Tucson Citizen.com
Bermudez Shorts - Humorous rants about popculture, comics, happenings, local politics and local shenanigans

Posts Tagged ‘politicians’

El Loco Page 5 end of preview

Monday, January 31st, 2011

The saga concludes!!! The end of the “El Loco”  preview is here!!!

You can also check out the rest of the 5 pager now at your local comic book store here in Tucson.

Heroes and Villains

4533 E Broadway Blvd, Tucson, AZ (520) 321-4376

website: http://www.facebook.com/HeroesandVillainsTucson

Owner: Mike Camp

Charlie’s Comic Books

5470 E. Speedway Boulevard Suite A-107, Tucson, AZ, 85712 (520) 320-0279

website: http://www.popshoponline.com

Owner: Charlie Harris

Fantasy Comics

2595 N. 1st Ave, Tucson, AZ (520) 670-0100

website: http://www.fantasycomics2595.com/

Owner: Tom Struck

Arnie Bermudez

“That dog is a killer. She will corner you and  lick your face off.”- Me

Arizona’s possible new slogans inspired by Jan Brewer

Friday, September 3rd, 2010
Watching the Gubernatorial debates has inspired me. Jan Brewer’s amazing performance left me thinking, you know Arizona doesn’t need a whole lot that a good slogan can’t fix. In fact, if we just adopt a new slogan that is not as ambiguous as “the Grand Canyon State,”  I mean really that could be anywhere, all our problems would go away. People would realize that we are not ill-intentioned just misunderstood, and that our governor isn’t an imbecile but that’s just how we done did speak here, with long awkward pauses. So I took the liberty to come up with a few feel free to add your own.

Jan Brewer

Arizona where a good debate tactic is long awkward moments of silence.

Arizona where things CAN get worse.

Arizona where being 49th in education is a good thing.

Arizona where the Governor persecutes people with accents for their lack of English comprehension when she herself has yet to master the English language.

Arizona where Democrats look like Republicans.

Arizona doing what no other state has ever did.

Arizona even our congressman boycotts us.

Arizona the south of the west. They have Blacks we have Mexicans. They have Nathaniel Bedford Forrest we have Joe Arpaio. They have the Klan we have our legislature.

Arizona we won’t speak Spanish because English is hard enough.

 

Arnie Bermudez

“I don’t sneeze on people, I just baptize them with my essence in aerosol form. Bless me? No, no bless you, my child. BOOYAH!!!

Who should be deported

Sunday, July 11th, 2010

With all these laws being made to target specific groups of people I thought I would join in as well. Why should I let Russell Pearce and
Jan Brewer

Jan Brewer

 have all the fun? So I decided,  you know what? We should deport some folks and actually start cleaning this place up. So, without further ado here are the people I think we should deport, yes I realize some of these people might be legal citizens, but I’m only crafting my legislature in the same style that Mr. Pearce is. First off, on the chopping block is:

Anyone that sags their pants: That look only works in prison when you are keistering your lifeline or your method of currency. Plus, word on the streets is that the inmates find the sagging pants look extremely sexy.

Cholos:Whats a “cholo”  you say? Basically, its a Mexican-American hoodlum. They usually belong to a gang represented by basic colors like blue or red and they are not Republicans or Democrats.   Why should we deport them? Well, first of all they sag their pants and I already covered that. More importantly they are a walking stereotype. Thanks to these people, laws like SB 1070 get made and I get deported by mistake.  Moreover, Impalas and all kinds of trucks are getting desecrated with tiny wheels and hydraulics that make cars hop for no reason. Just get regular sized rims. Engineers go through several years of training to design these cars, they know what size tires you’re supposed to have on your car. Besides, jumping cars should have a purpose, like KITT in Knightrider. Also, hairnets are for the restaurant industry. Cholos will usually use the words “orale,” ”ese,” ”vato,” or “loco.” In fact, that was a sentence. Deportation would help them fully comprehend the Spanish language.

