Locally, Vocally fans:

I’ve been called away on top-secret business that has absolutely nothing to do with the zombie uprising. Because there is no zombie uprising. Nobody said anything about a zombie uprising. All is well.

Anyhoo… In the meantime, you can stay connected by becoming a fan of the Locally, Vocally page on Facebook.

You can also follow me on Twitter to receive instant notific… Hang on a sec…

“TAKE THAT YOU UNDEAD CRETIN!!!! BACK TO HELL WITH YOU!! DOUBLE TAP!!!!!!!!!”

Terribly sorry.

As I was saying, when you follow my Tweets, you’ll be among the first to know when fresh content is up… Dangit. Please excuse me one more time…

“WHY?!? WON’T?!? YOU?!? STAY?!? DEAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

OK, this is getting out of control.

Gotta run… literally.

I’ll be back soooooooooon! Don’t let anyone eat the burrito I left in the friiiiiiiiddggge!!!

There’s NOTHING more “Tucson” than Summer Hours. They just make sense. Sure, they can be mildly annoying and inconvenient, but, c’mon, man… it’s HOT. We’re all tired and sweaty. We just want to go home, take a cool shower and sit in front of a fan. If it weren’t for the get-out-of-triple-digit-jail-free card that is Summer Hours, we’d lose our ever-lovin’ minds all over each other. Believe that.

So, in the spirit of maintaining harmony & order, I give you:

Locally, Vocally Summer Hours

Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays — Open by noon (-ish) with an abbreviated version of You’ve Gotta Laugh.

Tuesdays & Thursdays — A little somethin’-somethin’ at some point. (Probably. Unless it’s a particularly nice day, as I am known to wander off.) Maybe it’ll be an event listing, maybe a cool article link, maybe a restaurant/business review… you never know.

Weekends — The Seen, as usual, since I can’t help taking pictures everywhere I go anyway…

Anytime — Check out the Locally, Vocally Facebook page. Links to my posts, plus other cool stuff that doesn’t make it onto the blog for one reason or another. You can also follow me on Twitter — you’ll get a tweet every time I post… no guesswork!

Thanks for your patience — we’ve gotta stick together ’till those temps come back down.

Now, without further ado: You’ve Gotta Laugh A Little

MINOR CORRECTION

A Starnet article on Saturday left out just one teeny little part of CD2 candidate Ron Barber’s statement regarding the DREAM Act — so running a teeny little correction admitting the editorialization was fair, right?

The omitted statement?

That securing the border & fixing the immigration system are crucial to both AZ & the nation.

Oh. Sure. That’s no big deal.

ROADS TO NOWHERE

City Council is tinkering with the idea of fixing our roads. By upping our property taxes.

To raise the necessary $100 million (Actually, by one council member’s estimate, we need more like $800 mil, but let’s not split $7M hairs, shall we?) the city would need voters to approve a bond issue.

On the heels of squandering untold millions of voters’ Rio Nuevo bond dollars.

Can you hear this, council? Want us to turn it up?

MAY WE SEE YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE?

Local police are on the lookout for a man and woman who have been going around impersonating law enforcement officers.

The duo has stopped a bunch of motorists in the last few months, issuing verbal warnings and even breaking up a fight.

Not exactly the kind of vigilante law we’re used to here in the wild, wild West, eh?

Locally, Vocally’s “You’ve Gotta Laugh A Little” feature is intended as humorous commentary, and is not recommended for use by the sarcastically-impaired.

SAY (PRACTICALLY) ANYTHING

So, a recent satirical post of mine seems to have sparked a debate of its own.

Huzzah!

That’s the entire point of what I do – I want to encourage our community to be informed, impassioned, vocal members of society.

My all-time favorite quote (which is really hard for a writer to choose, btw):

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

So, whether you agree with me or not, believe this: I encourage you to use my comments section to speak your mind.

However, in the interest of civility, it is only fair to establish some ground rules:

1) I will delete and if necessary, report to the appropriate authorities any comment I deem “hate speech” – be it directed at myself, a public figure, or worse, one of my readers.

I’m pretty hard to offend, and I want to give you a place to rage against the machine, so please… just keep it fair. Don’t make me cut you.

2) I will delete any comment that contains blatant obscenity. Esoteric obscenity will probably be deleted as well. And promptly stolen for my own use at dinner parties. Either way, you’ve been warned.

3) I maintain the right to amend the above rules at any time, and in any way.

Beyond that, please use the comments section below to express your opinions. You have a voice – don’t be afraid to use it.

*And to the two intrepid pioneers who were the first to plunge into the deep end of my comments section, thank you. Your willingness to do so proves that what I’m doing is not in vain. I’ll always be grateful to you for that.

PRIVATE EYES

I’ve been watching you watching me.

(You looked really good last Tuesday, btw. I like the new haircut.)

Kidding. I’m not a super-organized stalker. The Citizen’s blogging platform just has some wicked-easy-to-use tracking software.

Here’s what I’ve derived from what I see: You like the satire.

Awesome! I love doing satire. So, I’m going to kick up the “You Gotta Laugh A Little” feature to 3 days a week: Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

It’ll be mostly news briefs with attendant smart-mouthery, but I will occasionally throw in a special feature, like last Friday’s “Low Budget Theatrics” post. (With smaller pics. I’m still learning the photo editing software. Thanks for your patience.)

But no matter the format, informative mockery will be standard operating procedure.

As far as Tuesdays and Thursdays are concerned — I’ll continue to profile cool local businesses/charities/NPOs, fill you in on what’s going on in the arts, and provide the deets on local events worth checking out.

