Picking your nose, chewing your toenails or spitting tobacco juice on your date’s car upholstery are not particularly attractive dating habits.

Beware/Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

But there is one taboo that is more gargantuan, especially on a first date: telling us all about past loves.

No, it doesn’t make us think the person is a stud muffin.
No, it doesn’t turn us on.
No, we don’t get all heartbroken if the relationship was brutal and want to treat the person like a king or queen.

It just makes us wonder what that person would say about us if we ever break up.

Bragging about conquests makes us think the person is insecure.

OK, we say, this guy has had 926 lovers. Did he tell us that to enforce how attractive he is? All it did, really, was remind us of the dangers of transmitted diseases.

Swooning over past relationships is just as bad.

“Sandy was the best girlfriend I ever had. She folded my laundry, listened when I needed to talk and catered to my every whim.”

So go back to Sandy, we think. How in the heck could we ever live up to her perfection?

Dissing past loves is nearly as awful.

“Frank was such a schmuck. He would never take my feelings into account, always interrupted me when I tried to tell him something and even kicked my dog.”

Wow. What a jerk.

But if Frank is a jerk, we think, perhaps it means this gal was a jerk for dating him – and letting him kick her dog.

This is not to say we can share anything at all about our past relationships – just not from the get-go. A first date should be dedicated to the potential relationship in front of us, not ones lurking in our past.

Once we’ve known the person and information is relevant – or asked for – sharing some stuff is OK. Heck, sharing some stuff can even be incredibly helpful to understand where a person is coming from.

But it’s never helpful for anyone on a first date – especially if it involves an ex who kicked a dog.

What do you think?

How discreet are you about sharing info on past relationships?

Did you ever have to listen to a litany on past boyfriends or girlfriends?

What did you do?

What do you think is the biggest first date taboo?

P.S. I really did see someone chew their toenails in a movie I recently watched – I told you I ended up with crappy movies! haha.

Freaking out a new date is not how most of us go about forming a new relationship.

Ryn Gargulinski

We often start out cautious and boring. While this may be safe, it can also lead to a relationship that is equally cautious and boring.

“What’s your favorite color? Where did you grow up? Are you a Yankees fan?”

Yawn.

There is nothing wrong with being cautious. But there’s a lot wrong with being boring.

The next time you’re out with a new date, try asking some off-the-wall questions instead.

This will give you a good sense of how your date reacts to the unexpected. Will he or she fight or take flight?

It can also easily gauge if you two are compatible in the first place.

A case in point is the question AZMouse posed regarding the post about taking a date to the cemetery.

She said next time she had a date she would suggest going to the cemetery. Then she wanted to know:

Will he wanna go, or will he run as fast as he can!??!

If he’s too eager, that might scare me, but if he is outta there, then he’s too much of a wuss anyway, maybe?

If a guy runs for the hills, to coin a Radmaxian phrase, over a simple date suggestion that is a bit out of the ordinary, we can probably bet yes, he is a wuss. And he is boring.

Ryn Gargulinski

Trekking to the cemetery may not be every date’s cup of tea, but if he has any sense of adventure he’ll respond accordingly.

“Cemeteries creep me out,” he may say, “but I’d definitely be up for another unusual date.”

What a guy.

Also agree that if he’s way too eager to visit a cemetery – and were to start drooling or sharpening an ax – we may want to be the one to run for the hills.

I try to ask a few freak-out questions early in a relationship just to gauge the other person’s reaction.

My favorite, by far, is asking the person if he ever killed anyone.

I throw it in, offhand, just to see how they react. Hopefully, all of them say “No,” or they explain how you have no choice but to kill if in the military.

One man, however, got really, really mad. Beet red mad. Beet red mad with steam coming out of his ears. I let the question go, quickly asking him something bland, like his favorite color.

His reaction was my tip-off, which I sadly ignored. He ended up being the nightmare ex who proceeded to stalk me.

So if anyone gets really incensed about your strange questions, you’ll know they are hiding a deep, dark side that’s going to come out eventually.

What do you think?

Do you ask off-the-wall questions on early dates? What are they?

Do you freak out if people asking you strange questions?

What one question would you never want to know the answer to?

One of my most amazing first dates included lots of flowers, intricate artwork, gorgeous statues and the fresh, green earth.

Arivaca cemetery/Ryn Gargulinski

It also happened to be in a cemetery.

