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Saying you’re sorry online

by on Jun. 11, 2010, under Health, Life

Just learned about 3 websites in which you can say you’re sorry online:

www.thepublicapology.com ( “Everybody’s sorry about something. What do you need to apologize for?”)

www.perfectapology.com (“Make things right by delivering the perfect personal or business apology for every situation”)

www.imsorry.com (“an online apology community offering people the ability to apologize online, share apology stories and send forgive me gifts and cards.”)

These websites may be helpful ways for people to make amends for inappropriate past behavior, to set the record straight and ask for forgiveness (if needed). You may want to read the anonymous apologies on these websites to see what people are apologizing for.

The perfect apology website lists the “science” of apologizing:
“A proper apology should always include the following:

–a detailed account of the situation
–acknowledgement of the hurt or damage done
–taking responsibility for the situation
–recognition of your role in the event
–a statement of regret
–asking for forgiveness
–a promise that it won’t happen again
–a form of restitution whenever possible.”

Has anyone you know used these? I wonder about the effectiveness of saying you’re sorry online, anonymously, or not. I sometimes regret the times I may have unintentionally hurt someone by my words or misdeeds in the past, and now wonder if I owe someone an apology. I know most of us have said that someone “owes me an apology” (but have you gotten it?)

Saying you are sorry (even if you aren’t) can sometimes help smooth over ruffled feathers– especially when there have been assumptions of behavior, and/or miscommunication. In this 21st century of electronic texting, I wonder if unintended consequences come from miscommunication. I know I have had people think I was too curt or “cold” in emailing, which unfortunately does not project feelings.

Sometimes we think that people “owe” apologies for bad behavior, like a former female friend of mine who a few years ago hurt me by saying at lunch that I had betrayed her trust to a family member. I couldn’t remember the incident and said so, but she didn’t apologize for accusing me of such an act. So our friendship ended. I wonder now if I would accept an apology online.

Let me know what you think, readers of Tucsoncitizen.com.

And I am sorry if I have offended anyone online (or offline for that matter).

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  • http://pointmantucson.yuku.com/ mike_brewer

    Fallibility is a good position to adopt. A penitent spirit is good for the soul, and longevity.  Forgiveness is often just raw courage.  In our talk radio in-your-face culture, we may be breeding apology out of the species.  I am anxious to visit these sites. As always, you are so resourceful.

    • Carolyn Classen

      True Mike it takes courage to actually say you’re sorry about something, because it may mean admitting a mistake.  I think people are way too independent nowadays and way too opinionated, thus there is more alienation in our society. But even an online apology is helpful for both the recipient and the giver.

  • http://www.letmeapologize.com ML

    Just wanted to say that’s a great list and also mention there is one additional great site called Let Me Apologize which offers another spin on the above idea:
    http://www.letmeapologize.com

    • Carolyn Classen

      Thanks ML for the additional” Let me apologize” link.  Recently I said I was sorry for something I may or may not have done, and it think it improved the relationship, especially in these hectic holiday times.

  • http://www.letmeapologize.com ML

    No problem glad to share thanks for checking it out! I just added some cool holiday attachments too (you can attach them to your apologies for free to help increase chances of being forgiven).
    One other thing  - Out of curiosity would you say apologizing online (the concept) is too impersonal in all cases or a great idea in this technology age? Personally I like the idea but I also admit it’s situational and not always good for more serious actions.

    • Carolyn Classen

      Well, even an online apology is better than none don’t you think?  But will the person whom the apology is meant for see it online?  Sometimes you hear from mutual friends that a person wants to apologize, but no one makes a move, so nothing is resolved.  Maybe in those cases, an online apology using your “real” name would help.  I see all types of mis-communications and hurt/angry feelings in Small Claims court, with hardly anyone willing to apologize, let alone speak to the injured other.

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