Tis the season to have relationship problems – or at least that can be the case as the weather turns ugly and we enter the realm of holiday cheer.

How ironic.

Winter clothes often lack allure/Ryn Gargulinski

Sure, the winter weather can make for some fine snuggling – my two rats that are notorious for scuffling are now snuggle buddies – but it can also put drain and strain on even the best relationships.

Colder weather means big fat clothes. Even if we’re not stuck in pounds-adding snow pants for the winter season, other fashions can make us appear less than sexy. Like bulky, shapeless sweaters. Hair-smashing hats. Scarves that get dribbled with drool and gravy. We feel – and look – much more alluring in a sundress or a tank top and cut-offs.

The sun doth dim. Winter weather means less sunshine. Where it used to stay lit until late, the sun now goes down before 6 p.m.

Less sunshine means crummy moods and, for the very unlucky, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD, sadly, is not a myth but a condition that can plunge us into depression. It’s hard to be nice to your mate when it feels like the world is one big blah.

Cabin fever and the not-so-great indoors adds to relationship strain. We may find ourselves cooped up from the cold. Especially if we live with our significant other, this can lead to intense annoyance and cranky spats.

It can also lead to lethargy, boredom and fighting just so there is something exciting to do.

Big fat clothes sometimes means big fat us. Comfort food definitely warms our souls during cooler temperatures, but it can also pad our thighs.

Chicken pot pies, hearty stews and buttery biscuits sopped in gravy are just a few of the chunky choices that come to mind.

Holiday cheer is often not so cheery. Some may sing along to Jingle Bells while others will inwardly cringe. Holidays can send lots of folks into a funk, especially when the relationship is already strained.

Add the crappy economy to the mix and you’re ready for a rumble. Some people may even break up on purpose during this time so they are not obligated to give an expensive gift. Besides, you may also have to visit in-laws. That, too, can be a fight waiting to happen.

While we can wallow in our extra weight and gooey beef stew, we can also get out, get a HappyLight and still eat healthy to stay sexy to help combat these hefty strains on our relationships.

What do you think?

Do you squabble more with your significant other once the colder weather hits?

Are you in the 0.0001 percent of folks who actually look sexy in a padded jacket?

Do you find ski masks alluring?

Are the holidays the best time to fight so you don’t have to buy a gift?

One of my friends thought he was headed for a breakup.

Fearful breakup face/Ryn Gargulinski

Not because he wanted it, but because he lost his job and thought his girlfriend wouldn’t care about him anymore if he didn’t have money.

For real. Please.

While there certainly are a good share of folks out there digging for gold, sugar daddies or sugar mamas, relationships are about more than just the cash.

At least we hope.

Even if it’s love, and not money, that makes the world go round, money is still one of the most common reasons couples fight. Or throw silverware. Or break up.

The recession has made it even worse, with Reuters reporting 30 percent of Americans admitting the recession added stress to or fully wrecked a relationship.

Wow. No wonder the dude was worried.

One of the reasons money comes up so often, according to a report on Vanguard, is because of all its symbolism and associations.

“Money is such an important subject in our culture and has so many hidden meanings—feeling loved and cared about, feeling competent, feeling safe and secure, accepted, acknowledged and empowered—all of which are core issues,” the report said.

How much a boyfriend or girlfriend spends on his or her beloved is often translated to how much that person cares about the beloved.

Look at massive, glittering engagement rings as a prime example. Or gifts of diamonds and pearls; rubies and emeralds; a big, tacky gold medallion or a new car.

When someone offers such a gift, that must mean the person really loves you, no?

One more money danger is that old-time thinking of the man as the provider, the giver, the money maker. He brings home the bacon, she fries it up in a pan.

If a guy can’t fulfill all these obligations, perhaps he feels less of a man.

But as many women may know, it’s not what’s in the wallet that makes guys attractive. It’s really what’s in their hearts.

What do you think?

Have you broken up with someone over money or a lost job? Do you know anyone who has?

How often do you fight with your significant other about money?

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 most important, where would you put money as an aspect of a relationship?

Since many of us are multimillionaires, we know we need to protect our assets against gold diggers and dates just looking to manipulate us out of our mansions and Jaguars.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.../Photo Ryn Gargulinski

It doesn’t usually apply to the first date, but once we start getting serious with someone, it’s time to sign a contract or two.

Prenuptial agreements are nothing new, but some of the newfangled marriage contracts, like one up for renewal between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, are pretty heavy duty.

We all know Katie and Tom – it’s the couple with a kid named Suri who traipses around town in high heels at age 3.

Tom is also known as the dude who stands on things so he can be at least as tall as his wives while Katie is also known as the no-name actress who is now upset because she is obscured by Tom’s celebrity, albeit short, shadow.

Their contract is a doozey, according to Star magazine, the highly reputable tabloid that is more fun than The Enquirer but not as amusing as those that report on Bat Boy and alien babies (some in high heels).

The Star said some of the highlights of their 100-page contract include:

The Scientology bonus – Katie allegedly gets $250,000 per year for supporting the religion and reportedly wants an additional $500,000 bonus as a special thank you.

The clothing allowance – Katie reportedly wants an increase from her annual $750,000 to an annual $2 million.

The baby bonus – Katie allegedly received a $3 million “gift” when she had Suri in 2006 and has been offered an “additional offspring” incentive ever since. Tom is reportedly willing to increase the gift to $5 million with an additional $2 million if she conceives by 2011.

The tabloid also mentioned the bickering about the contract may be enough to put an end to their three-year union.

The way it sounds, Tom is essentially paying Katie to stay with him and breed.

And we are left with but one question: What’s love got to do with it?

