Humor: Fueled by Petrol

Voters will head for the polls tomorrow in what appears to be record numbers. Not only are many Tucsonians voting who normally spend election day with more fruitful pursuits, but we are hearing that they are more informed than ever before.

Of course, this is due entirely to the widespread use of Media Advertisements and clever posturing.

To see how this will affect tomorrow’s election, we took to the streets this past weekend and asked the voters how they will vote.

“Me?” asked our first interviewee, Silas P. Horsenrider, whom we found perched on a bar-stool in one of Tucson’s oldest and most revered beer-joints, “I’m not voting for any of them City Hall guys who wasted all that money an Rio Nuev-bo. That’s for sure.” When asked who he would be voting for, Silas said simply, “Them other guys.”

The consensus was heavily in favor of “Them other guys” in the bar, so we left and sought other demographics.

At the Mall, we felt, we would find a better cross-section of Tucson-a-cana. Our first subject was clear on her views.

“We have to elect someone who knows what Tucson needs for the future. Someone who has their finger on the pulse of the economy. Someone who lives in my neighborhood.” When asked where she lived, our subject declined to elaborate, but her Hummer had gate-pass stickers for one of the more exclusive gated Tucson Communities. Her body-guard was of Eastern European descent.

Next we tried to pick the brains of some barely-legals who were haunting the food court.
“Election?” several said, in lock-step unison. “Election? Is it time to vote again? Is Obama winning?” We left the next leaders of America and went out into the parking lot.

“Officer!” We had spied one of Tucson’s Finest, on a bicycle. He wheeled over and took our I.D., ran a “wants and warrants” and gave us a ticket for standing in the street. Then he asked us what crime we would like to report.

“The election, officer. The election. How will you vote?” This we shouted from the curb, as we had learned quickly to stay out of the street.

“Election! If we had more policemen, I would have time to run you in for interfering with the vote!”
We scurried away, hoping to escape a Federal Rap.

The rest of the day went much the same. Wherever Tucson voters were accosted, the results were similar. When voting, Tucson Voters tend to vote for themselves.

We predict the groups that have the least work to do on election day will carry the vote.

Everybody else will be too busy trying to make ends meet to get out and vote for a new crop of “Urban Planners”.

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