by Rynski on Jun.30, 2009, under danger, date, disgusting, first date, life
The blind date horror show
Few phrases instill more horror than the simple term “blind date.” Even phrases like “There’s a rotting carcass in your closet” or “You have rat hair in your nachos” seem to have a less detrimental effect.
I’ve never been on a blind date, mainly because the mere thought of one scares the bejeebers out of me. I did, however, have someone once try to set one up.
It got nipped in the bud when I and blind-date-to-be exchanged e-mailed photos. Sure, there’s more to a guy or gal than his or her looks, but when he looks like your fourth grade math teacher – all these years later but with the same toupee – you know it’s not going to work.
Illustration Ryn Gargulinski
Especially if he wears floods and a polyester vest.
Here’s how the blind date phraseology usually goes and what it really means:
“I know someone perfect for you.” = “I know someone as desperate as you.”
“He’s rich and successful.” = “He’s narcissistic and wears tassel shoes.”
“She’s carefree and free-spirited.” = “She doesn’t know how to boil an egg.”
“He is drop-dead gorgeous.” = “He cheats on every women he dates.”
“She has very unique features.” = “Her nose is the size of Russia.”
“He has a tender heart.” = “He still lives with his mother.”
“She is poised and confident.” = “She won’t stop talking about herself.”
“He/she is in a creative field.” = “They steal things.”
So beware the next time a friend thinks she is doing you a favor by meddling in your dating life. Unless, of course, you want a good laugh.
Did you ever have a blind date that turned out wonderfully?
What about the blind date from hell?
Please note: Carolyn’s Community blogger Carolyn Classen suggested this topic, so let’s keep an eye out for her blind date from hell story below.
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June 30th, 2009 on 11:46 am
A girl I knew when I was in middle school (we didn’t hang out, so I hardly knew her) told me her older brother saw my picture in her yearbook and wanted my phone number. I was 15, and not allowed to date till I was 16. I talked to him a few times on the phone, still not knowing what he looked like. I asked my parents if he could come over so I (and they) could meet him. He was extremely cute and sweet and had a wonderful family. He was two years older than me. We were together when I was in the eighth grade, till I was a senior in high school. On my sixteenth Birthday, he had even given me a promise ring.
He graduated from high school the end of my sophomore year. I admit, I blew it. I did great my junior year, but my senior year, I met a boy and for a short time I was seeing them both, and I got busted. I still feel bad, but I was just a kid. He might’ve been ‘the one that got away’.
Blind date from hell??? To many! I am an unswerving optimist and I’ve always had the opinion that everybody has something great about them and I want to know what it is.
From personal experience, my advice to young ladies would be to NOT let your Mom fix you up on a blind date! (sorry Mom)
June 30th, 2009 on 11:47 am
Hey, that guy in your drawing looks familiar…..is his name Todd?!!?
June 30th, 2009 on 11:54 am
Thanks for your input, AZMouse. And thanks for the reminder that “everybody has something great about them.” You do have such a kind and optimistic view of things.
But I still couldn’t stomach the thought of dinner with toupee man (especially since he kept making corny sexual references about mountains in the e-mails…ewwwww!)
The guy in the drawing is actually named Paul. Maybe he’s Todd’s brother??
June 30th, 2009 on 11:58 am
Since you credited me for this blog and my blind date story, here it is: a woman attorney friend (no longer) called me up & set me up on a blind date with an attorney she knew. So I stupidly said yes, trusting her. But he turned out to be much shorter than me, homely looking with glasses, and to top it off, had bad breath! I cut the date short and called her up, livid. She had gone to college with me so she knew I NEVER dated guys shorter than me, as I am a fairly tall woman. Sigh, it was the worst date of my life. I still can’t laugh about it and it’s been years since that date.
June 30th, 2009 on 12:10 pm
Thanks, Carolyn. I think the code phrase for “bad breath” is “He’s the type you can’t help but notice is in the room.”
June 30th, 2009 on 12:18 pm
Just beware of blind dates…One of my female cousins just told me that she doesn’t date anyone unless there is a “spark” between them.
June 30th, 2009 on 12:23 pm
I have to admit, bad breath is a hard one to get past, and as a hairstylist, even I couldn’t hang out with ‘toupee-man’.
Now that I’m old and single, I have come to appreciate ‘the nerd’. Something about them makes me want to corrupt them.
Also, I notice allot of MILF seekers out there and the ‘cougars’ who love em.
Ahhh, the wonderful world of being over forty and single.
June 30th, 2009 on 12:27 pm
Carolyn-
To heck with the ’spark’. At my age I just want someone who can get around with his walker alone, or cruise next to me at the store in his Lil Rascal.
