Got kids? Bring them on down to Tucson.

Two cute Tucson kids/Ryn Gargulinski

Old Pueblo is the top place in Arizona for families to thrive, according to BusinessWeek’s annual “Best Places to Raise Your Kids” rankings.

Tucson hit Arizona’s top spot, with the runners up being Yuma and Casas Adobes.

We have a feeling the ranking committee has never been to Yuma.

We also have a feeling they may not have come to Tucson, either – or at least tried to get anywhere on a bus if they did.

“It’s (also) a relatively affordable place to live,” the report said of Tucson, “with more than 100 parks, a good public transportation system, and many public and private golf courses.”

Tucson school yards are counted as parks, by the way.

But the golf courses are important. We know how much kids love to golf away their Saturday mornings.

The ranking focused on towns that have a population of at least 45,000 and a median income of $40,000 to $125,000. BusinessWeek picked one top spot from each state, and two runners up, if applicable. Alaska’s Anchorage had no runners up.

Natural sandbox option/Ryn Gargulinski

Towns were then judged on their air quality; family income; job growth; theaters; diversity; household expenditures; crime rate; number of schools and their performance; museums and those school yard parks.

Based on those categories, it’s obvious why Tucson made the cut. Our air quality definitely beats out places like Los Angeles. We only get air quality warnings when there is a blinding, dusty wind or massive brush fires in the distance spewing ashes into our atmosphere.

Families usually make enough to live on – as long as they still have their jobs. But we are not sure why the job growth category didn’t kick us out of the mix altogether, as it seems Tucson jobs are shrinking.

The report mentioned University of Arizona as being one of the biggest employers, but it failed to mention the school’s hiring freezes.

For theaters, we got the Fox, The Loft and that cheapie place with $2 tickets at Grant and Swan roads.

Household expenditures often lack snow pants, furry boots and ski masks.

Pima Air and Space Museum probably got us hovering near the top in the museum category, and bless those school yards, as they helped us kick butt in the parks category. Tucson also has six dog parks, eight if you count the two in the county.

Not bad.

The rankings also left out some other reasons why Tucson is a great place to raise kids:

Bilingual studies. Children will automatically be immersed in the study of the Spanish language, hopefully learning key phrases, like “Your mother wears combat boots,” from their classmates.

Natural sandbox. Never mind those chintzy plastic backyard boxes, Tucson has a glorious sandbox created by God. Kids can find hours of pleasure in the dry riverbeds and washes, like the diapered child I once saw frolicking in the sands of the Rillito. All the rocks, glass shards, coyote feces and horse manure makes for some very interesting mud pies.

Less environmental dangers. Sure, we have prickly, eye-poking cactus and those pesky killer rattlesnakes, but there is absolutely no chance a kid will drown in the ocean or be swept out to sea. Few Tucson children are injured from slipping on ice or getting lost and buried in the snow.

Even though I am poking fun, I think Tucson can rock for anyone.

What do you think?

Is Tucson an awesome place to raise kids? Why or why not?

What about Yuma or Casas

What criteria would you use for ranking a place good for kids?

Where were you raised? Was it good for kids?

If boring old beer is no longer enough for you, advanced alcoholic products on the market now offer several different ways to get drunk.

Is he low-carbing it?/Ryn Gargulinski

Yes, beverage companies will definitely go out of their way to insure there’s a feasible way for everyone to get slammed, skewed, tipsy or torrentially wasted.

Wouldn’t want to miss those sales, now.

Folks who want to boost their buzz by drinking something that mixes alcohol with stimulants, like caffeine and guarana, can go for the alcohol energy drinks.

Think Red Bull meets Budweiser, perhaps.

But you better drink up quick. It finally came to someone’s attention that the combination of alcohol and stimulants may not be safe.

Really? But people have been popping uppers or snorting coke with alcohol for years. Only some of them die. What’s the harm with a little alcohol in an energy drink?

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) sent a Nov. 12 letter to 30 of these energy drink companies, giving them 30 days to prove that alcohol and caffeine do, indeed, safely mix.

Arizona Attorney General Terry Goddard, along with other AGs, sent a letter to the FDA some time back, asking the agency to look into this combination, according to a news release from his office.

How many calories would have been saved with LITE?/Ryn Gargulinski

“Scientists and medical professionals who have conducted research in this area stated that the use of caffeine and other stimulants as additives to alcoholic beverages poses public health and safety risks,” the release said.

