Beware/Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

But there is one taboo that is more gargantuan, especially on a first date: telling us all about past loves.

No, it doesn’t make us think the person is a stud muffin.
No, it doesn’t turn us on.
No, we don’t get all heartbroken if the relationship was brutal and want to treat the person like a king or queen.

It just makes us wonder what that person would say about us if we ever break up.

Bragging about conquests makes us think the person is insecure.

OK, we say, this guy has had 926 lovers. Did he tell us that to enforce how attractive he is? All it did, really, was remind us of the dangers of transmitted diseases.

Swooning over past relationships is just as bad.

“Sandy was the best girlfriend I ever had. She folded my laundry, listened when I needed to talk and catered to my every whim.”

So go back to Sandy, we think. How in the heck could we ever live up to her perfection?

Dissing past loves is nearly as awful.

“Frank was such a schmuck. He would never take my feelings into account, always interrupted me when I tried to tell him something and even kicked my dog.”

Wow. What a jerk.

But if Frank is a jerk, we think, perhaps it means this gal was a jerk for dating him – and letting him kick her dog.

This is not to say we can share anything at all about our past relationships – just not from the get-go. A first date should be dedicated to the potential relationship in front of us, not ones lurking in our past.

Once we’ve known the person and information is relevant – or asked for – sharing some stuff is OK. Heck, sharing some stuff can even be incredibly helpful to understand where a person is coming from.

But it’s never helpful for anyone on a first date – especially if it involves an ex who kicked a dog.

What do you think?

How discreet are you about sharing info on past relationships?

Did you ever have to listen to a litany on past boyfriends or girlfriends?

What did you do?

What do you think is the biggest first date taboo?

P.S. I really did see someone chew their toenails in a movie I recently watched – I told you I ended up with crappy movies! haha.

Ryn Gargulinski

We often start out cautious and boring. While this may be safe, it can also lead to a relationship that is equally cautious and boring.

“What’s your favorite color? Where did you grow up? Are you a Yankees fan?”

Yawn.

There is nothing wrong with being cautious. But there’s a lot wrong with being boring.

The next time you’re out with a new date, try asking some off-the-wall questions instead.

This will give you a good sense of how your date reacts to the unexpected. Will he or she fight or take flight?

It can also easily gauge if you two are compatible in the first place.

A case in point is the question AZMouse posed regarding the post about taking a date to the cemetery.

She said next time she had a date she would suggest going to the cemetery. Then she wanted to know:

Will he wanna go, or will he run as fast as he can!??!

If he’s too eager, that might scare me, but if he is outta there, then he’s too much of a wuss anyway, maybe?

If a guy runs for the hills, to coin a Radmaxian phrase, over a simple date suggestion that is a bit out of the ordinary, we can probably bet yes, he is a wuss. And he is boring.

Ryn Gargulinski

Trekking to the cemetery may not be every date’s cup of tea, but if he has any sense of adventure he’ll respond accordingly.

“Cemeteries creep me out,” he may say, “but I’d definitely be up for another unusual date.”

What a guy.

Also agree that if he’s way too eager to visit a cemetery – and were to start drooling or sharpening an ax – we may want to be the one to run for the hills.

I try to ask a few freak-out questions early in a relationship just to gauge the other person’s reaction.

My favorite, by far, is asking the person if he ever killed anyone.

I throw it in, offhand, just to see how they react. Hopefully, all of them say “No,” or they explain how you have no choice but to kill if in the military.

One man, however, got really, really mad. Beet red mad. Beet red mad with steam coming out of his ears. I let the question go, quickly asking him something bland, like his favorite color.

His reaction was my tip-off, which I sadly ignored. He ended up being the nightmare ex who proceeded to stalk me.

So if anyone gets really incensed about your strange questions, you’ll know they are hiding a deep, dark side that’s going to come out eventually.

What do you think?

Do you ask off-the-wall questions on early dates? What are they?

Do you freak out if people asking you strange questions?

What one question would you never want to know the answer to?

Arivaca cemetery/Ryn Gargulinski

It also happened to be in a cemetery.

Taking your date to a cemetery may seem somewhat creepy – because it is. But it’s also a great way to absorb some history, use your imagination to make up tales of what the people’s lives were like and spark lots of conversation.

You’ll be talking about everything from your own ancestors to your take on heaven, hell, the afterlife, and if we all come back as goats.

