For some reason, people think I’m hiring. And the more dire the economy, the more jobs I – evidently – have available.

“Any chance you could get me a job? Or at least help me find one?” wrote Maliah Scheetz in an e-mail. “I am at my wit’s end. The traditional job search does not work!”

All I can say is: How desperate must the times be when a person reaches out to a total stranger (let alone a reporter) to help him or her get work?

Well, we know times are tight. Nationally, unemployment was 6.1 percent in September.

So what advice can be given to jobseekers that hasn’t been given before? Everyone knows not to do anything silly, right?

People will do “crazy things to get a face-to-face interview,” says Mark McNulty, president of HR Dimensions in Indianapolis. Case in point: One guy sent McNulty an old shoe filled with dirt and a live plant. Stuck in the shoelaces was a resume with a note: “Now that I have my foot in the door … can we meet?”

“I’m not making this up,” McNulty says.

Everyone knows how not to get a job, right? Spell the company name wrong on the resume. Use an unprofessional e-mail address like juicybabe007@whatever.com. Wear ripped jeans to the interview.

But these days, even taking the appropriate, traditional measures isn’t enough.

“I know how difficult it is to get a job,” says Albert Redd, who finds he either doesn’t have enough experience or is too qualified for every job he tries for. “If you have any information that can be a starting point, I would gladly appreciate it.”

Since the traditional isn’t working for most, why not try the untraditional?

Ditch the résumé. Instead, write an impact letter. This newfangled, one-page report highlights what you can do for a company, rather than who you are and what you’ve done elsewhere. It will take some research about the company you are applying to, but it can make you stand out.

Ask for an informational interview rather than a job interview. Show the employer you are interested in learning more about the company for the future, not because you are trying to get a job now (even though you are). This sideways method to getting your foot in the door may land you an unexpected job.

Find the phone number for the manager of the department you are applying for and call him or her. Sound too bold? Too desperate? It’s not. That person may just remember you.

Get a few good men (or women) on your side. The more people you know who know the important people at the company, the better. Don’t be shy. Call on them to put in a good word for you.

Summer came and summer went.

Vacation? Ummm. No, you didn’t take one. Couldn’t manage to pull yourself from the office even for a mini-trip to an amusement park with the kid.

Pathetic. So pathetic.

But don’t blame yourself. Vacations are vanishing for lots of U.S. workers. Only 14 percent of Americans will get a vacation of two weeks or longer in 2008, according to Take Back Your Time, an initiative created to challenge the epidemic of overwork, over-scheduling and time famine in America’s workplaces.

Consider these results from its survey that asked Americans: How much paid vacation did you take in 2007?

• None: 28 percent.

• One week or less: 24 percent.

• Two weeks or less: 13 percent.

• Three weeks or less: 13 percent.

• More than three weeks: 22 percent.

“At a time when polls show American stress levels at their highest ever recorded, Americans more than ever need some time for rest and recuperation,” says John de Graaf, executive director of Take Back Your Time.

This is a good time to take a little break, step back and think about just how much time you put into your career. Why? Last Friday marked the 70th anniversary of the signing of the Fair Labor Standards Act, which established the minimum wage and 40-hour workweek.

Forty hours? Yeah, right. Many workers do that in three days. Talk about burnout. Especially if you aren’t taking vacation to refresh yourself.

But many employers don’t encourage time off. And in America, that’s OK, because unlike 127 other countries, the U.S. has no minimum paid-leave law. Australians have four weeks off by law, the Europeans five weeks. The Japanese two weeks. We have zero.

Before you, the overzealous worker, write off vacation as only for slackers, remember this: a vacation isn’t needed just to have fun, get a tan and leave the daily grind behind us.

“Time off is essential to health,” de Graaf says. Men who don’t take regular vacations are 32 percent more likely to suffer from heart disease than those who do, and women are 50 percent more likely.

There are plenty of workers (maybe even you?) who are toiling away at the office not thinking about what all that work could do to you.

Jim Swanson works full-time at an insurance company and puts in 55 hours most weeks. He hasn’t taken a vacation in 2008 and is nearing a total burnout.

“I’m not sure this way of life is the way to go,” says Swanson, the father of two small children. “I feel like I live my life in the office and the rest of my life just passes me by.”

For more tips and information on how to take back your time, visit www.timeday.org.

Even confident employees – the ones who used to feel so secure in their jobs – are getting a tad nervous.

Let’s face it. There are plenty of reasons to be skittish. Times are tight all around, and who really knows when that next round of layoffs will come?

Today, 9.5 million Americans are without jobs, putting the nation’s unemployment rate at 6.1 percent. And over the past year, the number of unemployed people has increased by 2.2 million.

So how do you, the loyal and stellar employee, make sure you aren’t on the list when the company decides to make cuts?

