The beginning of a happiness journey.

As promised, I’m going to blog my thoughts as I work my way through Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project. I’m only through the first chapter, but I’ve already discovered my major problem where it comes to being happy: I am not really sure what makes me happy.

I know what brings me pleasure, and I can even point to moments of contentment, and the rush of uncovering something no other reporter knows and bringing it to light is freaking AMAZING … but are those things really happiness? I’ve passed on the wisdom before regarding the difference between happiness and pleasure (at least where moral issues are concerned), and if you ask 10 different people to define “happiness” you’d get 10 different answers, methinks. Hence the need for individual happiness projects; what rings my bells, may not ring yours. Yet, like folks who’ve said they know obscenity when they see it, Rubin says (and I agree) that we probably each know happiness when we see it. Problem is, at least for moi, I don’t pay close enough attention.

So, that’s the first step: Setting aside some time to think about what really TRULY makes me happy. And that thinking can make you a little crazy, Rubin writes. From the book:

“…as I thought about happiness, I kept running up against paradoxes. I wanted to change myself but accept myself. I wanted to take myself less seriously – and also more seriously. I wanted to use my time well, but I also wanted to wander, to play, to read at whim. … I was always on the edge of agitation; I wanted to let go of envy and anxiety about the future, yet keep my energy and ambition.”

“The laws of happiness are as fixed as the laws of chemistry,” Rubin writes, but even if one isn’t making up the laws from scratch, one needs to wrestle with those laws in light of one’s particular circumstance to develop a happiness plan and then figure out steps to implement that plan in one’s life. Use the research – i.e. one of the most important elements to happiness is social bonds – and find a way to apply that to your life. Then, baby stepping it, add something else that is particular to your happiness and figure out a plan to get more of that in your life.

For instance, I now know that work is key to my happiness; life after the closure of the Citizen has taught me that. But since I’ve not found fulltime employment, I’ve found that if I treat my training as “work” it increases my happiness as if it were a job. Not perfect, but in the right direction.

One of the best parts of Rubin’s first chapter was her list of Secrets to Adulthood. (Some of the secrets in the book are not included in the online link above and so I mention them here: Bring a sweater; do good, feel good; and people actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts from their registry.) Another great insight was her discovery that one goal of her happiness project was “to prepare for adversity – to develop the self-discipline and the mental habits to deal with a bad thing when it happened.” She didn’t want to wait for a crisis to remake her life. I think that’s great advice, although, for me, being unemployed has turned out to be more of a crisis than I imagined, so I’m going to start where I am.

If you’re wondering just how happy you might be, you can take the Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire (you have to register online to take it), but keep in mind Rubin’s words: you don’t have to be unhappy to start a happiness project. You just have to want to make a change. And for me, for this week or so, I’m going to just focus on writing down the times I feel happy (and unhappy) and see if I can come up with a list of what makes me happy so I can move onto the next section of the book where resolutions are developed out of those happiness goals.

Hiking in Pima Canyon over Thanksgiving with family and friends

POSTSCRIPT: I just got back from riding seven miles on the Rillito River bike trail, something I’ve wanted to do ever since we moved to Tucson 10 years ago. I went with my rock-n-roll son, and at one point I heard myself say, “This is great, I’m so happy!” Upon reflection, I realized I am always happy when I’m enjoying outside exercise, if I’m with family or friends. So, that’s top of the aforementioned “What makes me happy” list: Exercising outside with family or friends.

You have to wait until minute 13 of this 18 minute video to hear it, but President Barack Obama, in a Dec. 21 visit to the Washington D.C. Boys and Girls Club, does a little evangelizing about the “reason we celebrate Christmas” after reading the Polar Express to the kids and listening to a litany of multimedia acronyms on their wish lists. He does a good job, and when one child talks about giving gifts instead of just receiving them, Obama delivers a little Three Wise Men theology. Anyone who still clings to the “he’s a Muslim in hiding” conspiracy theory would do well to check it out.

I love Christmas, and it isn’t because of the presents. It’s because of the story. (GodBlogging warning: If you’re not into Christmas, are a non-believer, or just Grinch, stop reading here.) Christmas is the theology of God loving us, nothing else. We didn’t (we don’t) have to do anything except accept that love and grace and love back. It is very hard to describe. I mean, I could tell you the story, connecting the verses in the gospels of Matthew and Luke, bringing the annunciation of Gabriel and the tax-registration in the City of David and the shepherds and the wise men and Joseph’s dream and the manger birth and the Wise Men’s visit as done in popular media, but I cannot express what happens deep within me when hearing the Biblical recitation or when setting up my family’s Nativity scene.

