The conservative satirist Iowahawk strikes! CSI Tucson!by Don on Jan. 19, 2011, under Uncategorized
The best satirist in the conservative blogosphere is David Burge, captain of the blogship Iowahawk. When you can read Iowahawk and Ace of Spades and Powerline and Instapundit and Ed Morrissey at HotAir every day…well, who needs Paul Krugman?
Apparently, some people do. Iowahawk skewers those folks, and the MSMers who feed them, in this parody, titled “CSI Tucson.
On the asphalt outside supermarket, the CSI squad gathers around a spilled bag of groceries outlined in chalk.
[CSI Investigator Paul] KRUGMAN
Good work rookie. Well, well, well. What do we have here?
Crouching down, Krugman picks up a box of Lipton tea bags with the tip of his pencil.
KRUGMAN (whipping off sunglasses)
If I know my demand curves, I’d say our young Republican wasn’t acting alone.
Cue opening credit sequence
When you read the piece, you’ll see that David Burge isn’t satirizing Tucson’s police or people, or making light of what happened here. (The only Tucsonan mentioned is Sherriff Dupnik). He’s satirizing that crew of pundits and journalists who took our tragedy and tried to get something out of it for themselves.
I do have one addition to Iowahawk’s genius; it’s in boldface below:
Flashback: outside Dakota Hotel in New York 1980. A man strolling along sidewalk suddenly freezes midstep. Split screen of beauty pageant in Alaska. Closeup of contestant receiving Miss Congeniality crown. Her eyes turn pulsating red. The New York man pulls gun from leisure suit.
Flashback: inside Texas Schoolbook Depository, 1963. Warehouse worker suddenly freezes. Split screen of baby girl in Eskimo papoose. Baby’s eyes turn pulsating red. Man grabs rifle and walks toward window.
Flashback: intermission at Ford’s Theater, 1865. At concession stand, man suddenly freezes. Split screen of pelt-strewn Governor’s office. A woman is seated behind desk, whose eyes begin pulsating red. Eyes of moose heads on walls begin pulsating red. Man retrieves derringer from waistcoat.
WOMAN BEHIND GOVERNOR’S DESK
I can see 1865 from my window! Bwa ha ha!
Flash forward to January 2011. An editorial cartoonist at the Arizona Republic listens to news reports of the President of the United States coming to Tucson to speak at a memorial service, and the impending arrival of a repaired and revived World Trade Center flag. The newscaster says that the flag will be used as a sign of hope and comfort at the memorial that will dominate Tucson’s upcoming weekend.
The cartoonist ponders what cartoon he should draw…a cartoon which will run the day after the president speaks and the day the flag arrives.
As the cartoonist ponders, his eyes wander over to a pile of old newspapers on a nearby desk. On top of the pile is an article from the paper’s Entertainment section, about “Dancing With The Stars.” The article shows a picture of a contestant, seated next to her mother.
Split screen to closeup of the mother’s picture; her eyes flash pulsating red, followed by the daughter’s . The cartoonist suddenly freezes…and then picks up his pen…
When America’s mainstream media enlisted in the Democratic Party, American conservatives did what Americans have done for hundreds of years—we built something better.