Tucson Citizen.com
Carolyn's Community - Our sense of group togetherness and "community" in Tucson

People behaving badly?

by on Apr. 02, 2010, under Arts, Health, Life

Have you seen any random acts of kindness being performed recently? Has politeness died? What about just plain ole good behavior and chivalrous deeds?

I’ve been wondering about that lately, observing men/women/children around Tucson.

I often see people driving badly in their cars & trucks– not signaling, cutting off others in traffic lanes, running yellow lights turning red, ignoring pedestrians, etc., etc.

But what about other forms of polite interaction, good manners, and etiquette around town?

I rarely see men getting up to give women their seats anymore on the Sun Tran bus. But they usually do for the disabled using walkers and canes, or in wheelchairs.

Do you see men opening doors for women or the elderly? Maybe 21st century feminist women now retort saying they are “perfectly capable of opening their own doors, thank you very much.”

Are people learning to turn off their cell phones so as not to interrupt a speaker at an event? Or are they still behaving badly despite being reminded?

Are invitees sending their RSVP (répondez s’il vous plaît) to events, or just forgetting to?

Random acts of kindness poster

Random acts of kindness poster

What about random acts of kindness? I used to put coins in parking meters for car owners whose time was about to expire, just to be helpful, to avoid a parking ticket.

My friends sometimes fault me for being “too nice” to others. I give out any extra free tickets or movie passes I have to others (even strangers in line) instead of just throwing them away.

I usually open doors for people overburdened with kids & strollers, and/or carrying large loads.

And I take food or drinks to pot luck meals instead of showing up empty handed, & saying or acting like I forgot.

Please let me know of other acts of kindness or good behavior you see around town. I’m just curious if people even care enough not to behave badly.

“Celebrate Kindness Day” is coming up on Saturday April 24, sponsored by the Ben’s Bells Project, www.bensbells.org. According to their event flyer — “Nothing is more important in these trying times than kindness.”

This entry was posted on Friday, April 2nd, 2010 at 7:49 am and is filed under Arts, Health, Life. Tags for this post: , , , , , , , , , , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

RSS feed for this post (comments)
  • http://theraokexperiment.blogspot.com/ Carrie B.

    Granted I’m from the Detroit area and not Tuscon, but I’m finding RAOKs are needed everywhere.  (Your story appeared on my blog’s Random Acts of Kindness news feed via Google.)  I think spreading the word about RAOKs is necessary. Not just reminders to “Commit random acts of kindness and senseless beauty” like the old bumper sticker says, but to record what happens when someone does good for someone else or has a kindness done to them. Some may say it is wasteful of time to record and celebrate such things, but with today’s outlook being so focused around the negative, I say embrace and celebrate the positive!
    Thank you for linking to Ben’s Bells as well. Being outside of AZ, I don’t think I would’ve heard about it otherwise.
    Cheers,
    Carrie

    • Carolyn Classen

      Thanks Carrie for commenting from Detroit.  We get messages from all over the world, thanks to the power of the internet and Google.  Practicing random acts of kindness will definitely help to work towards more positive behavior.  I like your idea of recording these actions as well, which is why the Ben’s Bells staff acknowledges their recipients with articles in our daily Tucson newspaper. I was nominated once for this award due to my work in founding and steering an elderly care program in my neighborhood (for 3 plus years now).

  • tiponeill

    Is bringing your six-shooter to Starbucks an act of kindness ? Making it a crime to “house an “illegal”" ?
    I’d love to see more RAOK, but the trend I see is in the opposite direction, I’m afraid.

    • Carolyn Classen

      Yes, tiponeill, sometimes I feel fairly discouraged too, living here in Arizona.  That’s when I try to practice random acts of kindness, to overcome that negativity.

  • azmouse

    Being kind should be a way of life!
    There are so many little things people can do that don’t take allot of time.

    You can use your talents to help people….I’m a hairstylist, so I offer free haircuts to kids at the beginning of the school year who are poor or homeless. I also collect gently used clothing in my neighborhood once a year for my area high school. There are many kids that are homeless and only have one outfit to wear while attending school.