So, I offer you this article about having a Merry Christmas and, for clergy who might be wondering how they can make their Christmas eve and Christmas day sermons great, you could do far worse that take a page from this guy’s message.

In other news, the Vatican’s official paper gave props to The Simpsons on Tuesday, (continue reading…)

For those of you out there serious about increasing your own happiness, I will once again recommend The How of Happiness. I am more than half-way through and, of the dozens of self-help, raise-those-endorphins books I’ve consumed in the past decade, this is by far the most practical. It is also the only one that has research directly tied to it (the author gives a suggestion, then tells you what research shows about it), which just gives it the feeling of being more solid than other books I’ve read on the subject. So, first happiness advice for today is get that book.

Second piece of happiness I want to share is this quote:

“(Optimism) is not about providing a recipe for self-deception. The world can be a horrible, cruel place, and at the same time, it can be wonderful and abundant. These are both truths. There is not a halfway point; there is only choosing which truth to put in your personal foreground.”

I LOVE THAT QUOTE!! As a culture, I think we suffer from a “He made me” mentality. We get angry and blame that anger on someone who was a jerk to us. But that’s a lie. We get angry because we CHOOSE to respond to the jerk by getting angry. You can also choose to ignore the jerk. (Caveat: Sometimes, anger is the only response to bullies who try to mug you.) We stress over a lack of time, but don’t want to take the time (ha!) to figure out how best to organize ourselves – and what to let go – so we don’t feel so stressed. Our attitude, in other words, is a choice, perhaps so habitual it is subconscious, but a choice nonetheless about how we see the world.

That said, we often are overwhelmed by negative information and struggle knowing what to do with it all. That can lead to the big killer of happiness: over-thinking/rumination. Now, if there was ever a ruminator, you’re looking at her. I have to constantly fight the tendency to obsess over what bad outcome might be forthcoming. It gets harder each day in this world of 24-7 information – there’s just so much to worry about! I feel like I’m in a reality show for perfection, especially since I heard an interview with the guy behind the No Impact Man blog and film. (Yes, yet another blogger who will become rich off of a movie. No, I am not jealous.)

The no impact guy, a self-proclaimed liberal, decided to live for a year without buying ANYTHING except locally-grown food. He gave up electricity (except solar produced), TV and transportation that could not be accomplished on his own feet or his bike’s wheels, toilet paper and stopped producing garbage. He did this as a married man with a 2-year-old daughter, with a smile on his face.

The interview was inspirational, but also overwhelming. Since I joined the ranks of the unemployed (or the very underemployed, since I did get a freelance assignment from the new downtown magazine Zocalo Tucson recently), I’ve been concentrating a lot on cutting back. But it was an economic thing, not an environmental thing.

I spent my high school and college years in Corvallis, Oregon. I was very big into reusing and recycling and produced very little garbage. When I moved to Texas, I was shocked that people littered and would actually chase these heathens down and ask, waving the litter in their general direction, “Did you drop this?” I was mostly vegetarian, and rode a bike to the newspaper where I worked and to most of my assignments – that was possible in Denton, Texas.

Austerity Plus: No clothes for that baby!

When I married my meat-and-potatoes husband, I brought him along in many of my austere ways, but not all. When we started having children and especially, when we started living on one income so I could be home with those children, austerity became our middle name.

We did everything on the cheap and, in many ways, resembled No Impact Man. We used cloth diapers, hung our laundry out to dry, wore sweaters instead of turning up the heat, ate beans and rice because it is a perfect protein and we couldn’t afford animal protein. We bought used toys, clothing and cars. We recycled, grew our own veggies, made homemade bread, and built beds for our kids – three of whom shared one room for a while. (continue reading…)

St. Frances de Sales, the patron saint of journalists and writers, once said, “Half an hour’s meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy. Then a full hour is needed.”

I’ve been thinking about statement almost obsessively over the past five days for two reasons: One, I read this article on the “radical idea” of people taking 24 hours of absolute solitude and, two, I got hurt exercising and have been confined against my will as my injury heals.

While every person’s road to happiness is different, there are some things that research shows increase happiness in general, and one of them is a little bit of silence. Not every day, necessarily, and not necessarily for a long time, but some silence sometime. Some of us – the ones already prone to overthinking everything – might actually be harmed by too much solitude, too much “think time.” These folks might be better aimed toward happiness by actively helping other people.

