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Posts Tagged ‘gay marriage’

Who should be deported

Sunday, July 11th, 2010

With all these laws being made to target specific groups of people I thought I would join in as well. Why should I let Russell Pearce and
Jan Brewer

Jan Brewer

 have all the fun? So I decided,  you know what? We should deport some folks and actually start cleaning this place up. So, without further ado here are the people I think we should deport, yes I realize some of these people might be legal citizens, but I’m only crafting my legislature in the same style that Mr. Pearce is. First off, on the chopping block is:

Anyone that sags their pants: That look only works in prison when you are keistering your lifeline or your method of currency. Plus, word on the streets is that the inmates find the sagging pants look extremely sexy.

Cholos:Whats a “cholo”  you say? Basically, its a Mexican-American hoodlum. They usually belong to a gang represented by basic colors like blue or red and they are not Republicans or Democrats.   Why should we deport them? Well, first of all they sag their pants and I already covered that. More importantly they are a walking stereotype. Thanks to these people, laws like SB 1070 get made and I get deported by mistake.  Moreover, Impalas and all kinds of trucks are getting desecrated with tiny wheels and hydraulics that make cars hop for no reason. Just get regular sized rims. Engineers go through several years of training to design these cars, they know what size tires you’re supposed to have on your car. Besides, jumping cars should have a purpose, like KITT in Knightrider. Also, hairnets are for the restaurant industry. Cholos will usually use the words “orale,” ”ese,” ”vato,” or “loco.” In fact, that was a sentence. Deportation would help them fully comprehend the Spanish language.

The KKK:Yes, the Klan. I don’t care if  they consider themselves separatists,  white civil rights leaders, white nationalists or ethnic purists, they’re still racist.  The Klan is just as bad as the Taliban only with less melanin.  My reasoning for deporting them is not their bigoted beliefs. No, the folks in bed sheets get deported for the simple fact that they are stupid. That’s right, when you tout your superiority over others, but can’t spell the word “clan” correctly you need to be shown the exit as well as a spelling book. Seriously, how hard is it to update your name to the KKC? That’s probably how it’s spelled in “Uh-merican.”

Religious Fundamentalists/ Extremists: Bible thumpers, Quran thumpers, Torah thumpers, and any other big book thumpers need to go. Don’t get this confused with religious folk. I have no problem with people worshipping, do as you wish. The problem arises when those beliefs are forced upon the rest of society.  It gets even more troublesome when fundamentalists try to claim it as science or try to make legislature based on their faith. Look, I understand you don’t believe in evolution, or that you have 72 virgins waiting for you, but most of us believe other things, otherwise you would see us on Sunday, so just let us be. Extremists hold humanity back, so aside from deporting them to another country I would say how about deporting them to another world? Maybe we can find a world where evolution, physics, temptation, and common sense don’t exist. Sounds like  heaven huh?

Homophobes:  Aside from the fact that they promote discrimination, homophobes should be deported because they caused my home state lots of money. Yes, I’m still peeved that we blew a huge money making opportunity and Mexico jumped on it. It’s almost like we don’t like tourism here. We had  a chance to have an exclusive revenue stream and the homophobes came out in droves to the polls and voted it down. Had we approved gay marriage, gay couples from every corner of the U.S. and world would be traveling here and honeymooning in the Grand Canyon or Sedona leaving their hard earned cash in our state. Instead, homophobes stood against capitalism and further contributed to our debt. Anyone who doesn’t want to move us forward economically needs to be shown the door. We are in a recession people.

Stephenie Meyer: She is a resident of Arizona. Why should she be deported? Well, for coming up with this steaming pile of crap.  

Another great gift from the state of Arizona.

Arnie Bermudez  

“I need to practice being old, so that when old age sets in, I’m good at it.” -Me

Disclaimer: This is a humor blog please don’t go hunting down KKK members, cholos or Stephanie Meyer they tend to be violent types and could probably hurt you.