“The scientists pointed to recent studies that confirm that caffeine appears to mask, but not reduce, the intoxicating effects of alcohol. Combining alcohol and caffeine may lead to increased risk-taking and other alcohol-related problems such as traffic accidents, violence, sexual assault and suicide.”

The release also noted the target audience for these alcohol energy drinks are the younger crowd, who habitually don’t think about things like risking their lives when they are trying to get blitzed.

If alcohol energy drinks are too risky for you – or you are watching your weight – you can always join the fray of “diet” beer drinkers.

For the health conscious, the big buzz has been low carb beers. This way you can make sure to maintain your six-pack abs as you slam a six pack of brews. Lite beers are old hat. We now need the low carb versions.

While companies at first labeled anything that was light as “low carb,” the U.S. Treasury Department Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Tax & Trade set standards about five years back, according to a report at BellaOnline.com.

Official “low carb” beers must have less than 7 grams of carbohydrates, but nothing stops other pale brews being labeled as “lower carb” or “reduced carb” – as long as they have lower carbs than their original brews.

We’re waiting for other advanced alcohol products, such as beer for pregnant or nursing mothers and beer especially brewed for athletes and bus drivers to enhance their performance on the job.

What do you think?

Are you going to try the alcohol energy drinks – or have you already – before they may get pulled off the market?

Do you think the FDA is being silly with its claims of the combo being unsafe?

Do you stick to your workout while drinking low carb brews?

Are alcohol companies getting ridiculous or do you think it’s smart for them to target different sectors of the population?

Kids certainly don’t always get along with their parents. But we hope the tension never turns ugly enough for the kids to haul off and kill them.

Kevin Black/submitted photo

Such was allegedly the case earlier this week when 50-year old Kevin Black reportedly shot and killed his stepfather, Kenneth Phipps, 76.

Mom was in the house at the time of the shooting, although she is bedridden and suffers from dementia, police said. Black’s half-sister, age 47, was also there; she’s the one who ran outside yelling for help.

Police said the fatal shooting came during an argument between stepfather and son about Black walking around the house wearing a gun belt. Black had also been on the police’s radar in the past for stealing things from his family to feed his drug habit.

Kids who kill off their parents or stepparents usually do so a tad earlier than the age of 50 – since the younger kids can’t just pick up and leave as an adult can – but no matter what the age, the outcome is just as tragic.

Some of the most recent statistics, which are already 20 years old, determined more than 300 parents were killed by their children each year between 1977 and 1986. That’s about 25 dead moms or pops each month. Compared to other murders, that’s also very rare.

Parent-killing children generally fall into three types, according to parricide expert Kathleen Heide.

Sidewalk art anonymous/Photo Ryn Gargulinski

We have the kids who were cruelly abused; those who are suffering from mental illness; and the most dangerous of the bunch – the uncaring and selfish children afflicted with an antisocial personality disorder. This disorder is marked with, among other things, a blatant disregard of pretty much everyone’s rights but their own.

Never mind the commandment about honoring thy father and mother, kids who murder their parents are already breaking an even bigger rule.

Lizzie Borden was perhaps the most notorious of suspected parent killers, although she was acquitted of the 1892 crime.

Tensions were high in the Borden household when Lizzie purportedly hacked her dad and stepmother to death with an axe, some say after poisoning them didn’t work. One theory is it had something to do with seizures she was having during her menstrual cycle.

The Menendez brothers, who were convicted of gunning down their parents in 1989, are also up there on the notoriety list. Although they were brought up in a mansion and both college students when the crime went down, there are claims their dad was too tough on them.

By all means, then, shoot him.

It was later learned the double murder may have been all about the money.

My current true crime read, Cold Kill, is in the midst of outlining another slain parents tale of woe in 1982.

Adult child Cindy Ray Campbell spun skeins of delusional lies about how horribly her parents had treated her growing up. She was chained to the toilet. She was repeatedly raped.

Her boyfriend David West believed the lies. He also believed he’d get half her inheritance if he helped out his gal. So she finally convinced him to blow them away as they slept.

While we may not know every detail in these crimes, like what the heck goes through a child’s head when he pulls the trigger or she wields that ax, we do know that society’s view of parricide has gotten softer.

What once was totally and horrendously unthinkable is now, well, perhaps in some cases nearly justifiable.

A case in point is Billie Joe Powell, 16, who reportedly shot and killed her dad after he had allegedly abused her. Her Ohio community banned together with petitions and support to attempt to get her tried as a juvenile rather than an adult so she’d get a more lenient sentence.

