Tis the season to have relationship problems – or at least that can be the case as the weather turns ugly and we enter the realm of holiday cheer.

How ironic.

Winter clothes often lack allure/Ryn Gargulinski

Sure, the winter weather can make for some fine snuggling – my two rats that are notorious for scuffling are now snuggle buddies – but it can also put drain and strain on even the best relationships.

Colder weather means big fat clothes. Even if we’re not stuck in pounds-adding snow pants for the winter season, other fashions can make us appear less than sexy. Like bulky, shapeless sweaters. Hair-smashing hats. Scarves that get dribbled with drool and gravy. We feel – and look – much more alluring in a sundress or a tank top and cut-offs.

The sun doth dim. Winter weather means less sunshine. Where it used to stay lit until late, the sun now goes down before 6 p.m.

Less sunshine means crummy moods and, for the very unlucky, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD, sadly, is not a myth but a condition that can plunge us into depression. It’s hard to be nice to your mate when it feels like the world is one big blah.

Cabin fever and the not-so-great indoors adds to relationship strain. We may find ourselves cooped up from the cold. Especially if we live with our significant other, this can lead to intense annoyance and cranky spats.

It can also lead to lethargy, boredom and fighting just so there is something exciting to do.

Big fat clothes sometimes means big fat us. Comfort food definitely warms our souls during cooler temperatures, but it can also pad our thighs.

Chicken pot pies, hearty stews and buttery biscuits sopped in gravy are just a few of the chunky choices that come to mind.

Holiday cheer is often not so cheery. Some may sing along to Jingle Bells while others will inwardly cringe. Holidays can send lots of folks into a funk, especially when the relationship is already strained.

Add the crappy economy to the mix and you’re ready for a rumble. Some people may even break up on purpose during this time so they are not obligated to give an expensive gift. Besides, you may also have to visit in-laws. That, too, can be a fight waiting to happen.

While we can wallow in our extra weight and gooey beef stew, we can also get out, get a HappyLight and still eat healthy to stay sexy to help combat these hefty strains on our relationships.

What do you think?

Do you squabble more with your significant other once the colder weather hits?

Are you in the 0.0001 percent of folks who actually look sexy in a padded jacket?

Do you find ski masks alluring?

Are the holidays the best time to fight so you don’t have to buy a gift?

One of my friends thought he was headed for a breakup.

Fearful breakup face/Ryn Gargulinski

Not because he wanted it, but because he lost his job and thought his girlfriend wouldn’t care about him anymore if he didn’t have money.

For real. Please.

While there certainly are a good share of folks out there digging for gold, sugar daddies or sugar mamas, relationships are about more than just the cash.

At least we hope.

Even if it’s love, and not money, that makes the world go round, money is still one of the most common reasons couples fight. Or throw silverware. Or break up.

The recession has made it even worse, with Reuters reporting 30 percent of Americans admitting the recession added stress to or fully wrecked a relationship.

Wow. No wonder the dude was worried.

One of the reasons money comes up so often, according to a report on Vanguard, is because of all its symbolism and associations.

“Money is such an important subject in our culture and has so many hidden meanings—feeling loved and cared about, feeling competent, feeling safe and secure, accepted, acknowledged and empowered—all of which are core issues,” the report said.

How much a boyfriend or girlfriend spends on his or her beloved is often translated to how much that person cares about the beloved.

Look at massive, glittering engagement rings as a prime example. Or gifts of diamonds and pearls; rubies and emeralds; a big, tacky gold medallion or a new car.

When someone offers such a gift, that must mean the person really loves you, no?

One more money danger is that old-time thinking of the man as the provider, the giver, the money maker. He brings home the bacon, she fries it up in a pan.

If a guy can’t fulfill all these obligations, perhaps he feels less of a man.

But as many women may know, it’s not what’s in the wallet that makes guys attractive. It’s really what’s in their hearts.

What do you think?

Have you broken up with someone over money or a lost job? Do you know anyone who has?

How often do you fight with your significant other about money?

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 most important, where would you put money as an aspect of a relationship?

Since we already approached the topic with the post Everybody must get drunk, let’s take it one step further:

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Drinking is not only socially acceptable – it’s often a necessity, or at least the chosen course of action, on a first date.

It breaks the ice, relieves the tension and gets you a better shot of getting him or her into bed by the end of the evening.

Even if drinking is not a first date choice, many folks like hanging out over drinks, picking guys and chicks up in bars and enjoying some wine with dinner or some Kahlua with cream.

So would you date a non-drinker?

A couple of blogs I found asked the same type of question and the overall feeling is that non-drinkers are duds.

After all, what fun can life be if you don’t regularly get drunk and stupid?