Taking your date to a cemetery may seem somewhat creepy – because it is. But it’s also a great way to absorb some history, use your imagination to make up tales of what the people’s lives were like and spark lots of conversation.

You’ll be talking about everything from your own ancestors to your take on heaven, hell, the afterlife, and if we all come back as goats.

A tour of Tucson’s own Evergreen Cemetery is on the agenda Saturday. This grand graveyard is full of historic gravesites and the tour guides are touted as “living history interpreters” who can answer all your questions over cookies

Arivaca cemetery/Ryn Gargulinski

What: Evergreen Cemetery Tour
When: Saturday, March 20 – 9 a.m. registration, tour runs 9:30 to 11 a.m.
Where: 3015 N. Oracle Road
Cost: $10
RSVP by March 18 with Betty Cook at 886-3363 or cbetty@cox.net

Sponsored by the Arizona Historical Society Docent Council. Proceeds benefit the Arizona Historical Society.

A cemetery tour beats a boring old dinner and movie any day.

Arivaca cemetery/Ryn Gargulinski

What do you think?

What other unusual dates have you been on?

What’s been the creepiest place you went on a date?

My guy and I don’t have a lot in common. But instead of pulling us apart, it seems to balance us out.

A twisted sense of humor is one similarity/Art and photo Ryn Garguilnski

We share a single thing I do require, which happened to attract me to him in the first place: a twisted sense of humor.

When we look at our backgrounds, careers, passions, hobbies, talents and other pieces of our lives, there’s a whole lot of differences going on.

But it doesn’t matter. We enjoy the same pastimes, such as being out on strange adventures or indoors with a really bad movie on a cozy couch. Yes, I put up with his big budget adventure flicks and he tolerates my cheaply made “based on a true story” stories. We have some of the same values and definitely enjoy each other’s company.

We wholly disagree on foods, have vastly different backgrounds and his hair is neither maroonish red nor choppy. He does have one tattoo, which I gave him fairly recently. We both love dogs. More importantly, my dogs love him.

We never discuss politics and religion because he’s likely to get all heated and I don’t find either topic particularly interesting.

Sounds like a match made in yin and yang heaven.

Besides, I’ve dated others who were too close to my own makeup and it led to relationship overload. Two that come to mind were fellow artists and poets who were equally as passionate about their work. What began as collaboration and mutual respect ended up as competition.

Too much of a good thing can definitely become a bad thing. Not enough balance can lead to a rut.

But there are still certain areas where a lot of folks will demand similarities. These include, but are not limited to:

Looks and background
Career and education
Race and religion
Talents and skills
Hobbies and passions
Views on politics and family (i.e. if they both want kids)

Sense of humor still reigns for me. Other traits don’t really matter in my book as long as we can make each other laugh.

What do you think?

Are there certain qualities that must match your own?

Are there are qualities you want to be different, or opposite yours?

Have you ever dated someone far too similar or far too different than you for it to work? What happened?

Ask folks if interracial marriages are A-OK, and the majority will say yes.

Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

But ask those same folks if they “strongly prefer” dating someone who is the same race as they are, and we get a slightly different answer.

The theory – that interracial dating and marriage are wonderful – doesn’t match the practice, or whom folks would actually take out to dinner, according to two surveys taken at OKCupid.com.

The dating site played around with responses from more than 1 million of the site’s users and came up with an in-depth analysis on the topic.

Overall, 94 percent of folks of all races said interracial marriages were not a bad idea. But when broken down into different ethnicities, none of the categories came near the 94 percent when it came to wanting to date someone of a race other than their own.

Only 62 percent, in fact, said they did not “strongly prefer” to date someone of their own “skin color/racial background.”

Where’d everyone go?

Are so many folks hypocritical?

What do you think?

Does race matter to you in dating?

What experiences have you had on the topic?

Get the heck off the couch already and go on a day trip date. A host of fun events are coming our way, including a date that features basket weaving.

Pottery, too, makes for fine date conversation/Ryn Gargulinski

Sure beats a date making license plates.

The basket weaving will be featured as part of the 20th annual Season of Tradition which, in turn, is part of the celebration of Arizona Archaeology Month.

See how much there is to celebrate beyond the couch?

Every weekend in March, members of the Tohono O’odham Nation and others will be holding demonstrations that showcase their crafts, storytelling and various skills and traditions at the Kris Eggle Visitor Center, located in mile 75 on AZ Hwy #85, about 34 miles south of Ajo.