How nice of them.

The judge was nice about it, too, not sentencing Powell to any prison term. Her 1993 plea agreement had her pleading guilty to first-degree manslaughter in exchange for 88 days in jail, five years probation and four years of psychological counseling.

So does the abuse of a child condone the murder of a father? We have to wonder if anything is horrific enough for a kid to take his parent’s life, the same life that brought him into the world in the first place.

Ryn Gargulinski is a poet, artist, performer and TucsonCitizen.com Ryngmaster who wants to stay at the Lizzie Borden Bed and Breakfast in Fall River, Mass. It’s supposed to be haunted. Her column appears every Friday on Rynski’s Blogski. Her art, writing and more is at RynRules.com. E-mail rynski@tucsoncitizen.com.

What do you think?

Is there anything that would justify a child killing his or her parents?

Do you like Lizzie Borden?

Have you heard any other horror stories? Do tell.

What do pumpkins, demons and a really crummy movie have in common? They are all mentioned in this post. Enjoy.

AZMouse's prize mini sugar skull/Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

The good

Congrats to AZMouse for winning TC.com’s Pumpkin Decorating Contest. Her scary scarecrow and coyly peeking pumpkin took the win with 39 percent of the 33 votes. Jennatoolz’s Hungry Demon was a close second with 36 percent, while entries from KoreyK and Radmax tied at 12 percent each.

Thanks so much to all who entered their creative creations. Sawyer says AZMouse wins Rynart — a mini sugar skull named Terry Jr., which I fashioned after the Terry Sr. skull she admired in a previous post (unless, of course, she would prefer burnt pumpkin seeds).

__

The bad

Paranormal Activity has been running away with box office sales. More than 1 million folks voted for the movie to go nationwide after its debut as a midnight-only flick in limited areas. Roger Ebert calls it “an ingenious horror film. It’s so well made it’s truly scary.”

Are folks so used to today’s incredibly wide array of crappy films that Paranormal Activity actually looks good?

This flick features a young couple who have enough cash to buy a house in San Diego although they never seem to go to work. They are too busy playing around with a video camera to try and capture the evil force they believe is invading their home and has been following the chick around her whole life. Ninety-nine percent of the movie is watching them sleep – or at least try to.

Even if the stars of the flick can’t sleep as some invisible, three-toed demon tramps through talcum powder down their hallway, the audience certainly can.

Paranormal Activity is truly a yawn. Yes, the premise is thrilling – what’s not to like about the possibility of demonic possession? But the execution is not. In fact, you kind of hope there will be an execution to speed things up a bit.

Perhaps that’s a bit unfair. The audience does stay awake. It’s hard to sleep, after all, when we were treated to that same choppy, disoriented, and headache-inducing camera work that has unfortunately become so popular following the Blair Witch Project.

You know the stuff: unfocused images, zooms to the corner of the ceiling, watching people’s torsos while they speak since the camera just so happens to be focused on their abdomens rather than their faces. It’s enough to make you seasick.

Highlight: Hope. Hope is the only thing keeping the audience alive. You hope something will soon happen. You hope you’ll get to see the three-toed demon. You hope this thing is winding down already.

Lowlight: Not being able to take a bathroom break since you don’t want to miss the possibility of some three seconds of action that you hope will happen soon.

Another lowlight: Rumor has it Paramount is talking about a sequel. Jaws 5, anyone?

Rating (1 to 10): 3.

While it’s not the worst movie I’ve seen lately, we are still annoyed we didn’t opt for our second choice about the weed-eating zombies.

__

Demonic possession may sound fun but really isn't/Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski

The ugly

Demonic possession, although a thrilling concept, is not a very pretty thing. It’s quite rare, but common enough to pay attention. Below please find several warning signs of demonic possession taken from the very lengthy lists at Foundation for the Study of Paranormal Phenomena.

The site also warns: “Never mention to someone undergoing personality changes that they might be possessed. You can plant a dangerous seed by doing that.”

You may also offend them, no?

Hey, Ethel, you’re not acting like your usual self. Are you maybe possessed by a demon?

Warning signs of demonic possession:

Changes in personality, sleep patterns, weight gains or loss, lots of cussing, preoccupation with sex and aversion to religious objects or going to church.

Bad hygiene, change in what they eat or how they dress, outbursts of violence and hurling cats against the wall, nightmares and peeing on themselves.