Find friends in high places, says Mark T. McNulty, president of HR Dimensions in Indianapolis. He says there are tried and true methods of survival for workers looking to make themselves layoff-proof.

“Hitch your wagon to a star,” says McNulty. “Develop and cultivate a mentor who is highly regarded in the company and then stay closely connected.”

It’s not likely that the boss is going to lay off a protegé of a senior staffer. Once you have the connection, start making a business case for your department.

“Before you start being concerned about your own job, consider building up the reputation of your department as a major contributor to corporate success,” McNulty says.

Once your department has gotten its props, try increasing your own visibility. Become involved with high-profile projects and take on a leadership role on those teams. The more visible you are to management, the more difficult it will be for them to get rid of you.

Next, try going outside the company to get recognition for some accomplishment. That could be winning awards or becoming an officer in a professional association.

“Organizations are always concerned about the PR impact of layoffs, and many times those who have received external recognition are much more likely to be retained,” McNulty says.

All this is great advice, but sometimes it seems there is nothing you can do to avoid the ax, says Amy Kissling, who recently was laid off from her job as an HR director at an online company. Looking back, she does have a bit of advice to avoid a layoff.

“This is not the time to be negative about the direction of your company,” she says. “If you’re not happy, keep it to yourself – even with people whom you consider friends. It’s a time to be positive, champion new initiatives, buckle down and demonstrate your dedication.”

And finally, what may be the golden key to keeping your job? Stay connected to decision-makers – as in those who make the decisions about whom to fire.

“And if you can’t get close enough to the top, make sure you’re aligned with the leaders who are,” Kissling says. “Perception always trumps reality.”

The new boss walks onto your turf, and you’re feeling good. After all, this big cheese is the ultimate underdog because you’ve been at the company for years – and, for the record, you are a star.

But wait!

All that’s happened in the past is, well, in the past when a new boss comes on board. Everyone is back to square one. So what in the heck do you do to make sure your star status stays intact?

“The goal here is basically twofold,” says Karl Ahlrichs, partner with ExactHire, a local hiring consulting company. “One is to train the new boss. The other is to impress the new boss.”

And when he says train, he means train. Let the boss know the cultural history of the company. Let the boss know who’s a go-getter and who’s a dud. Let the boss know exactly how things work.

“The new boss is trying to learn all they can, so an appropriate amount of information is welcome,” Ahlrichs says. “But don’t be in their office every 15 minutes. And don’t appear to be too much of a self-promoter.”

Jerri Fineman, 28, found herself walking a thin line when her new boss arrived earlier this year.

“I didn’t know how to make myself stand out versus coming across as a complete brown-noser,” says the marketing representative. “It really is a scary thing. Everything you’ve built is gone, and you have to start at the beginning.”

When the new boss shows up, pretend like it’s your first day at a new company, experts say.

“Everybody should be on their best behavior,” Ahlrichs says. “Overcommunicate. Be polite. Find out what that little hidden eyebrow twitch the boss gives you means.”

Here are a few more tips for dealing with a new boss:

- Be timely. Arrive a few minutes early and stay a few minutes late. You can be sure the boss is watching.

- Ask for a meeting. Make sure it’s short. But let the boss know your work style and inquire about hers. Tell her she can come to you with questions.

- Learn the lingo. When the boss says, “Get it done when you can,” does that mean by the end of the day or the end of the week? Figure it out.

- Give a quick nonchalant compliment. Barry Stephens says he has learned that laying it on thick is lame. But the digital consultant who works in Broad Ripple likes to give a quick hit to make the new boss feel good and not think he’s kissing up.

“I like to say, ‘You really have a nose for what’s really going on at this place.’ It makes him feel like he’s catching on.”

- Watch the clothing. If you were wearing flip-flops and wrinkled khakis to work, step it up. Add socks and shoes. And maybe even a tie.

- Don’t listen to gossip. A lot of coworkers may be criticizing or praising your new boss’s reputation. Don’t pay attention. Give yourself a few weeks and judge for yourself.

I had just trashed a stack of papers on careers and astrology – a hodgepodge of research on what signs should have what careers.

As I sat down to check my e-mail, things started getting mystic. Staring back at me in black and white: “Sagittarians are likely to be in the field of writing.” That’s me! I’m a Sagittarius, and I write.

Needless to say, I swiftly snatched the papers out of the trash and this column on signs and careers was born.

Here’s a fun take on what kind of job you should have based on your astrological sign, according to CareerBuilder.com, astrology.com and iVillage:

• Aquarius: Humanitarians. Love fast-paced work and challenges. They are in sales, military, engineering, mechanics and food preparation and should be inventors.

• Pisces: Feel things more intensely than most. Need accomplishment. They are in social work, personal care and information technology. They should be psychologists.

