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Why marriage?

by on Jan. 01, 2010, under Health, Life, Politics, Religion

In America today our divorce rate is hovering at 50%. Don’t we all know several divorced couples wherever we look? By contrast when I was growing up I never heard of any in my community. Period. Now I know many.

So what’s wrong with marriage that half the couples who try it get divorced? Having been a divorce lawyer in my past, the ease of granting no-fault divorces certainly helped the divorce rate. I once divorced a couple back in Hawaii within a week. But then they had no common property, or children, or retirement funds.

Women are now almost an equal force in the workplace. Lots of women don’t feel they need to marry for financial reasons anymore, being independent, career-oriented professionals.

People in the past married to have children together. Many couples nowadays are opting not to bear children, so they don’t feel the need to marry.

And now I see young people reluctant to get married, and yet they are having children together. Will the past stigma of illegitimacy affect them or their kids? Many of these are children of divorced or unhappy parents and thereby, marriage-shy.

I’ve been happily married to the same man for 25 years. We were married in Oxford, England, but have mostly lived in America (Virginia, California, Hawaii, Arizona). Marriage does work for some people and can be a wonderful experience of sharing your lives, having children (optional), getting old and planning a future together. Most people can enjoy this form of cohabitation, but of course there are reasons not to stay with another person such as domestic violence, abuse, drugs.

I realize that couples get married due to religion, common values, and mutual interests, and that couples have different views on fidelity within marriage.

What I think is important in marriage are 3 C’s: commitment, communication, compromise.

Commitment to marriage over rough times is what keeps couples together (remember the marriage vows?). Not having that commitment is what is contributing to the high divorce rate. Communication is essential in talking about problems as they arise and not keeping your emotions bottled up. And then compromise is the daily give and take to make a relationship work over time.

That’s why my first and only husband and I are still together, and because we love and care about each other.

Let me know what you think about marriage and what works.

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  • http://gigihawaii.wordpress.com gigi-hawaii

    I think if my husband David had an affair, I would be deeply hurt and would probably divorce him.  Without trust, there can be no marriage.  Also, the stress would be intolerable for me.  Infidelity and divorce would be so devastating.

    David and I have been married for almost 30 years and we have 2 adult children and 1 grandkid and another on the way.  We have had rough patches when we considered splitting (believe it or not).  But, we tried marriage counseling, which helped us tremendously.  I highly recommend counseling, because it is important to have a sounding board and to get good advice.

  • Carolyn Classen

    Thanks for your input Gigi-Hawaii. I am in completely in agreement with you about marital affairs and the benefits of marital counseling.

  • azmouse

    Hi Carolyn and Happy New Year!

    I had the marriage to the perfect person for me, but he passed away on Dec. 10, 2004 unexpectedly. We had a great relationship, three beautiful kids and we were very successful, happy and comfortable. Of course, my life, and the lives of my kids took a major turn.

    I have to admit, although I could MAYBE see cohabitating with someone someday, I cannot imagine getting married again. I’ll be 46 in a few days, my kids are almost grown (the youngest is 17) and what would be the point of getting married?

    I do hope that marriage becomes more important again and I’m so grateful my parents are still married (fifty years!!) especially when I see what so many of my friends go through with their parents being split up.

    • Damien

      right on azmouse….. right on

      • Carolyn Classen

        Azmouse, sorry about the sudden death of your husband in 2004, leaving you to raise 3 children alone.  That must have been extremely rough. I am glad you do have the wonderful support and example of your parents’ 50 years together.  And happy birthday in a few days!

        • azmouse

          Thanks Carolyn.
          I’m still a believer in marriage, but there are many different situations these days….

      • azmouse

        Thank you, Damien!

  • http://pointmantucson.yuku.com/ Michael Patrick Brewer

    For me, marriage is just dandy! Three decades worth.  My wife and I are so spiritually bound and counterbalancing, that I cannot imagine a life in the solo lane.
    It does take conscious work however, and an understanding that many of our needs and expectations cannot be met by a mate.  That took the first 20 years to figure out!