Here’s a snippet from a blog on Jezebel.com. The author, whose contact info was for some reason removed, was stymied why three non-drinking suitors in recent months wanted to date her, a gal who is very vocal about her drinking:

“But is there something culturally off about dating a non-drinker when you’re a drunk, akin to the social awkwardness of dating someone who speaks a different native language?…

…After all, a person who’s been drinking for twelve or thirteen years has known a lot more false intimacy than a person who hasn’t, and maybe just instinctively distrusts a sober person’s ability to separate real from false at the end of the day? Or are we just more fun?

Yeah, whatevs. I’m just making myself thirsty.”

I’ve also had some of my own experiences, as a non-drinker, where the trait seemed to be a deal breaker. For real.

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

One guy actually hid his glass of rum and coke beside him, sneaking sips, thinking I would just assume it was a glass of soda. Of course I was not going to smell the rum on his breath when he went to kiss me.

Another, after a few months of dating, actually said something to the effect of: “I can’t imagine life without beer in the house.”

Nobody was talking about moving in together, mind you. We had not even discussed plans for the next weekend. But I guess it’s better to know sooner rather than later that beer was more important than a relationship.

At a poetry reading where everyone was toasting with champagne and I held up my glass of water, a man actually turned to me and said, “You don’t drink? What’s wrong with you?”

He’s not the only one that thinks that way – and it’s kind of maddening. Drinking definitely seems to be the norm and you’re an outcast if you don’t imbibe. But you also tend to remember where you parked your car.

So what’s your take on the situation?

Have you broken up with folks because they don’t drink – or drink too much?

Has anyone ever broken up with, or not dated, you over the issue?

Give us some stories.

The Internet is such a glorious place for so much information – including dirt on any potential dates.

Do you look for warning signs about your date?/Photo and art Ryn Gargulinski

Not only can we Google any new folks we meet, but we have court records, home ownership documents and the Department of Corrections inmate search right at our fingertips. Don’t forget the controversial sex offender website, either.

Sure, checking out a date’s past can really put a damper on a relationship, especially if we find he’s done time for armed robbery or her name pops up next to page after page of naked photos.

But it can also give us an edge on finding out what a person is all about – before we’re stuck alone in a car with him or her.

Those top three dating sites – Date.com, Matchmaker.com and Amor.com – did a survey on the Google issue, asking only about blind dates.

They found that less than half of the men and women who responded – 45 percent and 42 percent, respectively – actually do Google their blind dates before they meet in person. Remember, too, that these are folks that meet each other online.

Of those who do Google their dates in advance, a whopping 80 percent of men and 71 percent of women would never admit to their dates that they did such a thing.

The main reason they wouldn’t fess up was because it would feel like they were stalking the person. Those who did fess up to doing a quick Google check said it may make for more interesting conversation.

“So, Johnny, what kind of weapon did you use for that armed robbery? Can you please pass the salt.”

What do you think?

Do you Google your dates in advance or do some type of background check?

What’s the craziest or most amazing thing you’ve found out about them?

Have you ever broken up over something you found out about a person online?

Don’t say it – don’t even think it.

This couple knew the All Souls Procession makes a great date/Ryn Gargulinski

I know, I know – all my blogs today, from the weapon as décor collection to the five death updates – have not been very cheery, perhaps.

I was going to even it out with a happy, snappy dating post. But the topic on my list is a phenomenal weekend date which just so happens to include more death: Tucson’s annual All Souls Procession.

Sigh.

Really – I did not plan this.

And I promise the All Souls Procession does NOT fill attendees and participants with gloom and doom but it is rather a celebration and honoring of our dearly departed.

Get into the fray and rhythm and you may even find yourself in the midst, quite rightly, of a spiritual experience.

Thousands of folks dress up to pay tribute to their dearly departed loved ones, both animal and human, or even a dead concept or entity.

This year’s procession will include a major death in the community over the past year that is dear to many of our hearts: the print edition of the Tucson Citizen newspaper. A gaggle of former staff will be dressed and marching to mark and mourn its passing. People I still miss daily for their humorous banter and awesome ideas.

Just one of the many fabulous puppets/Ryn Gargulinski

Tons of puppets, skeletons, skeleton puppets, floats and even pets dressed up always add another fine dimension to the festivities.

You’ll also be drawn in by the hordes of performers and the grand finale urn burn at the Franklin Street Docks, at the southwest corner of Sixth Street and Stone Avenue.

Even if you don’t have a date, feel free to go solo to the procession – you are going to meet a lot of interesting folks.

The procession starts to gather at 5 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 8 at Epic Café, corner of Fourth Avenue and University Boulevard.

