How would you like an 80-year-old Monster living in your backyard? One Southwest Side family loves it – but that’s because Monster is a charming and gentle tortoise.

Monster is his fashionable backyard habitat/submitted photo

Monster may weigh in at a stocky 40 pounds and be so named because he is huge compared to the family’s other two tortoises, but he still has to be separated from Wilson and Sleepy.

“Wilson gets aggressive,” Monster’s mom said – but no problems were reported between Monster and the family’s two birds and two dogs.

Monster is even known to help with chores around the home and yard. He loves following his human dad around, and even “helped out” by getting beneath a chair his dad was standing on while working on his truck.

“Monster went under the chair and lifted him about 2 inches off the ground,” mom said.

“I guess the hardest part of owning a tortoise is that they can get so big, making their habitat is a little harder,” she said. “Oh yes, and finding romaine lettuce on sale.”

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer? E-mail comment and photo to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

What do you think?

Do you think tortoises make a good pet? Why or why not?

Yes, I found one.

Lazlo is happy in his new home/Ryn Gargulinski

After spending all of Monday pining for the skink I didn’t buy at the Tucson Reptile Show, I found an even better one at Reptile Specialists, 3459 E. Speedway Blvd.

His name is Lazlo.

He even kind of looks like a dude I used to know named Lazlo, although I hope the Lazlo skink doesn’t pick up some of the Lazlo person’s habits.

Laz used to keep 2-liter jugs of urine in his fridge.

Since it’s my first skink – or first reptile of any type – I am learning a lot about this charming critter.

Hannah and her family at Reptile Specialists were the greatest. Heck, they even primed Lazlo for a good home with frequent handling by everyone, including their own and other 3-year-old kids.

Laz has thus become a sweetheart. And he’s teaching me much about skinks already.

At 2 years old and about 20 inches from snout to tail tip, blue-tongued Lazlo is already full grown.

Skink life expectancies are anywhere from 10 to 20 years. That means Phoebe better get used to him quick and stop whining at his cage all night. He’s going to be around awhile.

Lazlo meets Sawyer and Phoebe/Photo by BB

What skinks like:
Substrate in which they can burrow and dig
Heat lamp and cozy temperatures
At least a 20-gallon tank with clip screen lid
Elongated tunnel things in which they can hide
Slinking on your shoulders and arms

What skinks don’t like:
Open-air cage next to an air conditioning vent
Being picked up by the tail or eyeballs
Having a dog whine at their cage all night
Wearing little booties

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

What skinks will do:
Ravage meal worms and small mice
Chomp on leafy greens
Cuddle your neck
Make funny faces

What skinks won’t do:
Jump through hoops
Perform a backbend
Organize your closet
Talk

Laz is already working on licking my face and I’m working on getting him to hopefully one day organize my closet.

Face lickin' Lazlo/Photo by BB

Phoebe's fascination/Ryn Gargulinski

What’s the coolest thing about lizards as pets? The most annoying?

Any tips and tricks you’d like to share about keeping them?

Have you ever owned a skink?

Have you ever known anyone named Laz who kept urine in the fridge?

Some dogs, like Phoebe, will cower from the camera the minute she hears the Velcro that opens the case. Others, like Sawyer, will let you plop a red wig on his head for a few seconds but then you better snap that shutter really quick.

Scout's dramatic headshot/submitted photo

Still others, such as Scout, just can’t get enough lens time.

It helps that Scout is beautiful, well-trained and has a wardrobe that’s to die for. Owner Deb Ross has quite an eye for Scout outfits, finding everything from doggie goggles to a leather Harley Davidson set.

“Part Great Dane and part handsome stranger,” Sawyer featured Scout in the past. But we can’t get enough of him, either.

Sawyer says Scout’s the coolest — and he’s doubly glad Scout dresses up so he doesn’t have to. Phoebe, well, she ran to hide beneath the table the minute she heard me type “camera.”

Scout the biker/submitted photo

Scout's velvet glamour shot/submitted photo

Wonder Scout/submitted photo

Scout the sweet lil puppy/submitted photo

Scout's favorite goggles and Hawaiian shirt/submitted photo

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer? Send photo and comments to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

Follow Sawyer on Twitter or he’ll rip up your red wig.

Does your pet take kindly to dressing up?

What’s the silliest thing you’ve seen a pet wear?

Spotting a desert tortoise around Tucson may be no big deal – unless that tortoise happens to be taking downtown by storm.

And this dude, named Tank, was storming.

Tanks takes Congress Street/Ryn Gargulinski

The tantalizing tortoise was rambling so fast that the folks milling around Congress Street Saturday needed to do a double take.