  • Ferraribubba

    Why marriage? If you have kids, and I have an 8 1/2 year-old son, it shows a commitment and sense of family unity to him rather than if I were just ‘shacking up’ with der Frau.
    Kids follow by example, and after losing my 1st son Willi Dieter, who was just following in my footsteps as a poor example of a human being, God had given me one last chance to get it right. And believe me, I’m doing everything that I can to get it right this time.
    Let’s face it, what do we leave behind after we’re done and gone? What kind of legacy do we leave behind to be remembered by?
    Our children.
    Why do you think that the majority of young inner-city black males in America are in prison today? It’s because 80% of all black births are illegitimate. No father figure in the children’s life, the mother on welfare, no marriage or any hint of a solid family unit for the kids to grow on. A guaranteed path to failure in life.
    Call it just a silly piece of paper if you want, but to der Frau and I,  it symbolizes our mutual love respect, and a lasting bond as a family partnership.
    (end of rant)
    Yer pal, Ferrari Bubba

    • Carolyn Classen

      Sorry Ferrari for the loss of your son Willi.  Take good care of your second son and cherish him.

  • leftfield

    Though I would disagree as to why so many young black people are in the prison system today, I agree with Bubba that marriage provides the best context for raising children.  Raising humans to adulthood is a very long term and difficult project.  Children require stability, security, routine, structure and role models to thrive.

  • Carolyn Classen

    Thanks for all your comments.  Marriage does take a lot of commitment and work, and can be a stable, secure way to raise children.  On the other hand marriage to the wrong person can be awful –which I saw when I was helping individuals (whose love had turned to hate) get divorced.  My brother-in-law got divorced from his first wife, but now he is happily remarried with a blended family of two sons.

    • Ferraribubba

      Carolyn: If  We didn’t have our son Harrison Whitney, a co-hab relationship would work just fine, provided that we had similar interests and were best friends.
      My first wife and I drifted apart because after the novelty of sex wore off, we found that we really had nothing in common. As I grew older and matured, I grew one way and she went her own way.
      That’s when I started to make excuses to cover going out at least three nights a week, covering non-existent sporting events.
      That came to a sreeching halt the night that I was ‘covering’ the Anaheim Amigos ABA basketball game, only to come home at 2 am, and the Little Lady, standing there with a baseball bat in her tiny little hand, telling me that the game was played in Cleveland. OUCH!
      And you think Tiger Woods looked bad? <g>
      So I decided to ‘Protect and Serve’ by joining the Anaheim Police Department as a Reserve Officer instead.
      Bad move on my part.
      Well, wouldn’t you know it, after completing the Academy, my first 7-month assignment was working undercover vice. Busting massage parlors and street hookers.  Great fun, because it was a game of wits. Who could out BS the other. “Me a cop? Do I look like a cop?” <g>
      I guess the Little Lady got tired of me coming home after protecting Mr and Mrs John J. Taxpayer with the lame excuse, “Not tonight Honey, I gave at the office.”  <g>
      After less than 6 months of that, one night I came home to find all the locks on the doors changed and all my clothes scattered about on the front lawn.
      A lawman’s life is a thankless lot.

      Yer pal, Ferrari Bubba

      • Carolyn Classen

        Ferrari, you have indeed had an interesting life from Honolulu newspaperman to vice cop in LA.  Good luck in your current relationship and raising your 2nd son Harrison.

        • Ferraribubba

          Carolyn: Thanks for the good wishes.
          You know, some times you can glean some of life’s most important bits of wisdom from the most unlikely sources.
          LIke me for instance. It was hearing Al Pachino’s speech in ‘Scent of a Woman’ when he was pleading his young charge’s case when the young man was in danger of being expelled from an exclusive private school.
          Pachino, who was portraying a blind,  retitired Army Major, said that there are two roads that you can take through life.
          The Easy Road or the Hard Road.
          All the young man had to do was rat-out who vandalized the Dean’s quarters and he’d go scot-free. The Easy Road.
          The honorable solution for all concerned would have been for the idiots responsible to ‘fess up’ and probably be suspended for a week.
          But in life, there is little honor among those kinds of bottom feeders.
          Which left Pachino’s young man in a quandry.
          Take the Easy Road and snitch out the guilty parties . . .
          Or Stand on your principles and say nothing and be expelled. The Hard Road.
          His speech was so empassioned and so true in (my) life that it hit me like a 2″x4″ club right between the eyes.
          All through my own life, my 1st marriage and especially in my feeble attempts to raise my fisrt two kids, I took the Easy Road. And it apparently cost my son, my hero, his life.
          There has to be a special reason why I’ve lasted this long and still keep on ticking like the  Bunny beating the drum on TV. Maybe it’s because I’m taking the Hard Road now, trying to insure that Harrison doesn’t end up like Willi. Dead in the Street on a cold, foggy Chrismas eve somewhere.
          My best friend and almost constant companion for years was my cuz Bobby, who owned one of the biggest topless bars in L.A. His organs finally gave out and he died at the age of 59. I’m 14 years older than that now and still going strong, although I had planned to check out around 55 or so. There has to be a reason.
          I firmly believe that God has let me hang around long enough to get it right this time.
          Why am I spilling my guts like this? Maybe there’s someone out there that’s taking the easy road with their marriage, and/or raising their kids. Just remember, if something goes terribly wrong because you did, like me, you have to look in the mirror every morning.
          BTW, Pacino’s speech was so convincing that the young man said nothing and the Diciplinary Committee cleared him of all charges.