Many Mouths One Stomach, the organization we can thank for pulling this together every year, asks participants register at the northwest corner of Fourth Avenue and Fourth Street. The procession begins at 6 p.m.

See AllSoulsProcession.org for a full map of the route, more information and details on other highlights of the All Souls Procession Weekend.

See – that wasn’t so horrible, was it?

What do you think?

Will you be attending the All Souls Procession?

Are you a regular or have you never been?

What’s always your highlight?

Would the All Souls Procession make a fine first date? Why or why not?

Thin is not in when it comes to dating, according to a poll taken by members of three online dating sites.

Dinner for two/Ryn Gargulinski

A hefty (excuse the pun) 85 percent of single guys said they simply adore heavier women.

Eighty percent of the men polled said the larger gals appreciate the attention more and are not as bitchy as their pin-thin counterparts; 69 percent of the guys said it’s what inside that matters; 54 percent said heavier women are better in bed; 13 percent said the rounder gals have more fun and 35 percent agreed with all of the above.

Nearly 80 percent of the guys said obese was OK, as long as he loved her.

On the flipside, 90 percent of women thought guys would find overweight women unattractive. Judging by the poll, they were way off the scale.

Go figure, pun definitely intended.

And the ladies, too, don’t mind if a guy has a few pounds to lose.

Nearly 88 percent of women polled said they feel protected by a bigger guy and “Yes, I love a teddy bear;” 74 percent said it would depend on how overweight he was but he better be healthy rather than a couch potato; and 30 percent of women wanted a guy who was fit and totally in shape.

We are not sure why the numbers don’t add up to 100 percent, unless folks were allowed to respond to more than one answer.

The sites that conducted the polls were Date.com, Matchmaker.com and Amor.com, and results were posted by parent company Avalanche, LLC.

What do you think?

Do prefer your date thin, muscular and fit or don’t you mind some extra pounds?

How many extra pounds are TOO many extra?

Since many of us are multimillionaires, we know we need to protect our assets against gold diggers and dates just looking to manipulate us out of our mansions and Jaguars.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.../Photo Ryn Gargulinski

It doesn’t usually apply to the first date, but once we start getting serious with someone, it’s time to sign a contract or two.

Prenuptial agreements are nothing new, but some of the newfangled marriage contracts, like one up for renewal between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, are pretty heavy duty.

We all know Katie and Tom – it’s the couple with a kid named Suri who traipses around town in high heels at age 3.

Tom is also known as the dude who stands on things so he can be at least as tall as his wives while Katie is also known as the no-name actress who is now upset because she is obscured by Tom’s celebrity, albeit short, shadow.

Their contract is a doozey, according to Star magazine, the highly reputable tabloid that is more fun than The Enquirer but not as amusing as those that report on Bat Boy and alien babies (some in high heels).

The Star said some of the highlights of their 100-page contract include:

The Scientology bonus – Katie allegedly gets $250,000 per year for supporting the religion and reportedly wants an additional $500,000 bonus as a special thank you.

The clothing allowance – Katie reportedly wants an increase from her annual $750,000 to an annual $2 million.

The baby bonus – Katie allegedly received a $3 million “gift” when she had Suri in 2006 and has been offered an “additional offspring” incentive ever since. Tom is reportedly willing to increase the gift to $5 million with an additional $2 million if she conceives by 2011.

The tabloid also mentioned the bickering about the contract may be enough to put an end to their three-year union.

The way it sounds, Tom is essentially paying Katie to stay with him and breed.

And we are left with but one question: What’s love got to do with it?

What do you think?

Have you ever dated someone who was only after your money?

Have you dated someone just to get to their money?

Are contracts that include a baby bonus and money for supporting your spouse’s beliefs ridiculous or an ideal thing?

Would an annual $250,000 be enough for you to support Scientology?

Most of us would admit that choosing to date someone based solely on his or her wardrobe would be a tad superficial.

Would you be caught dead dating someone dressed like these folks?/Photo Ryn Gargulinski - edited to protect the innocent

Some of us may do it anyway.

Even if we never say a word about our date’s mode of dress, there still may be times we wish we could send them home for a change of clothing.

Halloween is a grand exception to the rule. I was quite proud to be seen with a guy dripping gore dressed as roadkill while he seemed fairly fond of my black demonic wings.

During the rest of the year, however, some outfits may cause us to pause.

I have never sent someone home to change, nor have I been asked to go do so myself – at least not from anywhere other than one stuffy office job I had.

Yet some less-than-spiffy duds may make us roll our eyes in revulsion.

On the flipside, it may be equally disgusting to try and shape our dates into our own mode of dressing if that doesn’t suit them. Folks who are not comfortable in what they are wearing tend to become self conscious, irritable and stooped over like a hunchback as they try to hide.

