Nutbag

this handsome young lad of only 90 years of age managed to swindle hundreds of people out of money donated to him because of his doomsday calculations that determined the end of the world was in May of 2011. When that didn’t happen the conservative Christian radio preacher claimed an “oops”  and cited his calculations were off and that the Rapture would instead be taking place in October 2011. It didn’t. Good ole’ Harry finally decided to call it quits at the tender age of 89 (in October of 2011 , of course) and in a private interview finally decided to admit that its impossible to know when the Rapture will occur. You would think that being a God-fearing man, Harold would return the donations he received from the people he suckered into his doomsday scam, but just like the Rapture, that’s not happening either.

So as the year begins,  lets not forget that magical thinking is dangerous and that common sense should not be cast aside even in moments of panic and fear.  The #1 movie at the beginning of 2012, is  The Devil Inside about exorcism. The main draw to this movie is the plausibility of the existence of demons and their possession of people. That’s right, in 2012, people still worry about demonic possessions. As a matter of fact, as late as 2010 the Catholic Church was training people on how to conduct exorcisms in Baltimore.  Do not  worry though, right down the street you too can get trained on how to get rid of the boogeyman in posh Scottsale, Arizona, by our state’s very own televangelist huckster Bob Larson. He can either help you get rid of imaginary monsters or he can teach you how to do it yourself, for a small fee of course. Never mind the fact that most “exorcisms” are the result of mental illness or seizure disorders, that could easily be explained by a competent mental health professional or neurologist. Unfortunately, for most exorcism patients in the past you can’t pray away a seizure and a little olive oil anointed on your forehead won’t get rid of your Schizophrenia.

The danger in this is not when people go and watch movies about demon possession or go and waste their money getting trained on how to use magic to deal with imaginary problems, but when people try to use magic to deal with real problems. At this point in our human existence we should not be relying on such arcane methods to solve our problems. Moreover, our political leaders should not rely on this method to handle government problems.  Just ask Rick Perry how praying our economic problems worked out.  

Our economy still sucks but I guess God probably won’t bother fixing it since this is our last year here anyway.

Arnie Bermudez

“Kindereggs are the best product ever invented. Toys encased in chocolate, even drugs don’t sell that good.”- Me

You have probably seen  the billboards all around town. Possibly, when you are driving to work or taking the kids to school. Some may think advertising for a select group of people that share the same beliefs and culture is a little agressive and over the top and maybe even unecessary. But lets be honest, if you are not a part of them you probably have often wondered what they are really like. How many times have you wondered what they do inside their buildings where they gather and worship? Or what’s the deal with their funny clothing? Or whats with their special holidays? Or how about their odd festivities and celebrations? How about the fact they are all about the traditional family? And even the stereotype about having lots of kids? Like any red blooded American who has ever listened to Glenn Beck speak or even been to the Mesa Arizona area you have probably been the least bit curious about this group of people that make up such a significant part of our society. One of these folks even made an attempt to run for President in the last election. Well, wonder no more my fellow Americans for a new movement is underway in order to clear up any curiosities, misunderstandings and stereotypes that you may have about this sect of American society.

New campaign to help people realize Mexicans are just regular folks and not a weird religious cult.

Arnie Bermudez

“I ran for 30 minutes the other day, then I came to the realization that I am old enough to drive now.” – Me

* Before I get hunted down by any Jon Justice fans, Minute Men, Sheriff Babeu, Lou Dobbs, The Republican Party, Russell Pearce, Jan Brewer, The Tea Party or The KKK, this is intended for humor and entertainment and is a total parody of the “I’m a Mormon” ads, and not actually real.

Jan Brewer

 have all the fun? So I decided,  you know what? We should deport some folks and actually start cleaning this place up. So, without further ado here are the people I think we should deport, yes I realize some of these people might be legal citizens, but I’m only crafting my legislature in the same style that Mr. Pearce is. First off, on the chopping block is:

Anyone that sags their pants: That look only works in prison when you are keistering your lifeline or your method of currency. Plus, word on the streets is that the inmates find the sagging pants look extremely sexy.

Cholos:Whats a “cholo”  you say? Basically, its a Mexican-American hoodlum. They usually belong to a gang represented by basic colors like blue or red and they are not Republicans or Democrats.   Why should we deport them? Well, first of all they sag their pants and I already covered that. More importantly they are a walking stereotype. Thanks to these people, laws like SB 1070 get made and I get deported by mistake.  Moreover, Impalas and all kinds of trucks are getting desecrated with tiny wheels and hydraulics that make cars hop for no reason. Just get regular sized rims. Engineers go through several years of training to design these cars, they know what size tires you’re supposed to have on your car. Besides, jumping cars should have a purpose, like KITT in Knightrider. Also, hairnets are for the restaurant industry. Cholos will usually use the words “orale,” ”ese,” ”vato,” or “loco.” In fact, that was a sentence. Deportation would help them fully comprehend the Spanish language.