A tour of Tucson’s own Evergreen Cemetery is on the agenda Saturday. This grand graveyard is full of historic gravesites and the tour guides are touted as “living history interpreters” who can answer all your questions over cookies

Arivaca cemetery/Ryn Gargulinski

What: Evergreen Cemetery Tour
When: Saturday, March 20 – 9 a.m. registration, tour runs 9:30 to 11 a.m.
Where: 3015 N. Oracle Road
Cost: $10
RSVP by March 18 with Betty Cook at 886-3363 or cbetty@cox.net

Sponsored by the Arizona Historical Society Docent Council. Proceeds benefit the Arizona Historical Society.

A cemetery tour beats a boring old dinner and movie any day.

Arivaca cemetery/Ryn Gargulinski

What do you think?

What other unusual dates have you been on?

What’s been the creepiest place you went on a date?

A twisted sense of humor is one similarity/Art and photo Ryn Garguilnski

We share a single thing I do require, which happened to attract me to him in the first place: a twisted sense of humor.

When we look at our backgrounds, careers, passions, hobbies, talents and other pieces of our lives, there’s a whole lot of differences going on.

But it doesn’t matter. We enjoy the same pastimes, such as being out on strange adventures or indoors with a really bad movie on a cozy couch. Yes, I put up with his big budget adventure flicks and he tolerates my cheaply made “based on a true story” stories. We have some of the same values and definitely enjoy each other’s company.

We wholly disagree on foods, have vastly different backgrounds and his hair is neither maroonish red nor choppy. He does have one tattoo, which I gave him fairly recently. We both love dogs. More importantly, my dogs love him.

We never discuss politics and religion because he’s likely to get all heated and I don’t find either topic particularly interesting.

Sounds like a match made in yin and yang heaven.

Besides, I’ve dated others who were too close to my own makeup and it led to relationship overload. Two that come to mind were fellow artists and poets who were equally as passionate about their work. What began as collaboration and mutual respect ended up as competition.

Too much of a good thing can definitely become a bad thing. Not enough balance can lead to a rut.

But there are still certain areas where a lot of folks will demand similarities. These include, but are not limited to:

Looks and background
Career and education
Race and religion
Talents and skills
Hobbies and passions
Views on politics and family (i.e. if they both want kids)

Sense of humor still reigns for me. Other traits don’t really matter in my book as long as we can make each other laugh.

What do you think?

Are there certain qualities that must match your own?

Are there are qualities you want to be different, or opposite yours?

Have you ever dated someone far too similar or far too different than you for it to work? What happened?

Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

But ask those same folks if they “strongly prefer” dating someone who is the same race as they are, and we get a slightly different answer.

The theory – that interracial dating and marriage are wonderful – doesn’t match the practice, or whom folks would actually take out to dinner, according to two surveys taken at OKCupid.com.

The dating site played around with responses from more than 1 million of the site’s users and came up with an in-depth analysis on the topic.

Overall, 94 percent of folks of all races said interracial marriages were not a bad idea. But when broken down into different ethnicities, none of the categories came near the 94 percent when it came to wanting to date someone of a race other than their own.

Only 62 percent, in fact, said they did not “strongly prefer” to date someone of their own “skin color/racial background.”

Where’d everyone go?

Are so many folks hypocritical?

What do you think?

Does race matter to you in dating?

What experiences have you had on the topic?

Pottery, too, makes for fine date conversation/Ryn Gargulinski

Sure beats a date making license plates.

The basket weaving will be featured as part of the 20th annual Season of Tradition which, in turn, is part of the celebration of Arizona Archaeology Month.

See how much there is to celebrate beyond the couch?

Every weekend in March, members of the Tohono O’odham Nation and others will be holding demonstrations that showcase their crafts, storytelling and various skills and traditions at the Kris Eggle Visitor Center, located in mile 75 on AZ Hwy #85, about 34 miles south of Ajo.

The schedule is chock full of interesting stuff – that also makes for great date conversation starters:

March 6 -pottery, traditional baskets, O’odham language, storytelling
March 7 - traditional baskets, native plant use
March 13- traditional baskets, flint knapping
March 14- traditional baskets, O’odham language, storytelling, native plant use
March 20 – archaeology
March 21 - archaeology, native plant use
March 27 – horsehair baskets, traditional baskets, painting
March 28 – native plant use, traditional baskets, pottery

Conversation starters:

Pottery: How often do you empty the dishwasher?
Determines if your date’s a slob

Basket weaving: Did you ever break loose out of those woven Chinese handcuffs?
Determines coordination, strength and determination

Native plant use: Did you ever get poison oak?
Lets you know if date has wilderness savvy

Flint knapping: What’s the most fun you’ve had with a hand axe?
Checks for warrior tendencies

Language: How many languages do you speak?
Tests educational background and world travel

Storytelling: What’s the strangest tale you heard from your grandma?
Gauges date’s ability to put together a coherent paragraph and closeness to family

Archaeology: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found?
Determines if date has a curious and adventurous side or if date is “too cool” to pick up junk from the side of the road.