The schedule is chock full of interesting stuff – that also makes for great date conversation starters:

March 6 -pottery, traditional baskets, O’odham language, storytelling
March 7 - traditional baskets, native plant use
March 13- traditional baskets, flint knapping
March 14- traditional baskets, O’odham language, storytelling, native plant use
March 20 – archaeology
March 21 - archaeology, native plant use
March 27 – horsehair baskets, traditional baskets, painting
March 28 – native plant use, traditional baskets, pottery

Conversation starters:

Pottery: How often do you empty the dishwasher?
Determines if your date’s a slob

Basket weaving: Did you ever break loose out of those woven Chinese handcuffs?
Determines coordination, strength and determination

Native plant use: Did you ever get poison oak?
Lets you know if date has wilderness savvy

Flint knapping: What’s the most fun you’ve had with a hand axe?
Checks for warrior tendencies

Language: How many languages do you speak?
Tests educational background and world travel

Storytelling: What’s the strangest tale you heard from your grandma?
Gauges date’s ability to put together a coherent paragraph and closeness to family

Archaeology: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found?
Determines if date has a curious and adventurous side or if date is “too cool” to pick up junk from the side of the road.

What do you think?

What other places or events make for good day trip dates?

Have you ever had poison oak?

What’s the most fun you’ve had with a hand axe?

Dating abuse is rampant, especially among teens – and especially when it comes to digital abuse.

Stop sign photo Ryn Gargulinski

Digital abuse is any type of harassment, name-calling, slandering and even death threats that come via cell phone, texting or through the ever-popular Facebook and My Space pages.

* One in two of all people age 14 to 24 has been the target of some form of digital abuse.

* One in three teens in dating relationships has experienced some type of sexual or physical abuse or threats of physical harm.

* One in four teens in relationships has texted or called his or her boyfriend or girlfriend hourly between midnight and 5 a.m.

How annoying. Actually, it’s beyond annoying and downright scary.

There is more to do than just shut down the computer or the phone.

Teachers can tell teens what to do about it.

Two initiatives introduced last week, the first by Liz Claiborne Inc., and the second by Claiborne Inc. and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, will help instructors teach teens how to recognize and deal with dating abuse.

The first initiative is an updated Love Is Not Abuse teen dating violence curriculum – that includes a brand new section on digital dating abuse.

The second initiative puts the teacher training online, so instructors across the country can login and become certified to teach the curriculum.

Dating Matters: Understanding Teen Dating Violence Prevention is the first online training that officially certifies educators and others to teach curricula on teen dating violence and abuse, and will be free of charge and available to teachers across the nation.

Click here to learn more about or access Dating Matters.

Both are awesome initiatives. Anything that brings awareness to and hopefully aids in stopping dating abuse is useful. Maybe even life-saving. The earlier folks can learn about it, the better off they’ll be.

Now if we could just get a course or two that effectively teaches the abusers not to abuse in the first place, we’d be all set.

The above statistics come from a 2009 MTV/Associated Press Study; 2009 Liz Claiborne Inc. and Family Violence Prevention Fund Survey; and a 2007 Liz Claiborne Inc. Survey.

What do you think?

Were you ever taught about dating violence and abuse in the classroom?

Have you encountered digital abuse in real life?

My doctor said I can’t blame my boyfriend for getting me sick.

Blame game face/Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

This is even after I gave the doc the whole scenario: how I saw my beau last week, got the symptoms days later – and at least one member of boyfriend’s family also got sick.

Doesn’t that mean he’s the source of my illness?

“Not necessarily,” the doctor said. “But that was a nice try, Ryn.”

It also reminded me of the blame game my brother used to play when he was a kid. One of his favorite phrases was “Look what you made do.”

This comment was directed at mom, dad, me, neighbors, playmates, a stranger on the street – whomever happened to be around. It was used when he spilled a soda, knocked over a plant, stepped on a Lego, tripped on the carpet or any other faux pas imaginable.

Look what you made me do.

Sometimes we love to use the blame game in our relationships. If we blame the other person for some heinous wrong, it not only clears us of any personal responsibility but it also serves to fill him or her with guilt. But only if he or she falls for it.

It’s your fault I’m sick – can you bring me chicken soup?

It’s your fault I was fired – can you get me a job?

It’s your fault I’m broke – can you get your mom to loan us $50,000?