The most amazing group of teenagers I've ever worked with, at the end of our week of gutting two homes destroyed by Katrina so they could be reconstructed on the inside

I’m a middle-of-the-roader here: I need both active engagement and time alone, and I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, the need for the latter has increased greatly, something I could never have imagined when I was 20. The times I’ve felt happiest (except for the births of each of my kids) have been when I’ve actually DONE something to help someone out, like when I helped gut houses in New Orleans with a bunch of teenagers after Hurricane Katrina.

I need evidence of my work, to see that I’ve done something concrete to make the world a better place, in order to get the hit of happiness that keeps me going in this life. Writing a check to a charity just doesn’t do it, nor does sitting on a board of a charity that does good work I never touch. I’m a hands-on, get-it-done girl who doesn’t like to be told “No,” or “Let’s have a meeting” or “Perhaps we should pray about it.”

Exhausted after a days work gutting houses, sleeping on the floor of a parish rectory that still, a year after Katrina, had no hot water and sporadic electricity

That said, I’ve found that if I don’t have some reflection time – about 60 minutes/week – my hamster-wheel brain jumps from one idea to another with not a whole lot of direction. I need silence, pure and uninterrupted, to prioritize where my energy would best be spent in this world of need.

I think for most folks, distracted by texting, tweeting, Web surfing, IMing, Face Book and every other technological do-dad, a little silence could go a long way toward offering some perspective and peace.

And most importantly, that silence would give us time to think, as opposed to having our brains be constantly revved up by outside stimuli. Great ideas don’t just jump into one’s mind fully formed, all the nits worked out. Creativity – be it in the science lab or the art studio – is fed by the ability to daydream. And daydreaming can’t happen when one’s mind (or a section of one’s mind) is distracted by NOISE.

One of the many New Orleans homes devastated by Hurricane Katrina. This was one of the first things we saw coming into the city.

So, all you happiness seekers out there, some questions for today: Have you ever sought out absolute solitude (no outside stimulation at all, including books) as a means toward peacefulness, happiness or a more contented life? When was the last time you just laid on your back looking at clouds, or, at night, looking at the stars? How does silence – or the lack thereof – affected your overall well-being? Or, are you a person who needs action more than silence for happiness?

I couldn’t bring myself to post something about happiness on Wednesday after writing about the death of Sen. Kennedy, but I did think about it alot. And mostly what I thought was this: Why do we often sabotage our own happiness?

For instance, I know through experience that exercise makes me happy. The problem is, it doesn’t make me

Clipart from clipartheaven

happy until about 20 minutes into a 40 minute workout. Before that time, staying in bed feels so much better. Staying in bed doesn’t, in the long run, make me happier, but it feels better than those first 15 minutes of pulling on my workout clothes, brushing my teeth, and getting to the gym or out on the sidewalk. (This goes back to the difference between happiness and pleasure, which I’ve discussed before.)

So sometimes, I just don’t go. Even though I KNOW it will make me happier once I’m done exercising. Being with people makes me happy, but being with people usually involves driving way out from Oro Valley into Tucson because the people I like most live near the UA or in southeast Tucson and, I don’t get pleasure from driving. So my immediate pleasure/comfort gets in the way of my long term happiness. (continue reading…)

OK, truth-in-advertising time: I am not a naturally happy person. I wish I was (oh how I wish I was!), but I’m not. There are specific causes for this trend toward crisis/critical-mode thinking, but blaming one’s circumstances of early childhood is like spitting in the wind: you just get slobbered on, and nothing really changes. No, things change when you recognize a pattern and decide what you want to do – if anything – about it. That’s what happened to me at exactly 11:43 a.m. yesterday, when I decided that, in terms of this Happiness Project, I’ve got to start over.

As I’ve said before, I’m a Human Do-ing more than a Human Be-ing. This can be a good thing, of course: Few social and political movements have been started by people just “being” in the moment. No, they are started – and finished – by people DOING something. Rosa Parks, after all, didn’t just stand there – she took action and sat down.

But this human doing-ness can also cause problems, because we do-ers look at a new projects as One More Thing To Do, and can get further stressed, which does not increase one’s overall happiness quotient. When I first joined the international Happiness Project movement and agreed to launch a virtual group here at TC.com, I patterned everything after the founder of the movement (all hail the kind and brilliant Gretchen Rubin!), not knowing any other way to go. There was one major difference – most Happiness Project groups only meet once/month, whereas we’re meeting – such as we are in this virtual space – once/week. That in and of itself causes performance anxiety for Type-A, high-strung, performance-driven folks like me. Especially when you lay things out as ‘to do’ lists: Make resolutions, make commandments, make progress…..