Change in eye color, hair color, facial features, a habit of “gliding” along instead of walking, suddenly blessed with many talents, such as moving objects around a room, speaking languages they never studied or being able to levitate.

Have a nice day.

What do you think?

Did you see Paranormal Activity? Are you going to?

Is it worth all the hoopla?

What’s the best demonic movie possession you’ve seen?

Did you ever meet someone possessed by a demon?

Robbing a bank is a quick, easy way to make some cash – for about five minutes.

Surveillance photo from bank robbery/Ryn Gargulinski

Well, it may take a tad longer for the police to catch you. But they most likely will.

“We are very successful in catching bank robbers,” said Tucson police Sgt. Fabian Pacheco. “The majority of the time they are caught.”

After all, he added, police are handed handy photos of the folks from the surveillance cameras.

Bank employees may get a bit suspicious if a customer saunters in wearing pantyhose over his head, so most robbers have their faces in plain view.

Unless the robber immediately soaks his face in caustic acid to eat away the features, there’s a pretty good chance someone somewhere is going to recognize the thief.

Pacheco added it’s even easier if you know where to look, which is around drug circles, as many rob banks to feed a habit.

Tucson averages two to three bank robberies each month. Police stats for 2009 put bank robberies at 22; we had 40 in 2008, perhaps a bit increased due to the recession; and 2007 totaled out at 33.

Surveillance photo from bank robbery/submitted photo

Folks think it’s easy to get away with the money – because it is.

“Some of the banks procedures are to have employees comply with robber demands,” Pacheco said. “To get them out of the bank so no one gets hurt.”

A panic alarm gets police on the scene pretty quickly and the money, even if it is never recovered, is covered by the FDIC.

Some robbers make it even easier for the police. How nice.

One incredibly smart dude in Tucson robbed a bank by writing out his robbery demand note on the back of his own bank deposit slip. So cliché.

Another Tucson bank robber was a bit more original. He used regular paper to write out his demand note, which read: “Give me $100, $50, $20.”

So the teller handed him a single $100 bill, a single $50 and a single $20. He took them and left.

Surveillance photo of bank robbery/submitted photo

Other dumb bank robberies across the nation, as noted on DumbCriminals.com, include:

One man who spent 10 months in prison for robbing a bank, only to get out and go rob the exact same bank. Guess he wanted to see if he could get it right the second time around.

A robber who needed to hitch a ride as his getaway after robbing a bank – which is dumb enough on its own – ended up hitching a ride from an undercover cop.

A nervous Nellie thief who was frazzled enough to leave something at the scene – his wallet.

Police found a treasure trove of info inside the wallet, including the guy’s driver’s license, his Social Security card and a criminal registration card.

One more genius robber was noted on BankInfoSecurity.com. This robber was especially brilliant because of his day job – he was a rookie cop for the New York City Police Department.

At least the bank he robbed wasn’t in the Big Apple, but rather in Muhlenberg Township, Penn. Christian Torres threatened two tellers with his gun, which may have been police issued, until they handed over $113,000.

Surveillance photo /submitted photo

They also hit the panic button, so police were on the scene to arrest Torres just as he was pulling out of the parking lot.

The bank got their money back and Torres was suspended from the police force without pay.

Now we hope the suspension was only temporary until the investigation is complete and he gets his butt fired. Otherwise we have something even dumber than the botched robbery here.

—

—

Ryn Gargulinski is a poet, artist, performer and TucsonCitizen.com Ryngmaster who thinks going to a light fixture store is more exciting than going to a bank. Her column appears every Friday on Rynski’s Blogski. Her art, writing and more is at RynRules.com. E-mail rynski@tucsoncitizen.com.

Have you ever tried to rob a bank? What happened?

If you were going to rob a bank, would you wear bright pink stretch pants?

Have you heard other stories of really dumb criminals?

Arizona has the fine distinction of being the weakest link along the Mexican border.

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

With agents like the two who were recently busted, it’s not hard to see why.

Two border employees were recently charged with accepting bribes to help drugs and illegal immigrants make their way from Mexico into the United States, according to news releases from the District of Arizona’s Office of the U.S. Attorney.

Former U.S. Border Patrol Agent Yamilkar Fierros, who was arrested Oct. 30, allegedly accepted bribes totaling $5,500 to help the drug trade thrive. A four-count federal indictment was unsealed the day he was arrested.

