My guy and I don’t have a lot in common. But instead of pulling us apart, it seems to balance us out.

A twisted sense of humor is one similarity/Art and photo Ryn Garguilnski

We share a single thing I do require, which happened to attract me to him in the first place: a twisted sense of humor.

When we look at our backgrounds, careers, passions, hobbies, talents and other pieces of our lives, there’s a whole lot of differences going on.

But it doesn’t matter. We enjoy the same pastimes, such as being out on strange adventures or indoors with a really bad movie on a cozy couch. Yes, I put up with his big budget adventure flicks and he tolerates my cheaply made “based on a true story” stories. We have some of the same values and definitely enjoy each other’s company.

We wholly disagree on foods, have vastly different backgrounds and his hair is neither maroonish red nor choppy. He does have one tattoo, which I gave him fairly recently. We both love dogs. More importantly, my dogs love him.

We never discuss politics and religion because he’s likely to get all heated and I don’t find either topic particularly interesting.

Sounds like a match made in yin and yang heaven.

Besides, I’ve dated others who were too close to my own makeup and it led to relationship overload. Two that come to mind were fellow artists and poets who were equally as passionate about their work. What began as collaboration and mutual respect ended up as competition.

Too much of a good thing can definitely become a bad thing. Not enough balance can lead to a rut.

But there are still certain areas where a lot of folks will demand similarities. These include, but are not limited to:

Looks and background
Career and education
Race and religion
Talents and skills
Hobbies and passions
Views on politics and family (i.e. if they both want kids)

Sense of humor still reigns for me. Other traits don’t really matter in my book as long as we can make each other laugh.

What do you think?

Are there certain qualities that must match your own?

Are there are qualities you want to be different, or opposite yours?

Have you ever dated someone far too similar or far too different than you for it to work? What happened?

Ask folks if interracial marriages are A-OK, and the majority will say yes.

Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

But ask those same folks if they “strongly prefer” dating someone who is the same race as they are, and we get a slightly different answer.

The theory – that interracial dating and marriage are wonderful – doesn’t match the practice, or whom folks would actually take out to dinner, according to two surveys taken at OKCupid.com.

The dating site played around with responses from more than 1 million of the site’s users and came up with an in-depth analysis on the topic.

Overall, 94 percent of folks of all races said interracial marriages were not a bad idea. But when broken down into different ethnicities, none of the categories came near the 94 percent when it came to wanting to date someone of a race other than their own.

Only 62 percent, in fact, said they did not “strongly prefer” to date someone of their own “skin color/racial background.”

Where’d everyone go?

Are so many folks hypocritical?

What do you think?

Does race matter to you in dating?

What experiences have you had on the topic?

Get the heck off the couch already and go on a day trip date. A host of fun events are coming our way, including a date that features basket weaving.

Pottery, too, makes for fine date conversation/Ryn Gargulinski

Sure beats a date making license plates.

The basket weaving will be featured as part of the 20th annual Season of Tradition which, in turn, is part of the celebration of Arizona Archaeology Month.

See how much there is to celebrate beyond the couch?

Every weekend in March, members of the Tohono O’odham Nation and others will be holding demonstrations that showcase their crafts, storytelling and various skills and traditions at the Kris Eggle Visitor Center, located in mile 75 on AZ Hwy #85, about 34 miles south of Ajo.

The schedule is chock full of interesting stuff – that also makes for great date conversation starters:

March 6 -pottery, traditional baskets, O’odham language, storytelling
March 7 - traditional baskets, native plant use
March 13- traditional baskets, flint knapping
March 14- traditional baskets, O’odham language, storytelling, native plant use
March 20 – archaeology
March 21 - archaeology, native plant use
March 27 – horsehair baskets, traditional baskets, painting
March 28 – native plant use, traditional baskets, pottery

Conversation starters:

Pottery: How often do you empty the dishwasher?
Determines if your date’s a slob

Basket weaving: Did you ever break loose out of those woven Chinese handcuffs?
Determines coordination, strength and determination

Native plant use: Did you ever get poison oak?
Lets you know if date has wilderness savvy

Flint knapping: What’s the most fun you’ve had with a hand axe?
Checks for warrior tendencies

Language: How many languages do you speak?
Tests educational background and world travel

Storytelling: What’s the strangest tale you heard from your grandma?
Gauges date’s ability to put together a coherent paragraph and closeness to family

Archaeology: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found?
Determines if date has a curious and adventurous side or if date is “too cool” to pick up junk from the side of the road.

What do you think?

What other places or events make for good day trip dates?