The KKK:Yes, the Klan. I don’t care if  they consider themselves separatists,  white civil rights leaders, white nationalists or ethnic purists, they’re still racist.  The Klan is just as bad as the Taliban only with less melanin.  My reasoning for deporting them is not their bigoted beliefs. No, the folks in bed sheets get deported for the simple fact that they are stupid. That’s right, when you tout your superiority over others, but can’t spell the word “clan” correctly you need to be shown the exit as well as a spelling book. Seriously, how hard is it to update your name to the KKC? That’s probably how it’s spelled in “Uh-merican.”

Religious Fundamentalists/ Extremists: Bible thumpers, Quran thumpers, Torah thumpers, and any other big book thumpers need to go. Don’t get this confused with religious folk. I have no problem with people worshipping, do as you wish. The problem arises when those beliefs are forced upon the rest of society.  It gets even more troublesome when fundamentalists try to claim it as science or try to make legislature based on their faith. Look, I understand you don’t believe in evolution, or that you have 72 virgins waiting for you, but most of us believe other things, otherwise you would see us on Sunday, so just let us be. Extremists hold humanity back, so aside from deporting them to another country I would say how about deporting them to another world? Maybe we can find a world where evolution, physics, temptation, and common sense don’t exist. Sounds like  heaven huh?

Homophobes:  Aside from the fact that they promote discrimination, homophobes should be deported because they caused my home state lots of money. Yes, I’m still peeved that we blew a huge money making opportunity and Mexico jumped on it. It’s almost like we don’t like tourism here. We had  a chance to have an exclusive revenue stream and the homophobes came out in droves to the polls and voted it down. Had we approved gay marriage, gay couples from every corner of the U.S. and world would be traveling here and honeymooning in the Grand Canyon or Sedona leaving their hard earned cash in our state. Instead, homophobes stood against capitalism and further contributed to our debt. Anyone who doesn’t want to move us forward economically needs to be shown the door. We are in a recession people.

Stephenie Meyer: She is a resident of Arizona. Why should she be deported? Well, for coming up with this steaming pile of crap.  

Another great gift from the state of Arizona.

Arnie Bermudez  

“I need to practice being old, so that when old age sets in, I’m good at it.” -Me

Disclaimer: This is a humor blog please don’t go hunting down KKK members, cholos or Stephanie Meyer they tend to be violent types and could probably hurt you.

Mr. Glassman delivered a decent speech, very polished, in fact, too much. It’s obvious that he is running against John McCain.    

I am always amped to go see candidates and politicians talk, I don’t particularly care for most politicians but its always fun to sift through the lies and try to decode their double talk and evasive answers. Its like a ”Where’s Waldo” book of lies.  I have never liked flaky indecisive people, which is why I am so disappointed in McCain. Unfortunately, to my dismay Rodney seemed to be playing the same game.  I found it quite intriguing that a candidate with his vast amount of wealth is asking for contributions this early in the game, the guy is loaded. He bought an RV for crying out loud. Being the ignorant buffoon that I am, I am probably wrong on this, but it seems to me that if you have the coin to spend on 5 UA degrees (most people can’t afford ONE), an RV and wrap it up with your name, a previous campaign (city council yes, I am aware he got some donations then too), he could at least fund his primary race.  I know McCain has about as much money as Uncle Scrooge so he would probably need contributions then.

Immigration part 1 (10:05)
A member of the audience asks him about his Arizona Illustrated appearance and the question asked by Jim Nintzel3 separate times. What Mr. Nintzel was trying to ask was if deportation to the country of origin was going to be part of his solution. Mr. Glassman says it would be “illogical,” ”we need to enforce the laws,” “they need to get to the back of the line.”  He did offer other solutions, but not once did he deny deportation. He did the same when this member of the audience asked the question. In fact, he took it a step further, and blamed the audience member for not understanding and further avoiding having to give a straight answer. In the world of professional psychics this tactic is called “repackaging,” meaning you take the information you were given and rephrase it making the person believe it was you that came to that conclusion. Its also used to turn “misses” (wrong guesses) into “hits” (correct guesses). It basically goes like this, “I’m not wrong, you just misunderstood.”

