A twisted sense of humor is one similarity/Art and photo Ryn Garguilnski

We share a single thing I do require, which happened to attract me to him in the first place: a twisted sense of humor.

When we look at our backgrounds, careers, passions, hobbies, talents and other pieces of our lives, there’s a whole lot of differences going on.

But it doesn’t matter. We enjoy the same pastimes, such as being out on strange adventures or indoors with a really bad movie on a cozy couch. Yes, I put up with his big budget adventure flicks and he tolerates my cheaply made “based on a true story” stories. We have some of the same values and definitely enjoy each other’s company.

We wholly disagree on foods, have vastly different backgrounds and his hair is neither maroonish red nor choppy. He does have one tattoo, which I gave him fairly recently. We both love dogs. More importantly, my dogs love him.

We never discuss politics and religion because he’s likely to get all heated and I don’t find either topic particularly interesting.

Sounds like a match made in yin and yang heaven.

Besides, I’ve dated others who were too close to my own makeup and it led to relationship overload. Two that come to mind were fellow artists and poets who were equally as passionate about their work. What began as collaboration and mutual respect ended up as competition.

Too much of a good thing can definitely become a bad thing. Not enough balance can lead to a rut.

But there are still certain areas where a lot of folks will demand similarities. These include, but are not limited to:

Looks and background
Career and education
Race and religion
Talents and skills
Hobbies and passions
Views on politics and family (i.e. if they both want kids)

Sense of humor still reigns for me. Other traits don’t really matter in my book as long as we can make each other laugh.

What do you think?

Are there certain qualities that must match your own?

Are there are qualities you want to be different, or opposite yours?

Have you ever dated someone far too similar or far too different than you for it to work? What happened?

Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

But ask those same folks if they “strongly prefer” dating someone who is the same race as they are, and we get a slightly different answer.

The theory – that interracial dating and marriage are wonderful – doesn’t match the practice, or whom folks would actually take out to dinner, according to two surveys taken at OKCupid.com.

The dating site played around with responses from more than 1 million of the site’s users and came up with an in-depth analysis on the topic.

Overall, 94 percent of folks of all races said interracial marriages were not a bad idea. But when broken down into different ethnicities, none of the categories came near the 94 percent when it came to wanting to date someone of a race other than their own.

Only 62 percent, in fact, said they did not “strongly prefer” to date someone of their own “skin color/racial background.”

Where’d everyone go?

Are so many folks hypocritical?

What do you think?

Does race matter to you in dating?

What experiences have you had on the topic?

Pottery, too, makes for fine date conversation/Ryn Gargulinski

Sure beats a date making license plates.

The basket weaving will be featured as part of the 20th annual Season of Tradition which, in turn, is part of the celebration of Arizona Archaeology Month.

See how much there is to celebrate beyond the couch?

Every weekend in March, members of the Tohono O’odham Nation and others will be holding demonstrations that showcase their crafts, storytelling and various skills and traditions at the Kris Eggle Visitor Center, located in mile 75 on AZ Hwy #85, about 34 miles south of Ajo.

The schedule is chock full of interesting stuff – that also makes for great date conversation starters:

March 6 -pottery, traditional baskets, O’odham language, storytelling
March 7 - traditional baskets, native plant use
March 13- traditional baskets, flint knapping
March 14- traditional baskets, O’odham language, storytelling, native plant use
March 20 – archaeology
March 21 - archaeology, native plant use
March 27 – horsehair baskets, traditional baskets, painting
March 28 – native plant use, traditional baskets, pottery

Conversation starters:

Pottery: How often do you empty the dishwasher?
Determines if your date’s a slob

Basket weaving: Did you ever break loose out of those woven Chinese handcuffs?
Determines coordination, strength and determination

Native plant use: Did you ever get poison oak?
Lets you know if date has wilderness savvy

Flint knapping: What’s the most fun you’ve had with a hand axe?
Checks for warrior tendencies

Language: How many languages do you speak?
Tests educational background and world travel

Storytelling: What’s the strangest tale you heard from your grandma?
Gauges date’s ability to put together a coherent paragraph and closeness to family

Archaeology: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found?
Determines if date has a curious and adventurous side or if date is “too cool” to pick up junk from the side of the road.