          Yer pal, Ferrari Bubba

  • Critic

    Excellent topic and well written. Marriage is a challenge for all, but it is worth both trying and working at it to last for the rest of life. It’s absolutely a two-way street, which is, actually, characteristic of all traffic in life. Once both have understood that, the miracle can and should work. At the same time, marriage is like a lab we all experiment in. Some work, others don’t, and explosions can be the result because your three Cs did not come in properly.

  • erinj

    Maybe we need to stop putting marriage on a pedastal?   It works well for maybe 20% of couples, it sortof works for another 20% and makes the other 50-60%  lives a living hell.  Anyone *not* coming into it with presuppositions can see this.  Marriage is rapidly declinig in all developed countries.   If it works out for you, great, *really* I mean it.   If it doesn’t, don’t sweat it, because of the *minority* who talk it up because their marraige happends to be  good.   *You only
    get one shot at life, don’t waste it trying to stay married to the wrong person*

    • Carolyn Classen

      You’re right “erinj” that marriage doesn’t work for all, hence the increase in the divorce rate.  And for those in committed marriages, it takes a lot of work.  I think many couples need marital counseling before they get married too.

  • Critic

    No one says that marriage should be a must (well, the Catholic Church has always fought against divorce). The right to get a divorce was greatly liberating for women, and they, like all people, ought to have that right. Having said that, we can also agree, I think, that if marriage works, it is one of the best things for each individual because we are social beings and need companions. Of course, marriage as a legal procedure is not absolutely necessary, as long as the partners are committed to each other. Marriage makes it easier for children, though, and is generally very good for them.

    • erniemccray

      My thinking is a lot like yours. I lost my wife recently. We were married for 31 years but we were together for 34 years. Our marriage was the third for both of us but we hadn’t planned on marrying and did so when both of us took three years off of work to be home with our twin girls. The only reason we did so then was because we had an opportunity through our jobs to pay for our insurance to keep it going. We got two separate bills, however, which was pretty costly so we thought “Hey, let’s jump the broom.” I don’t think our marriage made us any more committed to each other than we already had been. And I didn’t consider us as “shacking up.” I just see us as two people who happened to be lucky enough to find each other and have a great life – as soul mates. She was special and loved me and I loved her with every fiber of my being. There was no work about it at all as being with her and raising three incredible human beings with her was the most beautiful and satisfying experience of my life.
      I view marriage as basically a legal transaction, a societal rite. And knowing my wife and I, because gay marriage is now a topic of discussion, we probably wouldn’t have gotten married today because gay people don’t have the right to – so it’s basically a legal transaction that only straight people can enjoy and as has been pointed out through our high divorce rates it apparently isn’t as special and “sanctified” as we like to make it out to be. It’s now become like a badge of honor in a society that practices a form of heterosexual superiority where the mantra is: same sex marriages go against our “family values.”
      All that being said I must say that I admire people who do “work very hard” to keep a relationship going when it can be so easy to just walk away as soon as things don’t go very well.

      • Carolyn Classen

        Sorry to hear of the recent loss of your soul mate, Ernie.
        As a former practicing attorney I feel as you do that not granting gays/lesbians the right to marry in America is unfair.  I think it is an equal protection issue and will be settled someday by the U.S. Supreme Court, since several states are now allowing gay marriage and other states are banning it.  Committed gay couples should have the right to marry legally just like committed straight couples.

        • erniemccray

          Right on. I hope to live to see it. Take care.

  • http://pointmantucson.yuku.com/ mike_brewer

    So… I wonder who J. Edgar Hoover would have married? His boyfriend or girlfriend?

    • erniemccray

      Good question – hopefully with which ever one he wanted.

