Posts Tagged ‘dog humor’
New Years Resolutions from the Dog
–Whine, whine, whine…it drives her nuts.
–Pay more attention to fallen cactus to avoid owies on the walk.
–Hog the bed; stretch & spread out; hog the covers.
–Stretch out on the couch in such a way where there’s no room for her or the other dog.
–Reserve kisses for her only after making a public display of licking my butt or burping.
–Counter surf more discreetly.
–Bark aggressively while on our walk when she stops to talk to the neighbors.
–Have my way with the roll of toilet paper. Drag and decorate DIY style throughout the house. Martha Stewart would be proud.
–Appear semi interested when she talks to me even though she is only talking to herself a lot.
–Greet strangers with gusto. (Notice ME!)
–Try to understand that cats are from Venus and I am from Mars.
–Eat more C.O.O.K.I.E.S.
–Guard the house (and mean it).
–Wag more, bark less.
–Give you more unconditional love than last year.
–Be a good boy…well, maybe, perhaps, we’ll see…
There were lots of funny videos this year. These are my favorite top seven.
10 years of Nigel greyhound – (Nigel reminds me of my first greyhound Painter.)
Are cats better than dogs? You be the judge. Even though I’m a “dog person” the arguments are pretty convincing.
Here I thought my greyhound Lily was the best counter surfer ever but this dog surpasses her skills.
Everybody go surfing, surfing USA
Gotta love this dog’s fancy foot work.
VW has some of the best creative minds around for not only cars but Super Bowl commercials.
Makes me want to get up and dance, dance, dance. Rock on!
Greyhounds: Twas the Night before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town
Not a creature was stirring, not even a greyhoun;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that an animated fat man would soon be there.
The pups were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of meaty marrow bones danced in their heads;
And me in my flannel jammies, and my human in her sweats,
Had just settled in for some cozy evening pets.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Paws up to the window I flew like a flash,
Nudged open the blinds and threw up the stash.
The moon on the needles of the cacti did glow,
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my sweet brown eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and 20 tiny sight hound reindeer.
With a little old driver, so nimble and quick,
I knew in a micro-second it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than coursers the greyhounds they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
Now Girlfriend, Harmony, Opa, Misty, Beams, Bird, Caper, Anabel, Kasey and Cart-ER
On Saffron, Opal, Riley, Spirit, Donut, Winston, Mahalo, Franklin, Bill and Ride-R
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! GO POTTY! Dash away all!
As dry leaves that before the wild winds fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the greyt hounds they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, just for good dogs like you.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I wiggled my velvet ears, and looked around
Down the chimney the jolly fat man came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all covered with dog hairs and soot;
A bundle of Petsmart toys he had flung on his back,
And I wondered if he had any stuffed Kongs in his sack?
His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like apples, his nose like a cherry!
I sniffed his leg and wondered where he had been?
Did he visit Beagles, Labs, Terriers, mutts, and kit-tens?
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke encircled his head like a pukey wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly elf,
And I ROOED when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
My tail wagged and I wondered if I was getting fed?
He spoke not a word, nor did I dare bark,
He filled all the stockings; Gee, it was a real lark,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving me a nod, then up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, and gave his hounds a whistle,
Away they all flew, like the crack of a thistle.
But I heard him yell, as he drove out of sight,
“HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL CREATURES BIG AND SMALL, SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR PETS, PUT THOSE DAMN PUPPY MILLS and BACKYARD BREEDERS OUT OF BUSINESS, MAKE PIMA COUNTY NO-KILL (it’s being accomplished in cities across the country, why not Tucson?), AND LET’S END TUCSON DOG RACING IN 2013…
…AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!”
Roo! Roo! (the end)
The above was inspired by Jett Greyhound, my beloved dog who just turned 7 years young this past week. He’s a loving, goofy boy who makes me laugh every day. His birthday is December 19. In 2009, Phoenix Greyhound Park closed on Dec. 19. He raced there before racing in Tucson for a total of 155 races. Jett is one lucky dog! He has his own blog called Jett’s Stream.
Enjoy this hilarious animated JibJab Christmas song.
(Photo by Dee Painter: Kasey meets Santa at Petsmart)
Life with Dogs is one of the most creative sites ever. Has 489,483 “likes” on Facebook – Check it out.
Now not only do we have to contend with our family and friends who like and campaign for opposing candidates, but now our dogs too? No way. I think my greyhounds are independent but like me, they want to see the end of dog racing especially here in Tucson tomorrow.
For instance, a beautiful border collie says, “Blue Dog reminds you that we were all immigrants at one time.” While “Red Dogs (sitting on a roof/watch dogs) finally got that border fence built.”
“Red Dog relishes pooping on the New York Times.”
“Blue Dog loves his new e-reader because he can get all his liberal media in one place.”
“Red Dog would like to know why these flags were made in China.”
“Blue Dog would like to know if this dog bone is organic and fair trade.”
Funny — yes. Stereotypes — yes. Who cares? The great debate just got a tad more funny but never as funny as Jon Stewart.
A picture is worth a thousand words and this is a delightful doggy picture book. It’s the perfect gift for all the dog loving, political junkies on your gift list. Or your best friend who is going to vote for the other guy. Pssst…the film rights have been optioned by Sony and Robert Zemeckis.
Bonus: A portion of the proceeds from Red Dog Blue Dog will be donated to no-kill shelters and rescue groups around the country. Give me a candidate who leads us to no-kill and I’m there!
(Disclosure: The book was sent to me to review. Lucky for Mr. Sambuchino that I liked it.)