Robbing a bank is a quick, easy way to make some cash – for about five minutes.

Surveillance photo from bank robbery/Ryn Gargulinski

Well, it may take a tad longer for the police to catch you. But they most likely will.

“We are very successful in catching bank robbers,” said Tucson police Sgt. Fabian Pacheco. “The majority of the time they are caught.”

After all, he added, police are handed handy photos of the folks from the surveillance cameras.

Bank employees may get a bit suspicious if a customer saunters in wearing pantyhose over his head, so most robbers have their faces in plain view.

Unless the robber immediately soaks his face in caustic acid to eat away the features, there’s a pretty good chance someone somewhere is going to recognize the thief.

Pacheco added it’s even easier if you know where to look, which is around drug circles, as many rob banks to feed a habit.

Tucson averages two to three bank robberies each month. Police stats for 2009 put bank robberies at 22; we had 40 in 2008, perhaps a bit increased due to the recession; and 2007 totaled out at 33.

Surveillance photo from bank robbery/submitted photo

Folks think it’s easy to get away with the money – because it is.

“Some of the banks procedures are to have employees comply with robber demands,” Pacheco said. “To get them out of the bank so no one gets hurt.”

A panic alarm gets police on the scene pretty quickly and the money, even if it is never recovered, is covered by the FDIC.

Some robbers make it even easier for the police. How nice.

One incredibly smart dude in Tucson robbed a bank by writing out his robbery demand note on the back of his own bank deposit slip. So cliché.

Another Tucson bank robber was a bit more original. He used regular paper to write out his demand note, which read: “Give me $100, $50, $20.”

So the teller handed him a single $100 bill, a single $50 and a single $20. He took them and left.

Surveillance photo of bank robbery/submitted photo

Other dumb bank robberies across the nation, as noted on DumbCriminals.com, include:

One man who spent 10 months in prison for robbing a bank, only to get out and go rob the exact same bank. Guess he wanted to see if he could get it right the second time around.

A robber who needed to hitch a ride as his getaway after robbing a bank – which is dumb enough on its own – ended up hitching a ride from an undercover cop.

A nervous Nellie thief who was frazzled enough to leave something at the scene – his wallet.

Police found a treasure trove of info inside the wallet, including the guy’s driver’s license, his Social Security card and a criminal registration card.

One more genius robber was noted on BankInfoSecurity.com. This robber was especially brilliant because of his day job – he was a rookie cop for the New York City Police Department.

At least the bank he robbed wasn’t in the Big Apple, but rather in Muhlenberg Township, Penn. Christian Torres threatened two tellers with his gun, which may have been police issued, until they handed over $113,000.

Surveillance photo /submitted photo

They also hit the panic button, so police were on the scene to arrest Torres just as he was pulling out of the parking lot.

The bank got their money back and Torres was suspended from the police force without pay.

Now we hope the suspension was only temporary until the investigation is complete and he gets his butt fired. Otherwise we have something even dumber than the botched robbery here.

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Ryn Gargulinski is a poet, artist, performer and TucsonCitizen.com Ryngmaster who thinks going to a light fixture store is more exciting than going to a bank. Her column appears every Friday on Rynski’s Blogski. Her art, writing and more is at RynRules.com. E-mail rynski@tucsoncitizen.com.

Have you ever tried to rob a bank? What happened?

If you were going to rob a bank, would you wear bright pink stretch pants?

Have you heard other stories of really dumb criminals?

A Jeep collision left one passenger without an arm – that the driver drove off with and then threw in a dumpster, according to a news release from the Tucson Police Department.

Police arrested the driver, Joseph A. Maverick, 26, after he abandoned the Jeep, threw his passenger’s arm in the trash and went home.

Joseph Maverick/TPD photo

Maverick was booked into Pima County Jail Sept. 16 and charged with leaving the scene of an accident with serious injury and, for throwing away the arm, tampering with evidence.

The collision occurred just after midnight on Sept. 15 when Maverick and three other men got into an argument as they were riding in the 2007 Jeep Liberty.

They had been leaving the Fourth Avenue area and, for a still unknown reason, Maverick rammed into a tree near Seventh Street and Hoff Avenue while one of the rear passengers had been partly out of the vehicle.

That’s the man who lost his arm. Police found him on the scene suffering from life-threatening injuries. He was taken to a local hospital where he remains in critical but stable condition.

Police found the Jeep abandoned at an apartment complex at near 10th Street and Mountain Avenue, which also housed the dumpster that contained the arm.

No word yet on what happened to the other two passengers or if physicians were able to reattach the arm.

UPDATE 09/21/2009

Physicians were unable to attach the victim’s arm, said Tucson police spokesman Sgt. Fabian Pacheco in an e-mail, and the victim remains in stable condition.

The victim was the only one of the four who is in active military duty and the other two passengers were only witnesses to the incident, Pacheco said. They provided statements and were released.

Pacheco also confirmed that the incident was alcohol-related.

What do you think?

Would you be able to abandon a supposed friend, even if you were mad at him, and throw away his arm?

Some friend.

A clueless man and a new gun campaign got me thinking about all the things we should never do for others.

David Santy/TPD photo

David L. Santy Jr., 41, was busted for alleged murder for hire, according to a Tucson police news release.

He was reportedly looking for someone to kill a 38-year-old woman and her 11-year-old daughter because they are witnesses in a child molestation case against him.

Santy was allegedly willing to pay $2,000 for the hit. And he asked an undercover cop.

