Grey Matters

Halloween Horrors from the NAMI Website

It’s trick or treat time again. We don’t mind ghosts and goblins, but when “haunted house” attractions become “insane asylums,” featuring “mental patients” as murderous ghouls, we protest.

Violent stereotypes are inaccurate and offensive and the U.S. Surgeon General has determined that stigma is a major barrier to people getting help when they need it. Help send the message!

Local Attractions
Here’s an example. NAMI New Jersey is fighting an “Asylum of Terror” sponsored by a local museum and supported by a local Walmart and Dunkin’ Donuts, to name a few. Please e-mail the museum to let them know that perpetuating stigma towards persons with a mental illness is a national — as well as local — concern.

In Your Own Communities:
If offensive Halloween attractions or products appear, contact sponsors, advertisers or sellers personally. Educate them. Ask them to remove offensive parts of any attraction, advertisements or merchandise that mock mental illness.
If dialogue fails, alert NAMI members, family and friends to phone, send letters or e-mail the sponsors or stores.
Contact local newspaper editors and television news directors. Educate them about stigma and your concerns. Make the protest a “news event” and a “teaching moment.” Offer consumers and family members for personal interviews.

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There are times when we have all thought if that person would just change, if that person would just see my point of view, if that person understood me, things would be better.  We would get along better.  We would be happier; he would be happier, etc. etc.

 But a quote from Gandhi says it all – “I can’t change the world, but I can change myself.”

When you really think about it, he is right.  We have no control over how someone else is, but we do have control over how we are.  I use the present tense, because the present is also what matters.

 In the Family to Family class taught at the local non-profit, NAMI of Southern Arizona, participants are first taught about the reality of mental illness and the biological basis of mental illness.  Then everyone learns what it means to be empathetic and to put themselves in their loved ones shoes. It can be an emotional realization for some who have come to the class trying to cope with what can be a day to day struggle.  Parents feel guilty, siblings feel anger and children of adults with mental illness can feel abandoned, or worse. Emotions vary and people can feel like they are experiencing never ending grief after their relative is diagnosed. The young man who was going to go to Harvard now struggles to comprehend a story in the newspaper, the high powered attorney who successfully represented clients in the courtroom no longer has the confidence to speak in public, or as in Daniel Ayers case (the man with schizophrenia in the move “The Soloist,”) an incredibly gifted musician is living on the streets.

 A person’s journey with mental illness can be heart-breaking.  We want so much to help them, advise them, and convince them to take medications.  But, in reality all we can do is support and encourage them and remind them there is hope.  Recovery is a reality and once we convince ourselves of that and acknowledge that today is a present and tomorrow is just a dream and we can’t and shouldn’t force our relative into anything the dynamic changes.

 People living with mental illness need emotional support.  They need to feel like someone genuinely cares.  People with mental illness tend to isolate, so it is incumbent upon us, as people that want the best for them to be there for them and be a much needed friend.

 If you are interested in being a friend to someone with mental illness, NAMI of Southern Arizona also has a “buddy” program.  It is called “Heart to Heart” and it pairs a compassionate volunteer with a person who truly appreciates the value of friendship.

For more information, call the local office at 520-622-5582 or visit the website www.namisa.org

An article in the New York Times today motivated me to talk about housing.  A Federal Judge has ruled that the state has discriminated against people with mental illness.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/09/nyregion/09mental.html

Above is the link to the New York Times article about discrimination against people with mental illness in poorly run adult “care” homes.  I put the word in quotes because I don’t think “care” is appropriate in many cases.  Evidently in New York privately run adult homes aren’t much better than many of the facilities in Tucson. The article states that the residents are essentially warehoused and in the case of New York, unlike some in  Arizona, their facilities are licensed!

My son spent less than 2 months in one 3 bedroom apartment that his provider had arranged for him.  It was a nightmare.  Without going into too many details, suffice it to say that street drugs are rampant, nutritional meals don’t exist, personal safety and privacy is not garanteed and in his case the house manager who was supposed to be on-site would disappear for days on end leaving the 6 residents to fend for themselves.

The Tucson Weekly reported in their article, “Slums or Salvation,” that the local unlicensed “necessary evils” are finally beginning to draw some attention and the Pima County Human Rights Committee are starting to make visits to some of these homes.

The annual state audit of the mental health system’s performance that was released this year found it fails nearly all of its patients on key measures.  Among other things,  placing them in stable housing is at the top of the list.  For those who have not been in jail or hospitalized for their illness, the system failed 86 percent of the time. 

And, now with budget cuts who knows how much worse this system is going to get.  For some, living on the streets may be a better choice, but a stable environment is key to mental health recovery and I’m not sure the wash under a bridge qualifies.

I watched this beautifully put together HBO documentary on Monday night.

Mournful and emotional,  “Boy Interrupted” is about a mentally ill boy who committed suicide when he was only 15 years old. Having experienced the same tragedy, I really wanted to see how the story could be told without being exploitative or sensationalized. They couldn’t have done a better job……..the parents put the film together. Both of them are in the film industry, but a good part of the documentary was made from actual “home” movies that they and that Evan, their son had personally filmed. Some of the clips even give you a sense of how difficult life for Evan was when he was struggling with his bi-polar illness that wasn’t diagnosed until he was eight years old. Eight years old??? I’m sure you’re thinking that’s incredibly young…..and it is. But, it happens. And in Evan’s case, he started threatening suicide as early as age five.

His parents did everything they could to get Evan help. Finally by age 10 he was experiencing some normalcy in his life with the help of medication, therapy and family and academic support. Tragically, at age 15 when all seemed to be going well he ended his life by jumping from his bedroom window several floors up. He left a note explaining how disconnected he felt…….something many 15 year old boys will experience. But, for Evan his sadness was overwhelming and his bi-polar illness prevented him from facing another day. In my case, I always say, schizophrenia took my son. – I know he wouldn’t have purposely “ripped my heart out.”

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness about one in ten children have a serious mental or emotional disorder, but fewer than half receive any mental health services in a given year. Over half of students with a mental disorder age 14 and older drop out of high school – the highest dropout rate of any disability group and many of the teenagers that have a mental disorder “self-medicate” with illegal drugs. Despite effective treatment, there are long delays, sometimes decades, before people seek and receive treatment.

These are pretty grim statistics, but I’m hopeful. As I have said before, I see people every day that have achieved mental health recovery. It’s something they have to work on- every day, and who knows, maybe one day we’ll find a cure or at least something to stop someone from wanting to end their life. Suicide causes unimaginable pain for those left behind.