June 30th, 2009 on 12:40 pm
I totally disagree. If you are actively dating and going out with a variety of people to see if you click with someone, than what’s an hour or two of your time? If your priority isn’t to meet someone, then sure it makes sense to not go to dinner with a relative stranger when you could go to dinner with your friends but… if you want to be meeting potential mates, than why not trust those friends and take a chance on a blind date? They’re really the epitome of a no harm no foul evening. You go, you meet up, you like each other or you don’t.
June 30th, 2009 on 1:28 pm
Cindy-
Hello.
I kinda feel the same way. I enjoy meeting all kinds of new people and a blind date is one way to do it.
June 30th, 2009 on 1:32 pm
Been on a few myself, set ups suck. Why do the women always give off the huge needy vibe? Maybe I have “friends” punking me w/hookups!
June 30th, 2009 on 1:42 pm
What fun this older single life is!! I have always hoped that some of my friends would set me up with someone (pre-screening and all that), but after listening to you all, I am glad they have not! The one time it came close (meaning I met a guy on the tennis courts who my tennis friends said they knew and he was a “good guy”), I had a very serious situation with him being overly physically aggressive. I need to trust my gut more than their recommendations, yes?
June 30th, 2009 on 1:47 pm
Guts never lie. Last time I ignored the red flags I ended up stalked and getting the dude arrested. Twice.
June 30th, 2009 on 1:55 pm
Romeo-
I don’t know how old the women were you got hooked up with, but I would think someone more mature wouldn’t be so needy.
Karen and Ryn-
Man oh man. I hate to think or even imagine how many of us women have been in an abusive relationship. I believe it to be more than even the stats show. I’ve had to call the cops a few times myself, back in the day. They were never blind dates, though.
June 30th, 2009 on 2:29 pm
AZmouse-
late 30’s early 40’s
Karen-
Wanna play tennis? Should have my new Babolat PureDrive by Friday, too exciting, can’t wait!
June 30th, 2009 on 3:00 pm
Karen-
Looks like Romeo’s making a blind date move atcha.
Is love in the air? sniff
June 30th, 2009 on 3:46 pm
Why on earth would anybody go on a blind date? Just the word ‘blind’ is enough to scare the beejeebers out of me. (sorry about the plagiarism of your perfect word Rynski.) What if he or she is the Quarry Killer? What then? Dinner and a dirt nap?
June 30th, 2009 on 4:03 pm
Not me sista! I’m just always on the hunt for fellow tennis junkies. Hate leagues and clubs, don’t even get me started on Tucson Raquet and Fitness. Have balls/will travel 8^)
June 30th, 2009 on 4:14 pm
Romeo-
LOL!! Okay, gotcha. I thought you were making a pass at her. My bad…
RadMax-
Where’s your sense of adventure?!? Am I the only one willing to meet a short, bald guy with a toupee and bad breath, who might end up being a serial killer?!?! Oh, yee of little faith.
I’ve had blind dates, and even internet dating (in the past) and nobody killed me, or even tried. I have met some really cool people, and a few duds.
I enjoy living on the edge. lol
June 30th, 2009 on 4:22 pm
You live a charmed life, azmouse.
June 30th, 2009 on 5:32 pm
I still say watch out for blind dates but Ryn and I sure generated a lot of comments today. Happy blogging to all of you. I did meet back when I was single, a good looking dude but he turned out to be a white collar criminal (convicted of fraud) and my cousin (a prosecutor) had to tell me the truth. Ugh. So that was indeed a wrong spark. At least he wasn’t a serial killer.
June 30th, 2009 on 5:53 pm
RadMax-
Maybe just lucky….
Can’t blame a girl for keeping up the quest of maybe someday finding a Prince RadMax of my own..lol!
Course, by then I’ll need a second purse, just to carry my boobs around.
June 30th, 2009 on 5:55 pm
Carolyn-
Hello!
This was a great topic, but you’ve had some terrible luck. I’m glad you’ve stayed so positive despite it all.
June 30th, 2009 on 6:15 pm
Thanks azmouse, it did take a long time (or so it seemed) to find a good man and I finally did, and have been happily married for 25 years. So there is a happy ending to my sad dating stories. Then there’s the story of my mother who found love again at age 76, but that’s another whole blog…
June 30th, 2009 on 6:37 pm
Carolyn-
Congrats to being married for so long. I was married for almost that long when my husband died. Very unexpected. But now, six years later, I’m open to new things and people.
Tell your Mom, way to go! Never to old! I feel so lucky that my parents are still happily married after 50 years.