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The changing face of American families (even mine)

by on Jul. 24, 2011, under Health, Life, Politics

Recently I read an article about different types of American families

http://tucsoncitizen.com/arizona-news/2011/07/14/census-traditional-arizona-families-falling-in-number/. The article basically says that the traditional American family is in the decline.

As in the United States, the traditional ideal of a family in Arizona – a married man and woman with children – continues to be chipped away by divorce, single parenthood, adults living without children and same-sex couples forming households and raising children of their own, according to 2010 census data.

When I was growing up years ago just about everyone in my home town in rural Hawaii was married (only once) with children. No one was divorced, there were no gay couples (or openly gay people), and only a few couples without children or infertile. It was indeed a homogenous society of the so-called “traditional family”. And I believe this was typical of most cities and towns back then in America.

Now the rate of divorce in America is at about 50% of married couples, and gay couples are able to marry in 5 states (plus the District of Columbia) and adopt children as well. Gay marriage is also legal as of today in New York State (the 6th state). And in 2011 there are numerous couples without children (either by choice, due to careers, or due to infertility).

These many divorces are creating blended families of half siblings and step brothers/sisters, as well as step-grandchildren. One of my friends has a grandchild and two “pseudo” step-grandchildren, as their daughter is not married to the father of their grandchild. Confusing? Somewhat.

I know a few gay couples with children, from one partner’s previous marriage or relationship, or through adoption or artificial insemination. Two of my son’s friends have mothers who are now openly gay after they had been married and then divorced from the father of their children. And I met a lesbian couple in Massachusetts who were sharing child custody with a gay male friend who had impregnated one of them (via artificial means).

In America today as mentioned in the article, women don’t need to get married due to financial freedom and career choices. And many who do marry get divorced and become single mothers. Same with single fathers due to the higher divorce rate. And more fathers are now playing a more active role in parenting, some even as “house husbands.” I now have many divorced friends (both sexes) and actually know several people who are in their 2nd or 3rd marriage.

And I know several women and men who have remained single and chose not to marry, for various reasons. The rate of marriage is also falling in America and was at a record low in 2009:

http://tucsoncitizen.com/community/2010/09/28/2010-census-data-record-low-wedding-rate-in-2009-lowest-in-over-100-years/

And I do say that marriage is NOT for everyone (see previous blog entitled “Why marriage?”:

http://tucsoncitizen.com/community/2010/01/01/why-marriage/)

as it is a lot of hard work and commitment. I say this being married (happily) for 27 years. But gay couples are now fighting for the choice to be able to get married.

And many people are now marrying or in relationships with someone outside their race/ethnicity (which could be the subject of another blog).
In my new world family, I have an adopted nephew (half-Turkish), a German step nephew (via my brother–in-law’s 2nd wife), a “pseudo” nephew (as my niece is in an unmarried relationship with a Kiwi man who is the father of their two children), and a nephew-in-law (from Morocco).

Ah, this is truly the new face of America, the land of immigrants and descendents from all over the world.

And this is becoming a land of acceptance and tolerance of different types of families and romantic relationships.

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  • http://tucsoncitizen.com/tucson-progressive pamela

    Good article, Carolyn. My small town family was as you describe.

    My 2 grandchildren are Mexican, German. Irish, English, Scottish, and Sweedish, in other words… American.

  • Carolyn Classen

    Yes Pam, and I bet that most of us now have relatives who are divorced and others who are openly gay.

  • Ed Wysocki

    And herein lies the problem……oh everyone is SO HAPPY to have such a “blended” family. More like broken, busted, totally screwed up. Trouble is the “younger” generation cannot handle the slightest bump in the road. Soon as trouble appears in the marriage, they want to bail, and not work on a solution. So thus these “blended” families. It is part and parcel of our ” I WANT EVERYTHING, and I WANT IT NOW” society……truly sad for everyone involved…………………

    • Carolyn Classen

      There is definitely less of a “commitment” nowadays to marriage, which is why the divorce rate is at 50%, and why there are 2nd and 3rd marriages with “blended families.”  And getting a no fault divorce now is fairly easy in some states.

  • Karyn Zoldan

    I come from a Jewish background and back then nobody divorced or married out of faith. When my Uncle Herman (my mother’s younger brother) wanted to marry my Aunt Gerry, my grandparents didn’t go to the wedding and would not allow my mother (a grown woman) to go to the wedding either. Gerry’s parents and siblings didn’t go to the wedding either because they didn’t want her marrying a Jew, even a non-practicing one. 

    On the other side of the family, my uncle Jack who didn’t marry until his mid 40s wanted to marry Helen but  supposedly out of respect, waited until his father died. 

    The children of both of these families are mostly not Jewish or practice both or nothing. Also there are some adoptions from China and other parts of the world as well as different races added to the marital mix. This makes it all so much more interesting and whole. 

    Good observation.

     
     

    • Carolyn Classen

      As I grew up I heard of Catholics & Protestants not being able to marry Jews, and vice versa, but I don’t hear that now.  Since lots of people don’t practice any religion now at all, it doesn’t seem to matter as much regarding inter-religious marriages.

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    • Carolyn Classen

      Thanks Brian for your comments about helping couples move past their divorce/separation into  positive recovery, which is especially important if there are children involved.

  • http://www.dinklife.com katelyn

    And this is why there is DINKlife….for the ever increasing amount of dual income no kids families who have chosen growth, experiences and possibility and left parenthood behind, or just waited much longer….
    http://www.dinklife.com

    • Carolyn Classen

      Right Katelyn, I know several couples (gay and straight) now who have no kids, and are busy traveling, attending special events, etc.  as they are usually both employed at good paying jobs.

  • tywing

    I’m only really here to comment regarding the phenomena of homosexual parents: Look this is a new age, and whether or not you agree with the biblical insinuation that man should lay with woman and not otherwise, the vast majority of the population believe in the ability to discern based on what they choose rather than what society dictates and according to the first 10 amendments (my favorite) it’s completely within their rights to do so, and if some people with different practices from your own choose to adopt a child, then they’re all the better for taking on the endeavour. We’re in a transitional phase right now because more people are willing to come out and admit to being homosexual (because let’s face it, in a previous generation they’d probably be, at the very least, ridiculed into oblivion, though probably worse) as the first generation really, actually willing to do this in the open and not just in some clandestine underworld it’s no surprise that there’s some tension surrounding those who had previously felt uncomfortable revealing their true selves, and maybe this is the corruption of youth speaking, but, I believe it’s better to be honest to oneself and to one’s children than it is to attempt to bury yourself and reality in order to protect what society perceives as “correct.” As for the traditional family, as the son in a “traditional American family,” and one that is (Thanks to whatever God may be) still intact, having a family that is intact and full of love is a far greater asset than any social validation ever could be. Period.

  • Alan Leibensperger

    Ed Wysocki is right, I think, in one respect. Every relationship requires an effort and often compromise. But genuine love and substance makes the effort  worthwhile. That doesn’t mean, however, that someone should remain in an abusive relationship or stay together mainly for the sake of propriety when it isn’t working. Values change with the times, some good and some not so good.
    Many young people enter into marriage before knowing each other well enough. Problems and conflicts that exist before marriage do not necessarily go away.
    Blended families often provide more nurturing environments than so called traditional ones that are often dysfunctional. I know as I grew up in one and I’ve known both.

  • Alan Leibensperger

    My aunt and uncle did not vote for JFK because he was Catholic. They had seven children, all of whom married Catholics. They all turned out successfully but two.

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