Immigration part 2 (15:31)
He is asked about SB1070 and this time he doesn’t even let the audience member finish and again repackages and blames the audience member for not understanding. The bold audience member presses on, however, and states that he understands that Glassman does “not support” SB1070, but he specifically wants to know if he “opposes” it. Meaning will he fight it if need be. This requires a straight answer from the candidate. Mr. Glassman dismissed it as “semantics”.  Not supporting something doesn’t mean you are going to fight against it. This is never more obvious than in war time, many times the U.S. has taken that stance we don’t support a conflict, but we also don’t get involved and try to fight against it and stop it. We just let it carry on. At 16:32 an obviously frustrated Glassman just says “next question”. Yet, the audience member, not satisfied with his dismissive answer pressed on and then Glassman lost crowd control for the first time at 16:45.

Former staff tries to save him (20:42)
I can only guess that seeing how bad he was doing with the immigration issue someone decided to throw him a bone. This someone was Katie Bolgera former staff member and council aid for Rodney Glassman tried to divert attention towards other topics such as the environment and economy. Why not let the unfamiliar audience members ask the questions?  This is also a tactic used by tricksters and magicians when they plant a member of their staff in the audience to help them carry out an illusion.

Gay Marriage (25:28)
Probably the most important moment but most unnoticed.  The most important part of communicating with a politician is to listen to what they are NOT saying. At this point, another member of the audience asks him about gay marriage. He specifically says not “unions” and not “partnerships” but “marriage”. Again like the immigration question Rodney deflected by citing his generous contributions to the LGBT community and how he is on record saying that the word “marriage” belongs to the religious institutions.  This answer is a MONUMENTAL cop-out, here’s why. The LGBT community is fighting for equal rights, not similar rights, not new rights, but equal. Also, there are the atheists members of our community that want to get married and have been able to. Leaving it up to the religious institutions means atheists can no longer get married and that the LGBT community will have a harder time getting married and not be protected under the law, because then it would not be the responsibility of the government to marry people. Furthermore, what about the LGBT atheists? He does a good job reminding us of his record, but not ONCE does he say members of the LGBT community should be allowed to be married. Its basically separate but equal, you’re allowed to drink water you just have to use a different fountain. Its highly condescending and insulting. He then name drops Karen Uhlich,

Debate (time 29:07)
The next problem is when he says he wants all people “to have a seat at the table,” a great idea, except when that table is at a debate. I know, I know he said he would have a debate before the primary is over, but did you catch the part where he says he’s in negotiations with “credible” organizations? Mr. Glassman has been invited to debate by balls to the wall Democratic candidate and reporter John Dougherty and has yet to answer him. Is he not “credible” then? If he is in negotiations with Mr. Dougherty why not just say so? For a guy that boasts his record of working with others he sure has been doing great job ducking his fellow democratic candidates. Its a very passive-aggressive move on his part.

Immigration part 3  (time 29:51)
This is where things went haywire yet again. David Morales decided to ask a question on where the “back of the line is?” More specifically “is it in Mexico?” When Rodney could not give him a straight answer Mr. Morales pressed him to answer with a “yes or a no.” I am not going to side with either on this one, but Glassman lost crowd control again, on the same issue and it wasn’t immigration. The issue I am referring to is dodging the question and trying to get away with a roundabout answer.  He could have shut Morales down by just answering with a “yes” or a “no”. Instead, in frustration Rodney chose to dismiss him by falling back on the “next question” reply. Which had he learned from his previous time is very unproductive. Again he was pressed and his supporters said he said “no” but Mr. Glassman never said that, he said it would be ”illogical” it’s a subtle but very evasive maneuver.  Moreover, if he runs against McCain or Hayworth, guys like Morales will be a dime a dozen and they will be worse than Morales. Glassman needs to be prepared with more than just dismissive tactics and evasive rhetoric, because at this point if he wins and goes up against McCain, my vote will go to the broken maverick and not the crooning councilman.

In closing, I was a little disappointed with Rodney Glassman, he was mildly impressive when he was running for council due to his novelty. I made exceptions to his blunders because of his inexperience. This time around he is still at the same level he was 2 years ago despite all his resources he has not significantly improved and is playing with the same deck he had before. I was leaning towards his competition already, but after this, I am now officially endorsing Randy Parraz.

 Arnie Bermudez

“I didn’t ride the bus to school. I had a big yellow limo with a retractable stop sign come pick me up.”  -Me

Arnie Bermudez

“My admiration for Power Rangers lasted one episode. When I found out that I was not watching a live action episode of Voltron, it just became another crappy TV show.”- Me