So is it better to let some style blunders go?

Certain folks may look “cute” when they wear sneakers with sundresses or suits, but it’s still pretty tacky to throw on your tennies with a tuxedo or ball gown.

The jury is still out on guys – or even gals – in fur. I’m a fur lover, faux fur of course, so I generally find it quite fetching. As long as he doesn’t show up in a big, lavender floor-length fur coat that made him look like a sickly Easter bunny or a pimp.

Gals dressed as a pimp’s counterpart, with too short, too tight and too revealing anything, also fall into the tacky category.

Guys should keep their flimsy white tank tops (aka “wife beaters”) beneath their shirts, just as gals should refrain from publicizing bra straps and lingerie. Unless, of course, you find parading around in either a fine fashion statement.

But there may be nothing worse than a date who shows up, even with a bouquet of flowers in hand, who is wearing a T-shirt that reads: “I’m with stupid.”

What do you think?

Do you try to shape the way your date dresses? If yes, how?

What’s the worst outfit you or someone you know has worn on a date?

Did you ever send a date home to change?

Would you pick your boyfriend over your dog? Your girlfriend over your boa constrictor?

Zola helped determine that one guy was a real jerk/Ryn Gargulinski

Whether we love animals or not, sometimes animals just don’t love us back – nor do our own pets always love our significant other. Or maybe the dude is allergic to dogs or the gal terrified of snakes.

When our pets don’t dig our dates, it could be a good way to gauge if someone is a jerk. If my dogs don’t like a guy, he is probably not worth hanging out with.

We have to give it some time, of course, as Sawyer and Phoebe usually don’t like anyone at first. Phoebe will growl and bark while Sawyer will go so far as to stick his head in a person’s face to gauge the person’s fear factor.

Those that don’t flinch get a second chance. Those that are afraid get menaced.

Those that dispense treats are usually quickly approved.

The most horrific pet fiasco in a relationship I can recall would have been a nightmare even without the pets. I owned Zola, an 11-pound miniature pincher, and was dating a dude we’ll call Ashol, who was about 6-feet-2 and more than 200 pounds.

He whined and whined when he claimed the dog bit him. I never saw the bite – or the blood – but I could tell Zola was none too fond of this dude.

Matters got worse when he brought over his cat. I don’t recall the cat ever being mean to me per se, but it was certainly mislabeled as a “housecat.”

The guy’s answer to a litter box was letting the cat crawl in and out through a bathroom window. Of course, he did not mention that until the cat moved into my place, clawed through a couple of screens and then proceeded to crap on the carpet in the corner anyway.

Ashol then claimed I was “seeing things” when I brought up the cat waste, which someone had attempted to clean up by smearing in an upward motion on the nearby wall.

When the cat then clawed at and popped my exercise ball, it was time for the dude to move.

In this particular case, the animals were very helpful in determining this guy was a jerk. But I think in this case, too, I could have figured that out soon enough on my own.

What do you think?

Have you had scary or negative encounters with your significant other’s pets?

Have your own pets hated someone you were dating?

Did you ever have to choose between your loved one and a beloved pet? Do tell!

Since we had so much fun with bad boys and bad girls in a previous post, let’s gallop to the opposite end of the spectrum.

Mama's boys may wear cool hats, at least/Ryn Gargulinski

Meet the mama’s boy.

There is really no female equivalent here, as this category is a definite double standard – one of the few that is in women’s favor.

Gals after a certain age who live with their parents are just trying to save money or are being loving caretakers.

Adult men who live with the parents, especially their mothers, may be on their way to becoming Norman Bates.

Of course, men can still be a mama’s boy even if they do not live with their mothers.

The mama’s boy will not make a move without dear mom’s permission, consultation or blessing. He will invariably take her side over his wife’s or girlfriend’s point of view – even if the two have been married or in a relationship for 22 years.

No woman will ever live up to his mother. Will never cook, clean, work, enunciate or even write a novel as well as she does – even if she’s never written a novel. So no one should even try.

There’s really no room for another woman in his life.

Another speculations on men who live with their parents, especially guys in their 20s and 30s, is that the dudes have a different issue going on.

They may not be mama’s boys or like Norman Bates, but they could instead be more like Peter Pan.

They don’t want to grow up. They don’t want to pay rent. They don’t wanna go to work. They don’t even want to do their own laundry.

In either case, neither Bates nor Peter Pan seems too great for dating material – unless he can get mama to do our laundry, too.

What do you think?

Have you seen an increase in mama’s boys and Peter Pans?

Have you dated any? Are you one of them?

Do you agree there is a double standard between men and women living at home?

Is it OK for adults to live with their parents – or creepy?