The KKK:Yes, the Klan. I don’t care if  they consider themselves separatists,  white civil rights leaders, white nationalists or ethnic purists, they’re still racist.  The Klan is just as bad as the Taliban only with less melanin.  My reasoning for deporting them is not their bigoted beliefs. No, the folks in bed sheets get deported for the simple fact that they are stupid. That’s right, when you tout your superiority over others, but can’t spell the word “clan” correctly you need to be shown the exit as well as a spelling book. Seriously, how hard is it to update your name to the KKC? That’s probably how it’s spelled in “Uh-merican.”

Religious Fundamentalists/ Extremists: Bible thumpers, Quran thumpers, Torah thumpers, and any other big book thumpers need to go. Don’t get this confused with religious folk. I have no problem with people worshipping, do as you wish. The problem arises when those beliefs are forced upon the rest of society.  It gets even more troublesome when fundamentalists try to claim it as science or try to make legislature based on their faith. Look, I understand you don’t believe in evolution, or that you have 72 virgins waiting for you, but most of us believe other things, otherwise you would see us on Sunday, so just let us be. Extremists hold humanity back, so aside from deporting them to another country I would say how about deporting them to another world? Maybe we can find a world where evolution, physics, temptation, and common sense don’t exist. Sounds like  heaven huh?

Homophobes:  Aside from the fact that they promote discrimination, homophobes should be deported because they caused my home state lots of money. Yes, I’m still peeved that we blew a huge money making opportunity and Mexico jumped on it. It’s almost like we don’t like tourism here. We had  a chance to have an exclusive revenue stream and the homophobes came out in droves to the polls and voted it down. Had we approved gay marriage, gay couples from every corner of the U.S. and world would be traveling here and honeymooning in the Grand Canyon or Sedona leaving their hard earned cash in our state. Instead, homophobes stood against capitalism and further contributed to our debt. Anyone who doesn’t want to move us forward economically needs to be shown the door. We are in a recession people.

Stephenie Meyer: She is a resident of Arizona. Why should she be deported? Well, for coming up with this steaming pile of crap.  

Another great gift from the state of Arizona.

Arnie Bermudez  

“I need to practice being old, so that when old age sets in, I’m good at it.” -Me

Disclaimer: This is a humor blog please don’t go hunting down KKK members, cholos or Stephanie Meyer they tend to be violent types and could probably hurt you.

Drinking with a Glassman

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
 Just to make things clear I don’t consider myself a reporter. By calling myself that after having the privilege and honor to work with some of the finest talent in the industry, while the Citizen was still in print, would be an insult to my former collegues.  I am at best a semi-entertaining blogger that likes to draw funny pictures and poke fun of day to day situations. Unfortunately, most of my attention has been sucked up into the senatorial race and the immigration issues happening in our state.  So on father’s day I called pops and wished him a happy one then went off to The Shanty, one of the best bars in town and oldest establishments in the Old Pueblo.  No, I’m not a drunk, nor was I looking to pick up chicks on a Father’s day  Sunday at 5:30 p.m.  I was there for something far more important, much bigger than embibing and pleasures of the flesh. This event was huge. “How big” you ask? About Rodney Glassman big. 
RodneyGlassman
Rodney Glassman

 That’s right, the crooning councilman wouldbe making an appearance at Drinking Liberally  that evening to discuss his stance on the issues.  The evening started out with very exciting events unfolding or as others like to call it “drama.”  I found David Morales there of  Three Sonorans Blog .  David informed me that camera’s were not allowed as per the establishment. I verified this with the owner, and then set my phazer to “stun”, I mean set my camera to “audio record”.  Then I got the opportunity to catch up with Blake Morlock former Citizen political reporter and all-around good guy. He now works for Rodney Glassman after he was one of the many unfortunate casualties of cutbacks when the print edition of the Citizen was on its deathbed.  Then the big man himself arrived.  I was stoked, a little too much, probably.   I set up my camera and started audio recording. Big mistake.  As one of the organizers pointed me out to the crowd and said “no cameras, please stop filming”.  It was such an awkward moment as everyone turned and looked at me and things got embarrassingly silent. All I could do was apologize and shut the recorder off. I sure am glad no one had any torches and pitchforks.  Mr. Glassman continued to speak and I came to my senses, and decided to begin audio recording again. This is where the problems arose. Everyone, started giving me the evil eye again, I had to explain to Drinking Liberally that I was audio recording, yes, cameras now have the technological capacity to double over as a digital recorders. Still, I got a “could you turn the camera off” from a member of the audience. I also clarified with him that I was not VIDEO recording. 