  • Ferraribubba

    Sorry to have to disagree with you on this one Carolyn, but . . . Don’t get me wrong. What two concenting adults do behind closed doors is their business. Not mine, not yours, and by all means, not FedGovCo’s.
    But, IMHO, legalizing gay marriage is just opening a pandora’s box to all kinds of unwanted and unforseen things that will spring up on us in the future.
    I have nothing against gays as long as they and their sexual behavior do not offend nor injure me or my family. What your preferences are . . . are your business.
    But . . . Why do gays have to be so open about their sexual proclivities and rub our (straights) faces in it? We won’t even get into the Gay Pride Parades here.
    Back in the day, I was dating a high-maintenance redhead (sorry Renski) who lived off Melrose Blvd. in West Hollywood and it was not unusual when I was taking her home at night after a date to see men engaging in sex acts either in the bushes or on the front lawns in her neighborhood. West Hollywood has a gay mayor and gay city council, so go figure.
    And as a cop, working undercover vice in Anaheim, I’ve arrested scores of men doing the same thing in public park mens rooms.
    Dare say, if I ever walked in on a scene like that with my son, the cops would be hauling me off to the slammer. And the gays to the hospital.
    Now let’s get back to the marriage thing, OK?
    First it will be gays. Then . . .
    Did you know that there’s a group out thre (not unlike the gays were 30 years ago) that are clamering for legalizing sex and marriage with small children? Hell, it’s legal and being practiced in many countries already.
    Remember Prophet Warren Jeffs in Arizona? How many children were his forced brides? And Tony Alamo right here in Arkansas.
    And finally we will legalize marriage to barnyard animals. No? Don’t count on it.
    My Uncle Wilber, the failer forger, took me to my 1st donkey show at the Blue Fox Night Club in Tijuana when I was 14 years-old.
    On stage were Delores and her trained donkey, Pancho.
    It was supposed to be their wedding night, and Delores was wearing a white wedding gown, which didn’t last very long.
    We won’t go into any of the sordid details here, but you can catch my drift. How long before the ‘newlyweds’ are appearing at the loft?
    Any retorts to my rant will be greatly appreciated.

    Yer seen it all pal, Ferrari Bubba

  • leftfield

    Bubba,

    You ask “Why do gays have to be so open about their sexual proclivities and rub our (straights) faces in it?”  Let’s look at it from the other POV.  If one is gay, do they not have the sexual proclivities of heteros rubbed in their faces everyday?  Even though you say you have nothing against homosexuals, at least as long as they stay in the closet, at the same time it is clear from your words that you consider homosexuality an abomination; an abnormality.  You apparently had no problem with your cousin making a living selling heterosexuality. 

    All of this implies on your part a fundamental view that heterosexuality is “normal” and any other human sexuality is “abnormal”.  It seems clear from your other statements that the “abnormal” is something that must be eliminated, or at least made taboo, like the donkey show you refer to.  

    As to your “slippery slope” argument, the examples you use all involve victims.  Animals and children do not give consent to engage in the behaviors you mention and they suffer injury in the process.  This is a fundamental difference.  

    The GLBT does not need to have the permission of the dominant hetero culture to be who they are or to pursue happiness.  One of the real bright spots of the US Constitution is protecting the minority against the “tyranny of the majority”.  We either have equal protection under the law or we don’t. 

     

    • Carolyn Classen

      Thanks Leftfield for your comments and response to Ferrari — legalizing  marriage to committed gay couples has nothing to do with deviant sexual acts with unconsenting children or animals.  I know many gays & lesbians who are hard working, honest, decent citizens who would like to marry each other, and they are as law-abiding as the rest of us straight people. Legalizing gay marriage is a civil rights issue for consenting GLBT adults, to be treated equally as straight couples.

  • Ferraribubba

    Hey Lefty: There you go putting words in my mouth.
    In my last post I stated that it was none of my business what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home, room, car, or whatever, as long as I, or anyone else that it may offend can’t see it.
    The same goes for hetrosexuals too. Get it?
    I dn’t really believe that qualifies me as being anti-gay, or thinking that a gay person is in anyway “abnormal.”
    Ive got both gay and straight members in my family and I would be equally offended if either of the two sexual lifestyles started go 69 in the living room after Thanksgiving dinner, as I hope you would too.
    What I was aying in crude, uneducated, everyman way, was that there’s a time and a place for everything and public places where John Q. Public and families can see are not acceptable in either my or the law’s view.
    Over 95% of public morals cases involve homosexuals. And don’t tell me that the cops are picking on the gays. The laws are written neutral gender and enforced as such. I would feel the same anger if my son were to happen upon a hetrosexual couple making love in a public park as a homosexual couple. Period. End of story.
    Book ‘em, Dano.  –  Yer pal, Ferrari Bubba

    • tiponeill

      Over 95% of public morals cases involve homosexuals. And don’t tell me that the cops are picking on the gays. The laws are written neutral gender and enforced as such.
      No they aren’t – they were written to make gay sex a criminal offense – which of course resulted in gays cruising for sex in ways that straights didn’t need to.
      And the cops did, explicitly, target gays – as well as places like “gay bars” where gays might meet in less than “public” spaces.