Have you ever had poison oak?

What’s the most fun you’ve had with a hand axe?

Dating abuse is rampant, especially among teens – and especially when it comes to digital abuse.

Stop sign photo Ryn Gargulinski

Digital abuse is any type of harassment, name-calling, slandering and even death threats that come via cell phone, texting or through the ever-popular Facebook and My Space pages.

* One in two of all people age 14 to 24 has been the target of some form of digital abuse.

* One in three teens in dating relationships has experienced some type of sexual or physical abuse or threats of physical harm.

* One in four teens in relationships has texted or called his or her boyfriend or girlfriend hourly between midnight and 5 a.m.

How annoying. Actually, it’s beyond annoying and downright scary.

There is more to do than just shut down the computer or the phone.

Teachers can tell teens what to do about it.

Two initiatives introduced last week, the first by Liz Claiborne Inc., and the second by Claiborne Inc. and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, will help instructors teach teens how to recognize and deal with dating abuse.

The first initiative is an updated Love Is Not Abuse teen dating violence curriculum – that includes a brand new section on digital dating abuse.

The second initiative puts the teacher training online, so instructors across the country can login and become certified to teach the curriculum.

Dating Matters: Understanding Teen Dating Violence Prevention is the first online training that officially certifies educators and others to teach curricula on teen dating violence and abuse, and will be free of charge and available to teachers across the nation.

Click here to learn more about or access Dating Matters.

Both are awesome initiatives. Anything that brings awareness to and hopefully aids in stopping dating abuse is useful. Maybe even life-saving. The earlier folks can learn about it, the better off they’ll be.

Now if we could just get a course or two that effectively teaches the abusers not to abuse in the first place, we’d be all set.

The above statistics come from a 2009 MTV/Associated Press Study; 2009 Liz Claiborne Inc. and Family Violence Prevention Fund Survey; and a 2007 Liz Claiborne Inc. Survey.

What do you think?

Were you ever taught about dating violence and abuse in the classroom?

Have you encountered digital abuse in real life?

My doctor said I can’t blame my boyfriend for getting me sick.

Blame game face/Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

This is even after I gave the doc the whole scenario: how I saw my beau last week, got the symptoms days later – and at least one member of boyfriend’s family also got sick.

Doesn’t that mean he’s the source of my illness?

“Not necessarily,” the doctor said. “But that was a nice try, Ryn.”

It also reminded me of the blame game my brother used to play when he was a kid. One of his favorite phrases was “Look what you made do.”

This comment was directed at mom, dad, me, neighbors, playmates, a stranger on the street – whomever happened to be around. It was used when he spilled a soda, knocked over a plant, stepped on a Lego, tripped on the carpet or any other faux pas imaginable.

Look what you made me do.

Sometimes we love to use the blame game in our relationships. If we blame the other person for some heinous wrong, it not only clears us of any personal responsibility but it also serves to fill him or her with guilt. But only if he or she falls for it.

It’s your fault I’m sick – can you bring me chicken soup?

It’s your fault I was fired – can you get me a job?

It’s your fault I’m broke – can you get your mom to loan us $50,000?

I’ve seen boyfriends blame girlfriends, and vice versa, for drug and alcohol relapses or abuse, general ennui, misery, money and housing issues, and even a state of mind.

It’s your fault I think this way.

If it weren’t for you, I’d be happy.

Although it is true that people can bring us down much easier and quicker than we can bring them up, it’s always partly our fault for not being aware of the warning signs and running for the hills. We are also the masters of our own attitudes, decisions and behaviors.

So to my beau I say: You’re off the hook for me being sick. And you’re the greatest for bringing me chicken soup.

What do you think?

Have you blamed your significant other for things for which they should not be blamed?

Have others done it to you?

Are there instances where the other person DOES deserve the blame?

Sick of dating the guy who looks more like a frog than a prince? Tired of the gal who spends five hours on her makeup but still appears to have just rolled out of bed – or out from under a Mack truck?

No dogs allowed on the Darwin Dating site/Ryn Gargulinski

Well then, the Darwin Dating site may be for you – provided you are attractive enough to get in.

It’s for beautiful people only.

The site is for real – or at least appears to be. I’d send in my own photo as a test case but I’m already dating someone. Besides, they may reject it as I have nerdy glasses and red hair, two taboos on their list.

Before you can join, you must submit a photo that is judged by the site’s existing members. Your looks will be ranked from 1, the “monkey” end of the scale, all the way to 5, which means you are “highly-evolved.”

Once enough people vote, the decision is made.

