Welcome back, you wild & crazy Cats – We’ve missed you!

Nonetheless, life in the Old Pueblo kept on keepin’ on.

So to catch you up, Locally, Vocally invites you to audit our one-week, “Summer Headlines 101″ symposium.
(Prerequisites: righteous indignation, fluency in sarcasm and/or smart-aleckery, and experience reading between lines.)

VICTORY IS MINE?

In June, nobody could quite figure out who’d “won” when the Supreme Court overturned part of SB 1070.

Well, we may not know who won, but it’s pretty clear who lost…

WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ PAPERS … UNLESS THEY HAVE DEAD PRESIDENTS ON THEM

In response to the SB1070 ruling, the City Council resolved to make Tucson an “Immigrant Welcoming City” by filing a legal challenge to the bill… following a closed-session meeting and a few mysterious changes of heart.

Apparently, the threat of a torpedoed a $180 million streetcar project and massive boycott inspires all kinds of good will.

MR. BARBER GOES TO WASHINGTON

Newly elected Giffords replacement, Ron Barber, shocked the Birkenstocks off of progressive Democrats this summer. Barber bounded across party lines, siding with the GOP on legislation that suspends environmental law within 100 miles of the border and refusing to join a Democratic walk-out during the Holder contempt vote.

Seriously, yo. Folks around here took it harder than the Stewart-Pattinson breakup. #HOWCOULDYOUDOTHISRON?!

SHERIFF LOCO

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio went on trial last month over what is being called a long-standing pattern of civil rights violations.

Arpaio, infamous for his drastic bologna-and-underwear tactics, is charged with violating the First, Fourth, and Fourteenth Ammendments to the US Constitution, as well as the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Oh, and basic human decency.

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM ACT

Governor Jan Brewer issued an executive order last week, denying AZ drivers licenses and other state benefits to DREAM Act immigrants.

While many feel the order flies in the face of the legislation’s intent, misinterprets both state and federal law, and will likely be deemed unconstitutional … it could reduce crosstown traffic.

Tune back in on Wednesday for more Summer Headlines 101

Locally, Vocally is intended as news comedy. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

**Editor’s Note: Apologies to my diligent readers! Yes, I did misspell Arpaio yesterday. So sorry. It’s been fixed. Thanks for the heads-up!

Thanks so much for your patience — I’ve been dying to dish, too!

OK… so…

SMOKEY AND THE BIGOT

Sheriff Joe is finally on trial for alleged ongoing civil rights violations that stretch back forever, and have cost taxpayers $50 million in settlement money. Not to mention most of our dignity.

Unfortunately, his Buford T. Justice haircut isn’t prosecutable.

OH, SNAP!

Recently elected Democratic sweetheart Ron Barber showed a little hand in Washington by refusing to participate in a walkout, and siding with Republicans on a liberal hot-button vote… on his first day.

I do declare, Mr. Barber. It seems you’re a politician after all.

YOU BETCHA

Sarah Palin endorses Jeff Flake.

‘Nuff said.

ONLY FOR THE BUFFALO WINGS

Frank Antenori had no comment on the question of strippers.

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised: ignoring red light districts is kinda his thing…

PEARCE-ING THE VEIL

The ACLU has released emails that it calls proof that SB1070 was drafted by racist.

Next up: proof of noses on faces.

Locally, Vocally is humorous commentary. Yes it is. Yes it IS. Man, everyone’s a critic.