Fierros, from Tucson, reportedly accepted four separate bribes to give purported drug traffickers the following information and assistance:

* $1,000 for furnishing a law enforcement sensitive map of San Rafael Valley, which depicts road, trails, landmarks and terminology used by border patrol to track down drug traffickers on Sept. 30.

* $3,000 for giving out a list of 109 sensor location in and around Sonoita on Oct. 2

* $1,000 for handing over a list of yet more Sonoita sensor locations – 65 new ones – and

* $500 for agreeing to help sneak a load of narcotics from Patagonia to Tucson on Oct. 23

His $5,500 is a pretty paltry sum for a load of valuable information. The guy must not have been a business major.

On a scarier note, who knows how much farther all that information traveled. Maybe copies of the map and lists are hidden beneath rocks along the way.

Thanks, guy.

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Another agent, a man from Yuma, recently pleaded guilty to accepting bribes to help smuggle illegal aliens into the country.

Former U.S. Customs and Border Protection Officer Jose Carmelo Magana was staffing a lane at the San Luis Port of Entry back in 2007 where he would reportedly not bother to perform proper inspections.

Ooops. Didn’t see that illegal hiding in the wheel well, sorry.

Magana admitted he was in cahoots with Brenda Covarrubias, Ana Bertha Calderon, Jesus Gastelum-Rodriguez, Guadalupe Milan de Gastelum, all of whom already pleaded guilty in this case to Conspiracy to Bring Illegal Aliens to the United States.

In addition to the bribe, Magana also said he got a portion of the smuggling fees charged by the smugglers.

We must thank this guy, too.

The maximum sentence for Attempting to Bring Illegal Aliens into the U.S. is 10 years in federal prison with a minimum mandatory penalty of three years in prison. It can also carry up to a $250,000 fine.

The bribery charges could cost each guy 15 years in the federal pen, a fine of $250,000, or both. Fierros faces four of those charges, which would make his maximum sentence, if convicted, 60 years and the maximum fine at $1 million. OK. But we have to wonder where he’d get the $1 million if he’s sitting around in prison.

Maybe he can rake in more bribe money.

What do you think?

Is there any bribe large enough that would propel you into illegal action?

How can such actions be better prevented in the future?

Have you heard other unscrupulous border stories? Do tell.

Chocolate may be a tasty treat for most kids – save for those stuck as slaves in the cocoa fields.

Illustration Ryn Gargulinski

Hundreds of thousands of children in West Africa toil 12-hour days in sickening and dangerous conditions – at no pay – just so folks elsewhere can get some cheap candy and coffee, according to the organization Global Exchange.

I’m betting just the thought of chocolate makes those kids sick. That is, if they have ever been lucky enough to taste some or even know what it is.

Global Exchange does more than just fret and moan about it. For the third year in a row, its Reverse Trick or Treating program is in full swing, expecting to hit some 250,000 households throughout the U.S. and Canada.

The campaign is on here in Tucson at the Volunteer Center in Southern Arizona, 924 N. Alvernon Way.

Between five and 15 kids, ages 11 through 18, are expected to participate. They will hit the streets around 5 p.m. on Halloween armed with fair trade chocolate and information to hand out to folks who open their doors.

Before anyone starts panicking, no one is asking you to throw out that large, costly batch of candy you have in the decorative bowl by your door.

Nor is anyone telling you to boycott candy or coffee that doesn’t come from free trade certified vendors.

You’re just being asked to think about what it’s like for those kids, the ones who are permanently ripped out of school to pick cocoa pods all day just so their family can survive.

And those are the fortunate ones.

Other African kids are actually sold – by their own families – to traffickers with the promise of a cocoa job on the Ivory Coast where they will send home their wages, Global Exchange says.

Once the family is out of sight, however, the kids are put to work with nearly or absolutely no pay from about 6 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.

We doubt they get a lunch break.

Tasks include cleaning machetes, playing with pesticides and scaling high branches to cut down cocoa pods, which are split open for the beans to be scooped out.

It takes 400 cocoa pods to make a single pound of chocolate.

Enjoy your candy.

Cadbury provided a huge leap for the industry when it became the first major brand to earn fair trade certification earlier this year. While the certification is thus far only for its dairy milk chocolate bars in the United Kingdom, it plans to follow suit with other products in other countries.

Hershey’s is in the process of being targeted by advocates to become the first big U.S.-based company to achieve fair trade certification.

