need to go. Don’t get this confused with religious folk. I have no problem with people worshipping, do as you wish. The problem arises when those beliefs are forced upon the rest of society.  It gets even more troublesome when fundamentalists try to claim it as science or try to make legislature based on their faith. Look, I understand you don’t believe in evolution, or that you have 72 virgins waiting for you, but most of us believe other things, otherwise you would see us on Sunday, so just let us be. Extremists hold humanity back, so aside from deporting them to another country I would say how about deporting them to another world? Maybe we can find a world where evolution, physics, temptation, and common sense don’t exist. Sounds like  heaven huh?

Homophobes:  Aside from the fact that they promote discrimination, homophobes should be deported because they caused my home state lots of money. Yes, I’m still peeved that we blew a huge money making opportunity and Mexico jumped on it. It’s almost like we don’t like tourism here. We had  a chance to have an exclusive revenue stream and the homophobes came out in droves to the polls and voted it down. Had we approved gay marriage, gay couples from every corner of the U.S. and world would be traveling here and honeymooning in the Grand Canyon or Sedona leaving their hard earned cash in our state. Instead, homophobes stood against capitalism and further contributed to our debt. Anyone who doesn’t want to move us forward economically needs to be shown the door. We are in a recession people.

Stephenie Meyer: She is a resident of Arizona. Why should she be deported? Well, for coming up with this steaming pile of crap.  

Another great gift from the state of Arizona.

Arnie Bermudez  

“I need to practice being old, so that when old age sets in, I’m good at it.” -Me

Disclaimer: This is a humor blog please don’t go hunting down KKK members, cholos or Stephanie Meyer they tend to be violent types and could probably hurt you.