As some of you know, I abandoned the nuisance ritual of making New Year’s resolutions a few years ago because 1) I had a penchant for breaking many of them rather quickly; and 2) by sundown on the first day of the fresh year I realized I really didn’t give a rip about whether or not most of them came to fruition, so the list was tossed into the trash can. This has proven to be a viable stress reduction technique.

But this year a high school classmate coerced me into resuming the year-end ritual by offering to share his resolution accomplishment progress and success if I’d share mine with him. He felt that such a motivational strategy would keep us moving toward accomplishment of our important resolutions.

Initially, I refused his offer by reaffirming my premise of stress reduction. He quickly ramped up the arrangement by suggesting a minor $10 wager with the winner being the one who completed the greatest number of his resolutions prior to Dec. 31.

Our declarations wouldn’t be discussed beforehand; we’d exchange lists on the afternoon of Jan. 1 via email. I accepted his offer. Obviously, his memory was failing as he must have forgotten my assiduously serious personality in high school. Here’s my list of 10 resolutions for 2010.

1) Spend a large portion of the day using my computer, and then call my tech pal who routinely repairs my hardware/software screw ups;

2) Instill procrastination as an integral part of my life starting sometime soon, but almost assuredly before the end of the New Year;

3) Jettison my long-standing superstitions and scour the Internet for rare ones to replace them;

4) Begin using a dummy Bluetooth headset and talk to myself whenever I’m in public;

5) Wear sandals and white socks as often as possible just to get that look of “Why?!” from strangers;

6) Never vote for more than 10 percent of incumbent politicians during any election regardless of what level of bureaucracy the election involves;

7) Avoid airports. Special exceptions would be trips involving getting somewhere quickly because of an emergency situation, a short-fused opportunity for a once-in-a-lifetime winning cal to a local radio station, or from entering another contest presumed to be legitimate. Any free offer associated with a time share is automatically excluded;

Become even more reclusive waiting for opportunity to knock, ring the doorbell, arrive in a Special Delivery postal mail package, or appear as an e-mail;

9) Discontinue all medications having a list of more than 50 potential side effects, and especially those causing memory lapses that might be worse than the ones I’ve been experiencing for years;

10) Don’t be the first customer at a new restaurant, never go out to eat when feeling hungry and thirsty, and always have a discount coupon in hand;

11) Revert to semi-vegetarianism by eating leaner cuts of beef, and no breaded/fried chicken and fish–baked or broiled only;

12) Make napping a routine part of my day;

13) Make a monthly call to an offshore technology support center just to sustain my comprehension of English when delivered in a variety of foreign dialects and over a poor phone connection;

14) Purchase something at one of the deep discount stores that I don’t need, will open but not use, and then reseal and send as a “re-gifting” payback to one of my friends;

15) Persuade my friend who initiated this stupid challenge to forfeit and send me the $10 before the end of the new year.

With my refined capacity for accomplishing lots with effort, that crisp 10-dollar bill is practically in the mail.

Have a safe and Happy New Year, and may all of your resolutions come to fruition.

President Obama blamed a “systemic failure” in the nation’s security apparatus for the attempted bombing of a passenger jet on Christmas Day and vowed to identify the problems and “deal with them immediately.”
He said a preliminary assessment already confirmed a breakdown in the intelligence review system that failed to properly identify the suspect as a dangerous extremist who should have been prevented from flying to the United States.
“A systemic failure has occurred and I consider that totally unacceptable,” the president told reporters here Hawaii. He has ordered government agencies to report back to him on Thursday about what happened and said he would “insist on accountability at every level,” but no details were offered.

The president’s blunt words seemed directed at his secretary of homeland security, Janet Napolitano, who insisted “the system worked” after Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab allegedly attempted to ignite several explosive chemicals aboard a Northwest Airlines flight as it began its approach to the Detroit airport. Ms. Napolitano quickly backpedaled and blamed reporters, as usual, for taking her comments out of context.  No, they didn’t; they merely quoted her exact remarks. The president’s harsh assessment made it clear that he wasn’t satisfied by the government’s performance. It’s time for Napolitano to step down. She failed to maintain reasonable oversight for her department’s actions leaving the country at risk for further such attacks. Ironically, the president made a 180 while praising the professionalism of the nation’s intelligence, counterterrorism, homeland security and law enforcement officials, but called the breakdown a “mix of human and systemic failures” that did not catch Mr. Abdulmutallab in the first place. That tends to happen when so many other issues gain higher priorities than actual national security. He’s in a bit of a quandary; he appointed her and knows she’s over her head and making him and the administration look soft on homeland security. Step up Mr. President and cut her loose. He’s a golfer and surely knows what they say at Nike, “Just do it.”

There’s no place I need to get in a real hurry any time soon, but odds are the next time I travel out of the area in a rush it’ll be in the seat of my car rather than being seated on a commercial airliner.

During this time of year there’s no place for political correctness.

So with intentional sincerity I wish each of my blogger cohorts a safe, favorable and Merry Christmas.

Jim–