In the meantime, you can make sure to buy only fair trade chocolate and coffee. I checked out the selection at the Global Exchange’s online fair trade store thinking the prices would be ridiculous. Some are, but others are reasonable.

Any individual effort can help, but the major changes will most likely take major companies, like good ole Hershey’s and major coffee firms, to join the fray.

Now go enjoy your Halloween. And don’t feel guilty about eating that candy bar – even though it may have taken some 52 starving slave children with scabby knees and machete scars littering their stick-figure arms to help make it.

—

Ryn Gargulinski is a poet, artist, performer and TucsonCitizen.com Ryngmaster who doesn’t eat chocolate but enjoys her coffee. She likes the idea of fair trade products but has to yet to solely seek them out. Her column appears every Friday on Rynski’s Blogski. Her art, writing and more is at RynRules.com. E-mail rynski@tucsoncitizen.com.

What do you think?

Is this a valid concern or just another way for people to draw customers away from big businesses?

Do you really care where your products come from as long as they are cheap?

Will you be changing your chocolate and coffee consumption in any way?

Rynski column

by Rynski on Oct.23, 2009, under Pets/animals, Police/fire/law, Rynski column, Stupidity, crime, danger, death, environment, gross stuff, life, politics

The case of the duct taped coyote – Does anyone care about coyote abuse?

Tucsonan Joe Gardner was on one of his favorite day trips to Lochiel, about 100 miles southeast of Tucson, where the air is clean and the land pristine – usually.

Except when he finds a dead duct taped coyote.

Duct taped coyote/submitted photo

During his trek about two weeks ago, the 62-year-old who grew up in the Lochiel area noted buzzards circling about and followed their feast to find a mutilated carcass.

The coyote was definitely dead, with a hole in his underside where something had chewed out his entrails. He had not been skinned, but the two front legs and two back legs had been secured with tape, leaving him defenseless, provided he had still been alive when taped.

“I was surprised and puzzled and wondered about mutilation stories I had heard in the past,” Gardner said, “but those involved livestock, not wild animals. I also wondered if it was some kind of sick message for human smugglers, who are also referred to as coyotes.”

He vaguely recalled stories of livestock’s organs and genitalia being removed with “precision-appearing incisions” some time back in Cochise County. Perhaps Jack the Ripper of the cattle world.

Yet he had never seen such abuse of coyotes.

Lochiel school house/submitted photo

“I have not an inkling as to who or why would bind a coyote and leave it out for the buzzards,” he said. “I was born and raised in the area, and as a matter of fact, this was right in front of the one room school I attended when I was a kid. I know just about everyone who lives in the area, and can’t imagine any locals doing this, as they live in the area because they love and respect the land.”

Nothing respectful about a duct taped coyote.

Arizona’s animal cruelty felony law, ARS 13-2910, slaps a felony on anyone that “intentionally, knowingly or recklessly inflicts unnecessary physical injury to any animal.”

Awesome law. But it may not apply in the case of the duct taped coyote.

“Law enforcement would have to successfully allege that it was cruelty,” explained Marsh Myers, spokesman for the Animal Cruelty Taskforce of Southern Arizona. “Since coyotes can be legally hunted, an investigation would have to rule this possibility out. Sometimes the animal is hunted and then the carcass is just left to rot. It’s a sloppy practice but it happens all the time.”

In that case, it’s OK.

Many hunters are respectful – even reverent – about nature and engage in the sport for much more than just the kill. But there are always the idiots.

In another coyote case earlier this year, six mutilated carcasses were found dumped in a creek near an Oklahoma high school.

The critters had been skinned, with their front legs chopped off at the knees and their remains unceremoniously hurled where teens could easily find them.

The animals were originally thought to be dogs and all hell broke loose. Necropsies revealed they had been a half dozen coyotes. Hell kind of subsided.

While Oklahoma, like Arizona, does have animal cruelty laws with severe penalties, it would probably not apply if the animals were being hunted for their fur.

Authorities in Ohio were going nuts in 2007 trying to find the sicko who apparently skinned and boiled a dog – while it was still alive.

The animal, identified by a vet as a chow/pit bull mix, was fully skinned except for fur left on its paws, had cuts on its legs and neck and had wire wound around one of the back legs.

Someone finally did come forward to confess – that the animal was not a dog at all but simply a coyote he hunted but didn’t dispose of properly.

Even though the vet had initially been wrong about the animal’s identification, calling it a dog, the doc was not wrong about the animal having been still alive when it was boiled and skinned.

