School: Desert View
I enjoy good B movies as any other good movie, but watching Dwight H. Little’s “Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid,” was one of the most horrific events of my life!
Picture this, a movie based on the true existence of a gigantic snake (the anaconda) that is dramatically, ridiculously made larger for I’m guessing a more frightening experience. Well, guess what – it worked! That terrible digital work of art called a snake was pretty scary. I still can’t believe people actually distributed this movie.
The movie begins in the middle of the jungle in Borneo, Indonesia, where bloodthirsty anacondas make their home. In search of the blood orchid, a team of snotty, annoying, attractive gold diggers take on the task. Theory has it that this orchid, which blooms only for two weeks every seven years, holds the key chemical to the fountain of youth – which by the way promises to make each of the characters filthy rich.
Upon landing in Borneo, the team realizes that getting across the river to the flower is going to cost them a little more than planned – $50,000 to be exact – due to the rainy season. Agreeing to pay, the team heads up the river only to encounter the much dreaded “freak of nature” of “astronomical” size: the anaconda.
Hold on, I thought anacondas were only in South America! Oh yeah, anacondas don’t reside anywhere in Borneo; however, they do in this thing called a movie.
My point is: Please, don’t watch this movie. Paying $8.50 for something worse than what you can possibly find in a “Barney and Friends” episode is nothing worth watching. Obviously, it took a whole lot of imagination to construct this movie. But I’m telling you, it takes a lot more ability and endurance to sit through this movie and actually comprehend the full effect of its stupidity.
Man-eating snakes? Yes
Terrifying plot? No way
Sabino High School
Set in modern times, a scientific expedition hurriedly put together by a powerful pharmaceutical company is sent to the jungles of Borneo to search for a rare black orchid that is only in bloom for six months once every seven years. The company hopes that the orchid can be used to unravel the secrets of youth and immortality. However, what they discover is that the orchid is already being used by a powerful group … a colony of giant snakes that get their super strength, size and vitality from the flowers. Don’t forget, extremely large snakes are also extremely hungry snakes.
The cast includes actors Johnny Messner, Morris Chestnut, Nicholas Gonzalez, Eugene Byrd, Salli Richardson, KaDee Strickland and Karl Yune. All of whom seem to be the worst possible candidates for the film. However, Angelina Jolie did manage to get the lead role in the original. The reason behind hiring director Dwight Little is also unclear. He is best known for directing the films “Free Willy” and “Free Willy 2.” Personally I think that if you’re going to choose a director for a film about giant, man-eating snakes, why get someone who is used to friendly and loving whales?
This movie definitely had potential, but it just didn’t work out too well. I don’t think Little wanted the lines and “antics” of some of the characters to make the audience laugh at points when they were supposed to be terrified. All in all: good movie, bad director. I give it a B- at best.