You Gotta Laugh A Little: B-B-B-Brewer And The Leg: Part 1 5.23.12by Amy Glor on May. 23, 2012, under You Gotta Laugh
So, watching the AZ Legislature’s theatre de l’absurde this session has been extremely gratifying for me… as a satirist.
If you aren’t familiar with all of our new laws, I highly suggest checking out The Weekly’s coverage.
Then come back here for a laugh before you make any big decisions about calling moving vans.
Because I know… shhh… it’ll be OK… I know… I know…
LIFE BEGINS AT PMS
The crown jewel of the legislative session is a blood diamond that blocks abortion after 20 weeks – starting the first day of a woman’s last menses.
Critics argue that this will leave too little time for women to make a decision regarding abortion if birth defects are detected – potentially the same bizarre-o birth defects that lead GOP leaders to think that pregnant women need Kotex.
CONGRATULATIONS, IT’S A CEREBUS!
Of course, because doctors in AZ no longer have to tell you if prenatal tests show potential birth defects in your fetus, the above should be a non-issue.
Thanks to the AZ Legislature, you can no longer sue the doc who failed to mention that your unborn child is actually a demon dog with three heads. (Mythologically speaking.)
Note to self: Check gyno’s political affiliation.
MONEY (FOR THE POOR) IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL
C’mon people, we all know that low-income women don’t deserve to choose their own doctors.
And something had to be done about those hippie instigators who perpetuate the illusion that they do.
So, in a kick straight to the bazongas, the AZ Leg blocked federal funds (including Medicaid) to health-care organizations that provide abortion services.
Most notably affected is Planned Parenthood – which provides many low-cost health services besides abortion… for example, cancer screenings and prenatal care.
But, to really drive that last nail into the coffer, legislators also felt it necessary to strip Planned Parenthood supporters of tax credits worth up to a whopping $200.
Because anyone giving money to ensure that low-income women are healthy obviously just does it for the payout.
CHURCH AND SHAME
Thumbing their noses at one of the tenets of our nation, AZ lawmakers decided for us all that religion trumps democracy.
When it comes to your uterus, state law now sides with your CEO’s church.
“Religiously affiliated” employers – in other words, any company that donates a percentage of its profits to a religious group – can legally deny AZ workers health care coverage for contraception.
But did the hussy hunt stop there?
Oh, Jane, you ignorant…
The law also rescinds phrasing in state law that makes it illegal for your employer to fire you for using birth control — even if you pay for it yourself.
But surely the new law requires employers to tell you their position on all of this before you agree to take a job with them, right?
Frankly, I’m surprised this even got through Congress, as it’ll definitely make seducing interns harder.
*Locally, Vocally’s “You Gotta Laugh A Little” is intended as humorous commentary. In other words, if you’re genuinely offended, you’re reading it wrong.
Tune in Friday for “B-B-B-Brewer And The Leg: Part 2”