Drinking with a Glassman

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
 Just to make things clear I don’t consider myself a reporter. By calling myself that after having the privilege and honor to work with some of the finest talent in the industry, while the Citizen was still in print, would be an insult to my former collegues.  I am at best a semi-entertaining blogger that likes to draw funny pictures and poke fun of day to day situations. Unfortunately, most of my attention has been sucked up into the senatorial race and the immigration issues happening in our state.  So on father’s day I called pops and wished him a happy one then went off to The Shanty, one of the best bars in town and oldest establishments in the Old Pueblo.  No, I’m not a drunk, nor was I looking to pick up chicks on a Father’s day  Sunday at 5:30 p.m.  I was there for something far more important, much bigger than embibing and pleasures of the flesh. This event was huge. “How big” you ask? About Rodney Glassman big. 
RodneyGlassman
Rodney Glassman

 That’s right, the crooning councilman wouldbe making an appearance at Drinking Liberally  that evening to discuss his stance on the issues.  The evening started out with very exciting events unfolding or as others like to call it “drama.”  I found David Morales there of  Three Sonorans Blog .  David informed me that camera’s were not allowed as per the establishment. I verified this with the owner, and then set my phazer to “stun”, I mean set my camera to “audio record”.  Then I got the opportunity to catch up with Blake Morlock former Citizen political reporter and all-around good guy. He now works for Rodney Glassman after he was one of the many unfortunate casualties of cutbacks when the print edition of the Citizen was on its deathbed.  Then the big man himself arrived.  I was stoked, a little too much, probably.   I set up my camera and started audio recording. Big mistake.  As one of the organizers pointed me out to the crowd and said “no cameras, please stop filming”.  It was such an awkward moment as everyone turned and looked at me and things got embarrassingly silent. All I could do was apologize and shut the recorder off. I sure am glad no one had any torches and pitchforks.  Mr. Glassman continued to speak and I came to my senses, and decided to begin audio recording again. This is where the problems arose. Everyone, started giving me the evil eye again, I had to explain to Drinking Liberally that I was audio recording, yes, cameras now have the technological capacity to double over as a digital recorders. Still, I got a “could you turn the camera off” from a member of the audience. I also clarified with him that I was not VIDEO recording. 

Mr. Glassman delivered a decent speech, very polished, in fact, too much. It’s obvious that he is running against John McCain.    

John McCain
John McCain

 I don’t condone drinking but if you want to get plastered take a drink every time he says John McCain or the word ”pork”. I guarantee alcohol poisoning before the end of the audio segment. First couple of minutes were not captured due to being told to shut off “camera” .    

I am always amped to go see candidates and politicians talk, I don’t particularly care for most politicians but its always fun to sift through the lies and try to decode their double talk and evasive answers. Its like a ”Where’s Waldo” book of lies.  I have never liked flaky indecisive people, which is why I am so disappointed in McCain. Unfortunately, to my dismay Rodney seemed to be playing the same game.  I found it quite intriguing that a candidate with his vast amount of wealth is asking for contributions this early in the game, the guy is loaded. He bought an RV for crying out loud. Being the ignorant buffoon that I am, I am probably wrong on this, but it seems to me that if you have the coin to spend on 5 UA degrees (most people can’t afford ONE), an RV and wrap it up with your name, a previous campaign (city council yes, I am aware he got some donations then too), he could at least fund his primary race.  I know McCain has about as much money as Uncle Scrooge so he would probably need contributions then.

Immigration part 1 (10:05)
A member of the audience asks him about his Arizona Illustrated appearance and the question asked by Jim Nintzel3 separate times. What Mr. Nintzel was trying to ask was if deportation to the country of origin was going to be part of his solution. Mr. Glassman says it would be “illogical,” ”we need to enforce the laws,” “they need to get to the back of the line.”  He did offer other solutions, but not once did he deny deportation. He did the same when this member of the audience asked the question. In fact, he took it a step further, and blamed the audience member for not understanding and further avoiding having to give a straight answer. In the world of professional psychics this tactic is called “repackaging,” meaning you take the information you were given and rephrase it making the person believe it was you that came to that conclusion. Its also used to turn “misses” (wrong guesses) into “hits” (correct guesses). It basically goes like this, “I’m not wrong, you just misunderstood.”

