by Rynski on Nov.16, 2009, under danger, date, first date, life
Would you date a non-drinker? – with poll
Since we already approached the topic with the post Everybody must get drunk, let’s take it one step further:
Photo Ryn Gargulinski
Drinking is not only socially acceptable – it’s often a necessity, or at least the chosen course of action, on a first date.
It breaks the ice, relieves the tension and gets you a better shot of getting him or her into bed by the end of the evening.
Even if drinking is not a first date choice, many folks like hanging out over drinks, picking guys and chicks up in bars and enjoying some wine with dinner or some Kahlua with cream.
So would you date a non-drinker?
A couple of blogs I found asked the same type of question and the overall feeling is that non-drinkers are duds.
After all, what fun can life be if you don’t regularly get drunk and stupid?
Here’s a snippet from a blog on Jezebel.com. The author, whose contact info was for some reason removed, was stymied why three non-drinking suitors in recent months wanted to date her, a gal who is very vocal about her drinking:
“But is there something culturally off about dating a non-drinker when you’re a drunk, akin to the social awkwardness of dating someone who speaks a different native language?…
…After all, a person who’s been drinking for twelve or thirteen years has known a lot more false intimacy than a person who hasn’t, and maybe just instinctively distrusts a sober person’s ability to separate real from false at the end of the day? Or are we just more fun?
Yeah, whatevs. I’m just making myself thirsty.”
I’ve also had some of my own experiences, as a non-drinker, where the trait seemed to be a deal breaker. For real.
Photo Ryn Gargulinski
One guy actually hid his glass of rum and coke beside him, sneaking sips, thinking I would just assume it was a glass of soda. Of course I was not going to smell the rum on his breath when he went to kiss me.
Another, after a few months of dating, actually said something to the effect of: “I can’t imagine life without beer in the house.”
Nobody was talking about moving in together, mind you. We had not even discussed plans for the next weekend. But I guess it’s better to know sooner rather than later that beer was more important than a relationship.
At a poetry reading where everyone was toasting with champagne and I held up my glass of water, a man actually turned to me and said, “You don’t drink? What’s wrong with you?”
He’s not the only one that thinks that way – and it’s kind of maddening. Drinking definitely seems to be the norm and you’re an outcast if you don’t imbibe. But you also tend to remember where you parked your car.
So what’s your take on the situation?
Have you broken up with folks because they don’t drink – or drink too much?
Has anyone ever broken up with, or not dated, you over the issue?
Give us some stories.
57 Comments for this entry
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November 16th, 2009 on 11:03 am
I don’t really care – but it is natural for a vegetarian to prefer to date vegetarians, and non-drinker to date fellow non-drinkers etc.
It’s called “compatibility”.
November 16th, 2009 on 11:07 am
you went from “cold dead hands” around your drink to not caring? i’m shocked! for sure woulda thunk you’d be opposed to the non-drinker idea. thanks for chiming in.
November 16th, 2009 on 11:10 am
I date a teetotaler. No problems, guess experiencing first hand the other end of the spectrum allows for some discretion on the subject. Nothing quite like seeing your sweetheart passed out with puke all over her chin and blouse…real mood killer.
November 16th, 2009 on 11:19 am
thanks for input, radmax. yes, moods can be made – and killed! – by alcohol consumption….
beautiful description, too!
November 16th, 2009 on 11:28 am
you went from “cold dead hands” around your drink to not caring? i’m shocked!
You would only be shocked if you didn’t understand that “freedom” idea.
Dating someone who doesn’t drink is different from dating someone who would object to my Irish Coffee – of course I wouldn’t be interested in them.
Maybe you should change the poll to “would you date someone who objects to your drinking/not drinking ?
November 16th, 2009 on 11:37 am
nah, i didn’t mean folks who object to others drinking, but i see where you are discerning that.
i think i’m still floored by the other blogs i was perusing where so many people just automatically discounted non-drinkers since they wouldn’t be getting drunk together.
ok, then, i’ll not be shocked.
November 16th, 2009 on 12:15 pm
Well, dating is a minefield – for instance I would never date a Republican.
That would make an interesting poll
November 16th, 2009 on 1:10 pm
I did cohabitate with a democrat once. He was the alcoholic I had to dump. He would get drunk and want to argue about politics with me.
November 16th, 2009 on 1:35 pm
Have we dated ? I’ve always found it necessary to get very very stoned before discussing politics with a Repub
November 16th, 2009 on 1:38 pm
Hey azmouse,
I know you’re going to find this very difficult to believe, but there are actually some democrats out there who are jerks.