    Animal shelters always need people to come and just walk the dogs and spend some time with them so they can get out of their cage.

    One of my favorite things to do is every first Wednesday of the month is senior citizen discount day at Fry’s. Many are on their own and need help just reaching things off the shelves or pushing a cart.

    I’ve also learned that instead of keeping thoughts to myself, it can really make someones day if you share those thoughts with them. If I see someone and I really like their hair, I tell them! Or their shirt or purse, or whatever.
    I’ve had people tell me that I made their day because I told them their hair was pretty.

    • Carolyn Classen

      Thanks so much Azmouse, all great ideas!  How kind you are.  I also like noticing when shoppers leave their extra coupons at the grocery stores, for others to profit by.  Recently I had an extra fast food coupon & handed it ($2 off a $10 meal) to a guy ahead of me in line, and he was shocked (& very grateful) for my thoughtfulness.  Kindness should be a way of life.  I especially like your idea about helping homeless kids who need clothing.

      • azmouse

        I think my kindness is for selfish reasons…it makes me feel great!

    • leftfield

      I’m convinced that this would be a better world if there were more azmouses in it.  Keep up the kindness! 

      • azmouse

        :)

        Thanks leftfield. You’re pretty cool yourself, but don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody!  ;)

  • http://pointmantucson.yuku.com/ mike_brewer

    Right beneath my Marines bumper sticker is a  small one that says, “Just Be Nice.” It is cool to get thumbs up and smiles from drivers! Smiling and kindness is good for longevity too!
     
    Yale School of Medicine study conducted in the early 1990′s showed that the IGA in blood serum, essentially one of the glues of  our immune system, increases when people are kind and of service.  Even watching films of Mother Theresa increases the IGA levels. So how buffed is that?  The Golden Rule actually has a biological component!

    • Carolyn Classen

      Mike, I haven’t seen your bumper sticker, but I’ll look for it in traffic, which may help me deal with the rude drivers I seem to encounter.  I practice the “aloha spirit” but not many else in town do.   Thanks for the info about that Yale School of Medicine study — I didn’t realize doing good things was good for me (physically) too.

  • http://www.francispage.com Christopher Francis

    My Most Honourable Carolyn,
    I make it a point to hold the door open for ladies and for families with many children and strollers.  I have yet to encounter any whiff of resentment or inkling of ingratitude from someone who thinks it is regressive.
    Please forgive me for sounding self-serving, but as a historic re-enactor, I admired certain 18th Century manners so much I pulled a few of those manners into my own life and time.  Thus, you may see me greet people with a bit of a bow (or more) in addition to the handshake.  Odd, yes.  But I would rather be odd in a positive — and hopefully, uplifting — direction than some people I see around me wedded to their texting and talking via cell phone.  The Internet and our media have led us to an anything-goes mentality, but I shall spare you that lament.
    Your Humble Servant,
    Christopher

    • Carolyn Classen

      Well thanks Christopher for writing and for your modern day chivalry.

  • Karen Shunk

    I see, and am  a part of Random Acts of Kindness all of the time.  As one of many Volunteer Fire Fighter/First Responders, I see all kinds of people being extremely kind and helpful in any way they can during emergency situations on Mt. Lemmon.  I have to disagree with you also about people behaving badly in Tucson.  Yes, there are a few, like everything else, but for the majority, I see a lot of people doing random acts of kindness, and I notice because I suggest people do so on my facebook page!  I think if you are in a negative mood, and you look for negativity, you will find it!  If you yourself are a kind person, and you smile, wave,  and be polite, you will normally find your actions are contagious, and people will smile back, and usually appreciate the acknowledgement!   I meet wonderful people everywhere I go- and if you happen to run into a someone grumpy, it’s amazing what a smile, kind words, and some compassion can do to change their mood!  God bless us all !

    • Carolyn Classen

      Thanks Karen for your wonderful attitude and acts of kindness.  We need more people  like you.  I don’t think I go about looking for bad behavior, I am just surprised when it happens to me. Yesterday a guy almost hit us in traffic by swerving into our lane, but we avoided him and just shrugged it off.

«
»