Immigration part 2 (15:31)
He is asked about SB1070 and this time he doesn’t even let the audience member finish and again repackages and blames the audience member for not understanding. The bold audience member presses on, however, and states that he understands that Glassman does “not support” SB1070, but he specifically wants to know if he “opposes” it. Meaning will he fight it if need be. This requires a straight answer from the candidate. Mr. Glassman dismissed it as “semantics”.  Not supporting something doesn’t mean you are going to fight against it. This is never more obvious than in war time, many times the U.S. has taken that stance we don’t support a conflict, but we also don’t get involved and try to fight against it and stop it. We just let it carry on. At 16:32 an obviously frustrated Glassman just says “next question”. Yet, the audience member, not satisfied with his dismissive answer pressed on and then Glassman lost crowd control for the first time at 16:45.

Former staff tries to save him (20:42)
I can only guess that seeing how bad he was doing with the immigration issue someone decided to throw him a bone. This someone was Katie Bolgera former staff member and council aid for Rodney Glassman tried to divert attention towards other topics such as the environment and economy. Why not let the unfamiliar audience members ask the questions?  This is also a tactic used by tricksters and magicians when they plant a member of their staff in the audience to help them carry out an illusion.

Gay Marriage (25:28)
Probably the most important moment but most unnoticed.  The most important part of communicating with a politician is to listen to what they are NOT saying. At this point, another member of the audience asks him about gay marriage. He specifically says not “unions” and not “partnerships” but “marriage”. Again like the immigration question Rodney deflected by citing his generous contributions to the LGBT community and how he is on record saying that the word “marriage” belongs to the religious institutions.  This answer is a MONUMENTAL cop-out, here’s why. The LGBT community is fighting for equal rights, not similar rights, not new rights, but equal. Also, there are the atheists members of our community that want to get married and have been able to. Leaving it up to the religious institutions means atheists can no longer get married and that the LGBT community will have a harder time getting married and not be protected under the law, because then it would not be the responsibility of the government to marry people. Furthermore, what about the LGBT atheists? He does a good job reminding us of his record, but not ONCE does he say members of the LGBT community should be allowed to be married. Its basically separate but equal, you’re allowed to drink water you just have to use a different fountain. Its highly condescending and insulting. He then name drops Karen Uhlich,

Karin Uhlich
Karin Uhlich

the only openly gay city council woman, and everybody clapped. If you really believe in that say it, everyone should have the same rights, religion be damned.

Debate (time 29:07)
The next problem is when he says he wants all people “to have a seat at the table,” a great idea, except when that table is at a debate. I know, I know he said he would have a debate before the primary is over, but did you catch the part where he says he’s in negotiations with “credible” organizations? Mr. Glassman has been invited to debate by balls to the wall Democratic candidate and reporter John Dougherty and has yet to answer him. Is he not “credible” then? If he is in negotiations with Mr. Dougherty why not just say so? For a guy that boasts his record of working with others he sure has been doing great job ducking his fellow democratic candidates. Its a very passive-aggressive move on his part.

Immigration part 3  (time 29:51)
This is where things went haywire yet again. David Morales decided to ask a question on where the “back of the line is?” More specifically “is it in Mexico?” When Rodney could not give him a straight answer Mr. Morales pressed him to answer with a “yes or a no.” I am not going to side with either on this one, but Glassman lost crowd control again, on the same issue and it wasn’t immigration. The issue I am referring to is dodging the question and trying to get away with a roundabout answer.  He could have shut Morales down by just answering with a “yes” or a “no”. Instead, in frustration Rodney chose to dismiss him by falling back on the “next question” reply. Which had he learned from his previous time is very unproductive. Again he was pressed and his supporters said he said “no” but Mr. Glassman never said that, he said it would be ”illogical” it’s a subtle but very evasive maneuver.  Moreover, if he runs against McCain or Hayworth, guys like Morales will be a dime a dozen and they will be worse than Morales. Glassman needs to be prepared with more than just dismissive tactics and evasive rhetoric, because at this point if he wins and goes up against McCain, my vote will go to the broken maverick and not the crooning councilman.