No matter. It was just a coyote.

The case was immediately closed and all pending criminal charges promptly dropped.

Do you care if coyotes are mutilated or abused?

Yes – people who torture any animal should be tortured themselves.
Yes – even if the coyote is being hunted, it should not have to unduly suffer.
No – if the coyote is being hunted, it’s OK to torture it.
No – coyotes deserve to be tortured. They are evil and they smell.
I have no opinion because I watch TV and eat marshmallows all day.

Yes – people who torture any animal should be tortured themselves.		68%
Yes – even if the coyote is being hunted, it should not have to unduly suffer.		29%
No – if the coyote is being hunted, it’s OK to torture it.		0%
No – coyotes deserve to be tortured. They are evil and they smell.		0%
I have no opinion because I watch TV and eat marshmallows all day.		1%
426 users voted

Voting/Results

// __

Ryn Gargulinski is a poet, artist, performer and TucsonCitizen.com Ryngmaster who loves coyotes as much as she loves wolves but not as much as she loves her dogs. Her column appears every Friday on Rynski’s Blogski. Her art, writing and more is at RynRules.com. E-mail rynski@tucsoncitizen.com.

Don’t take your kids trick or treating at any crack houses, yards guarded by dogs dripping blood from their teeth – or the home of any sex offender.

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Halloween safety news releases have been screaming through my e-mail inbox all week, many warning parents to avoid these perverted predators.

The releases come complete with a link on how to find the offenders: http://www.azdps.gov/Services/Sex_Offender/

Out of curiosity, I entered my midtown zip code and found 24 registered sex offenders live within it, with 29 living just outside its boundaries.

The site does not list every convicted sex offender, only those who were determined to have an intermediate or high risk of repeating their deviant behavior, the level 2 and level 3 offenders.

The TucsonCitizen.com’s office, located at the corner of Park and Irvington avenues, has a zip code containing 19 registered sex offenders and 60 in the immediately surrounding area.

An additional 19 may live around there – their addresses have not been verified – and one guy was registered as a homeless sex offender. Records state he lurks in the area of Alvernon Way and Interstate 10.

I narrowed down the search to a 3-mile radius of the office’s exact address, a radius that overlaps different zip codes, and found 22 offenders. The map also pointed out that same area contained 21 day care centers and 14 schools.

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

“There is no law restricting where an offender may live,” the Arizona Department of Public Safety site said, “however, if an offender is on probation/parole, the respective probation department may impose restrictions on living arrangements.”

Perhaps the department would suggest he not move in next door to a day care or school.

Roughly 14,500 registered sex offenders are peppered throughout the state. With an overall population of 6.5 million, that would mean one out of every 450 people in Arizona is a registered sex offender.

Think about that next time you are at an event with 500 or more.

Just to make matters more interesting, the Arizona Department of Public Safety site also lists 212 sex offender absconders, or those who never bothered to register their whereabouts.

So where the heck are we supposed to go trick or treating?

While a sex offender handing out JuJu Bees may not be likely to grab a little ghost or goblin if his or her parents are standing right behind them – you never know.

Yes, a good number of the crimes were child molestation. And yes, this whole topic makes me sick.

What do you think?

Will you be checking the map before heading out trick or treating?

Is cautioning the public about the sex offenders in the area a valid warning or an unnecessary panic tactic?

Yes, kiddies, even though Halloween is all in fun and frivolity, that doesn’t mean you have to ruin the environment.

DO decorate with organic pumpkins/Ryn Gargulinski

You can be green for Halloween – which means saving the Earth, not necessarily dressing as a frog or a witch.

Forget the Butterfingers. Many of you kids are too fat, anyway, since all you do is sit around and play video games.

Rather than candy, tell all your big people friends to mete out “organic, fair trade fruit snacks, raisins, juice boxes, snack bars, trial size packs of veggie chips.” Obesity and overweight statistics are already at a hefty 67 percent. Don’t make it 68.

Forget the stupid plastic costumes. Those store-bought atrocities are never original and wholly disposable. They are also made of thin, icky plastic that will eventually clog our waterways and feels gross against the skin. Rather than investing in yet another landfill item, borrow stuff from your adult friends for costumes.

If you know a beekeeper, I’m sure he’ll be happy to hand over his hat and netting. Belly dancers will be glad to let you wear their tasseled bikini tops and finger chimes. And don’t forget your neighbor, Mr. Policeman. You can borrow his hat, badge and gun.