What do you think?

What other places or events make for good day trip dates?

Have you ever had poison oak?

What’s the most fun you’ve had with a hand axe?

No dogs allowed on the Darwin Dating site/Ryn Gargulinski

Well then, the Darwin Dating site may be for you – provided you are attractive enough to get in.

It’s for beautiful people only.

The site is for real – or at least appears to be. I’d send in my own photo as a test case but I’m already dating someone. Besides, they may reject it as I have nerdy glasses and red hair, two taboos on their list.

Before you can join, you must submit a photo that is judged by the site’s existing members. Your looks will be ranked from 1, the “monkey” end of the scale, all the way to 5, which means you are “highly-evolved.”

Once enough people vote, the decision is made.

“Our members’ decision on your attractiveness/ugliness is final,” the site says. “We will not accept written submissions from anyone’s mother!”

The site’s Darwin Dating Rules lists traits that will net you an automatic rejection. These include, but are not limited to:

Saggy boobs… in fact no saggy anything!
Nerdy glasses
Pocket protectors
Weird pubic hair
Mullets
Fat rolls
Acne
Out of proportion noses
Non-symmetrical faces or bodies
Red hair and too many freckles .. yes, that’s right
Patchy skin – especially if tendency to flake on others
Out of date fashions
Out of date hair styles (especially perms)
Teeth that aren’t straight
Long back hair (men)
Anyone with a middle part
Crooked or webbed toes
Lack of visible skin between eyebrows
Large gaps between teeth
Overuse of bright blue eyeshadow

“If you fit into any of these categories, let’s face it, you’re ugly,” the site says, “but you aren’t alone. Darwin Dating isn’t for you but don’t despair, there are plenty of ugly fish in the sea and they’re all on every other dating website out there!”

Amazing, no?

Would you join a dating site based on looks?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how important would you rank looks?

Hiking dates can be sweet/Ryn Gargulinski

Well, with the lack of water around Tucson save for the muddy stuff still stagnant in parts of the Rillito River, perhaps “dive” is not the best word.

How about “explore?”

Hiking with a date is not only a great way to enjoy nature and share the beauty of the surroundings, but it also gives you a way to see what your beloved is made of.

If your gal shows up to go hiking in high heels or your guy is wearing sleek leather pants, you will instantly know he or she is not the outdoor type.

You can also gauge your date’s physical stamina based on when he or she starts complaining. Some may be crying how their feet hurt before you’re even a mile down the trail. Others may leave you in the dust.

Checking out what your date brings for the trek will also give you some insight. If the person brings sunscreen, that means he cares about his skin. If a person brings granola, that means she cares about her diet. If a person brings a case of beer, that means the person doesn’t really care about the hike.

Watching your beloved trek through cactus, rocks and across small streams will also give you a take on how athletic, coordinated and agile he or she is. You also get an excuse to hold his hand while you’re helping him across the stream.

One final way to size up your date? See how he or she reacts when confronted with a rabid skunk. Hopefully you will not have to go through this test. If you do, you can really tell a lot about a person if he or she screams, runs or hides from the skunk – or grabs the nearest rock to shock the skunk skull.

Happy trails!

One really cool upcoming date hike is a free tour of Ironwood Forest National Monument on March 20. Spend the day guided by speakers and specialists who will give you the rundown on the monument’s history and cultural heritage.

Here’s the day’s schedule and directions:

8 a.m. – Meet at Cortaro Rd. Exit Park & Ride
9:30 a.m. – Visit base of Ragged Top.
11:30 a.m. – Depart for lunch and desert hike.
Noon – Lunch (Bring your own), then desert hike -or- drive to historic Silver Bell Cemetery (45 minute drive).
3:30 p.m. – Arrive at Cortaro Rd. Exit Park & Ride. Transportation from Park & Ride will be provided.

From Tucson, take I-10 west. Take exit 246, and turn west at N. Cortaro Rd. Take first right into the McDonald’s parking lot and the Park & Ride.

RSVP by March 8 by calling Kristen Lenhardt at 258-7266 or e-mailing Kristen_Lenhardt@blm.gov

What do you think?

Are you a fan of hiking dates? Why or why not?

Have you had a particularly incredible or awful time on a hiking date? Do tell!

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

The Chinese Zodiac, which features one sign per year in a 12-year cycle, tells us Tigers are one heck of a sign. Tigers are deep thinkers who are usually sensitive and sympathetic – but they can also blow up in an instant and tend to argue with elders or authority figures.

Guess that means don’t date a Tiger if you’re a lot older than the Tiger – or a cop.