November 16th, 2009 on 2:30 pm
Well, next time I comment on a political article and you give me a hard time, I’ll remind you to smoke a bowl or two first!
November 16th, 2009 on 2:31 pm
(last comment for tiponeill)
November 16th, 2009 on 2:35 pm
koreyk,
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
You mean there are democrats who might act inappropriately?!?!?!
I can’t believe THAT! Is that just a rumor, or have you witnessed such an anomaly with your own eyes?
LOL
November 16th, 2009 on 2:07 pm
My brother in Austin, Tx. once said, ” I remain a Democrat for one reason.. have you ever heard of anyone getting a piece of elephant?”
November 16th, 2009 on 2:36 pm
That’s funny.
November 16th, 2009 on 11:31 am
Morning all y’all!
I don’t drink and I’m a great date! I date drinkers or non-drinkers, makes no difference to me UNLESS the drinker has an issue and manipulates life around them to get a drink. It’s no fun for me then. Even if women are often more plyable that way . . . hee hee hee, somehow the vomit just takes the edge off LUV, huh, RADMAX!
November 16th, 2009 on 11:42 am
thanks for input, andrew….as a non-drinker, have you ever had other folks ask what’s wrong with you, etc., as i have?
just curious. i’ve heard other stories like that, but come to think of it, the other stories were also from women.
November 16th, 2009 on 12:00 pm
I never drink when I go out, and I’ve never had anyone even really notice or mention anything about it.
November 16th, 2009 on 1:00 pm
With the exception of a glass of wine for a holiday dinner at home or something similar, I’m a non-drinker. When I go out I’m almost always the designated driver. Like AZMouse, nobody seems to notice or mention my non-drinking. I can’t remember the last time I explained I was the designated driver.
November 19th, 2009 on 3:44 pm
Ryn, I have had a few people ask me “what’s wrong with you?”, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were Mormon.”, “Are you gay too?”
A few years ago, a friend and I used to meet to talk and ask women to dance with us at this club. EVERY time the subject of ordering came up he would ask if I wanted, say, a rum and coke. He knew I didn’t drink but never gave up. Interesting behavior if you ask me . . .
I put it all down to incipient brain damage due to excessive drinking. j/k What do I know?
November 19th, 2009 on 3:47 pm
i hear ya! i sometimes think having six arms and 22 eyes would be less of an anomaly than not drinking – haha.
November 16th, 2009 on 11:43 am
Gee Ryn…I wouldn’t date someone that DID drink. Or who ingested other drugs….the conversation is better in the sober end of the pool…less bodies, too.
November 16th, 2009 on 11:52 am
hey jimmy,
thanks for comment. very true! but i have an inkling the non-drinkers – or folks like yourself who would only date non-drinkers – are in the minority. i def. often feel like an outcast for being a non-drinker in the dating world.
November 16th, 2009 on 11:55 am
There are also differences between alcoholics and social drinkers. I’ve definitely dumped an alcoholic. There is nothing worse than a crazy drunk person.
I drink socially, but ONLY at home with guests, or at my friend’s house across the street. I would never have one single alcoholic beverage and drive a car. On occasion I’ll have a drink or glass of wine when I cook, but I usually drink the most at the Flagstaff Celtic Festival because they have such cool and unusual Irish Whiskeys to try.
I hardly ever go to bars but if I do, I don’t drink.
November 16th, 2009 on 12:04 pm
yes, i agree there is nothing worse than a crazy drunk person – unless, of course, it’s a crazy sober person who is supposed to be taking meds but decided he didn’t need them anymore and then goes nuts and threatens to kill you.
oh, i’ve dumped one of those (haha).
that’s good you are very responsible about your drinking – i.e. not drinking and driving – and good for you! on enjoying the irish whiskeys – i remember you saying the celtic fest was a true blast.
November 16th, 2009 on 1:07 pm
The only time I drink while out in public is The Celtic Festival, and my parents, who don’t normally drink, drink as well there…but we also walk every where we go.
I can’t remember the last time I was tipsy…..in the eighties?!?!
November 16th, 2009 on 12:11 pm
Ryn, alcohol drinking is so socially acceptable nowadays I hardly know anyone who doesn’t drink! When I go to art receptions and ask for water or juice, they look at me like I’m crazy not to drink wine or beer.
November 16th, 2009 on 2:08 pm
I can sympathize. I’ve gotten those looks, as well as Ryn’s “what’s wrong with you” comments, and I’m a drinker. Just because I like my beer doesn’t mean I’m always going to reach for a drink.