Several folks, standing outside the Rialto Theater on a break from the Woodstock tribute concert,  said he was too fast to be for real. Others thought he was a robot.

Well, at least one woman thought he was a robot.

Others agreed it was very unusual to see a tortoise move so quickly when the creeping beasts are best known for falling behind hares in major races.

Tank treks at top speed/Ryn Gargulinski

Tank was certainly top speed, hitting an average of at least two city blocks per half hour, his owner joked.

The owner was also pulling a Tank wagon alongside the 100-year-old gorgeous critter, lest Tank tank out and need a ride.

“He’s old enough to have been at the original Woodstock,” the owner said, although he did not add what bands the tortoise would have preferred.

He said Tank’s life expectancy was 200, so the century-old tortoise was merely middle age.

Go, Tank, go!

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer? E-mail photo and comments to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

Follow Sawyer on Twitter or he’ll step on your foot.

We love when we can help pit bulls – or any breed for that matter – shed their bad rap.

Two Tucson pit bulls help us do just that.

Both were spotted several weeks ago at midtown’s Mansfield Park and the North Sixth Avenue Dog Park. We didn’t see the two pooches interact, but Sawyer says they’d be as adorable together as they are individually. And Sawyer is wise with these things.

First up is Bayzl, a 2-year-old sweetheart who thinks he’s a cat, said owner Sophia.

Bayzl thinks he's a cat/Ryn Gargulinski

One of his cat-like qualities is chasing lizards – and actually catching them.

“That’s a lie,” said lizard-chasing Phoebe. “No one catches lizards.” While Phoebe has had no luck actually nabbing the dozens of lizards she has tried to catch, Sophia swears Bayzl get them. And eats them.

Next up is Bowser, who is just a shade over a year old and so full of energy he could barely sit still for the photos.

Bowser can barely sit still/Ryn Gargulinski

Bowser is a Parvo survivor, explained co-owner Samrat, and spent six days of his puppyhood in the hospital.

“It was easily the hardest six days of his life,” she said, “sitting still for so long.”

Bowswer also loves licking people’s faces and knocking young children to the ground. Both, of course, are all done in fun.

“I can see that being fun,” said head-butting Phoebe. “I can definitely see that.”

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer?

E-mail photo and comments to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

Follow Sawyer on Twitter or he’ll get Phoebe to head-butt you.

Pinkerton is one of those dogs that are too dang cute to get mad at – even when they act like a little stinker.

That was surely the case recently when Pinkerton escaped from a yard and got loose in the desert.

“I was at a friend’s and didn’t know there was a small gap in the fence,” said owner Amber Spears, who spent an hour scouring the sand until she found her precious pooch. “His tags had fallen off. I was frantic.”

Pinkerton and owner Amber Spears/Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Tough to be mad at this cutie/Ryn Gargulinski

Pinkerton is a 3-year-old Chihuahua and Jack Russell mix, which means I don’t have to tell you he could have gone to Sonoita and back based on his massive amount of energy.

I met Pinkerton and at PetSmart where the duo was buying new tags in case he ever pulled a fast one again. Neither Sawyer nor Phoebe met Pinkerton in person but they gave his photo a “paws up.”

Besides, they love Pinkerton’s zaniest habit.

“He has this giant stuffed dog he drags all over the house,” Spears said. “It’s his boyfriend. He lays there and chews on its ear.”

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer? E-mail photo and comments to rynski@tucsoncitzen.com

Follow Sawyer on Twitter or he’ll chew holes in your fence.

Since no one seemed to give a wattle about a pair of dueling turkeys – although they were quite fetching – we’re moving on to feature a dog in a tutu.

Some may think dressing up dogs could border on animal cruelty, or at least animal annoyance, but that is certainly not the case with his miniature blue Shar Pei named Gidget.

Owner Christine Porter said Gidget loves to don dandy duds and strut about town.

Gidget does Swan Lake/submitted photo

“I think she is one of the world’s cutest dogs, and she may think so as well,” Porter said. Even Sawyer agreed after meeting Gidget at the Tucson Canine Classic. Phoebe liked Gidget, too, although she made me promise not to get any tutu ideas.

Gidget’s modeling career began when Porter got Gidget a football jersey just for kicks. Everyone loved it, Gidget realized everyone loved it, and a star Shar Pei was born.

In addition to raiding the closet, Gidget enjoys playing at the dog park, lounging about with no particular goal and watching baseball. She is an avid Blue Jays fan. She’s also big on celebrating the holidays.

Gidget in her Christmas collar/submitted photo

Who wouldn't love this face?/submitted photo

One more Gidget trait is her protection of her owner. “Not only will she not eat anything that a stranger gives her, she will not let me eat anything that I do not get myself.”