And you’d best be born under the sign of the Horse, Dragon or Dog to make a Tiger relationship work.

Check out all 12 signs, complete with their best and worst traits along with compatibility, in the list below.

Tiger
1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010
Best: Sensitive, sympathetic
Worst: Short-tempered, suspicious
Goes well with: Horse, Dragon, Dog

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Rabbit
1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999
Best: Articulate, ambitious
Worst: Slightly prone to gossip, conservative
Goes well with: Ram, Pig, Dog

Dragon
1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000
Best: Energetic, excitable
Worst: Stubborn, short-tempered
Goes well with: Rats, Snake, Monkey, Rooster

Snake
1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001
Best: Deep, wise
Worst: Vain, stingy
Goes well with: Ox, Rooster

Horse
1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002
Best: Popular, cheerful
Worst: Yakkers – sometimes won’t shut up
Goes well with: Tiger, Dog, Ram

Ram
1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
Best: Elegant, gentle
Worst: Shy, pessimistic
Goes well with: Rabbit, Pig, Horse

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Monkey
1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
Best: Clever, skillful
Worst: Impulsive, too eager to please and agree
Goes well with: Dragon, Rat

Rooster
1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
Best: Deep thinkers, brave
Worst: Extreme mood swings, timid
Goes well with: Ox, Snake, Dragon

Dog
1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
Best: Loyal, trustworthy, can keep secrets
Worst: Cold, unemotional, selfish
Goes well with: Horse, Tiger, Rabbit

Pig
1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007
Best: Chivalrous, gallant
Worst: Quick tempered and sometimes impulsive
Goes well with: Rabbit, Ram

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Rat
1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008
Best: Sex appeal, charm
Worst: Perfectionists and gossipers – shhhh!
Goes well with: Dragon, Monkey, Ox

Ox
1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009
Best: Patient and quiet
Worst: Eccentric and bigoted
Goes well with: Snake, Rooster, Rat

Source: Chinese Culture Center of San Francisco

What do you think?

Are you happy with your Chinese zodiac sign and compatibility?

Do you feel shafted if you’re a ram and you really want to be a rat?

Do you believe in zodiac compatibility?

Blue Swallow Motel in Tucumcari, N.M./Ryn Gargulinski

Run to the nearest motel to act on that lust and you may be in trouble – or not – depending on whom you ask.

An article geared toward women at TopDatingTips.com says to refrain from having sex during the early dates if you want any type of real relationship.

…If you really want that man and would like to build a relationship it is absolutely essential that you do not sleep with him in the early stages. Both men and women cannot afford to ignore this advice.

Desire over a longer period will capture the feelings and interest of a man. His emotions and feelings will become heightened the more elusive you are sexually. There is absolutely no gain to be had in having sex on the first few dates unless your aim is purely sexual too.

An honest man will tell you that if he has sex with a girl on a first date, he may enjoy it, but he probably won’t want to date her seriously because the mystery and the challenge are gone. Men are hunters and enjoy the chase, and the longer the chase goes on, the greater his respect and the more likely a woman will win his heart.

Palomino Motel in Tucumcari, N.M./Ryn Gargulinski

Three guys who were asked their thoughts on the matter at EmAndLo.com had – no surprise – an entirely different take.

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Thinking that putting out on the first date will kill off any romantic possibilities is pandering to an old skool way of thinking about sex and love: that the guy must court, wait a gazillion years…until they are finally wedded before sex can even be in the equation.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I don’t think first-date sex together ruins your chances but it does change them. You know the critical little “voice in your ear” that says “Hold off: good girls shouldn’t ruin their ‘reputations,’” even when you’d rather not wait? Men get that too. Only ours says “Go for it now: losers never get another chance.”

Straight Single Guy (Mark): I don’t think there are too many absolutes in this crazy game of love, so a first-date romp doesn’t necessarily preclude any future relationship potential. What is a universal absolute regarding potential relationships is that communication is key (trite as it sounds, it’s so true).

OK, so let’s say you’re not going to sleep with your date right off the bat. What is that magic date number where it doesn’t cause so many complications?

Some say the third date is the charm. A total of 36 percent of women polled by Glamour magazine said they usually have sex by the third date.

One way to go is to establish a relationship first, a friendship, then get into the intimacies. Also make sure it’s something you are comfortable with and you’re not simply worried about “losing” the person if you don’t get intimate.

And please don’t go by some made-up timetable. Instead, follow your heart – but make sure your heart does not disregard your brain.

This blog was inspired by B. Poole’s guest column about online dating which brought up the issue of sex and the online dating scene.

What do you think?

How do you gauge when to get intimate?

When do you know you’ll NEVER get intimate with a person?