• Aries: Competitive. Not comfortable in a subordinate role. They are in government, construction, recreation, IT, education and transportation. They should be firefighters.

• Taurus: The worker bee. Reliable, loyal, patient and determined. They are in nursing, engineering, law, marketing and higher education. They should be bankers.

• Gemini: Great communicators and facilitators. Turn out new ideas every day. They are in design, nursing, sales and law enforcement. They should be publicists.

• Cancer: Often mistaken as underachievers because they work in a low-key manner. They are in government, legal services, advertising, higher education, machine operation and transportation. They should be doctors.

• Leo: Love being the center of attention. Focused. Risk-takers. They work in government, legal services, design, engineering, entertainment and real estate. They should be managers.

• Virgo: Love to analyze. Set practical and achievable goals. Highly organized. They are in social work, sales, hotel/ recreation, writing and food preparation. They should be chemists.

• Libra: Have a sense of justice and fair play. Are the zodiac’s schmoozers. They are in social work, government, advertising, machine operation, law enforcement, firefighting and sales. They should be judges.

• Scorpio: Love to create, solve and manage. Strong-willed. When it comes to deals, they go for the kill. They work in legal services, engineering, science, education, construction and skilled trades. They should be investigators.

• Sagittarius: Hardworking and passionate. Like to have fun on the job. Somehow can convince just about anyone that their way is the way to go. They are in writing, marketing, entertainment, hotel/recreation, IT and military. They should be explorers.

• Capricorn: Workhorses. Practical, conservative and utterly responsible. They are in design, nursing, science, IT, sales, farming and food preparation. They should be administrators.

INDIANAPOLIS – Holly Fritz is a super performer in the supermarket industry.

As an Indianapolis-based project engineer with Kroger Co., she holds a powerful position of constructing new stores, remodeling existing ones and managing teams of maintenance crews.

Her role is rare in what traditionally has been a male-dominated industry, and it earned her a spot as one of Progressive Grocer magazine’s top women in the grocery industry for 2008.

“It’s still a man’s world,” said Fritz, 27. “Most of the meetings I am in are all men. But things are changing.”

Progress has been slow. Although women do most of the grocery shopping and most supermarket cashiers are female, women have found it hard to climb not only to the top of the ranks in the industry, but even to middle-management positions. Fewer than 10 percent of grocery executives are women, according to the U.S. Department of Labor, and 67 percent of store managers are men.

It was only last year that Progressive Grocer, the top publication for the industry, issued its first special section called Top Women in Grocery.

“This is a business where males have traditionally far outnumbered females in the corporate suite and largely continue to,” according to the publication.

Fritz was cited in the rising star category. Progressive Grocer used several criteria, including title, status on the organizational chart and number of employees under the woman’s direction. It also looked at primary areas of responsibility and the economic sphere the women controlled.

As Fritz was growing up in Vincennes, Ind., her father owned local grocery stores called Harold’s. Fritz spent her childhood doing “anything and everything” in the stores. Then she earned a degree in mechanical engineering.

“Going into engineering, I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would work for a grocer, but it’s a perfect fit,” she said

Other chains have a few women in top management. At Meijer, the executive vice president of operations is a woman. A survey of Marsh’s employee list found several women in upper management, including Laura Gretencord, general counsel and assistant secretary; Sandy Clamme, director of advertising; and Susan Thomas, director of construction and design.

Connie Gardner, Marsh’s senior director of community relations, has seen the industry evolve to include more high-ranking women during her 46 years in the business.

She began her career as a cashier at age 15 in Peru, Ind., and quickly worked her way up to office manager, then assistant manager and eventually to store manager at Thrif-t-Mart.

She recalls the resistance from male management when she asked for the job.

“They looked at me with their mouths dropped open and said, ‘You can’t be store manager,’ ” Gardner recalls. “I said, ‘Why? Because I’m a woman?’ And they gave it to me.”

That wasn’t the end of promotions for Gardner, who was president of the Mace store chain headquartered in Pendleton, Ind., before landing her job with Marsh. She was the first female president of the 100-year-old company.

Debbie Grubb, who oversees a store in Muncie, Ind., is one of three store managers for Marsh. Before that, she was store manager at the chain’s Nora, Ind., location. She said she still feels like a novelty.

“I had customers come in saying, ‘We just want to come in and meet the lady store manager. How neat,”‘ Grubb said.

In Muncie, she works with three co-managers, two of them men. She said if she and one of the men are standing together and a customer approaches to talk to a manager, “they will directly go to the guy, before they go to me,” she said.

But Grubb believes that every woman who does a good job will help pave the way for more women.

“I’ve always gone above and beyond to do more than I’m asked,” she said. “It’s not whether you are a man or woman; it’s how you perform.”