School is in full swing now, a new year – and a fresh start – for Tucson parents and families.

So it seems like a good time for this reminder to parents: It’s very natural to say to your son or daughter, “Listen, if you do this, we’re not going to do that.”

My admonition is: don’t do that. Don’t be prescriptive.

Don’t be the parent that says, “Now listen, if you don’t clean up your room, you’re not going to the park this afternoon.”

That just never works. It has never worked in the past and it is not going to work in the year 2008.

What you want is to be an effective parent who uses discipline wisely.

When your children are over the top and their behavior is downright terrible and you had a planned event for that day, simply wait until the kids are ready to go to the planned event. Then say to them, very calmly, “We are not going. I did not like the way the day went this morning.”

The kids will get the message quickly that they are being held accountable for the things they say and do in the home.

This is critical for children to understand.

You don’t have to get yourself in a power struggle where you are constantly reminding the kids that if they don’t do something, something negative is going to happen.

You start to nag and they stop listening.

When you handle the situation in a calm, clear-cut manner, it makes you feel better as a parent. It also makes your kids feel better about themselves.

It’s a win-win situation.

As the new school year gets into full swing, it’s a good time for parents to reevaluate how they are handling situations in the home.

It’s a good time to consider taking a new approach in your style of parenting and discipline.

It’s also a good time to reevaluate your thinking on some of those power struggles that are taking place in your home.

Keep the rules clear. Stop nagging. Enforce the consequences in a simple and concise manner.

You will find in a short period of time that it makes life much easier.

Before you know it, you might find that all of those power struggles you’ve been engaging in will disappear from your home.

Dr. Kevin Leman is a Tucson psychologist and author of more than 30 best-selling books, including “Making Children Mind without Losing Yours.” E-mail questions to him at whatsupdoc@tucsoncitizen.com.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 26th, 2008 at 12:00 am and is filed under Family. Tags for this post: Columnist, Dr. Kevin Leman, Family-Family, Family-Family-Columnist, page-d03. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.