I figured this out, as I said, yesterday, when I was looking at my commandments and realizing they are all wrong, especially the first: Be Renee. If I truly followed that commandment, I would just naturally be melancholy, introspective, cynical and anxious. If I’m those things, I can’t even get to my other five guiding commandments because melancholy, cynical folks DON’T accept imperfection (especially in ourselves); we AREN’T naturally kind; we DON’T let anger go; and we certainly don’t do real well in the ‘act-as-if’ arena.

“Be Renee” on its face, leads me to think things like, “Well, like Hemingway, I’m just naturally full of angst and woe, so just deal with it world!” Trust me, no one – least of all the really fun people – wants to be around a gray cloud. Heck, I don’t want to be around a gray cloud, which is why I got interested in the Happiness Project in the first place! (I still think exclamation marks make you happy almost instantaneously, btw.)

So, I’ve completely tossed my commandments list – especially the whole idea that I must have at least six guiding principles in my life – and I’ve begun anew with just two: 1. Find the good in the moment, and 2. Be kind.

Swimming up close with wildlfe definitely makes me happy/Credit: Robin Horton

I may be stretching it to even have two, but I’m going to give it a shot, nonetheless for this next week. I think if I can do #1, I will be able to naturally do #2. For people like me, who wake up petrified each day and go to bed with a hamster wheel of worry digging a trench in their brain, we have to take serious, concentrated ACTION to change our in-born pattern. Some people think it is a wasted effort, that it is impossible to change who you are, that everyone has a set-point for happiness and if you got a bad deal in the genetic roulette wheel of birth and parenting, too bad. You might be able to change little, but not much.

If I thought like that (which, in my deeply tired and sad moments I admit I sometimes do), I would have to go to my editor and say, “Stab me with your x-acto knife and beat me with a pica ruler because I just can’t take it anymore!” Since the mess that would make is highly unacceptable, I’m going to buy into this proposal instead, that small, baby steps in positive thinking – ones that won’t overwhelm my get-it-done persona – will make a difference. Every time my crazy hyperactive brain tries to pull me to the past or regret or push me to the future or worry, I’m going to gently toss those thoughts aside and look at flowers or pictures of people I love or the essay in front of me and breathe in the good. Like exercising, I will just practice, practice, practice, and eventually, I’ll build some natural happiness muscle. Finding the good in this exact space and being kind – will guide my life and then, I hope, the resolutions I pick to head me toward happiness and joy will come more easily.

What about you – did you discover anything this past week about what “works” for you as you test-drive happiness theories? Have you discovered you need to change or adapt what you originally planned? Let me know in the comments or through the ‘contact me’ link. (Postscript: Gretchen offers a tip each Wednesday at her site, and I think this “Secrets of Adulthood” is worth the read if you have some time.)

Last week, after offering a bribe, eight people agreed to join in the local version of the international Happiness Project. Congratulations Carolyn on winning the prize (which is still undisclosed as Carolyn is out of town and won’t be receiving said prize until Aug. 19).

The good news is that eight people joined – two of them in Tucson, one in Phoenix and the other five out of state. that is one advantage to a virtual happiness group: You don’t have to live in the same area b/c you meet online. So, how is everyone doing on their resolutions and/or coming up with personal commandments? Is anyone confused between the two? I will admit I am. My commandments, I’ve found, are sort of like my resolutions. Which probably means my resolutions aren’t specific enough.

This list is TOO LONG

In addition, I am feeling a little overwhelmed trying to focus on six guiding principles (aka commandments) every day while also trying to remember the one resolution I should work on for the month. So what I decided, was that for me to be happy, I can’t feel stressed. And keeping a LONG LIST of what I need to do to be happier makes me UNhappier.

So I did some adjustment, the first thing being deciding to only focus on one thing each week. For me, that one thing was my third commandment, being kind. To really focus on it, I committed to (and maybe this is actually a resolution) writing down every time I said something that was unkind AND writing down kind things I did. I will admit that I didn’t always write everything down, but the fascinating thing was that just telling myself before an encounter with someone, “Remember to write down how kind you were” actually made me more aware of my behavior and helped me, most of the time, to be more kind. Which naturally made the person be more kind to me, and the happiness just spread willy nilly all over the place!