Who are they to assess my character based on what I choose to dump down my drinking hole at some random point in time?
November 17th, 2009 on 7:45 am
i hear ya, carolyn and koreyk.
i always travel with my own water bottle so i don’t have to be bothered.
November 20th, 2009 on 9:32 am
My girlfriend has a metallic water bottle that resembles a small bomb.
Not a big problem ’till she invariably leaves it under the table at a restaurant or something. Freaks the hell out of the staff! They always seem very relieved to see me come to fetch it…
November 23rd, 2009 on 11:44 am
that’s TOO funny!
i, too, am always leaving my water bottle or coffee cups all over town – although none of mine particularly look like explosive devices – hahah.
does it say BOMB on it?
November 16th, 2009 on 1:35 pm
I would turn the question around and ask; is drinking a deal breaker for a non drinker?
Beer is my drug of choice, especially darks, and I drink regularly, ’though almost never to excess. I have dated several teetotalers, and their attitudes about alcohol and their comfort levels amongst drinkers seemed to be informed by their own demons as much as anything.
One woman lost both of her parents to alcoholism. She would drink freely when she was out with people, but not at home lest she descend into her parent’s habits. She eventually started worrying, without cause, that I would turn into a raging drunk and drag her down with me. Another, who was a recovered alcoholic, was totally comfortable being around drinkers at any level of influence. It was punk rock concerts that she feared would bring her back to her old life of debauchery (so I missed out on seeing The Cramps :>( ).
November 17th, 2009 on 7:47 am
thanks for insights, koreyk.
very interesting input. and i’m sorry you missed seeing the cramps (haha).
November 20th, 2009 on 9:10 am
I used to print a great deal of the Cramps posters and other items back in the late 70’s . . .
November 16th, 2009 on 2:06 pm
Peer pressure being what it is,I think it is outstanding when a woman has the wherewithal to refrain from drinking. On the other hand, I used to drink heavily and drifted away from many friends when I deceased my consumption considerably. I don’t appreciate being around intoxicated people now, whereas I couldn’t imagine anyone partying without drinking before. Live and learn.
November 16th, 2009 on 2:14 pm
“deceased my consumption”
I suspect there is an “r” missing somewhere, but it’s a fun turn of phrase this way.
November 16th, 2009 on 2:47 pm
Ha! You are correct as well as perceptive koreyk…
November 16th, 2009 on 2:41 pm
Yes, back some twenty odd years ago, or so, I wouldn’t have really hung out with people who didn’t want to drink, but now it’s a non-issue.
I get little nervous when people start getting to smashed. I worry about unpredictable behavior.
November 16th, 2009 on 3:01 pm
Az! Are you still tryin’ to get that gay guy kicked out of the legislature?!!!
November 16th, 2009 on 3:59 pm
LOL! You funny guy….
According to some people, due to my Republican leanings yet unbeknownst to me, I am on a one-woman crusade to get that man removed from his position….who knew?!?
Luckily, I’ve let go of the past but have still remained a Republican who supports all folks sexuality, which was never my business in the first place, their choses of religion or non-religion, and I even support them to be miserable if they wanna, although I’d never choose that path.
Looking forward to Sarah Palin on Oprah in a few minutes!!
November 16th, 2009 on 5:02 pm
choses….should have been ‘choices’.
That’s what I get for rushing.
November 16th, 2009 on 5:16 pm
Actually I don’t think your campaign to get Kevin Jennings fired was a one-woman crusade by any stretch – you were just repeating the lies and slander you heard from conservative talkers, robotlike.
November 16th, 2009 on 5:49 pm
Thanks Radmax, I thought tip and I were getting past this and finding common ground but you reopened the can of worms……arghhhh….
Tip,
I love gay and lesbian people!!!! Drop the Kevin Jennings thing and lets move on to being friends already. Declaring my love to all of humanity and the animal kingdom is exhausting..Why aren’t you accusing other Republican posters of gay bashing? When have I ever gay bashed???
Can’t we just have an irish coffee and chill because trying to ruin a gay person’s life is not on my agenda. I’m a helper, not a hater.
November 16th, 2009 on 5:57 pm
tiponeill,
Can you please show me the post where I did this robot behavior? Honestly, I don’t listen to that many conservative talkers, but I will certainly feel terrible if I said anything derogatory towards someone because of their sexual preference…that just isn’t me.