I’ll also use the occasional Tuesday or Thursday to do a photo essay or opinion column. Whenever I find myself with something I simply must say/show.

I’m still kind of honing, but based upon your feedback, I envision Tues/Thurs posts being less structured. Kind of like a bulletin board – you never know what’ll be up there, but it’s always worth checking out.

Saturdays & Sundays I’ll continue to post “The Seen” photo blog featuring candids, portraits, still life pics, and landscapes from around town.

So please bear with me for just another couple of weeks – I should find the perfect recipe by then. Rest assured, I am taking your feedback into consideration, and soon I’ll have a new posting schedule that we’ll all love.

And again, thanks for reading Locally, Vocally!

Have a question?

Wanna clue me in on a cool event/organization?

Need to send that love poem you wrote for me?

Well, don’t fret — there are a few ways to let me know what’s on your mind. (Or in your heart, as the case may be.)

1) Comments Section:

This is where you can post things like compliments on my genius & expressions of undying fandom. Oh, and hate mail. This is where you tell me off.

To comment, just scroll down to the bottom of any Locally,Vocally post & look for the comments box.

All comments made through the Citizen site will be publicly visible.

For your snooping pleasure, a short list of recent comments other readers have submitted is also visible along the left-hand side of any Locally,Vocally post under the heading, “Say Anything.”

2) Facebook page:

Locally,Vocally on Facebook is a great place to connect with other Tucsonans as cool as yourself.

You can post links to online articles & YouTube videos, debate local issues, and even upload your own ‘The Seen’ style photos!

The Facebook page is also chock-full of breaking news (with attendant snarky commentary.) And of course, it sports links to the latest Locally,Vocally posts.

Check it out here: https://www.facebook.com/locally.vocally

Or, just log on to Facebook and enter Locally.Vocally in the search bar. (Please notice the period replacing the usual comma. Facebook wouldn’t let me use a comma.)

*Blogger’s Note: The Locally,Vocally page on Facebook is monitored daily. Any content deemed obscene, offensive or threatening will be removed immediately & reported to the appropriate officials. Don’t be a jerk.

3) Email me:

If none of the above scratches your itch, you can always email me directly at locally.vocally@gmail.com

And, of course, you can always contact the Citizen directly:

Mark B. Evans
Site Administator/Editor
520-573-4614
mevans@tucsoncitizen.com

Anthony Gimino
Assistant Site Administrator, Sports Editor
520-248-3896
agimino@tucsoncitizen.com

And hey… thanks for reading Locally,Vocally — stay cool & stay in touch.

So, to keep things pefrectly organizized, I’ve created a loose posting schedule.

(I say loose because I think calling it a slutty posting schedule is cruel.)

One of the best things about being a blogger is being able to post whatever, whenever. Free reign? You can bet your best skivvies I’ll be popping in unexpectedly more often than your stupid landlord.

And because I love fresh content almost as much as I love The Cup’s blueberry pie, you can also expect:

Mondays — What Up, Tucson?

Which local news stories are actually worth paying attention to and why. You know, so you can sound all informed and current without really trying. Like Cliffs Notes for life. Don’t be ashamed, everybody’s doing it.

Tuesdays — Double Feature

A local-interest piece featuring something that makes Tucson the unique little desert blossom it is. I’ll preview community events, profile local businesses and shine some well-deserved spotlight on local charities. ALSO, I’ll chronicle the tale of my  Local of the Week.

Wednesdays — Cultural Phenom

Tucson has such a fantastic arts scene. Somebody is always doing something seriously cool. I’ll keep you in the loop.

Thursdays — Forever My Tucson

My personal opinion column. This is where I get real.

Fridays — You Gotta Laugh A Little, Cry A Little

A roundup of the week’s most amusing and infuriating news stories. Direct from my ivory tower.

Saturdays/Sundays — The Seen

A photo blog featuring images of life in Tucson. Anything & anyone might be captured. Maybe I’ll even snap you!!

So keep on keepin’ on, Tucson. I’ll do the rest. Just promise me you’ll stay your funky selves after I catapult us all to fame ;->

I’m totally addicted to Tucson.

Like Winehouse-level addicted. Brokeback addicted. Spend-the-baby’s-milk-money-on-Tucson addicted.

I’d check into Tucson rehab, but all the best ones are located in Tucson.

I’ve tried to quit Tucson cold turkey, but every time I leave I end up with a raging Mexican food jonze and a bad habit of making fun of people for calling 90 degrees “hot.” I get truly freaked out not seeing things written in both English and Spanish. I have to wear layers. Shudder. Do you know how much forethought and organization layers require? Let’s just say they’re not ideal for someone who frequently leaves the house with only one earring.

I’ve traveled around, I’ve lived here and there, but at heart I’m just a Birkenstock and prairie-skirt wearin’ guera bocona. And there ain’t no place better to be me than in Tucson.

Thus, the blog.

Locally, Vocally isn’t just about Tucson news and events. It’s about us — about a community that genuinely values itself exactly as it is, while also acknowledging how much more it could be. A society that speaks out against injustice, even when such objections seem futile. A place that, despite being constantly at odds with itself, somehow maintains an aura of optimism and harmony.

From the Fiesta de los Vaqueros to the 4th Ave. Street Fair; from zoning ordinances to Congressional elections, we Tucsonans live locally — and we live vocally. I want to celebrate that, because it’s really cool.

So… every week I’ll bring you news briefs, local interest stories, commentary and photos showcasing Tucson’s best and worst. I hope you’ll drop in from time to time. You don’t need to call. Just bring some salsa verde with you.