I’ve seen boyfriends blame girlfriends, and vice versa, for drug and alcohol relapses or abuse, general ennui, misery, money and housing issues, and even a state of mind.

It’s your fault I think this way.

If it weren’t for you, I’d be happy.

Although it is true that people can bring us down much easier and quicker than we can bring them up, it’s always partly our fault for not being aware of the warning signs and running for the hills. We are also the masters of our own attitudes, decisions and behaviors.

So to my beau I say: You’re off the hook for me being sick. And you’re the greatest for bringing me chicken soup.

What do you think?

Have you blamed your significant other for things for which they should not be blamed?

Have others done it to you?

Are there instances where the other person DOES deserve the blame?

Sick of dating the guy who looks more like a frog than a prince? Tired of the gal who spends five hours on her makeup but still appears to have just rolled out of bed – or out from under a Mack truck?

No dogs allowed on the Darwin Dating site/Ryn Gargulinski

Well then, the Darwin Dating site may be for you – provided you are attractive enough to get in.

It’s for beautiful people only.

The site is for real – or at least appears to be. I’d send in my own photo as a test case but I’m already dating someone. Besides, they may reject it as I have nerdy glasses and red hair, two taboos on their list.

Before you can join, you must submit a photo that is judged by the site’s existing members. Your looks will be ranked from 1, the “monkey” end of the scale, all the way to 5, which means you are “highly-evolved.”

Once enough people vote, the decision is made.

“Our members’ decision on your attractiveness/ugliness is final,” the site says. “We will not accept written submissions from anyone’s mother!”

The site’s Darwin Dating Rules lists traits that will net you an automatic rejection. These include, but are not limited to:

Saggy boobs… in fact no saggy anything!
Nerdy glasses
Pocket protectors
Weird pubic hair
Mullets
Fat rolls
Acne
Out of proportion noses
Non-symmetrical faces or bodies
Red hair and too many freckles .. yes, that’s right
Patchy skin – especially if tendency to flake on others
Out of date fashions
Out of date hair styles (especially perms)
Teeth that aren’t straight
Long back hair (men)
Anyone with a middle part
Crooked or webbed toes
Lack of visible skin between eyebrows
Large gaps between teeth
Overuse of bright blue eyeshadow

“If you fit into any of these categories, let’s face it, you’re ugly,” the site says, “but you aren’t alone. Darwin Dating isn’t for you but don’t despair, there are plenty of ugly fish in the sea and they’re all on every other dating website out there!”

Amazing, no?

Would you join a dating site based on looks?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how important would you rank looks?

One of the mantras bludgeoned into our heads is that blondes have more fun.

Big bundle of blonde fun/Ryn Gargulinski

They may get more dates, especially from the guys who think the “blonde bombshell” is the hottest date around. But are their lives really one big party?

I was a blonde once, briefly, just to see if my life would suddenly be filled with glee. It wasn’t. And I looked pretty drab as the lighter hair color washed out my features.

Jet bluish black or maroonish red fully suits me better.

Two hair color trends – that happen to contradict each other – hit the market within months of each other.

When the recession was making people dour and depressed last January, many women went blonde to stave off the doldrums.

“I don’t believe it is purely a coincidence that there’s been a huge sales rise in blonde hair products during these tough financial times,” renowned British hairstylist Andrew Barton is quoted as saying. “Many of my female clients say they feel more confident, more youthful and more attractive when they go blonde and they get more attention.”

A few months later in March, however, the trend turned to blondes going brunette to better enhance their standing in the job market.

“The figures speak for themselves: in a working environment where all companies are cutting down jobs to survive the recession, blondes are not welcome anymore,” says another article at softpedia.com.

In a survey of 2,500 women who changed their hair color, 31 percent went front blond to brunette to “appear more intelligent,” the article says.

It also noted 62 percent of people surveyed thought brunettes look more professional than blondes.

Thirty-eight percent of the women who changed their hair color said being blonde was detrimental enough to hold them back in their careers. Twenty-five percent said they actually got promoted once they dyed their hair darker.

Crazy.

Based on these facts, it seems women have a choice – they can either go blonde and get a lot of dates or go brunette and get ahead in the workplace.

Based on these facts, too, it seems way too much attention is being given to hair color rather than the brain inside the head.

What do you think?

Does the blonde survey reflect reality?

What hair color makes for the best people to date – or doesn’t it matter one iota?

What about blonde guys: Do they, too, have more fun yet more opposition in their career?