In closing, I was a little disappointed with Rodney Glassman, he was mildly impressive when he was running for council due to his novelty. I made exceptions to his blunders because of his inexperience. This time around he is still at the same level he was 2 years ago despite all his resources he has not significantly improved and is playing with the same deck he had before. I was leaning towards his competition already, but after this, I am now officially endorsing Randy Parraz.

 Arnie Bermudez

“I didn’t ride the bus to school. I had a big yellow limo with a retractable stop sign come pick me up.”  -Me

Arizona goes bonkers, Kick Ass kicks ass

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

Recently Arizona has been making some pretty bonehead moves when it comes to law-making.  First, was the the ban on gay marriage. Why was it stupid? Well, aside from the fact that it was a total wedge issue, a violation of equal rights and heavily reliant on Judeo-Christian views of marriage; we also lost a lot of revenue and Mexico was smart enough to jump on that. So now, all those gay and lesbian couples from around the U.S. are not travelling here and spending

Just say no, right?

Just say "no," right?

their money here to get married, but instead they are going to Mexico and spending their money in that country. Awesome move Az. Ignorance has never been a big money maker, but fortunately being 49th in the country in education we don’t really care, in fact “ignorance” is very much our middle name. So making money is not a real concern, as is reflected by our budget.

Next, we allow people to have guns in bars. That’s right, guns in a place where people get intoxicated. What the heck?!?!?! Who thought this was a good idea? I know, I know, the gun toting patrons are allowed to do this so long as they

Yipee kay yay motherfu$#er! The next rounds on me.

Yipee kay yay! The next round's on me.

don’t drink. Okay fine, but how many people (aside from myself and the DDs) go to bars and night clubs to not drink? More importantly we already have laws about drinking and driving and we see how many people follow those. If this type of law were effective we would have no DUI’s and no drunk driving deaths. Do we honestly think there will be no shooting under the influence? Remember, 49th in education.

The most recent offense, though, was Arizona’s Senate Bill 1070 on immigration reform. Why is it a bone head move? Because it’s flipping racist. Seriously, how many Canadians do you think are going to get deported over this? Nothing against the polite Canucks, but they are the ones coming down in droves in the winter and taking not only the good jobs, but the good land. God knows Arizonans can’t afford to buy real estate in our own state, so, Canadians are.  However, police officers will be asking Hispanics, Asians, African Americans and yes, Middle Eastern folk. You know

Shes definitely an illegal. Get the Minute Men!

She's definitely an "illegal". Get the Minute Men!

why? Because they all have one thing in common: They are not White. This law isn’t meant to protect Americans from foreigners it’s made to protect White people from non-Whites.  Now, this may sound paranoid and conspiratorial and I’m fine with that, but if you really want to test yourself and this law and claim its not racist do the following exercise: Close your eyes and picture an “illegal immigrant”.  Did you see a blonde haired and blue -eyed, polite Canadian? Exactly.  Also, we need illegal immigrants, yes, need. “Hogwash” you say? Okay then, you pick our lettuce and clean your house for substandard wages and no benefits. You can’t even get teenagers to do those jobs. Like it or not, illegal immigrants contribute to our way of life.

Can’t wait for the next round of bills. Yay.

On a positive note Kick Ass was an awesome film go see it if you haven’t and if you have, see it again. Furthermore, go buy the comic its just as great as the movie.

Arnie Bermudez

“I like you for who you are and if I don’t like you its probably for the same reason.” – me