The other thing I did was write down my six commandments (Be Renee; accept imperfection; be kind; let anger go; do the next thing; act as if) and keep them in easy view at my desk. That meant I saw them multiple times each day and that helped me keep them in the foreground of my mind so even though I was practicing, primarily, being kind, I also noted that the others cropped up throughout the day. For instance, when feeling overwhelmed, I would tell myself to “Just do the next thing” and if I was irritated, I’d hear a tiny voice say, “Remember to let anger go.”

Overall, then, I’d say then that the week was a success in my step toward being a happier person through the commandments and resolutions. But learning – and accepting – that I needed to focus on one of the commandments (while not completely ignoring the others) at a time was very helpful in not making me feel like a failure (which, I suppose, goes to my “accept imperfection” commandment!).

So, I’m interested in hearing what y’all’s experience was this past week with resolutions and/or commandments. Do you have any tips to share? Any insights gained? And, if you can remember, what was the thing that made you happiest this past week?

Euna Lee greeting her family. Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Today, I cried at the gym, while sweating away on the cross-trainer because the TV news showed the emotional homecoming of journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee as they landed at 5:50 a.m. in Burbank, CA. (Happiness note: they came to the Bob Hope airport, which is so appropriate, since Hope was one happy guy!)

Journalists tend to flock together as a tribe, and only those who have done the alternately exhilarating/mind-numbingly boring job of reporting can truly relate. When you are on the trail of a good story, as Ling and Lee were, everything is great. When you’re sitting through the fifth hour at a boring school board meeting, you want to plunge an ice pick through your head to escape the tedium. And when one of your own is trapped inside a hostile country facing 12 years in one of the hidden gulags, you find yourself holding your breath until they come home.

According to the International Federation of Journalists, more than 1,100 journalists and media staff have been killed in the line of duty over the past 12 years. If Lee and Ling had not been released through the “humanitarian mission” of former President Bill Clinton, they surely would have died in the North Korea gulag, since conditions there are hard labor, a diet of mostly corn and water, and more hard labor. Human-rights groups report that conditions at some camps are so harsh that 20-25 per cent of prisoners die annually.

Journalists are people that the public likes to hate. We get blamed for everything, it seems, and yet … did you read a paper this morning? Listen to radio news or watch a television broadcast? When 9-11 happened, if you weren’t in New York, how did you find out what was going on? When the atrocities of the Iraq war and the lies behind our involvement were discovered, who did that discovering? Closer to home, when tax-payer-supported public officials or local icons say one thing and then do another, who brings that to your attention? And every time you look something up on “the Google“, chances are, you’re going to find something written by a journalist.

Journalists in foreign countries (and even very close to home) are especially at risk in their attempt to bring world news to people sitting safely in their living rooms or at their kitchen tables. They get killed, kidnapped or arrested for two reasons: someone did not like what they wrote or said, or because they were in the wrong place in the wrong time. They suffer defending freedom through freedom of speech and the values of an open Democracy; they die for telling the truth.

So when those who are being held captive are released, we should all rejoice. Today, when Lee ran down the stairs of the airplane to her husband and then knelt in front of her daughter, the universal language of Mommies everywhere was spoken: I’m home, honey, I’m right here, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. And it was truly a happy day.

Hello, people! Welcome to our third Happiness Project meeting. And before I go further, I want all the people who commented on the assisted suicide posts to know I’ll be responding later today, so check back then. Now, on with happiness!

I must say, it is tempting to get discouraged that I haven’t actually had someone say, “I want to join your virtual Happiness Project, Renee!”, but in my effort to remain happy, I’m ignoring the lack of joiners. (That doesn’t mean I won’t stoop to begging for them, which I’m doing right now by offering an amazing PRIZE to the first commenter today who commits to joining the Happiness Project effort here at TC.com. Yes, you heard me, a PRIZE, so no pretenders.)

You could win a PRIZE!!

Today’s meeting is about personal commandments for happiness. According to the illustrious Gretchen Rubin (HI, GRETCHEN!!!), founder of the HP, personal commandments are overarching principles that you want to guide your actions and thoughts. Natually, they need to point toward your overall goal of being happier. You

should pick more than five but no more than 12, and if, like me, you struggled just remembering what you resolved to do to be happier in our first two meetings, you’ll want to write these commandments down and define them briefly for yourself.