    • leftfield

      Bubba, you started out stating your opposition to equal marriage rights, but ended up talking mostly about sex in public.  Am I missing something or are you afraid that if equal marriage rights are no longer denied, that people both gay and straight will take to frequent and vigorous public copulation? 

      • leftfield

        Not to fear, Bubba.  I have the answer to your dilemma.  We’ll just let everyone get married, but we’ll pass a law preventing Republican politicians from using public restrooms.  Should cut down on the vice squad’s workload.

        • Ferraribubba

          Yea Lefty, you might be right. The demos just wait until their wives are dying of cancer before knocking up the skank of the week and putting her on the taxpayer paid payroll to keep her mouth shut.
          And what about your boy Barney Frank and his live-in girl/boyfriend who was running an outcall business out of Barney’s house?
          I’m afraid that there are more than enough skunks on both sides to go around.
          Yours for more crooks in congress, Ferrari Bubba

          • leftfield

            OK, you’re right.  Republicans will have to stay out of public bathrooms and Democrats will have to be closely monitored by a morals committee headed by Bill Clinton. 

  • critic

    Ferrari tries to be polite, but then his rhetoric becomes extremely slippery, falling back to the traditional church going conservative, Catholic above all, tropes warning about the Pandora’s box. Absurd and schizophrenic, typical American garbage about homosexuals, nothing but reflections of your deep-seated fear about your own sexuality and identity. We are talking about consenting adults! And his complaints about gays having sex in public, well, perhaps because they are so ostracized and have no chance to get married, they might have to escape to the outdoors. I would, first of all, rather complain about the open heterosexual publicity in our society. Actually, I have never seen anyone committing any sexual acts in public here in Tucson, and not in S.F. either, where I tend to travel lately. However, wherever you look, you see pictures of half naked women. What does that do to children? It tells them that women are sex objects, and the media are covered with allusions to heterosexual sex. Ferrari, sorry, but this is so outlandish and mean-spirited what you are talking about. The issue is of equal protection under the law. You copy the verbage borrowed from Rush Limbough and his Fascist friends.

  • Ferraribubba

    Hey critic: Are you talking to me? Calling yer humble servant a schizophrenic?
    Just because my German Catholic paternal grandfather’s people, who were in the SS early on, murdered most of my Jewish grandmothers relatives during the holocaust, does that qualify me as a schizo?
    BTW, where do you hang your shingle, and should we start addressing you as Dr. Critic from now on? Just wondering.
    Still yer pal, Ferrari Bubba

  • Ferraribubba

    Hey Tipster: By Public Morals cases I meant cases that were the result of two (or more) consenting adults engaging in public sex. ie: mens room in public parks, airports, movie theaters, etc. Also in parkedcars where passers-by can see. There is no expectataion of privacy. THat’s what I meant you rubbing ones nose in their sex lives.
    On the other hand, in my experience the vast majority of hetrosexual couples want some privacy while they copulate. That’s why hotels and motels are so popular.
    And if the couples don’t have the money, at least they can always find some deserted, out of the way spot that we used to call ‘Lovers’ Lanes’ where they can do it in the car with an expectation of privacy.
    After working undercover vvice for those 7 months, I was switched to routine patrol with my own area, own unit and the works.
    Some of my area covered the Anaheim Hills, and it was pretty rugged. On a couple of occasions, I’d spot a lonely car parked out in the middle of nowhere, and I had to check the well-being of the occupants.
    Twice, when I got to the car, I found the young couple nude. After giving them time to cover up, and to check IDs to make sure that they were 18 or older, I asked them, “OK, kids, what are you two doing out here?”
    Once the boy answered, “Just necking, officer.”
    Forgive me for answering back, “Well, son, ya better put your neck back in your pants and move on.You might scare the deer”
    Sorry, I had to say it. It made my day. <g>
    Yer pal, Ferrari Bubba