What do you think?

What other places or events make for good day trip dates?

Have you ever had poison oak?

What’s the most fun you’ve had with a hand axe?

No dogs allowed on the Darwin Dating site/Ryn Gargulinski

Well then, the Darwin Dating site may be for you – provided you are attractive enough to get in.

It’s for beautiful people only.

The site is for real – or at least appears to be. I’d send in my own photo as a test case but I’m already dating someone. Besides, they may reject it as I have nerdy glasses and red hair, two taboos on their list.

Before you can join, you must submit a photo that is judged by the site’s existing members. Your looks will be ranked from 1, the “monkey” end of the scale, all the way to 5, which means you are “highly-evolved.”

Once enough people vote, the decision is made.

“Our members’ decision on your attractiveness/ugliness is final,” the site says. “We will not accept written submissions from anyone’s mother!”

The site’s Darwin Dating Rules lists traits that will net you an automatic rejection. These include, but are not limited to:

Saggy boobs… in fact no saggy anything!
Nerdy glasses
Pocket protectors
Weird pubic hair
Mullets
Fat rolls
Acne
Out of proportion noses
Non-symmetrical faces or bodies
Red hair and too many freckles .. yes, that’s right
Patchy skin – especially if tendency to flake on others
Out of date fashions
Out of date hair styles (especially perms)
Teeth that aren’t straight
Long back hair (men)
Anyone with a middle part
Crooked or webbed toes
Lack of visible skin between eyebrows
Large gaps between teeth
Overuse of bright blue eyeshadow

“If you fit into any of these categories, let’s face it, you’re ugly,” the site says, “but you aren’t alone. Darwin Dating isn’t for you but don’t despair, there are plenty of ugly fish in the sea and they’re all on every other dating website out there!”

Amazing, no?

Would you join a dating site based on looks?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how important would you rank looks?

Hiking dates can be sweet/Ryn Gargulinski

Well, with the lack of water around Tucson save for the muddy stuff still stagnant in parts of the Rillito River, perhaps “dive” is not the best word.

How about “explore?”

Hiking with a date is not only a great way to enjoy nature and share the beauty of the surroundings, but it also gives you a way to see what your beloved is made of.

If your gal shows up to go hiking in high heels or your guy is wearing sleek leather pants, you will instantly know he or she is not the outdoor type.

You can also gauge your date’s physical stamina based on when he or she starts complaining. Some may be crying how their feet hurt before you’re even a mile down the trail. Others may leave you in the dust.

Checking out what your date brings for the trek will also give you some insight. If the person brings sunscreen, that means he cares about his skin. If a person brings granola, that means she cares about her diet. If a person brings a case of beer, that means the person doesn’t really care about the hike.

Watching your beloved trek through cactus, rocks and across small streams will also give you a take on how athletic, coordinated and agile he or she is. You also get an excuse to hold his hand while you’re helping him across the stream.

One final way to size up your date? See how he or she reacts when confronted with a rabid skunk. Hopefully you will not have to go through this test. If you do, you can really tell a lot about a person if he or she screams, runs or hides from the skunk – or grabs the nearest rock to shock the skunk skull.

Happy trails!

One really cool upcoming date hike is a free tour of Ironwood Forest National Monument on March 20. Spend the day guided by speakers and specialists who will give you the rundown on the monument’s history and cultural heritage.

Here’s the day’s schedule and directions:

8 a.m. – Meet at Cortaro Rd. Exit Park & Ride
9:30 a.m. – Visit base of Ragged Top.
11:30 a.m. – Depart for lunch and desert hike.
Noon – Lunch (Bring your own), then desert hike -or- drive to historic Silver Bell Cemetery (45 minute drive).
3:30 p.m. – Arrive at Cortaro Rd. Exit Park & Ride. Transportation from Park & Ride will be provided.

From Tucson, take I-10 west. Take exit 246, and turn west at N. Cortaro Rd. Take first right into the McDonald’s parking lot and the Park & Ride.

RSVP by March 8 by calling Kristen Lenhardt at 258-7266 or e-mailing Kristen_Lenhardt@blm.gov

What do you think?