Mr. Glassman delivered a decent speech, very polished, in fact, too much. It’s obvious that he is running against John McCain.    

John McCain
John McCain

 I don’t condone drinking but if you want to get plastered take a drink every time he says John McCain or the word ”pork”. I guarantee alcohol poisoning before the end of the audio segment. First couple of minutes were not captured due to being told to shut off “camera” .    

I am always amped to go see candidates and politicians talk, I don’t particularly care for most politicians but its always fun to sift through the lies and try to decode their double talk and evasive answers. Its like a ”Where’s Waldo” book of lies.  I have never liked flaky indecisive people, which is why I am so disappointed in McCain. Unfortunately, to my dismay Rodney seemed to be playing the same game.  I found it quite intriguing that a candidate with his vast amount of wealth is asking for contributions this early in the game, the guy is loaded. He bought an RV for crying out loud. Being the ignorant buffoon that I am, I am probably wrong on this, but it seems to me that if you have the coin to spend on 5 UA degrees (most people can’t afford ONE), an RV and wrap it up with your name, a previous campaign (city council yes, I am aware he got some donations then too), he could at least fund his primary race.  I know McCain has about as much money as Uncle Scrooge so he would probably need contributions then.

Immigration part 1 (10:05)
A member of the audience asks him about his Arizona Illustrated appearance and the question asked by Jim Nintzel3 separate times. What Mr. Nintzel was trying to ask was if deportation to the country of origin was going to be part of his solution. Mr. Glassman says it would be “illogical,” ”we need to enforce the laws,” “they need to get to the back of the line.”  He did offer other solutions, but not once did he deny deportation. He did the same when this member of the audience asked the question. In fact, he took it a step further, and blamed the audience member for not understanding and further avoiding having to give a straight answer. In the world of professional psychics this tactic is called “repackaging,” meaning you take the information you were given and rephrase it making the person believe it was you that came to that conclusion. Its also used to turn “misses” (wrong guesses) into “hits” (correct guesses). It basically goes like this, “I’m not wrong, you just misunderstood.”

Immigration part 2 (15:31)
He is asked about SB1070 and this time he doesn’t even let the audience member finish and again repackages and blames the audience member for not understanding. The bold audience member presses on, however, and states that he understands that Glassman does “not support” SB1070, but he specifically wants to know if he “opposes” it. Meaning will he fight it if need be. This requires a straight answer from the candidate. Mr. Glassman dismissed it as “semantics”.  Not supporting something doesn’t mean you are going to fight against it. This is never more obvious than in war time, many times the U.S. has taken that stance we don’t support a conflict, but we also don’t get involved and try to fight against it and stop it. We just let it carry on. At 16:32 an obviously frustrated Glassman just says “next question”. Yet, the audience member, not satisfied with his dismissive answer pressed on and then Glassman lost crowd control for the first time at 16:45.

Former staff tries to save him (20:42)
I can only guess that seeing how bad he was doing with the immigration issue someone decided to throw him a bone. This someone was Katie Bolgera former staff member and council aid for Rodney Glassman tried to divert attention towards other topics such as the environment and economy. Why not let the unfamiliar audience members ask the questions?  This is also a tactic used by tricksters and magicians when they plant a member of their staff in the audience to help them carry out an illusion.

