EVASIVE MANEUVERS

CD 8 candidate and former military man Jesse “Stonewall” Kelly apparently writes his own rules of engagement.

Unwilling to answer journalists’ questions regarding campaign donations, Kelly has instead repeatedly repeated repetitions of his campaign’s talking points.

Kelly’s campaign spokesman went as far as attempting to shut down one television interview — and temporarily canceling another — when questioning got too tough. According to one report, he is also rumored to have had a verbal altercation with the reporter in question, with words like “trash” and “sleaze” being bandied about.

Frankly, I want to know where to send that reporter a Valentine.

I WAS BUSY DEALING WITH THE MEDIA

A local 8-year-old, embarrassed by the attention she received when her teacher presented her with a “catastrophe award” in front of the class for rarely turning in homework, must be loving the national spotlight an ensuing media war has turned on her.

The girl’s mother says she approached the school principal about the award, but received no apology —  at which point a local TV news outlet grabbed the story and took it viral, the coverage insinuating that the unwanted attention the award created was little more than thinly veiled bullying.

Hello, Pot? This is Kettle calling.

HAPPY DAZE

City council member Paul Cunningham says he can’t remember what he might have said or done during a recent council economic-development junket to San Diego that’s got everybody in such a twist.

Three top city officials apparently do. An investigation into Cunningham’s alleged misconduct  could be taking place, although details are sketchy.

What I want investigated is why taxpayers should pay for TREO drunkets. Oops, I mean junkets. Typo. Honestly.

STAY OUT OF MALIBU, LEBOWSKI

Daniel Barnett, a recovering crack addict, went to visit his mother’s grave just before sunset on Mother’s Day, and found it needed some tending. It took a while to tidy up the area, says Barnett, causing him to inadvertently overstay visiting hours.

That’s when security started hassling Barnett and his wife, according to the couple, telling them that the graveyard closes at sundown. Barnett countered that… you know… that’s just… like… their opinion, man. Eventually the cops came, citing both Barnetts for trespassing.

Now, there are a lot of ins, and outs, and what-have-yous, but essentially Barnett is afraid that the citation will cost him a chance at having his civil rights reinstated after years of working to turn his life around.

And all the Dude ever wanted was his mom’s headstone cleaned.

Don’t get all bent: Locally, Vocally’s “You Gotta Laugh A Little” feature is purely satirical. And suing me would be a waste of your time, anyway. (Don’t believe me? Call my bankruptcy attorney.)