Are you a fan of hiking dates? Why or why not?

Have you had a particularly incredible or awful time on a hiking date? Do tell!

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

The Chinese Zodiac, which features one sign per year in a 12-year cycle, tells us Tigers are one heck of a sign. Tigers are deep thinkers who are usually sensitive and sympathetic – but they can also blow up in an instant and tend to argue with elders or authority figures.

Guess that means don’t date a Tiger if you’re a lot older than the Tiger – or a cop.

And you’d best be born under the sign of the Horse, Dragon or Dog to make a Tiger relationship work.

Check out all 12 signs, complete with their best and worst traits along with compatibility, in the list below.

Tiger
1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010
Best: Sensitive, sympathetic
Worst: Short-tempered, suspicious
Goes well with: Horse, Dragon, Dog

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Rabbit
1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999
Best: Articulate, ambitious
Worst: Slightly prone to gossip, conservative
Goes well with: Ram, Pig, Dog

Dragon
1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000
Best: Energetic, excitable
Worst: Stubborn, short-tempered
Goes well with: Rats, Snake, Monkey, Rooster

Snake
1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001
Best: Deep, wise
Worst: Vain, stingy
Goes well with: Ox, Rooster

Horse
1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002
Best: Popular, cheerful
Worst: Yakkers – sometimes won’t shut up
Goes well with: Tiger, Dog, Ram

Ram
1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
Best: Elegant, gentle
Worst: Shy, pessimistic
Goes well with: Rabbit, Pig, Horse

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Monkey
1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
Best: Clever, skillful
Worst: Impulsive, too eager to please and agree
Goes well with: Dragon, Rat

Rooster
1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
Best: Deep thinkers, brave
Worst: Extreme mood swings, timid
Goes well with: Ox, Snake, Dragon

Dog
1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
Best: Loyal, trustworthy, can keep secrets
Worst: Cold, unemotional, selfish
Goes well with: Horse, Tiger, Rabbit

Pig
1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007
Best: Chivalrous, gallant
Worst: Quick tempered and sometimes impulsive
Goes well with: Rabbit, Ram

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Rat
1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008
Best: Sex appeal, charm
Worst: Perfectionists and gossipers – shhhh!
Goes well with: Dragon, Monkey, Ox

Ox
1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009
Best: Patient and quiet
Worst: Eccentric and bigoted
Goes well with: Snake, Rooster, Rat

Source: Chinese Culture Center of San Francisco

What do you think?

Are you happy with your Chinese zodiac sign and compatibility?

Do you feel shafted if you’re a ram and you really want to be a rat?

Do you believe in zodiac compatibility?

Blue Swallow Motel in Tucumcari, N.M./Ryn Gargulinski

Run to the nearest motel to act on that lust and you may be in trouble – or not – depending on whom you ask.

An article geared toward women at TopDatingTips.com says to refrain from having sex during the early dates if you want any type of real relationship.

…If you really want that man and would like to build a relationship it is absolutely essential that you do not sleep with him in the early stages. Both men and women cannot afford to ignore this advice.

Desire over a longer period will capture the feelings and interest of a man. His emotions and feelings will become heightened the more elusive you are sexually. There is absolutely no gain to be had in having sex on the first few dates unless your aim is purely sexual too.

An honest man will tell you that if he has sex with a girl on a first date, he may enjoy it, but he probably won’t want to date her seriously because the mystery and the challenge are gone. Men are hunters and enjoy the chase, and the longer the chase goes on, the greater his respect and the more likely a woman will win his heart.

Palomino Motel in Tucumcari, N.M./Ryn Gargulinski

Three guys who were asked their thoughts on the matter at EmAndLo.com had – no surprise – an entirely different take.

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Thinking that putting out on the first date will kill off any romantic possibilities is pandering to an old skool way of thinking about sex and love: that the guy must court, wait a gazillion years…until they are finally wedded before sex can even be in the equation.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I don’t think first-date sex together ruins your chances but it does change them. You know the critical little “voice in your ear” that says “Hold off: good girls shouldn’t ruin their ‘reputations,’” even when you’d rather not wait? Men get that too. Only ours says “Go for it now: losers never get another chance.”