Gay Marriage (25:28)
Probably the most important moment but most unnoticed.  The most important part of communicating with a politician is to listen to what they are NOT saying. At this point, another member of the audience asks him about gay marriage. He specifically says not “unions” and not “partnerships” but “marriage”. Again like the immigration question Rodney deflected by citing his generous contributions to the LGBT community and how he is on record saying that the word “marriage” belongs to the religious institutions.  This answer is a MONUMENTAL cop-out, here’s why. The LGBT community is fighting for equal rights, not similar rights, not new rights, but equal. Also, there are the atheists members of our community that want to get married and have been able to. Leaving it up to the religious institutions means atheists can no longer get married and that the LGBT community will have a harder time getting married and not be protected under the law, because then it would not be the responsibility of the government to marry people. Furthermore, what about the LGBT atheists? He does a good job reminding us of his record, but not ONCE does he say members of the LGBT community should be allowed to be married. Its basically separate but equal, you’re allowed to drink water you just have to use a different fountain. Its highly condescending and insulting. He then name drops Karen Uhlich,

Karin Uhlich
Karin Uhlich

the only openly gay city council woman, and everybody clapped. If you really believe in that say it, everyone should have the same rights, religion be damned.

Debate (time 29:07)
The next problem is when he says he wants all people “to have a seat at the table,” a great idea, except when that table is at a debate. I know, I know he said he would have a debate before the primary is over, but did you catch the part where he says he’s in negotiations with “credible” organizations? Mr. Glassman has been invited to debate by balls to the wall Democratic candidate and reporter John Dougherty and has yet to answer him. Is he not “credible” then? If he is in negotiations with Mr. Dougherty why not just say so? For a guy that boasts his record of working with others he sure has been doing great job ducking his fellow democratic candidates. Its a very passive-aggressive move on his part.

Immigration part 3  (time 29:51)
This is where things went haywire yet again. David Morales decided to ask a question on where the “back of the line is?” More specifically “is it in Mexico?” When Rodney could not give him a straight answer Mr. Morales pressed him to answer with a “yes or a no.” I am not going to side with either on this one, but Glassman lost crowd control again, on the same issue and it wasn’t immigration. The issue I am referring to is dodging the question and trying to get away with a roundabout answer.  He could have shut Morales down by just answering with a “yes” or a “no”. Instead, in frustration Rodney chose to dismiss him by falling back on the “next question” reply. Which had he learned from his previous time is very unproductive. Again he was pressed and his supporters said he said “no” but Mr. Glassman never said that, he said it would be ”illogical” it’s a subtle but very evasive maneuver.  Moreover, if he runs against McCain or Hayworth, guys like Morales will be a dime a dozen and they will be worse than Morales. Glassman needs to be prepared with more than just dismissive tactics and evasive rhetoric, because at this point if he wins and goes up against McCain, my vote will go to the broken maverick and not the crooning councilman.

In closing, I was a little disappointed with Rodney Glassman, he was mildly impressive when he was running for council due to his novelty. I made exceptions to his blunders because of his inexperience. This time around he is still at the same level he was 2 years ago despite all his resources he has not significantly improved and is playing with the same deck he had before. I was leaning towards his competition already, but after this, I am now officially endorsing Randy Parraz.

 Arnie Bermudez

“I didn’t ride the bus to school. I had a big yellow limo with a retractable stop sign come pick me up.”  -Me

Senate Wars: A New Hope

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

You ever meet someone who pretends to know you but you know they don’t? I have and it brings my pee to a boil. This mostly happens with politicians regardless of political party, truly a bipartisan gesture. I don’t mind it from the bigger guns like McCain

MccainCaricature
or even Grijalva

RaulGrijalvaNEW

they meet loads of people and I realize I am a nobody, but I do expect more from our local politicians, especially ones I run into over and over again. A perfect example of this is Gabby Giffords  Gabby Giffords although shes a congresswoman in Washington, she always remembers my name when I run into her in town. I may disagree with the lady on many things, but to her credit she always remembers who I am and the one time she didn’t she politely asked me to remind her who I was.