Go, Gidget, go!

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer? Send photo and comments to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

Follow Sawyer on Twitter or he’ll ruin your life.

Anyone who thinks turkeys are only good for Thanksgiving dinner has never owned them as pets.

The brawny birds can create quite a spectacle, especially when they start to fight. While animal fighting was just outlawed in Arizona, we don’t think turkey owners will get cited if the birds start tussling on their own.

Tusslin' turkeys/submitted photo

This glorious turkey duo was owned by loyal reader A. Farley, who still has one of the Toms on hand. He adopted out the other one to an American Indian who wanted the feathers.

Close up/submitted photo

Turkeys first go at it by flapping each other with their wings, then kicking, scratching and clawing with their feet. Once they tire of that, they start shoving their beaks down each other’s throats.

How can Sawyer ever compare to that?

Once the throat cultures are complete, the turkeys return to their normal state as if nothing happened at all.

He said farmers are known to cut of the turkey’s wattle, or the red dangling thing that hangs from their beaks, so they don’t fight.

Don’t know why that works. Don’t know why people continue to ruin Thanksgiving yams by putting marshmallows in them, either.

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer? E-mail photo and comments to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

Follow Sawyer on Twitter or he’ll throw you to the turkeys.

The name Jezebel has come to be synonymous with a wicked, evil, controlling and creepy woman. But the 4-year-old shepherd mix who carries the name was surely not any of the above.

Don't mess with Queen Jezebel/Photo Ryn Gargulinski

In fact, Sawyer was so enamored with Jezebel when he met her at the Brandi Fenton Dog Park that he tried to get in every photo.

Sawyer bugging Jezebel/Ryn Gargulinski

He pretty much succeeded. The two would also make a handsome couple, provided Sawyer’s sister Phoebe would allow it. Which she wouldn’t.

Sawyer hounding Jezebel/Ryn Gargulinski

Owner James picked the name Jezebel as he is awed by the Phoenician queen’s bloody history. He started relating it all but got cut off when Jezebel growled at Sawyer to get him away from her already.

Despite her growl at Saywer, Jezebel is really a sweetheart, James said. She’s also a very loyal companion.

Jezebel the happy/Ryn Gargulinski

“She’s codependent,” James said when asked about her strangest habit. She won’t let him leave the house without her.

Sawyer wishes she would have lavished that much attention on him. Phoebe was too busy barking at the nearby Brandi Fenton basketball players to give Jezebel much mind, although I’m sure she would if Sawyer tried to take Jezebel home.

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer? E-mail photo and comments to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

Follow Sawyer on Twitter or he’ll bully his way into all your photos.

A cat that sits on your head is none too strange an occurrence, but Sawyer and Phoebe have only met a single dog named Monkey Butt.

Monkey Butt when she ran for NYC mayor/submitted photo

Despite Monkey Butt’s calm and sweet exterior, she is harboring a traumatic past. She once got lost on Tucson’s mean streets near Grant Road and owners Stephanie and Gus Nitsche had to hire a pet detective to get her back.

One-eyed Monkey Butt/submitted photo

Monkey Butt was retrieved in a nearby subdivision, but she came back missing an eye.

Because pugs’ faces are crunchy to begin with, the missing eye is not all that noticeable.

If you do note the missing eye, it only adds to Monkey Butt’s cute-as-a-button charm. So does her penchant for making grunting, cooing and sighing noises, especially if love-of-her-life Gus is not in her single-eyed sight.

Rare pic of Calexi/submitted

Monkey has two cat siblings, Calexi, who runs from the camera and was captured briefly in a dark and stormy photo, and Nana, the fat cat who likes to sit on Stephanie’s head.

Nana on the head/submitted photo

The newest addition to the Nitsche household is Lizzie. She’s the rough and tough guard dog recently adopted from Pima Animal Care Center to protect the couple’s new shop, Ironwood Cycle, 329 E. Grant Road.

Lizzie and Stephanie/Photo by Ryn Gargulinski

At the shop’s grand opening party last week, Lizzie made quite an impression. Not necessarily as a guard dog, but as a fine friend for some children on hand, who ran around with her in the back near Lizzie’s kiddie pool.

Guard dog Lizzie/Photo by Ryn Gargulinski

Sawyer and Phoebe met Monkey once in Gus’s garden. Sawyer was too busy tromping on and digging up the garden to pay Monkey much mind, while Phoebe amused herself by stalking the cats.

For some reason, they have been banned from coming back.

Do you have a pet that rivals Sawyer? E-mail photos and comments to rynski@tucsoncitizen.com

Follow Sawyer on Twitter or he’ll dig up your garden.