Excerpt from article by Hope Yen, Associated Press reporter:

“The new figures show, among other things, that the number of people getting married fell to a record low level in 2009, with just 52 percent of adults 18 and over saying they were joined in wedlock, compared to 57 percent in 2000.”

(Click here for full article, with more census information)

I think young people don’t see the value in marriage (maybe it’s too traditional or old fashioned), and the divorce rate has steadily risen over the years (showing others that marriage doesn’t work for all, or is not financially necessary for women anymore). And lots of young people aren’t attending church (of any religion) so they don’t hear about the religious reasons from a Pastor/Rabbi/Priest/Oman/Sensei to enter wedlock. I broached this subject back on January 1st of this year (click here, blog entitled “Why marriage?)

The AP article states the reasons may be economic (too expensive to get married now, wait till later), or that cohabitation may be cheaper. And I think young people are increasingly commitment-shy and afraid of marriage, which ended in divorce for many of their parents. Half of my son’s friends now come from families of divorce.

But I also like to think it may be somewhat societal as well with gay marriage being denied couples in 45 states, that maybe it’s a civil rights issue for some younger folks (who tend to be more accepting of gays/lesbians). If gays can’t get married, why should straights?

Now I know why we haven’t been invited to too many weddings in recent years. One of my six nieces is living with her partner (and choosing not to marry), with their 3 year old son, & another baby on the way. And only one of the others is married.

Marriage isn’t for everyone, but it can work well, as I’ve stated in my previous blog.

What do you readers think are the reasons for the lowering of the marriage rate in America?

And speaking of the recent census, here’s a quote I just read which is inscribed on the walkway at Miramonte Neighborhood Park (NW corner of E. 3rd St. and N. Richey Blvd.):

“The true test of civilization is, not the census, nor the size of the cities, nor the crops, but the kind of man that the country turns out.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1870).

Let’s also reflect upon the kind of man (and woman) we are turning out today in 2010, 140 years hence.

“Two nationally known leaders will bring the same-gender marriage discussion to Tucson in hopes to find common ground. Maggie Gallagher, president and founder of National Organization for Marriage and the Rev. Dr. Welton Gaddy, president of Interfaith Alliance, will meet in Tucson to discuss their views on same-gender marriage and religious freedom.”

Television reporter Lupita Murillo of KVOA Channel 4, Tucson, will moderate the conversation. The event is free and open to the public.

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Same-Gender Marriage Conversation
Tuesday, May 11th, 2010, 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm
The Berger Performing Arts Center
1200 West Speedway Blvd.
Contact: Organizer Paul Barby, pmbarby@earthlink.net

“The national conversation about same-gender marriage is most often played out in sound bites and protest signs. We hope to have a deeper discussion in Tucson,” said local organizer Paul Barby. “This is an important conversation to have because what is really at stake when we talk about same-gender marriage is religious freedom and the nature of democracy.”

From the press release:
“The Washington Post has described Gallagher’s National Organization for Marriage, as “the preeminent organization dedicated to preventing the legalization of same-sex marriage.” Gallagher and her organization played a key role in getting Prop 8 on the ballot in California. She also helped orchestrate the rollback of gay marriage via referendum in Maine, and block gay marriage bills in the New York and New Jersey State Senates.”

“As President of Interfaith Alliance, the Rev. Dr. C. Welton Gaddy, promotes the idea that marriage is a civil issue, not a religious issue in the United States and that discussions about same-gender marriage should begin from the perspective of religious liberty. Gaddy serves as a pastor at Northminster Baptist Church in Monroe, Louisiana, in addition to leading Interfaith Alliance, a national grassroots organization of more than 150,000 individuals and 75 different religious traditions.” He is also the author of a Green Paper entitled “Same-Gender Marriage & Religious Freedom”.

Sounds like a fair & balanced discussion on same-gender marriage, not legal in Arizona.
Can this issue find common ground? Why shouldn’t gays/lesbians be allowed to marry? Attend this conversation/discussion & find out.

Note: I wrote a blog entitled “Why marriage?” earlier this year (click here), where this issue came up in the comment section.

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In America today our divorce rate is hovering at 50%. Don’t we all know several divorced couples wherever we look? By contrast when I was growing up I never heard of any in my community. Period. Now I know many.

So what’s wrong with marriage that half the couples who try it get divorced? Having been a divorce lawyer in my past, the ease of granting no-fault divorces certainly helped the divorce rate. I once divorced a couple back in Hawaii within a week. But then they had no common property, or children, or retirement funds.

Women are now almost an equal force in the workplace. Lots of women don’t feel they need to marry for financial reasons anymore, being independent, career-oriented professionals.

People in the past married to have children together. Many couples nowadays are opting not to bear children, so they don’t feel the need to marry.

And now I see young people reluctant to get married, and yet they are having children together. Will the past stigma of illegitimacy affect them or their kids? Many of these are children of divorced or unhappy parents and thereby, marriage-shy.

I’ve been happily married to the same man for 25 years. We were married in Oxford, England, but have mostly lived in America (Virginia, California, Hawaii, Arizona). Marriage does work for some people and can be a wonderful experience of sharing your lives, having children (optional), getting old and planning a future together. Most people can enjoy this form of cohabitation, but of course there are reasons not to stay with another person such as domestic violence, abuse, drugs.

I realize that couples get married due to religion, common values, and mutual interests, and that couples have different views on fidelity within marriage.

What I think is important in marriage are 3 C’s: commitment, communication, compromise.

Commitment to marriage over rough times is what keeps couples together (remember the marriage vows?). Not having that commitment is what is contributing to the high divorce rate. Communication is essential in talking about problems as they arise and not keeping your emotions bottled up. And then compromise is the daily give and take to make a relationship work over time.

That’s why my first and only husband and I are still together, and because we love and care about each other.

Let me know what you think about marriage and what works.