by Rynski on Jun.25, 2009, under date, disgusting, first date
How to wreck a first date
The dating scene can make you scream, especially if it’s the tension-filled first date. You can blow all of that tension out of the water in a jiffy if you wreck the date on purpose. Here’s how.
1. Show up late, haggard and smelly. Top off the haggard look with something totally inappropriate, like a demon mask, a bikini top and boxers or bunny slippers (the bikini top and bunny slippers work especially well if you’re a guy).
Wear a demon mask on the first date for some real laughs/Ryn Gargulinski
2. Complain about everything the other person has planned. “Why do you want to go to the movies? Movies suck. All they do is make your feet stick to the soda-soaked floor.” If you were supposed to make the plans, either take the person to dinner at a corner hotdog stand or have absolutely nothing in store.
3. Engage in long, uncomfortable silences. Make sure to pock conversations with those horrible lulls that makes every first-dater squirm. If that doesn’t seem to get to the date, go for the opposite tactic.
4. Talk nonstop. This option is definitely best for a movie date, especially during the poignant scenes where you miss the whole plot if you’re not listening. For best effectiveness, make sure to choose subjects that are thoroughly disgusting, boring or only interest about two other people on earth. Good choices include: boil surgery, why Peoria is named Peoria or how miniature doll makers make miniature planted pots for miniature dollhouses.
5. Do gross things with your mouth. Ideal choices include cracking chewing gum, sucking your cheeks inward to produce horrible slurping noises or using your teeth to clean under your fingernails.
There are many other options, but these are more than enough to most likely scare away even the most tolerant guy or understanding gal. And I’ll bet the tips are also effective enough to insure you’ll not have any worries at all about getting a second date.
Rynski’s Dating Game will feature dating tips, tricks, topics and weirdo stories. Have some to share? Please e-mail rynski@tucsoncitizen.com
What’s the worst first date you’ve been on?
What’s the most creative way you’ve ditched a first date?
What’s the most disgusting thing you or someone else has ever done on a date?
19 Comments for this entry
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June 25th, 2009 on 2:18 pm
I remember years ago, this guy wanted me to go to his house so he could make me a romantic dinner.
I feel bad, because he was probably a nice guy, but during the meal (I’m gonna guess, and say Spam Casserole?!?!) I excused myself to use the restroom, and climbed out the bathroom window.
As I was peeling out of his driveway, there he was, standing in the doorway of his trailer (no offense to folks in trailers) looking so sad and shocked.
I’m a horrible person….
June 25th, 2009 on 3:05 pm
“How to wreck a first date”
Marry her?
Here’s Mungo Jerry’s thoughts on the matter, you’ve heard them a million times before:
http://www.metrolyrics.com/in-the-summertime-lyrics-mungo-jerry.html
June 25th, 2009 on 3:09 pm
Wow! Who are you and what have you done with the azmouse we all know (or thought we did, anyway)?
June 25th, 2009 on 3:47 pm
Wouldn’t it be easier to just say NO? No chemistry. No good vibes. Don’t go just wait for your Prince Charming to find you. By the time you find the man of your dreams, you may not be the woman of his.
June 25th, 2009 on 4:41 pm
Best way to ditch a chick on the 1st date is to tell her you just got out of prison for beating the hell out of your last girlfriend. Drooling while at dinner always seems to work…
June 25th, 2009 on 4:43 pm
leftfield-
Thanks for adding to my misery…I was a young, dumb mouse in those days.
I’ve matured, and would never do such a thing now. I’d rather chew off my own hand than hurt someone’s feelings.
(Good-bye, Michael Jackson)
June 25th, 2009 on 4:49 pm
By the way, leftfield,
That saying usually goes, “The azmouse we all know AND LOVE”.
C’mon, dude, where’s the love?!!?
LOL
June 25th, 2009 on 4:50 pm
RadMax-
Yep, that would work for me.
June 25th, 2009 on 4:51 pm
I’m too busy laughing at the SPAM casserole and image of AZMouse crawling out of a trailer window…that’s got me beat a million times over! And yes, drooling at dinner is good, as is the just got out of prison thing. Wearing one of those “wife beater” shirts could also go well with the bunny slippers.
June 25th, 2009 on 5:09 pm
Ryn-
In a mini-skirt, no less. The trailer was up on blocks, so it was a graceful fall into the dirt. lol
June 25th, 2009 on 10:01 pm
Back in the late 80’s I was set up with a guy. He brought flowers and candy (no joke!) on the first date. During the date, he kept talking about how beautiful I was, and at some point showed me the scars on his wrists. After the date was over, he called me and said that I was far too good for him, so he was going to kill himself so he wouldn’t be a burden on me. Then he hung up. WTF?? What do I do with that????
I called the suicide hotline, gave them his phone number, and never called him again.
June 25th, 2009 on 11:55 pm
Emma-
Oh jeez!!!
I’ve come across a few guys like that myself. I think society still sees women as desperate and needy, but there are allot of men out there with severe insecurity.
Hopefully he was all bluff.
June 26th, 2009 on 6:02 am
Wow, Emma J. He REALLY knew how to ensure no second date would be had. Good for you calling the suicide hotline, just in case he was serious. Very freaky and yes, hopefully bluff. I, too, had someone threaten to kill himself unless I got back together with him. I think this needs to be a future DATING GAME topic…but first I have to address the CYBER CRUSH…
June 26th, 2009 on 8:26 am
“(I’m gonna guess, and say Spam Casserole?!?” You did the right thing az. The guy was obviously trying to poison you
June 26th, 2009 on 9:59 am
Okay, Rynski, was that last comment directed to me?
Perfectly innocent, with NO nutt-value.
June 26th, 2009 on 10:04 am
I know, I know! you are not a nut. Cyber crushes rule, when all in innocence and fun, and I thought the exchange was quite cute, actually. You’ll see, it’s nothing offensive. I’m writing up the post now!
June 26th, 2009 on 10:14 am
Ryn-
LOL!!
You have to admit, RadMax comes across quite charming. I may have noticed a slight flirtation between you and Maxxie on occasion too??!! lol
One late night, he and I were arguing with someone else on the old Citizen. It was a ton of fun!
June 26th, 2009 on 10:56 am
Hey Ryn, good blog, but can you one on the worst “blind dates” ever?
I have a story….
June 26th, 2009 on 11:04 am
Carolyn-
Sounds intriguing….