The commandments help with the monthly resolutions, and speaking of resolutions, studies show that we do better with goals if they are written down and if we track our progress. Ergo, the Resolution Chart. Read Gretchen’s explanation of a resolution chart here, and consider making one. I’m definitely doing it because, for whatever reason, I have the memory of a goldfish right now: every 15 seconds the world appears new, and I can’t remember what I was planning on doing. And if you are having trouble figuring out what kinds of resolutions to make, a menu of resolutions is offered here. )

Goldfish can only remember things for 15 seconds

I’ve been thinking about the personal commandments for about a week, and have come up with six, because I think that’s as much as I can handle. Please feel free to share yours, also (and for folks who may be shy and not want to share in the open comment space, feel free to email me through my contact page.)

Rubiks cube

1. Be Renee. Got the idea for the title from Gretchen’s post on her commandments, and I think this is the most important one any of us can follow. When we try to be something we aren’t, we are unhappy, period. Each of us came into the world with certain talents, gifts and interests. As a mother of four kids, I’ve been able to watch this up close and personal: We are all born with a certain bent, and when we go against that, we are miserable. For me, that drive is toward learning about people. I can no more stop asking questions than I can solve a Rubics Cube. (Which is why I was a good journalist. Sigh.)

Yet, for years, I’ve let my family’s fear of embarrassment make me feel uncomfortable about my natural, insatiable curiosity. The fact that I would see a stranger with an interesting hat and go to talk to her, or attempt speaking my poor Spanish with a Spanish-speaker I just met – and hundreds of other examples – made my kids cringe in pain. I’m also driven to dance and do so whenever a good song comes on, be it in the car or the grocery store; am a morning person (will the other morning person out there please contact me?); love college-aged people; and have an acute sensitivity to injustice, be it based on race, gender, class or illness. I’ve tried to tone down all of that for years, only to feel frustrated and angry because I’m not being me. So, my first commandment is to be me …. and that leads to the second commandment:

2. Accept imperfection. Being who I am means I’m not someone else. I’m really good at writing, but I suck at math. I will never be a doctor because of that, in spite of the fact that I keep thinking I could be if I just tried harder. I’m a morning person, which means I rarely stay up past 10 p.m. (except when my son’s band is in town), and so I miss a lot of the fun night life stuff that goes on. I’m not the world’s best cook (or even close), I’m not good at sports, I’m not a self-made woman where business is concerned. I am pretty good at a few things, mediocre at a number of others, and completely hopeless in many …. and that’s ok, if I accept imperfection.

3. Be kind. One would think this is obvious and easy but it isn’t. Being kind means thinking about what you say before the words jump out of your mouth. It means thinking about the other person before you think about yourself and your needs. It means giving someone the benefit of the doubt. These are things I have not mastered even though I have attempted many times and even though I gave my family more than one lecture on the virtue of kindness. I could spread kindness easily outside my home, but inside was another story. You know the old saying about hurting the ones you love most – I think many parents/spouses can relate to that saying because we sort of feel like, “Well, they’ll always love me” or “This is a safe place, its OK to be a jerk” when in fact, what we should think is that these are the people I most love in the world and so I should treat them with more kindness than anyone else.

4. Let anger go. I sometimes hold onto resentments. I used to nurture them, invite them in for tea, tell myself my resentment was righteous. I don’t do those things anymore, but I still find myself hanging onto anger over insults big or small. But the plain fact of the matter is, people can be inconsiderate and downright jerky and yet, if you let them get to you, they win. They go on being their jerky selves and you sit around being miserable about how awful they are. Just let it go. It isn’t worth the heartache. Same with real or perceived slights from family and friends. If it is real, you can confront the person in truth and kindness, but you have no control over their reaction. Maybe they’ll apologize and maybe they won’t. If they don’t, holding onto anger about the situation only makes YOUR day go badly. Life is a gift, and each day could be my last, so why waste it being angry?

5. Do the next thing. I actually learned this commandment from a parenting publication two decades ago. I had

Laundry drying the natural way; Getty images

three children under 4 years of age and was overwhelmed with fatigue. I sat out on the patio one day, holding the baby and watching the toddlers play, thinking I would never, ever, ever again get the laundry completely done. (And with three kids, two in cloth diapers, and a commitment to dry our clothes on a laundry line, we had PLENTY of laundry.) That night, I read a magazine article that talked about “doing the next thing.” Don’t get overwhelmed with everything staring at you, just do the next thing – what is the most important at that moment? Is it lunchtime? Fix some food. That has been my mantra for years, and helps me prioritize everything from writing assignments to birthday celebrations.