  • erniemccray

    The sad truth in all this is that out there, in this very moment, there’s a young gay person, struggling with all that young people have to struggle with in the first place, as well as trying to understand their sexuality – and then as they peek out of the closet, they see themselves portrayed as abominable or unnatural or as sodomists (whether they’re engaged in sexual activities or not) or as people who are trying to push their “lifestyle” (as though “being” is a “lifestyle”).
    It’s the harm our homophobia causes the children that bothers me the most. I can’t help it as I’ve never really left my childhood, having gone from a child to one who has facilitated learning experiences for them up to this very day. At age 71 I live comfortably in their world because it’s honest and in your face and always open for creativity and fun. From such a position I say: we disable the children from creating a better world by modeling for them so much that is negative and non-productive. They are the mimickers of our ways. And they’re facing a future unlike any that any of us have seen.
    I would imagine that it could be quite frightening for a gay kid to read some of the attitudes and beliefs that have surfaced around this topic in a world I enjoy, a world obviously designed to inspire hope: Carolyn’s Community.

  • erniemccray

    The sad truth in all this is that out there, in this very moment, there’s a young gay person struggling with all that young people have to struggle with in the first place, as well as trying to understand their sexuality – and then as they peek out of the closet, they see themselves portrayed as abominable or unnatural or as sodomists (whether they’re sexually active or not) or as people who are trying to push their “lifetyle” (as though “being” is a “lifestyle”).
    It’s the harm our homophobia causes the children that bothers me the most. I can’t help it as I’ve never really left my childhood, having gone from a child  to one who has facilitated learning experiences for them up to this very day. At age 71 I live comfortably in their world because it’s honest and in your face and always open for creativity and fun. From such a position I say: we disable the children from creating a better world by modeling for them so much that is negative and non-productive. They are the mimickers of our ways. And they’re facing a future unlike any that any of us grownups have ever seen.
    I would imagine that it could be quite frightening for a gay kid to read some of the attitudes and beliefs that have surfaced around this topic in a world I enjoy, a world obviously designed to inspire hope: Carolyn’s Community.

    • Carolyn Classen

      Thanks for the compliment Ernie.  Your last 2 comments went into my spam folder for some unknown reason till I approved them this morning. I grew up “straight” learning from my society that I could marry (if I chose to) someday.  That is not the case for a gay/lesbian young person unless they live in the few U.S. states that legalize gay marriage right now.  One of my  friends just found out that her college daughter is gay and had to accept the fact,  knowing that she cannot marry in Arizona and lots of other states.   But there is a world of hope out there as you said, and things may still change in America.

      • erniemccray

        I was wondering what happened to my submission. I kept getting a message that pretty much said: “You’ve already said that” and I’m going “I know, but where is it?” Then I thought, Oh, no, is cyberspace anti-gay (smile)? Have a good day.

  • http://www.wecohabitate.com John Curtis

    Cohabitation & Monogamy!

     Cohabiting couples are more stable and faithful than ever. According to a new study, extra-partnership sex is way down among all types of couples married or cohabiting. Meanwhile, the discussion about monogamy within couples is way up. The overall result is clear… rates of monogamy have skyrocketed even among those who are not married.The belief that infidelity among cohabiters is common is proving to be just another myth. In reality, the study found that the percentage of couples who are decidedly closed to sex outside the relationship, in other words they discussed extra-partnership sex and decided that “under no circumstances is it alright,” just about doubled in all types of relationships (from around 43% in 1975 to above 80% currently).While the “jury is still out” on the future of cohabitation, this study seems to underscore the fact that cohabitation has evolved from anti-social behavior to a new American institution. Many couples see little difference between the commitment to live together & the commitment to marriage.So what’s the bottom line? There is certainly a large movement toward monogamy that is due to everything from the recession, to the growing longevity of cohabiting couples and from awareness about STDs to the desire for a more stable home-life. More couples than ever are discussing their options now, than they were in the past and figuring out what works for them regardless of marital status. John Curtis, Ph.D.wecohabitate.com

    • Carolyn Classen

      Thanks Dr. Curtis for your comments about the benefits of cohabitation, from your book “Happily Un-married”.  Marriage isn’t for everyone as I’ve noted above due to the high divorce rate in our country.  Many couples enjoy the legal benefits (i.e. lower taxes) of marriage, but many couples enjoy cohabitation for the companionship and monogamy.  My widowed mother was in a relationship with her partner for 13 years, and one of my nieces is in a committed relationship with her partner, and have a baby together.

  • http://www.savemymarriagenow.info/ Christian Jones

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