A big, inflatable DON'T/Ryn Gargulinski

Don’t make dad inflate Frankenstein in the middle of your yard. Sure, those big, inflatable Halloween decorations may look snazzy, but all that air being pumped inside is wasting energy and probably screwing up our ozone.

They are also known to randomly deflate and rip. This becomes a choking hazard for any kittens, coyotes and babies that may randomly crawl across the lawn.

Instead make Halloween decorations out of recycled materials or something strong and durable so you can later hang them in your bedroom all year round. Use washable, re-usable pillowcases instead of plastic pumpkins to gather your loot.

Walk already. Don’t have your parents drive you around and idle the engine outside every house from which you will gather your organic, fair trade fruit snacks. Get out and walk. Have mom or dad park on the corner and walk around the whole block.

Better yet, carpool with neighbors so you can cram as many kids as possible into one vehicle. This will cut down on pollution and put fewer cars on the road, which means less chance of running over a child who haphazardly darts across the street dressed as a ghost.

It will also let a host of adults get out of the trick or treating gig, as they can claim they cannot fit in the car and the person driving will be stuck with the whole gaggle of children.

Source: Some original ideas but mostly highly embellished news release from the Pima County Department of Environmental Quality.

Are these durable enough to be used year round?/Ryn Gargulinski

Disclaimer: Although this was written with sarcasm, some of these are actually pretty good ideas. But please don’t loan a kid your police badge and gun. And we’re not sure how excited kids will get over organic, fair trade veggie chips.

This kid's got the costume right, but tsk, tsk, he's using a plastic pumpkin/Ryn Gargulinski

What do you think?

Should folks concentrate on going green and feeding kids fruit snacks instead of candy?

Is the “go green” movement something you try to embrace or is the whole thing getting on your nerves?

We sometimes like to blame our neighbors for all the woes of the world – from the lack of parking to the garbage that blows in our yard. And sometimes they deserve it.

Proof Sawyer is sweet and doesn't deserve to be attacked/Ryn Gargulinski

After all, it is my neighbors’ fault my arm still hurts.

Sawyer, Phoebe, my beau and I were returning from our evening riverbed dog romp. The dogs were leashed and sauntering nicely.

The narrow path back to the house is crammed between a ditch full of thorny trees and a solid brick wall.

We were on that crammed path when we encountered the neighbors and their two dogs, whom we shall call Dumbo and Bimbo.

Dumbo and Bimbo, who are no small puppies, have a long history of distaste for Sawyer and Phoebe. The feeling is mutual and the dogs like to lunge at each other when we pass across the street. Everyone is leashed and the end result is lots of noise but no injuries.

But this time Dumbo and Bimbo were not on their leashes. And I ended up getting bit.

We rounded the corner to find the neighbors and their horror hounds, with enough time for the neighbors to leash up Dumbo and Bimbo. But they didn’t. They just stood there and watched as Dumbo approached us, acting dumb enough to merit his nickname, and set off a growl fest.

Bimbo, whose head is the size of a basketball and jaws are as wide as Montana, soon joined the fray.

Proof Phoebe is sweet and doesn't deserve to be attacked/Ryn Gargulinski

Sawyer, Phoebe, my boyfriend and I had initially moved towards the brick wall to let the foursome pass. Now were cornered against it by Dumbo and Bimbo while their owners stood back in the distance. Please note the dog dad was no small puppy, either, and could have at least attempted to restrain at least one of the hounds.

Dumbo was trying to sneak up on Sawyer’s hind end while Bimbo was going for Sawyer’s throat. Sawyer and Phoebe were still leashed and couldn’t really maneuver.

Yet Sawyer still attempted to defend himself while big, bad, barking machine Phoebe hid.

My dog mom instinct kicked in and I did I really dumb thing.

I stuck my arm out to push Bimbo away and ended up with my arm clamped in a dog jaw.

Once Sawyer realized it was my arm in his mouth, he let go immediately. But not before a nice pain set in. The pain was accompanied by a fine red mark that was only later alleviated by a pouch of frozen vegetables.

Dumbo and Bimbo were eventually restrained and led away by the neighbors, who didn’t even bother to apologize.

And I’ll bet it’s their garbage that blew in my yard.

Eager for input – please take the poll.

Do you have inconsiderate neighbors? What’s the worse thing they’ve done?

Have you been accosted by their dogs, cats, blowing garbage or children?