Rodney Glassman, Glassman color for online unfortunately, does not share that trait. Instead, like Sammy Jankis from the movie Memento he pretends, smiles, shakes my hand and says “hey there” in a vacuous, yet friendly tone. Mr. Glassman has been gunning for a career in politics for a long time now.   From working with congressman  Grijalva at the age of 23 to his recent venture as Ward 2 council member and second fiddle to “nice guy” Mayor Bob WalkupWalkup podium new Rodney did a lot of good while in the City Council by pushing for environmentally friendly legislation and encouraging the development of Family Friendly Weekends downtown. Sadly, it seemed from the get-go that Mr. Glassman was not in this to make Tucson a better place by serving his city, but to launch his political career with the Old Pueblo serving as the Old Stepping Stone.  Rodney and his family are also loaded, the only thing that seems to surpass the size of his financial resources is his ego. Herein lies the problem, most of our government is run by career politicians who are filthy rich.  Men and women who have made their money by taking advantage of the poor and desperate. They later take this wealth and use it to get into power and further push their agenda, just look at our presidents, Obama included.  For the last 30 years the guy with the most money wins the election. What, you thought it was the votes?

So when I heard our very own crooning councilman was running for the senate, I cringed. The problem is two-fold, really. Senator McCain, another rich guy who I happened to respect due to his ability to see beyond party lines and actually be a vertebrate is now, sadly, losing touch and not performing as efficiently as he once did. In fact, the only thing that interests me about McCain is his daughter Meghan. She’s hot enough to make me want to move to Phoenix, despite it being you know, Phoenix. Due to the senator’s lackluster performance, Republican J.D. Hayworth, a Rush Limbaugh wanna-be has decided to run against him in the primary. If he wins, Arizona will regress from the hillbilly state that it now finds itself to be, into a knuckle-dragging paradise. The second problem is if Glassman wins. For all of the good he has done he has a longer track record of bumbling things up and using his extensive finances to bully people and get his way, so much so that The Tucson Weekly put him on their Get Out Of Town! list in December 2003. In another occasion Mr. Glassman was called a “liability” to the Grijalva campaign by the congressman himself.  So I was faced with a huge dilemma: pick between a broken Maverick, a hateful talk radio host, or a spoiled rich kid who solves problems by throwing money them.  Then something miraculous happened, a viable candidate that I could actually respect emerged, and no, it wasn’t Rudy Garcia. Say “hello” to Randy Parraz.

Sorry I haven't made a caricature of him yet.

Sorry I haven't made a caricature of him yet.

I was told by a friend that I had to go see this guy speak.  Luckily, for me  he was having a gathering at La Fuente here in Tucson. At first, I must admit, I was very skeptical of this guy and figured he’s just another politician. The more he talked, however, the more I realized this guy was someone that was actually out to make a change in his community. Then I started to chuckle, this poor delusional man. Randy I found out comes from an activist and organizer background, he’s worked with labor unions and even got arrested by Sheriff Joe Arpaio for protesting. This guy clearly had a screw loose. Then he spoke about what prompted him to run, SB1070.  He reminded the crowd about Sheriff Pritchard’s indifferent attitude towards African Americans back during the civil rights movement. How this was not just an issue that you could just throw money at and expect a solution. More importantly that this was about choosing the right candidate for the times we live in. That was the clincher for me. I realized that’s what bugged me about the other candidates, regardless of party, they were all out of touch or irrelevant to the times we are living in. This guy, on the other hand seemed to get it and he seemed to be using intellect as his guiding force. Progress is never a bad thing in my book.  Parraz has a long way to go though, he lacks funding and notoriety. He is also starting a little late and by the time the primaries roll around his name may not have reached as far as that of the other candidates.

Arnie Bermudez

“Ever noticed how the most homophobic dudes are the same ones that shower in a group (i.e. convicts, soldiers and jocks)?” -Me on the irony of homophobes

Senator Pearce is right…

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

“Fear mongering and misinformation are opponents’ only tool against this common sense legislation” stated Senator Russell Pearce in his current blog in response to Rep. Kyrsten Sinema’s blog.  Well I for one agree with the senator, he is absolutely right, fear mongering and misinformation are tools against common sense, and he would know since persecuting a group of people based on their culture and race is exactly that.  Oh, wait, this law isn’t racist and Mr. Pearce isn’t racist he’s just protecting Arizonans best interests. But this guy is:

Credit: Arizona Republic

Necks are for sissies Photo The Arizona Republic

“Who is this amazingly rotund neckless wonder?” you ask, meet J.T Ready.  Big (no pun intended) time supporter of Russell Pearce, former Maricopa County Republican precinct committeeman and all around civil rights activist… for white supremacists. Well Neo-Nazis to be precise. Well, National Socialists to be more precise.

