A Day in the Life of Ace Barkowitz
He moved. The snoring stopped and he moved. I think I’ll lick his face and maybe he’ll get up. No luck with the licking. He just rolled over. He’s so cute when he rolls over and pretends he’s angry at me for licking his lips. I know! I’ll grab his sneakers off the floor. Man, I love his sneakers. I’ll just put one in the hall and take the other downstairs.
He’s up. Oh, yay! He’s up. He’s closing the other door. Maybe I can get my face under the door and watch him. I couldn’t see him yesterday or the thousand days before that. But maybe today.
Here he comes, pulling up his pants. Why does he go in there to pull his pants down?
He found one sneaker in the hall. Now he’s looking under the bed. I really got him this time. He doesn’t know where the other sneaker is. Oh, boy, he’s going downstairs. Ha! He found it by the TV. I should have shoved it under the sofa. He’s cleaning out the coffee pot and making a new brew. Only a minute more to wait. Hurry! He’s putting on his jacket. Oh, God. Only another minute! Maybe I’ll jump around a little so he can’t get the collar on.
Oh, hell. He bent over to get the collar on and I split his lip with my head. Now he’s screaming about my jumping. Forget the yelling, pal, jumping is what I do best. Here we go. Through the parking lot and around the hedge. He’s removing the leash and now I have to hear that stupid One Two Three GO! He does every day.
First I lift a leg. Then I lift a leg again. He wants me to go, so here I go up to the top of the hill by the fence, then down to the gully, then back and forth and back and forth up the hill and down the gully. That looks like a good clump of weed. I’ll just turn around three times quick and poop.
Ahhh! A rabbit. Look! A rabbit. I’m going to nail that stupid rabbit’s ass. Arghh. It’s under the fence just staring at me with those dumb bunny eyes. He’s blowing his whistle. Time for one more furious lap. Maybe the rabbit will come out. Whistle whistle whistle whistle. I better get my buns back.
Besides, it’s almost time to eat. Now he’s going to tell me my breath is coming in short pants. Every day the same thing after I run. Your breath is coming in short pants. That was funny the first thousand times I heard it.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Kibble. Food! Same thing every day, but I love to eat. When he bends over to feed me I’ll jump on him one more time. He seems to like that. Oh, joy. Food. Now I’ll slobber the water bowl so he needs to mop the floor. Cool, filtered water. Deeeeelicious! None of that tap water for me. I get the real thing straight from the Arrowhead filter gadget on the sink. Not much left to do until our noon
Guess I’ll take a nap. I deserve it.
Story and photo graciously submitted by Bennett J. Mintz who is owned by a 6 1/2 year old AKC registered Doberman Pinscher named Ace Barkowitz. Mr. Mintz owns a small advertising & communications agency in Chatsworth, Calif. and is currently the Corresponding Secretary for the Doberman Pinscher Club of Los Angeles.