BFF Kathy and I dancing with people we'd just met

6. Act As If. Stole this from Al-Anon meetings years ago, although every other self-help group practices some version of it. Act as if you’re going to get a job. Act as if you’re happy. Act as if you’re not in pain. There’s tons of research into mind over body and the mind-body connection, but even sans research, all you have to do is talk to an Act As If practitioner to see that it works. It is tied to the What You Focus On Grows mindset: If you focus on the fact that you’re hurting, you will only hurt more. If, instead, you shift your focus to the fact that a double-rainbow appeared, or flowers bloomed or you got to dance with your best friend with a bunch of mariachis, your happiness quotient goes up.

What are your personal commandments? Do you want to join this virtual Happiness Project and spread the love in the Tucson metroplex?

Weddings are normally pretty staid events, especially when held in a church, and especially where the wedding procession is concerned: The groom waits alone at the altar watching as the flower girl and ring bearer, then the bridesmaids/groomsmen, then the maid-of-honor and the best man, and finally, the bride, march down the aisle to, usually, classical music.

Then you have J and K, who decided to have their wedding party recreate the hysterical comedy act about the Evolution of Dance. I couldn’t stop smiling when I saw it, thinking, “How much fun!” But then, galloping on the heels of that thought was this:  That’s something that wouldn’t be allowed in most worship spaces. In Catholicism, it would be eschewed as not serious or spiritual enough, as though God doesn’t like to dance. Most Lutheran and Episcopal congregations would agree, as would Orthodox and Conservative Judaism and all of Islam and fundamental Christian sects. (I’m betting that J and K got married by a Methodist minister.)

But why wouldn’t it be allowed? Who are we worried about offending? Certainly not God. There’s a long list of what really bugs the Almighty, I think, including murder, needless war, greed, cheating, lying, stealing, talking smack. But dancing your way into your wedding? I don’t think so. The video is great, and linked below – a great way to begin your weekend. And if you don’t know about the Evolution of Dance – which is really why the wedding video is so funny – check it out here.

Wedding Entrance Dance on You Tube

Stumbled across an article this afternoon that sort of goes against the conventional wisdom I referred to in the Happiness Wednesday post about thinking positively. In “Finding Your Inner Loser,” John Cloud reports on a new study that shows that thinking positively can actually have the opposite effect by pointing out to people how unhappy they really are. (I don’t need to point out here, do I, that a guy with the last name of “Cloud” is perfect to write a piece reporting the negative effects of thinking positively.)

Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project would probably agree with some of what the study contends, which is that we can’t fight our nature. Instead, we need to accept who we are and how we are, and put our shortcomings into what the Time article described as a “larger, more realistic perspective.” (This is probably what Rubin is talking about in her 12 Commandments for Happiness, the first of which is “Be Gretchen.”) In other words, sure you’re not a rocket scientist, but neither are most people. Or, average is ok if aiming for perfect will kill you. And, I suppose, if you’re having a bad day, just have it — but don’t invite it to stay all week.

Not everyone thinks the same things are funny, but everyone can agree (and if you can’t, please leave the room right now) that Happiness Wednesday should include a good laugh or two. And since this Happiness Project is hosted on God Blogging, the two funny things I found last night surfing the Web are sort-of God related.

The first speaks for itself —- a dog in the worshipful posture of believers everywhere, bowing to The Almighty Bone.

The second is words not pictures, but very funny if you’re: 1. Christian; 2. an atheist with “intense” Christians in your circle of friends/family; or 3. a person who appreciates satire. Jonathan Acuff runs a blog called “Stuff Christians Like.” He describes himself as a Christian attempting to be a satirist.

“The goal of the site is to clear away the clutter of Christianity so we can see the beauty of Christ and I try to do that using satire as a vehicle,” he wrote in an e-mail. I don’t know if he’s successful in that goal, but many of his posts (which are being compiled/used as fodder for Acuff’s upcoming book of the same name) are laugh-out-loud funny, especially if – like me – you’ve spent much time around Jesus folk.  I’d never be able to come up with the hundreds of things he says Christians like, but when I read them, I realize the guy is spot-on.  Especially, with this post, which is the one that will brighten up your Happiness Wednesday. But if it doesn’t, that’s ok – I forgive you.

Have you ever noticed that just adding an exclamation point can make you happier? As can smiling, no matter how you’re feeling. So, how did you all do on your happiness resolution for last week? As you might recall, I said I would get out with a friend, and build a make-do Web site to host my clips so job hunting would be easier. I am happy to report that I did do task #1 (went and saw The Proposal) and I didn’t do task #2. Normally, I would beat myself up over not completing the second task, but in my desire to not only discover what makes me happy, but BE happier, I’m choosing to do what happy people do: Look to the positive.