“Our members’ decision on your attractiveness/ugliness is final,” the site says. “We will not accept written submissions from anyone’s mother!”

The site’s Darwin Dating Rules lists traits that will net you an automatic rejection. These include, but are not limited to:

Saggy boobs… in fact no saggy anything!
Nerdy glasses
Pocket protectors
Weird pubic hair
Mullets
Fat rolls
Acne
Out of proportion noses
Non-symmetrical faces or bodies
Red hair and too many freckles .. yes, that’s right
Patchy skin – especially if tendency to flake on others
Out of date fashions
Out of date hair styles (especially perms)
Teeth that aren’t straight
Long back hair (men)
Anyone with a middle part
Crooked or webbed toes
Lack of visible skin between eyebrows
Large gaps between teeth
Overuse of bright blue eyeshadow

“If you fit into any of these categories, let’s face it, you’re ugly,” the site says, “but you aren’t alone. Darwin Dating isn’t for you but don’t despair, there are plenty of ugly fish in the sea and they’re all on every other dating website out there!”

Amazing, no?

Would you join a dating site based on looks?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how important would you rank looks?

One of the mantras bludgeoned into our heads is that blondes have more fun.

Big bundle of blonde fun/Ryn Gargulinski

They may get more dates, especially from the guys who think the “blonde bombshell” is the hottest date around. But are their lives really one big party?

I was a blonde once, briefly, just to see if my life would suddenly be filled with glee. It wasn’t. And I looked pretty drab as the lighter hair color washed out my features.

Jet bluish black or maroonish red fully suits me better.

Two hair color trends – that happen to contradict each other – hit the market within months of each other.

When the recession was making people dour and depressed last January, many women went blonde to stave off the doldrums.

“I don’t believe it is purely a coincidence that there’s been a huge sales rise in blonde hair products during these tough financial times,” renowned British hairstylist Andrew Barton is quoted as saying. “Many of my female clients say they feel more confident, more youthful and more attractive when they go blonde and they get more attention.”

A few months later in March, however, the trend turned to blondes going brunette to better enhance their standing in the job market.

“The figures speak for themselves: in a working environment where all companies are cutting down jobs to survive the recession, blondes are not welcome anymore,” says another article at softpedia.com.

In a survey of 2,500 women who changed their hair color, 31 percent went front blond to brunette to “appear more intelligent,” the article says.

It also noted 62 percent of people surveyed thought brunettes look more professional than blondes.

Thirty-eight percent of the women who changed their hair color said being blonde was detrimental enough to hold them back in their careers. Twenty-five percent said they actually got promoted once they dyed their hair darker.

Crazy.

Based on these facts, it seems women have a choice – they can either go blonde and get a lot of dates or go brunette and get ahead in the workplace.

Based on these facts, too, it seems way too much attention is being given to hair color rather than the brain inside the head.

What do you think?

Does the blonde survey reflect reality?

What hair color makes for the best people to date – or doesn’t it matter one iota?

What about blonde guys: Do they, too, have more fun yet more opposition in their career?

Now that the weather is getting warmer, it’s time to dive into the great outdoors.

Hiking dates can be sweet/Ryn Gargulinski

Well, with the lack of water around Tucson save for the muddy stuff still stagnant in parts of the Rillito River, perhaps “dive” is not the best word.

How about “explore?”

Hiking with a date is not only a great way to enjoy nature and share the beauty of the surroundings, but it also gives you a way to see what your beloved is made of.

If your gal shows up to go hiking in high heels or your guy is wearing sleek leather pants, you will instantly know he or she is not the outdoor type.

You can also gauge your date’s physical stamina based on when he or she starts complaining. Some may be crying how their feet hurt before you’re even a mile down the trail. Others may leave you in the dust.

Checking out what your date brings for the trek will also give you some insight. If the person brings sunscreen, that means he cares about his skin. If a person brings granola, that means she cares about her diet. If a person brings a case of beer, that means the person doesn’t really care about the hike.

Watching your beloved trek through cactus, rocks and across small streams will also give you a take on how athletic, coordinated and agile he or she is. You also get an excuse to hold his hand while you’re helping him across the stream.

One final way to size up your date? See how he or she reacts when confronted with a rabid skunk. Hopefully you will not have to go through this test. If you do, you can really tell a lot about a person if he or she screams, runs or hides from the skunk – or grabs the nearest rock to shock the skunk skull.

Happy trails!

One really cool upcoming date hike is a free tour of Ironwood Forest National Monument on March 20. Spend the day guided by speakers and specialists who will give you the rundown on the monument’s history and cultural heritage.