The new campaign, aimed at Tucson residents and visitors and developed by National Shooting Sports Foundation (NSSF) and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF), comes complete with a billboard I spied on my recent drive through town.

It warns people they could get 10 years in prison for buying a firearm for someone who is prohibited from owning one.

That, too, seems like a no-brainer, just like we shouldn’t carry terrorists’ suitcases through the airport.

But then again, we would think it was obvious not to ask a cop to carry out a murder for hire plot.

Cute little campaign logo/US Attny

Other things we should never do for (or unto) others:

*Buy minors cigarettes or alcohol
*Cut people’s hair while they’re sleeping
*Squash hopes, dreams and fantasies
*Be mean for the sake of being mean
*Bully folks into things they obviously don’t want to do

On a more serious note, kudos to the police for busting the accused child molester so he did not get away with killing off the witnesses. Do you think this will bolster the case against him?

Murder for hire is an especially cowardly crime, as the person is too chicken to even carryout the plan himself. It also puts life at one of the cheapest levels, as if a mother and daughter are only “worth” $2,000. Human life is priceless, even though it’s sometimes annoying.

What do you think?

Are there things you would never do for others?

What are they?

One 14-year-old girl who thought she was simply texting a 14-year-old boy ended up being sent photos of naked body parts of a 48-year-old man.

When the girl’s mom saw the pictures of the private parts and other photos on her daughter’s phone, she went to police, Sgt. Fabian Pacheco said in a news release.

Terry Martin/TPD photo

Tucson police officers were able to identify Terry W. Martin from the photos he sent the girl and arrested him.

Martin, who just so happens to be a level three sex offender, was booked into Pima County Jail on one felony count of furnishing harmful items to minors, Pacheco said.

Flashers, especially those who flash over the phone to 14-year-olds, have always been a sick lot.

The worst I ran into was in a supermarket parking lot back in Brooklyn. The guy was sitting in his car beeping his horn so folks would look over and notice he was exposing himself.

Don’t these guys have anything better to do?

Tasers, which happen to come in leopard print and hot pink, can be a very useful weapon that serves to quell without killing – usually.

Boring old black taser

Sometimes the suppression method can freakishly backfire and lead to death.

Other times the taser can be abused, misused or over-used and lead to death.

In still other instances, the taser can be used properly and according to procedure but still cause a stink because the victim happens to be somebody’s grandma.

If someone is mouthing off, resisting arrest and refusing to comply with the officer’s wishes, a zap with a taser seems like a reasonable answer. Even if the victim is somebody’s grandma.

Such was the case of a 72-year-old woman in Texas who claimed she was tasered for no reason. Then the dashcam video came out.

It shows her swearing, arguing and being a tad less than cooperative.

Why anyone would argue with Texas law enforcement is beyond me. They have too much to prove and definitely fall into the “just-say-yes-and-do-whatever-they-say” category.

In Tucson, a taser death in April was just ruled a homicide by the Pima County Medical Examiner’s Office.

Gary Decker, 50, died in a motel after he lunged naked at officers who were called to the scene.

Original Day of the Dead post: Died after attacking police: Gary A. Decker, 50
Gary A. Decker, 50, died after he attacked police and was shocked with a Taser in the early morning hours of April 16. He died later that day in the hospital, a Tucson police spokesman said.

Decker, from Kentucky, was residing at the Extended Stay America at 5050 E. Grant Road, while working a temporary job as a furniture liquidator

Motel management reported hearing noises, music, banging and moaning coming from the upstairs room.

Officers entered the room with a passkey and found the room ransacked and furniture broken, (Sgt. Mark) Robinson said. Decker was in the bathroom, clutching a toilet seat he had ripped off the unit.

Decker grabbed one of the officers, Robinson said, and the officer shocked him with a Taser. The Taser appeared to have no effect on him.

Officers handcuffed Decker, got him out of the bathroom and called paramedics, which is standard practice when someone a Taser is used.

Decker became unresponsive, Robinson said, and was unconscious when paramedics arrived.

If someone is in a rage, ripping toilet seats off the basin and lunging naked at police, a taser may be just the thing to calm the guy down. It was later determined he had also been high on cocaine, which just adds to irrationality.

But was the taser overused?

According to the Arizona Daily Star:
Gary A. Decker, 50, died from a combination of cocaine intoxication, multiple blunt force injuries and being restrained after he assaulted three police officers (according to the medical examiner’s autopsy report)….

The Tucson Police Department is still investigating the case and has forwarded it to the Pima County Attorney’s Office for review. Neither agency would comment Wednesday on the incident.

According to the autopsy report, Decker suffered two puncture wounds to his chest and additional wounds to his right hip when he was Tasered.

He also received numerous rib fractures, the report states.

Decker had cuts and bruises all over his body, including his head, neck, abdomen, shoulders and arms, the report states.

TASER WOUND EXAMPLE - Jan. 2004: Brian Sewell's neck shows the effect of being shocked three times with 50,000 volts of electricity by a sheriff's deputy to secure Sewell's compliance for a blood draw in a DUI case.

How many tasers blasts did the guy get? Or were the broken ribs and other injuries from Decker throwing himself against the wall or toilet or some other cause?

Still too many questions that need answers, but the fact is clear: tasers can kill.

The smart thing would be not to get into a situation where you may have the opportunity to get zapped by one. The other smart thing would be to opt for the leopard print over hot pink.

What do you think? Are tasers too dangerous, especially to be readily available to the general public?