We heard someone needed a truffle shuffle.

We heard someone needed a "truffle shuffle." Photo The Arizona Republic

The below image shows Ready in his costume…er… riot gear, ready to defend America, swastika and all.  Senator Pearce’s buddy takes it upon himself to enlighten the masses about the “excellent white civil rights leader,” Adolf Hitler, you may have heard of him.  That’s his quote by the way, just go to 4:33 of this video. Mr. Pearce has attended Ready’s speaking engagements and there was even a photo of the two circulating the interwebs just last year.  Might this be the gentleman that was responsible for the white supremacist e-mail Mr. Pearce “accidentally” forwarded a couple of years ago? It’s not a big deal, I too, have accidentally forwarded many emails. I mean, you have to “accidentally” read it, “accidentally” put in the addresses of all the recipients and “accidentally” press “send”, it could happen to anyone. I’m sure that’s how the penis enlargement emails started, good ol’ Russ probably hit “send” on those by accident as well.

We shouldn’t judge the Senator by his friends, though, because that would be, well, judgmental.  Besides , friends are just a reflection of who we are. As for misinformation, well that’s just a dirty tactic, it’s like pots calling kettles black without acknowledging that they are black also. It’s like condemning a scumbag guy who beats women, when you yourself are a scumbag guy who beats women (LuAnne Pearce, according to the Phoenix New Times). Senator Pearce is right we should definitely make a law that punishes this type of behavior severely, oh wait he was the lone “no” vote on such a bill in in 2002.   It’s like using current events (Robert Krentz) to pull at the heartstrings of your constituency. Good looking out, what would we do without you. The good senator forgot to mention another tactic we should definitely be weary of, hypocrisy. He was probably too busy saving the state from the crafty illegal invaders that hide in our crappy jobs.

Arnie Bermudez

Me talking about a friend to a friend- “How is he doing? He got institutionalized.”

My buddy-”Crap! Did he go crazy?”

Me- “No, worse. He got married, marriage is an institution.”

Corrupt Politicians and a Kick Ass movie

Thursday, April 8th, 2010

I took an online quiz this week that said I was a left leaning Libertarian. I’m a registered Independent and if I had to be pigeon-holed into a party I would probably pick that one. I have never really agreed with Republicans and after meeting several Democratic politicians never really felt like I could be a Democrat, although I have an easier time agreeing with them than Republicans. I just have a hard time trusting politicians in general and don’t agree with the fact that most elections are about picking the lesser of two evils. Sometimes it  feels like picking between the cleaner of two pigs.

Vote for me!!!

Vote for me!!!

Because of these feelings I was rather pleased when I saw a post by my 8th grade social studies teacher on Facebook about the Judicialwatch.org realeasing their list of Washington’s “Ten Most Wanted Corrupt Politicians” for 2009. It’s an interesting read and kind of funny to see who made the list. Not surprising though, there are only a few politicians I actually respect and the rest are probably on this list after number 10.     

In other news,  Kick Ass the movie comes out next Friday 4/16/10  and I’m a little stoked and a little frightened. The comic book was really good and I have always been a fan of Mark Millar’s work. However, his last story that was made into a movie “Wanted” was a complete let down. The comic was so good and written to be a movie so it should have been easy to make, but sadly the result had almost nothing to do with the comic.  Kick Ass looks very much like the comic, at least from the trailer but I am still a little concerned.
     
Regardless, I will still go see this if anything it should make for a good popcorn flick.

Arnie Bermudez 

When I was born, the doctor pulled me out and slapped himself out of sheer amazement.”  -Me