Here’s the day’s schedule and directions:

8 a.m. – Meet at Cortaro Rd. Exit Park & Ride
9:30 a.m. – Visit base of Ragged Top.
11:30 a.m. – Depart for lunch and desert hike.
Noon – Lunch (Bring your own), then desert hike -or- drive to historic Silver Bell Cemetery (45 minute drive).
3:30 p.m. – Arrive at Cortaro Rd. Exit Park & Ride. Transportation from Park & Ride will be provided.

From Tucson, take I-10 west. Take exit 246, and turn west at N. Cortaro Rd. Take first right into the McDonald’s parking lot and the Park & Ride.

RSVP by March 8 by calling Kristen Lenhardt at 258-7266 or e-mailing Kristen_Lenhardt@blm.gov

What do you think?

Are you a fan of hiking dates? Why or why not?

Have you had a particularly incredible or awful time on a hiking date? Do tell!

If there is one profession that seems to disrespect women at every turn of the turntable, rap is it.

Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

“The hip hop and R&B genres are notorious for offensive language, crude content, and misogynistic character,” according to a news release from the ASUA Women’s Resource Center. “Women are often referred to as ‘hoes,’ ‘bitches,’ and sexual objects that exist purely for the pleasure of men. In a world that openly degrades and oppresses women, how can female emcees not only make their voices heard, but overcome these horrific representations?”

If that question gnaws at your brain whenever you try to get some shuteye, perhaps you want to attend a free documentary and discussion that explores the issue.

“Rapper Girls: Turning Adversity into Art” is the topic at hand for Wednesday’s feature that’s part of the Center’s Spring 2010 film series.

Entitled, “Say My Name,” the film showcases emerging artists and pioneering women in the field, namely MC Lyte, Roxxanne Shante and Monie Love, who delve into the reality of life as a woman in the hip hop and R&B music business.

We do have to wonder if some rapper guys really hate women that much or if it’s all just a show the record album.

What: Say My Name documentary and discussion
When: 7 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 17
Where: Gallagher Theater, Student Union Memorial Center on University of Arizona campus
More info: Tai Dietrich at 621-3919 or e-mail taild@email.arizoan.edu.
How much: Free

What do you think?

What’s your take on rap’s largely misogynistic lyrics and attitude?

Do listen to rap on your dates and/or date rappers?

Valentine’s Day is so full of cupids, candy and heart-shaped everything that it’s enough to make some single folks sick.

Photo and X by Ryn Gargulinski

Heck, even some couples can get sick of this day that promises jacked-up rose prices and never-ending mushiness.

For those who are fully nauseated by the hype, don’t despair. You can instead indulge in a holiday created to combat all this lovey-dovey stuff celebrated in Tucson and beyond: Anti-Valentine’s Day.

Tucson’s Anti-Valentine’s Day celebration is scheduled for 4 p.m. Sunday, according to our local Holiday Celebrations Meetup group. Location is yet to be determined, but several folks have already RSVP-ed a hearty yes to “Say ‘bah-humbug!’ to Valentine’s Day.”

Click HERE to RSVP or more info on the event, with a post that proclaims:

Announcing (Tucson’s first?) Anti-Valentine’s Day!

* Celebrate being free and single.
* Say “forget it” to romantic love with its impossible notions!

We’ll arm ourselves with shields against Cupid’s arrows (metaphorically, that is, unless someone wants to make some shields. We could even hang Cupid in effigy. Or some-such silliness.).

Even if you don’t attend an Anti-Valentine’s Day celebration, you can still give your non-loved ones an Anti-Valentine’s Day card or a box of rocks instead of chocolate.

You can also take solace in the fact that Valentine roses are allegedly dipped in lethal toxins and candy makes you fat – especially if it comes in a heart-shaped box.

I’ve had a Valentine for the past few years, but I also recall the holiday without one. It can be somewhat depressing to watch a bunch of starry-eyed couples walk around with big, fat heart-shaped Mylar balloons while they make public displays of kissy faces at each other.

I will be celebrating with my Valentine this year – I’ve already given my guy one of his gifts (which kind of looks anti-Valentine-like).

But I do adore anti-establishment trends, even if the establishment only happens to be Valentine’s Day. And we promise not to be kissy-faced in public.

Valentine dragon for my beau/Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

What do you think?

Do you have a Valentine? What gifts are you exchanging?

Are you a fan of Valentine’s Day or do you find it annoying and disgusting?

Will you be celebrating Anti-Valentine’s Day?