This past 5th of May was very fun for me lots of laughs and lots of good times and one very awkward encounter. I was out with a very good friend of mine whom I’ve known since college (we’ll call her Didi out of respect for her privacy) and a couple of her friends. We decided to go out to a “club” as the kids call it, and dance a bit to celebrate the victorious battle of Puebla in 1862 that no one but Budweiser really cares about. Now it’s no secret that I can not dance, yes, I know I am Latin, that doesn’t help. Fortunately, Didi is very understanding and has made it her mission in life to teach me. Despite my lack of rhythm and coordination her friends took me in and were very accepting of me. I mention my lack of dancing knowledge because it’s crucial to the event that transpired next. We all decided to go to the downstairs dance floor and cut loose down there. As soon as we got there we started dancing, then I got the tap on the shoulder. Preparing myself for a good looking, scantily clad female (which the place was packed with) I turn around to face a burly Hispanic male. HUGE disappointment and an epic fail. As if that wasn’t enough the guy gets in my face and says “are you ready for this?” Now I’m thinking “great I’m gonna get in a fight with a chunky Mexican” it was 3rd grade all over again, but hey I kicked that fat dude’s behind, so this wasn’t a big deal. The frightening part came next. The portly gentleman spins around and starts dancing, then steps up again in my face and repeats his question in a more authoritative tone “are you ready for this man?” Then dances again and steps up to my face only this time he runs his finger from the top of my face to my chin and says “you ready, man?” Now my thoughts go from “does he want to hit me or is he hitting on me?” Look, I understand I’m not a bad looking fellow and I’m used to my share of compliments from women and some gents, since I’m

You ready for this?!

not a homophobe its not a problem I usually say “thanks.” However, I was unsure if this was a compliment or a threat or if he was challenging me to a dance off, THAT was the scariest part of all. Being beaten by an overweight, possibly gay Latino not a big deal really. Getting owned and showing to the world how truly bad I cut a rug in a battle of the dance, well let’s just say picking up my ego is a lot more difficult than picking up my teeth. My friends say he was drunk, the jury is still out.

Arnie Bermudez

“Welcome to the United States of Arnmerica. Location: the here and now.” -Me