Straight Single Guy (Mark): I don’t think there are too many absolutes in this crazy game of love, so a first-date romp doesn’t necessarily preclude any future relationship potential. What is a universal absolute regarding potential relationships is that communication is key (trite as it sounds, it’s so true).

OK, so let’s say you’re not going to sleep with your date right off the bat. What is that magic date number where it doesn’t cause so many complications?

Some say the third date is the charm. A total of 36 percent of women polled by Glamour magazine said they usually have sex by the third date.

One way to go is to establish a relationship first, a friendship, then get into the intimacies. Also make sure it’s something you are comfortable with and you’re not simply worried about “losing” the person if you don’t get intimate.

And please don’t go by some made-up timetable. Instead, follow your heart – but make sure your heart does not disregard your brain.

This blog was inspired by B. Poole’s guest column about online dating which brought up the issue of sex and the online dating scene.

What do you think?

How do you gauge when to get intimate?

When do you know you’ll NEVER get intimate with a person?

B. Poole

It started with Facebook.

About a year ago, one of my Facebook friends in California found someone flirt-worthy on Zoosk, an online dating community that was headed for 1.5 million users by the end of 2009. Being a recently single, curious, social-networking addicted guy with a penchant for technology, I checked it out.

Next thing I knew, I was ass deep in a 21st century phenomenon that has swept the nation in a massive multimedia pulse of Internet interconnectedness and flirting and love and sex – online dating.

Why not, I thought? It seemed logical.

Dating sites ask all kinds of questions to make sure everything plays out just right. They take out the hassle of meeting people. They match you up with shiny, perfect people with perfect smiles (you know, the eHarmony commercial ones) who will love you ‘til the end of time, love you for who you are, love you ‘til the sun comes up.

My MOM tried it, for Christ’s sake. You write a clever profile, post a few pictures and the woman of your dreams is only a click away. They even have online profile-writing tip sheets (FYI guys and girls – more of you should probably take advantage of this).
How do you say no to that?! You don’t. So I clicked. And clicked and clicked and clicked. Then I clicked again.

Since my friend’s Zoosk flirt (which led to my own Zoosk flirt and a very passionate, crazy-fun, memorable relationship that has evolved into what promises to be a lifelong, loving friendship), I have met about 15 people through dating sites. I have profiles on Match.com and Plenty of Fish, and I have posted and responded to a couple Craigslist personals.

Out of sheer curiosity, I posted profiles on Fling.com and XXXBlackBook.com – these are what they sound like. More about that later.

I suppose ultimately I have made online dating a personal social experiment, very personal. Naked-on-the-first-date-a-few-times personal. Came-pretty-close-to-being-in-love personal. Met-some-girls-I-will-likely-still-know-many-years-from-now personal. Online dating may seem impersonal, but it isn’t.

It’s not fake. It’s life. Real life. If you decide to make it YOUR life, you should be aware of a few things. To wit:
• Be honest. Um, if you meet someone, they will find out your pictures are 10 years old and that you don’t know the meaning of “athletic.” While league bowling might well be considered a sport, your beer gut does not constitute an athletic build. And don’t say you are adventurous if you aren’t. Eating Doritos on your couch is not adventurous, according to one woman I dated.
• Do not choose these screen names: Born Of The Horse, Just For The Ladies, I Belong to Joe; To Hot 4 U and Me, The Teach.
• Do not say this – “Well I never been on a date but I would like to go to a nice restaurant or to a club and relax and start as friends and if it clicks then we can try to build a actual relationship and if it doesnt we can be friends and email each other.”
• Do say this – “I like listening to music with a glass of wine and an occasional puff off of my man’s ‘cigar.’ ”

Which brings me back to Fling.com and xxxBlackBook.com, both of which are geared for the sexually hyperactive.

I didn’t pursue them, though they seem promising for folks who are just trying to hook up. I didn’t see the point. Frankly there has been no shortage of sex for me this past year, and the women I have dated said the same thing. There are at least as many women out there trying to get laid as there are men. I’ve met them

All in all, I have no complaints about online dating. I am not in love, but I have met some people who could very well turn out to be lifelong friends. How can you not call that worth it? I like to think of Match.com and Plenty of Fish as online “meeting.” You can’t really date online. The dating comes after that, when you get face to face. From there on out it’s just life.