November 16th, 2009 on 6:38 pm
Az, it is so preposterous to think what tip thinks…I’m sorry. I too had thought you guys were over this! Hey tip, if az wanted a guy removed from a position, I can assure you it would not be due to their sexual orientation! Sheesh! The az we know and love has a heart of gold.
Once again az, sorry I even mentioned it. Me and my big mouth.
November 16th, 2009 on 6:52 pm
It’s okay! I was only kidding!!!! If I thought it was still an issue, I would’ve let it float on by……
I still luv-ya Maxxie. No blame to anyone.
I just can’t for the life of me recall ever saying anything to give anyone that impression of me so I let it make me a little sad, although I know I shouldn’t.
Maybe once I get a direct answer as to what I’ve said, I’ll let it go and so can tip.
Thanks for the kind words, Radmax
November 16th, 2009 on 7:07 pm
That’s why I thought it was funny! I probably haven’t read ALL your comments from the new site and old…but I’ve NEVER heard you say anything like that! Hell, I’m chucklin’ right now about it!
November 16th, 2009 on 4:20 pm
I can not imagine if a person is a drinker or non drinker would have any bearing on going out on a date with one another, unless of course they are a habitual drinker/drunk, then of course that is a whole other issue.
I would think two intelligent, thoughtful, interesting people would have a wonderful time on a date. Two opened minded people should be able to converse and enjoy one another’s company at all times.
Ryn, the mentioned comments above from your past dates leads me to believe they were very shallow and narrow minded people, best you booted them to the curb in a hurry….haha
Oh by the way for the record i do have an occasional drink when the mood strikes me, but i can be at a party or social gathering and not even care to have a drink.
I agree with Jimmy P a sober conversation is always better than one which cannot be remembered.
November 17th, 2009 on 7:50 am
thanks for comments, oldwest2.
i, too, would think interesting and intelligent people could have a wonderful time without booze. but, alas, i seem to find some folks who think otherwise (haha).
these are all great comments.
November 16th, 2009 on 5:44 pm
I have lived with alcoholics before and prefer not to be around someone who drinks. One of them got violent and threatened to beat the s___t out of me while another vebally abused me and beat me down.
I know there are many social drinkers out there who like to drink to unwind and relax. When I have been around alcohol like that, the men think they are invincible and women get just plain stupid. I prefer not to be in that situation, so I will not date someone who drinks.
November 17th, 2009 on 7:53 am
hi LaLa2326 -
so glad you got out of the abusive situation. i have to agree with your assessment that alcohol can, indeed, add to people’s stupidity.
November 16th, 2009 on 6:03 pm
I don’t drink, although I have in the past. Since I have stopped drinking, I don’t mind being around when people are having a drink or two, but nothing is less fun to me than being around people who are drunk. As to dating someone who drinks, I couldn’t imagine being around someone who liked to tie one on every Saturday night. It certainly doesn’t make anyone more interesting or attractive unless you also are drunk.
November 17th, 2009 on 7:51 am
yes, watching people get smashed gets old real quick. sure, it’s fun for about five minutes. once. just to be glad you’re not acting as stupid as they are.
November 16th, 2009 on 6:13 pm
I followed Tip’s link to the story about Mr. Jennings and I don’t see what the fuss is all about. Seems like he’s going to acknowledge and consider the LGBT community in public schools, rather than ignore or bash them. And, if he’s an atheist or agnostic, that’s just being reasonable. Religion is just a pimple on the butt of human progress.
November 16th, 2009 on 6:30 pm
Thanks leftfield,
I’m assuming I said something tip didn’t approve of, and it seems to keep following me (through him) and I wanted to get to the bottom of it and (hopefully) put it to rest.
I’m not religious either, but I don’t condemn those who are. I admire people who devote their time and efforts into their personal beliefs, even if they aren’t my own.
November 16th, 2009 on 7:10 pm
I wasn’t going to bring it up again – radmax did, so I just wanted to clarify the particular dittohead politics of personal destruction I was referring to.
December 3rd, 2009 on 9:32 am
Hmmm… I missed this whole conversation when it occurred, but it seems no one is talking about those of us who are wine (or beer) aficionados and really enjoy the nectar of the gods without getting drunk! Wine appreciation is a part of my life, and although I have certainly dated non-drinkers, the person that I want to spend a lot of time with (maybe even till death do us part) needs to also appreciate wine (and/or beer) in that way. It allows us to share a passion together. I can’t remember the last time I was drunk, but I drink wine about 5 days a week. Just thought I would throw in the “moderation” card!!