What do you think?

Have you ever dated someone who was only after your money?

Have you dated someone just to get to their money?

Are contracts that include a baby bonus and money for supporting your spouse’s beliefs ridiculous or an ideal thing?

Would an annual $250,000 be enough for you to support Scientology?

Before we delve into this tantalizing topic, we have to ask a single question: do affairs ever NOT go bad?

Cheating on or being cheated on by your significant other ends with hurt feelings, mistrust, breakups, breakdowns and sometimes even worse.

Some prime examples include:

Illustration Ryn Gargulinski

Steve McNair – This noted pro football quarterback and seemingly “all-American guy” was having a clandestine affair his wife didn’t even know about – until his girlfriend allegedly decided to put four bullets in him before turning the gun on herself.

While the double deaths have not been “officially” deemed a murder-suicide at the hands of a, shall we say, unhappy mistress, police say they are not seeking any suspects. Wonder why not.

Brad Pitt – This noted actor and ex-husband of Jennifer Aniston was playing around with Mr. and Mrs. Smith costar Angelina Jolie on camera and off, leading to a divorce from Aniston and marriage to Jolie. While no one is dead from this hookup, we hear Pitt is already possibly wanting to play around with other costars, at least according to the crappy tabloids I like to read, although he’s now saddled with a wife and 502 kids adopted from faraway countries. A rumor has also recently circulated that he had a secret hookup with Aniston in a hotel room.

This affair has also compelled me to keep checking updates on Aniston to see if a. she’s had a nervous breakdown; b. found someone better than that big, goofy dude she first dated following the divorce; or c. see if she finally got a new haircut. You know how annoying it is to be compelled to follow Jennifer Aniston news?

Midget wrestlers and fake prostitutes – This sad tale tells of two Mexican midget wrestlers who were found drugged to death in a seedy hotel after being seen in the company of two hookers. The prostitutes, however, were not really prostitutes but a couple of thieves who specialize in drugging people to rob their money.

While there is no report of the midget wrestlers actually being in relationships with anyone, going to a prostitute is quite often a sign of cheating. Even if they weren’t cheating, hooking up with a hooker is just gross. Perhaps ironically, one of the wrestlers went by the name “La Parkita,” which means “Little Death” and performed in a skeleton costume. The other guy was known as “Espectrito Jr.,” for which no translation was provided, although it could mean “Little Bike Path.”

What affairs do you know of that wrecked homes, lives and careers?

Do you know of any with happy endings?

What’s the craziest things you’ve heard of people doing to hide an affair?

We’ve all fantasized about the best revenge for a guy or gal caught cheating on us: blowing off their heads with a shotgun.

While few of us, at least those of us not currently in prison, have followed through with this fantasy, Tucsonan Mark Sadler did.

Blood on church steps that are really rose petals/Photo Ryn Gargulinski

At least on paper. He turned the trauma and drama of his nasty divorce and his self-awakening that followed into his debut novel: Blood on His Hands (Infinity Press, 2009).

Sadler neither disclosed if his ex-wife had been cheating on him nor if he owned a shotgun, but he did answer one question quite ominously. When asked if he had a dog, he replied, “Not anymore.”

No, I honestly don’t think Sadler killed his dog, although he does admit, “I tried to murder myself but could not.”

“I went through a rather nasty divorce about seven years ago; one that makes you question whether you want to live or not,” Sadler said. “The stress was so great that one day I just packed it all in and disappeared; no one knew where I was. I was completely isolated. I reappeared a week or so later (hauling) a 60-pound pack on the Appalachian Trail.

“The journey that my protagonist takes is loosely based upon my own journey and I experienced an awakening of the spirit on the journey once I got on the Appalachian Trail. I wanted to write about my hiking experiences but so many people have written their personal journey on the Appalachian Trail that I wanted to take a unique angle so I dressed it up as a murder mystery.”

He picked a murder mystery over, say, a romance novel, as he enjoys the thriller aspect of the genre. He also enjoyed creating characters more colorful than the Scarlet, Peacock and Mustard we get in the game of Clue.

His main players are Oklahoma redneck Mike Renton, the dude that blows away his cheating wife; the wife Bonnie; and Bonnie’s lover, Ian Walker, a New Zealand private investigator.

Sadler explains in his press release:

Northern Georgia’s Appalachian Trail has long been rumored to have healing powers and in this tale of redemption and repentance Renton discovers for himself that more than just ‘trail magic’ exists on his journey of despair.

Blood on His Hands leads us from wanton desperation to the promise of a new life no matter the cost.

Not a bad start for a debut novel. Unless, of course, you happen to be the cheating wife.

I first met Sadler at Tucson’s Limelight Poetry Reading where I heard excerpts of the novel. Good stuff. I also heard him mention “his wife” so we know he’s remarried despite previous pain. We also know he’s working on his next book as he recently took a ride-along with a local sheriff’s department.

Mark Sadler/submitted photo

Catch Sadler reading from his novel July 11 and signing books Aug. 1:
Clues Unlimited, 3146 East Fort Lowell, at 2 p.m. on July 11
Mostly Books, 6208 E. Speedway Blvd, at 1 p.m. on Aug. 1
You can also join his fan club on Facebook.

One more thing we know: writing is a great way to purge relationship, or any other, pain.

My ex-boyfriend-turned-stalker experience ended up as a chapbook and CD entitled “How I Almost Married a Psychopath.” Another failed relationship turned into another series of poems, including a heartbreaking lament about how he moved out and took all the silverware.

Have you used writing, singing or another art form to get over a bad breakup?
What’s the best revenge you exacted on a cheating or otherwise crappy mate?