One of our daughters experiencing real happiness in the sea off the coast of Rocky Point

Did doing/not doing either of these things increase my happiness quotient? Interestingly enough, yes, but not in the way one would think. The movie was an afternoon flick and I had a hard time really enjoying it b/c I was thinking I should be working. but I chose that time b/c it would be cheaper, and that’s a big deal for me right now, being unemployed. So, while I had a good time with my friend, I learned that if I’m going to get out, my personality is such that I would enjoy it more if I did it after work hours. I felt like it was the first time in about 20 years I’ve made any self-discovery and THAT really made me happy.

As for task #2, I was rushing to do it and it was taking me a long time and then I realized I could probably find someone to make a way better site for me without having to pay an arm and a leg if I marketed my need through Twitter, looking for a hungry almost-or-recent college grad. So that’s what I did, and she came along, and we’re moving toward an kick-derriere site for relatively small outlay and far less stress. Discovering that sometimes, its better to pay for a product than make it yourself was also news to me and – ta-da! – made me happier.

So, how about you guys? Anyone out there try to figure out what would really make you happy and make a resolution last week? If so, how did you do? Share your progress in the comments section. If you didn’t do anything, why not start this week? We’re sticking with the resolution for one more week and then we’ll move onto the next step. I just want to give new readers a chance to get involved before we move onto the second step of the project. To learn about the resolution step, as well as what the heck the Happiness Project is, read last week’s post, here .

And if you think you’re all alone – fear not! Look at this map of all the Happiness Project groups being launched around the world. Note the Tucson push pin! If you mouse over it, a balloon pops up directing folks to the project here at God Blogging. I don’t know who did the map, probably the founder of the Happiness Project (proving once again that she is the world’s most productive person), but it is way cool.  I’d be happier automatically if I were so creative I could make a digital map!!! But for now I’ll stick with my second happiness resolution, which is saying one positive thing to each person I come in contact with this week, and, for the people I live with, a new positive thing each day. Spread the love, my peeps.

Don't you want to be as happy as this guy? (Source: Getty Images)

As promised in my Monday post, today we at God Blogging are attempting to launch a local Happiness Project. I’m following the starter kit advice from Happiness Project founder Gretchen Rubin for the topic of the first meeting, which is right now, virtually through this blog. (Yes, you’re at a meeting!) I’m looking for lots of participation, so if you read this blog and think “Hey, I’d like to be happier!” or “I know someone who should be happier!”, then jump in and add your resolutions in the comment section and send this blog to all your unhappy friends and family members.

If a large enough group forms here (and there is a valid vote of the people), we can take the next step and meet in person. Background on the original Happiness Project is at the end of this post, but for now, let’s start the meeting.

According to Gretchen (I’m thinking maybe we should get little wristbands that ask: “What would Gretchen do?”), the goals of a Happiness Project are to identify elements of your life that you want to change; find concrete, measurable resolutions that, if kept, will help you bring about that change; hold yourself accountable for keeping your resolutions; and decide whether you want to adjust, toss, or re-commit to a resolution. (continue reading…)

Any registration for a class that includes the question “Will you be renting stilts?” has my vote for coolest summer class anywhere. I just finished an Employability Skills Workshop offered for “dislocated workers” (the PC term for the unemployed) and during it, we were asked to think about our “skills.” My main skills – curiosity, risk-taking, tenacity, pretty high lie-radar – qualify me to be a good reporter (the job I just got laid off from) or …. a spy.

But wait! As I was ordering my unemployed drink (no more $4 anythings for me, I’m down to the $2 variety, and only two days/week instead of every day) at Epic Cafe today, I saw an ad for a summer course in, yes, you guessed it, CIRCUS TRAINING! I could do that!

Tucson Circus Arts (Who knew about this? Did you, Ryn Gargulinski?) is offering a Summer Camp right this very second but another session starts Monday. Morning sessions are kids only, but the afternoon sessions are for ages 12 and up, and as they exclaim on their site, “adults included!” Of course, the classes aren’t free, but perhaps they could qualify as retraining and get a little money through Obama’s job retraining funds. Or, Tucson Circus Arts could offer some free courses for the depressed unemployed to cheer themselves up.

So, for everyone who has ever said, “I want to run away and join the circus,” now may be your chance — go get some skills.