Real life.

Just like on the Web sites.

Former Tucson Citizen reporter Brad Poole actually IS adventurous. His alter ego, BPooleAZ, has been floating around Match.com , Plenty of Fish and FitSIngles.com for almost a year. He has not yet found the love of his life. Age: 47; Height: 5’10’; Body type: Athletic; Looking for: Long term; Interests: Look me up

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To learn more about B. Poole, like finding out if he really is as “athletic” as he Nike shirt promises or just sits around eating Doritos, check out his Facebook profile by clicking HERE.

Thanks, B. Poole – and how’s your mom’s dating going?

Got some dating tips, secrets, tricks or want to write a guest column? E-mail rynski@tucsoncitizen.com.

What do you think?

Have you had similar experiences?

Would you try online dating after reading this? Why or why not?

Random football file photo/Ryn Gargulinski

Mine is a horseback ride far and away from the heart of Tucson – and the TV.

You can always plan to spend Super Bowl Sunday beside your football-loving beloved, of course, if you happen to enjoy the game.

That will also work if your idea of a great date is watching a bunch of grown men yell, scream, swear, sweat, eat nachos and burp beer.

Also be wary of a few ways your football lovers may try to suck you into the game. Several seductive tricks were noted at AskMen.com in an article entitled How to Get Your Girlfriend to Like Football.

The top tip says to make the girlfriend join a football pool. While AskMen.com said the tactic will get her rooting for a team, we think it’s just a sneaky way to get some free betting money.

Chances are she won’t be following who wins unless the guy tells her so. Thus the guy can claim her team lost and pocket any winning cash.

Another tip says to get her a “feminine cut” football jersey. Yes, outfit the chick in a low-cut jersey and all of a sudden she’s a rabid football fan. Why stop there? Guys may want to deck her out like a little Playboy bunny in a Colts bra, a Saints thong and a cottontail shaped like a football pompom.

One more tip is to “supply her with girly drinks during the game.” Alas, this one may work. After all, when folks are getting drunk and stupid on pink-tinted Vodka in cute glasses with little umbrellas, even football may look interesting.

What do you think?

Do you have a Super Bowl date in store or have you other plans?

Have you ever watched the “big game” with your beloved? Was it thrilling?

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

The Lovely Bones.

This captivating tale is told through the eyes of a very interesting character: a murdered 14-year-old girl.

While Susie Salmon may not be any more interesting than the next 14-year-old girl, the story’s point of view certainly is. We are drawn into her life – and death. We follow her family’s disintegration through grief, her own trauma of realizing she’s dead and her quest to alert her family to the killer.

I will not tell you if she is successful on her quest.

I will tell you that I read the book, by Alice Sebold, several years ago when it was first published in 2004 and recall not being able to put it down.

The movie is much the same way.

Unlike films that wholly ruin or rewrite the book’s story, this movie does the book justice – and then some. It adds a new dimension with enchanting but not over-the-top special effects. We love the girls sledding in the afterworld.

We also loved actually getting choked up during a few of the scenes. Now that’s a good movie.

The Lovely Bones

Highlight: So many things were highlights in this film. Kooky yet effective camera work – like a close up of a bobble head doll bobbling when danger is near – made the movie a tableau of interesting images and even emotion. The suspense, the soundtrack and the story itself was also a major thrill (although my beau is never big on movie soundtracks).

Lowlight: Having to go to the bathroom about two-thirds of the way through the flick and fearing I’d miss something. I would have missed something, too, as every millisecond is packed with one more piece of the tale. This is definitely one of those movies that keeps you glued to your seat – so don’t drink too much coffee before the show.

Rating (1-10): 197

NOTE: The Lovely Bones is still in theaters and is playing at El Con Mall, which we decided is the best theater in town. It’s the only theater we found that has spoons so you can sneak in your leftover chicken Vindaloo.

ANOTHER NOTE: Thanks for all the crummy date movies mentioned last week – we’re putting a few on our list, but definitely still steering clear of Eraserhead (haha).

Have you seen any good date movies lately?

What’s your favorite/least favorite theater in town? Why?